Читать книгу The Radiant City - Lauren B. Davis - Страница 9
Chapter Six
ОглавлениеMatthew and Jack arrange to meet at Odéon in the square in front of the movie theatres, to see if anything appeals to them, something to see later in the evening. From there they plan to head over to Square Tino Rossi, on the Seine across from the Institut du Monde Arabe, where Jack wants to photograph the tango dancers who gather late in the afternoons and into the evenings. As Matthew climbs the metro stairs, he is flushed and sticky with the afternoon’s heat, which the sausage-casing constriction of the subway has only worsened. Even under the shade of the plane tree, he feels heat sick.
The street is a mass of people, and there is as much English spoken, it seems, as French. Everywhere he looks wilted tourists in sensible shoes and track suits lumber along, taking pictures and gawking. The masses jostle and lurch and the cacophony from the car horns and the café crowds makes his head spin. He feels queasy, a combination of too much booze the night before and too little food today.
He looks around for a bakery, and spots one a few doors down. It is all chrome and glass and linoleum, the walls painted an eye-piercing shade of yellow. Plastic chairs circle three round metal tables and the air is thick with cigarette smoke from a group of well-dressed Italian teenagers drinking diet colas and speaking loudly. The cakes and baguettes look as far from those found in a traditional patisserie as Matthew can imagine. He is reminded of Safeway Groceries back in Nova Scotia when he was a kid, and donuts with plasticine icing in garish pink. His stomach growls again and he seeks the least offensive item in the display case.
The woman behind the counter puts her cigarette in the ashtray and steps over to him, hands on hips. She has orange hair and is heavily, if not improvingly, made up.
“Oui, monsieur?” She does not smile. Smiling is unnecessary in Parisian commercial transactions, purely discretionary, and today it seems Madame does not care to smile.
“Pain au chocolat,” says Matthew.
“Quoi?” Madame frowns and squints as though he has a speech impediment, and so he repeats himself, adding a bottle of water to his order.
There is a shriek behind him. Matthew jumps and turns, legs bent, heart pounding. A young woman in a strapless sundress curses as she tries to manoeuvre a baby stroller containing a shrieking toddler through the door. She rams the wheels against the door jam, jarring the child. One of the young Italian girls, cigarette in hand, jumps to help her, chattering away in Italian. The woman with the baby thanks her and then casts an evil look Matthew’s way.
Matthew puts his money down on the glass, and the woman behind the counter scoops it up before he realizes she has handed him the wrong thing. He looks down at the bottle of water, and what appears to be an apple turnover. He briefly considers not making a fuss. However, even if he wanted an apple turnover, this one does not look in the least appetizing. Oozing industrial filling, the pastry gives the impression of papier-mâché. The woman looks at him irritably, for he is not moving, and gestures with her hand for him to step aside so she can serve the mother with the still-screaming child.
“This is not a pain au chocolat,” he says, in French.
“It is what you asked for,” the woman says, looking past him.
“I asked for a pain au chocolat.”
“Non!” She clicks her teeth and shakes her finger back and forth in front of him. “I gave you what you asked for.”
“You misunderstood me, then.” Matthew is aware of the young woman behind him; her impatience prickles the back of his neck. His anger rises, popping and fizzing in the veins, not quite at a boil, but fast approaching. He grits his teeth and tries to smile. “But I don’t want this.” He puts the offending pastry on the counter and nudges it toward her.
The supercilious woman takes a breath, as though readying herself to let lose a stream of vitriol. Perhaps it is some sliver of ice beneath his flushed skin, some shard of volatility that makes her hesitate. Perhaps she can sense he is holding onto the counter so as not to lunge across it and grab her by her throat.
She snorts. “It’s not my fault you speak French so badly.” She snatches the pastry off the counter, tosses it next to her pack of cigarettes near the register, grabs a pair of tongs and clamps the pain au chocolat. She holds it out to him, but it is sadly dented. He takes it, turns and stomps out.
The pastry is dry as bark in his mouth and he washes it down with the water. His stomach feels better afterward though, even if his palms are sweaty. He stands in the shade of the green-domed newspaper kiosk trying to get a little respite from the malodorous heat.
