Читать книгу A Little Change of Face - Lauren Baratz-Logsted - Страница 15

As I said, one of the things about being home sick for an extended period of time is that it gives you the chance to ponder the little things in life, like, say, how I had come to be thirty-nine and was still seriously unattached. After all, even if I wasn’t overly concerned with getting married, it still didn’t mean I wanted to be alone forever.

Maybe, I was beginning to think, it had been my career choices?

If you want to meet good-looking men, don’t expect to do it in a library or a bookstore. Trust me on this: it only happens in movies, that two cinematically perfect human beings fall in love over the dusty stacks while doing research on the mating rites of the South African tree frog or bump lattes at the local chain. Real life in a library looks more like this:

Regard Mr. Weinerman, if you will, please (I know you might not want to, but you kind of have to, since this is my story): Mr. Weinerman is your prototypical library patron. He is here every day. He sits at the same chair at the same table every day. He sits there and he reads all day long—newspapers, magazines, books—and he only moves to either (a) go outside to smoke a cigarette; (b) go to the bathroom for twenty minutes at a clip (you can hear him eating his lunch and snacks in there, among other things you can hear that you’d rather you couldn’t [the acoustics in this building suck]); (c) read things on his favorite computer terminal (he intimidates other patrons into moving whenever he wants to sit there).

Mr. Weinerman is omnipresent in my library life. He is here waiting when we open in the morning, he is the last to leave before the staff at night, he has a complete nervous breakdown if we have to close because of a severe snowstorm or power outage. He is omnipresent and he is perhaps the single most physically hideous human being that I have ever set eyes on in my life.

Not that looks matter, mind you, but does he have to take every poor building block that he started out with in life and then make what looks like a conscious effort to exaggerate every hideous feature to its worst extreme?

He is just so…rubbery is really the only word for it. He is the kind of person that when asked a question that necessitates your taking a library material and passing it on to him, you dread that his hand might glance against yours and that you would actually be forced into social contact with that very antisocial-looking hand, that hand that looks like it only ever gets social with its owner, and in places I didn’t like to think about.

Granted, every library patron didn’t look like Mr. Weinerman, but the whole lot were a far cry from anything half-way good, and believe me: every library does have its Mr. Weinerman.

And bookstores are the same. I know that for a fact, because I worked in one before I got my MLS. The sighting of a decent-looking man in a bookstore is so rare that the few times one passed through, I was dumbstruck. Oh, sure, I saw plenty of great-looking men whenever I went to the bar or the beach or even Super Stop & Shop, but almost never in the bookstore. When it did happen, it made me feel like I was the lone gas station attendant at the only stop within a hundred-mile radius in Nebraska on a hot July day when there comes Brendan Fraser pulling up in a Jag, looking for a full tank of octane, a Vanilla Coke and a tube of Rolos. Really, it felt exactly like that.

Now, then: If you ask me why you never see good-looking guys in these places, what do you think I’ll say—that hunks don’t read? That they’re too stupid? That they’d rather watch it on the video? That they’re too busy getting fucked?

Nah.

I think the real reason is that they all have good-looking girlfriends, that they have these good-looking girlfriends fully trained in what their own tastes in reading material are (as well as exactly how they like their blow jobs, standing or sitting or on the hood of a Jag in the middle of the Nebraska desert while drinking a Vanilla Coke), and they send their girlfriend minions out to do their book-shopping for them, so that they don’t have to undergo the bug-under-the-microscope discomfort of having the desperate women working in the libraries/bookstores across the land ogle them.

Just so you know: You do see an awful lot of good-looking women in libraries/bookstores.

Too bad I’d never been interested in women in that way.

Over the years, when people asked me why I was a librarian, they always said I should be a writer instead—not because I had any talent that anyone knew of, but because I loved books so much. And I’d tried. In secret. Oh, how I’d tried. But I was just no good at it. Like a music lover with no ear, I was doomed to listen and never play.