Matthew sees Jack lumbering along the sidewalk of Saint-Germain. His head is down slightly and his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans. He carries a heavy camera slung across his chest. He nearly collides with a crumpled-looking old lady in front of him who stopped suddenly to let her Yorkshire terrier relieve itself. He says something, presumably “Pardon,” and the woman pulls her dog toward her in mid-poop, the crap dangling from its trembling legs, as though she is afraid Jack might kick it. Jack steps around her and people move aside to let him pass. A mother yanks her little boy out of his path. A young man, big, but not as big as Jack, wearing a black T-shirt with the sleeves cut off, hesitates for a moment as though deciding whether or not to challenge Jack, whether or not to play a little sidewalk chicken and see who will move first. He makes a wise choice and at the last moment rolls over.
At the corner, Jack waits for the light to change and there is a space around him that other pedestrians do not enter. A no-go zone, it seems, picked up by osmosis. Matthew wonders how he might cultivate one of those.
Matthew stands and they greet each other, shaking hands.
“How’s it hanging?” says Jack.
“Too crowded. Too hot. Otherwise fine.”
“Tourists, huh?” says Jack. “Any movies?”
They scan the offerings at the three nearby theatres—a selection of French comedies that neither speaks French well enough to enjoy and three American action films: Independence Day, Chain Reaction, Mission Impossible. They look at each other. “Nah,” they say.
“Let’s get out of here then,” says Jack. “Up to the Seine. It’ll be less crowded there.”
They head along Saint-Germain, but as they walk they hear a commotion of some sort ahead of them, and Matthew’s skin tightens. He glances at Jack who, frowning, peers over the heads of the sidewalk crowd. There are voices, some shouting. Car horns. Someone has a bullhorn. Matthew tries to make out the words and cannot.
“Can you see what’s going on?” he says.
“I don’t know.” Jack has picked up his pace, and as before, a space opens before him. “Demonstration of some sort, I think.” Matthew follows, thinking that they should be slowing down, should be running in the opposite direction, but they do not do that. They head into whatever is before them, on instinct, on adrenaline, on training.
People are unable to pass. Cars are at a standstill. Horns honk impatiently. A taxi driver gets out of his cab, yells something at the people in front, slaps his open palm on the roof of his cab, gets back in and slams the door. Then he presses the horn. The sound goes on and on until other drivers join in creating a furious clamour, and Matthew fights the urge to put his hands over his ears. People mill about, some turn back, some duck down side streets. Whistles blow. The bullhorn squawks and squeals. Perspiration runs into Matthew’s eyes and he wipes the salt-sting away. He feels the weird calm settling over top of the adrenaline, his vision distancing, as though looking at things through the wrong end of a telescope. Panic rises, but it is off to the left somewhere, happening to someone else. He follows Jack and within moments, they are at the corner of St. Michel.
It is a large demonstration, thousands, probably. There is something pagan about it, like a parade of some sort. The crowd is mixed—French, North African, young, old. A number of women wear the hijab. The clothes of the Africans are like bright flags in the burning sun. Matthew knows immediately who they are. These are the sans-papiers and their sympathisers. A few days ago, riot police stormed the St. Bernard church, which three hundred illegal African immigrants had occupied for the previous seven weeks while they demanded the right to stay and work in France. People had been hurt. The papers had carried pictures of the police using tear gas and clubs on the immigrants and their supporters.
Now the demonstrators carry banners. “XENOPHOBIE!” “Unies et Solidaires!” “Sans Papiers—Made in France!” People play djembe drums carried around their necks. They shout slogans. They march arm in arm. Traffic snarls Saint-Germain as far as Matthew can see. Police in black jumpsuits and high-laced boots stand around in groups of five or six, talking to each other, smoking cigarettes. Their white vans are parked at the corners.
Jack begins snapping photos. “Good,” he says to no one in particular. “That’s good.”
Matthew senses a change in the atmosphere, as though the air pressure has dropped. He scans the crowd—looking for the source, looking for conscious confirmation of what he has noticed at a subconscious, animal level. Finds it. A group of Frenchmen push their way to the front of the crowd. They yell taunts and jeers. It is easy to guess that these are Le Pen supporters—the political polar opposites of the demonstrators, dedicated to stopping immigration and “returning France to the French.” Two years before, skinhead followers of Le Pen murdered Brahim Bonarram by throwing him into the Seine.
Within seconds, a group of demonstrators breaks ranks and confronts the Le Pen supporters. An African man walks calmly up to the biggest of the thugs and spits at him. The slime hits him squarely in the face. Although it takes only a nanosecond after that for all hell to break loose, Matthew sees it coming, as though in slow motion. People run, some of them scream. Someone shoulders Matthew and he spins around, and is struck again. This time he falls to the ground and immediately the weird calm of a moment before is shattered into a million explosive percussions that go off inside his head like machine-gun fire.
Paris disappears. He tastes dust. The world reduces to the need to seek cover. He hears shots, people screaming, sees small bursts of flame around him. He covers his head and crawls on his elbows and knees, kicking out where he must. If he can just get to the wall, inside a doorway, he will be safe. Everything pinpoints to the idea of this safety. He screams. Obscenities. Loudly. Someone trips on him and he scrapes his knuckles. Floundering, Matthew grabs a metal pole with one arm and holds onto it as though it is a wooden spar. He wraps his legs around the pole and puts his hands over his ears, closes his eyes. He wants the noise to stop. Just make it fucking stop!
Then there are hands on him, huge, heavy hands, lifting him up off the ground. He goes to swing, to strike out at whoever it is. Something traps his hands, a great bear hug traps his arms. Someone speaks to him.
“Okay, Matthew. All right, Matthew. Everything’s fine, Matthew. You’re in Paris, Matthew. Nice summer day. You’re all right, Matthew.”
Whose voice is that?
“Come on, pal. Come on. Come on back.” The voice is familiar, but he cannot place it.
Gradually, the world begins to quiet.
“Breathe in. Breathe out. Not a problem. Okey-dokey. All right, Matthew.”
Oh, yes. That’s Jack.
“I’m gonna let you go now.”
“Let me go.”
“I’m gonna let you go.” The bands around Matthew’s chest loosen, but the hands are on his shoulders, turning him around. Jack’s face is close to his, looking into his eyes. “How you doing, buddy?”
“Shots,” says Matthew.
“No shots,” says Jack.
“No shots?”
“Nope.”
The world is quiet again, or at least, quieter. The altercation seems to have dissolved. The demonstrators are walking again. Even the car horns are quieter. “Oh,” says Matthew. The sidewalk dips and dances beneath his feet. He is afraid he may throw up. He reaches out and grabs the front of Jack’s shirt. People pretend they are not looking at him.
Jack keeps an arm around Matthew’s shoulders as he turns him toward two approaching cops. “Just be cool,” he says.
“Ça va?” one of the cops says, nodding in Matthew’s direction.
“Ab-so-lu-ment,” says Jack, smiling broadly. “A little too much sun and vin,” he says, making a tilting gesture toward his mouth with his hand, thumb extended.
“No problems?” says the cop.
“No, no,” says Jack.
The cop looks at Matthew. “Okay?”
“Sure. Parfait.” He feels glazed over, empty, a thin eggshell with nothing inside. If Jack moves away, the weight of the air will crush him.
“Okay. You stay out of sun, okay?”
“Sure,” says Matthew, and the cops move slowly away.
“Let’s get you out of here,” says Jack.
Matthew lets Jack lead him up rue Hautefeuille to place Saint-Michel. They walk slowly, and Jack keeps talking to him. Nonsense talk. “Doing fine. Doing good. Just walking. Walking in Paris. On a nice sunny day.” The way you would talk to a skittish horse. To a frightened child. Just the sound of the deep voice keeps Matthew moving forward.
Jack points to the underground pedestrian walkway, which will get them through the demonstration. “Think you can do that?”
“I think so,” says Matthew, but he’s not entirely sure.
“Atta boy,” says Jack.
The underground passageway reeks of urine and is dark after the bright sunlight. Matthew stiffens as they descend, but Jack’s hand on his shoulder is comforting. They pass only two other people, both women. They come up on the other side of the place Saint-Michel, next to the Seine. The demonstrators pass behind them now, across the St. Michel bridge on their way to the Palais de Justice on Île de la Cité. Jack is protective, his hand on Matthew’s upper arm, walking just slightly in front of him, clearing a path like a giant plough through a field of humanity. “See,” he says, “All over now. Nothing to worry about. All over now.”
They walk along the Seine, past the booksellers in front of their green wooden booths. The sun dazzles on the water. Notre Dame rises like a galleon. Matthew is afraid he may begin weeping and makes a sound. Jack gently squeezes his arm. It gives Matthew strength and the tears recede.
As they near the Square Tino Rossi, Matthew hears music. Singing. A man’s voice.
“Hmm,” says Jack. “That’s Gardel.”
“Gardel?”
“Carlos Gardel. The Argentinian saint of tango. They don’t dance to him in Argentina. Out of respect.”
“How do you know that?” Matthew says.
“Picked it up in Argentina,” says Jack. Then he smiles, “Along with a very pretty girl named Clara.”
There is a blue-and-white striped awning set up for shade, and the dancers move about under it in that passionate, rhythmic foreplay that is tango. There are not many dancers at this time of day. Things do not really heat up until evening. Since they are not there to dance, Jack and Matthew do not pay the admission that would grant them entrance to the actual dance floor. They take seats on the green chairs along one side of a railing that separates the dancers from the curious. Jack produces a slim flask from his back pocket.
“Drink.”
Matthew does. Some time passes. Perhaps thirty minutes. Maybe more. They sit side by side watching the dancers prowl. Music changes, the sound like waves.
“So, nobody had a gun, I’m guessing,” Matthew says at last.
“Not that I could see, anyway.”
“I heard shots.”
Jack reaches over and pats Matthew on the knee, as if he were a father and Matthew his son, although there is no more than ten years between them. “Listen, I’ve heard those very same shots before. Lots of times. And mortar fire. And don’t get me started on low-flying airplanes.” Jack laughs softly. “I’m better than I used to be though. This the first time?”
“Third.”
“Ah. Well, let me tell you. The trick is, as far as I can tell, and fuck what the doctors tell you—wait, you seeing a shrink?”
“Nope.” Matthew’s leg trembles only in fits and starts now. The shaking in his hands is practically unnoticeable.
A girl in a red dress, her hair short and slicked back, gleaming with pomade, dances backward past them in the arms of a wire-thin man who looks like a pimp. Their eyes remain locked onto each other and their bodies move in perfect harmony, as if they are preprogrammed. Jack raises the camera to his eye. At the last second, before she turns, the dancer snaps her head around and stares upward. Jack clicks the button. “Good,” he says, and it is unclear if he means the shot, or the fact Matthew is not seeing a therapist. “I guess they help some guys, but I gave up on ’em too. Anyway. The trick is not to let it define you. You get an episode, you get up, you dust yourself off, and you keep going on with your day. You don’t let the fuckers live in your head. You don’t let that present-tense thing get to you. You know what I mean?”
Matthew does not, and listens hard, for he suspects this is a secret he must learn.
“One good thing a shrink told me was this: there’s a part of the brain that always lives in the present tense of the trauma, whatever it is. Like some little lizard part of your brain doesn’t realize that whatever shit happened to you isn’t still happening. So, if you have an episode, and you spend the rest of the day, or the week, or the fucking month dwelling on it, I figure you’re reinforcing that shit. Key is to kick the little fucker out as soon as you can. See what I mean?”
“Yes, possibly.”
Jack looks over at Matthew and then takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and polishes his lens. “It may do no good to talk about the fucking episodes, but sometimes it does help to talk about whatever’s causing them. Say what happened, and then what happened next, you know? And then what happened after that. Train your brain to realize it isn’t still going on, that you got past it. Like, I got shot, then I woke up in hospital, then I ate some crappy hospital eggs, pinched a nurse’s ass and went back to sleep. Tell the story over and over again, lead the mind through, and convince your lizard brain that time’s moved on.” Jack pauses, holding the camera up to his eye. “So, if you do want to talk about what happened . . . well, you know.”
“I’ll keep it in mind.”
A couple stops near them, executing a series of complex moves with their legs, intertwining them and stepping first right and then left at fantastic speed. They are both dressed in black, she with a red rose in her hair, he with a red rose in his lapel. Jack’s camera clicks happily away.
“Anyway,” says Matthew, feeling deeply vulnerable and foolish because of it, “Thanks for saving my ass back there.”
“No problem.”
“Remember Kosovo? Seems like you’re always saving my ass, doesn’t it?”
“You can do the same for me one day. Have another drink.”
And Matthew does, his hand damn near steady.