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Chapter 19.

One little lie

THE NEXT DAY WAS SUNDAY and Ruby wasn’t expected at Spectrum. She decided that it was about time she saw some of her friends – Clancy in particular. She wasn’t quite sure how she was going to explain her absence from school but she thought maybe she should tell them the truth – well, the truth that was the lie that Hitch had told, about her grandmother being sick. It was just that Ruby wasn’t good at lying to her friends. Mrs Drisco? No trouble at all. Her parents? Easy. But not her friends – it didn’t feel right.

She just hoped none of them would remember that the grandmother in question had actually long since departed this earth.

It’s just one little lie, thought Ruby.

She got out of bed and walked over to the heap of clothes lying on the floor. She had been so preoccupied the night before that she had completely forgotten about the watch. Now she finally had the chance to take a close look – see just what it could do. However, it seemed her jacket was no longer in the pile – nor, indeed, was it anywhere in her room.

‘Hey Mom,’ called Ruby. ‘You seen my jacket?’

‘I grabbed it while you were sleeping honey – got Hitch to take it to the tailor.’

‘I don’t believe it.’

‘Ruby, you can’t wear a ripped jacket!’ said her mother. ‘Besides you have plenty of others.’

‘That’s not the point,’ muttered Ruby. ‘People shouldn’t mess with other people’s stuff.’ Boy, if she lost that watch she’d be toast.

She slipped a T-shirt over her head which bore the words you better believe it buster and was just pulling on a pair of jeans when the phone in her bedroom rang. Without considering who it might be, she picked up the receiver.

‘Twinford Retirement Centre, just sit in a chair while we vacuum around you.’

‘Hey Rube, where you been?’ It was Clancy.

Ruby took a deep breath. ‘Haven’t you heard, my grandmother’s sick and I, you know… have been cheering the old lady up.’

‘Oh yeah? I’m sorry to hear that. Your mom must be real upset.’

‘What makes you think it’s my mom’s Mom?’

‘Only ’cause I spoke to your other Grandmother this morning – she called to speak to my mom about some party she’s planning and I guess she wouldn’t be planning a party if she was real sick. Planning a party would be the last thing she would be thinking about – don’t you agree?’ Clancy said this casually.

‘Well, yeah you’re right, it’s my mom’s Mom – poor thing, she’s been pretty sick but I reckon she’ll pull through, she’s a tough old bird.’

‘Mm, she must be,’ agreed Clancy.

Ruby gabbled on about her grandmother until Clancy finally interrupted.

‘Rube, this is me you’re talking to, Clancy Crew, remember? Your best buddy? And I hate to break it to you this way but your grandmother on your mother’s side, she isn’t sick – she’s dead!’

‘Aw, now come on Clance, that ain’t nice. You don’t wanna break bad news like that!’

‘Ruby, what is going on? First you tell me all that stuff about the butler who plainly isn’t a butler and then this stuff about phone calls and codes and now, zip, nothing – like you just made it all up.’

‘Yeah well maybe I did,’ said Ruby.

‘Yeah? That sounds likely! I can’t believe I was actually worried about you, when all you are doing is lying your head off. And by the way, for your information, you might as well tell me what’s going on ’cause if you don’t – you know I’m gonna find out.’

Ruby thought about this for just a minute and knew it to be true. But what she said was, ‘Look, I think I can hear my mom calling, I gotta go.’

‘You can lie to yourself, Ruby Redfort, but you can’t lie to me,’ said Clancy as he slammed the receiver down.

Yeah, you got that right. Pulling on her boots she grabbed her jacket and left the house. Bug followed.

‘Hey Rube’ said Elliot, ‘Where’ve you been?’

‘Oh, my grandmother… she’s sick,’ said Ruby.

‘Sorry to hear that,’ said Elliot. ‘She gonna be OK?’

‘I guess there’s no way of knowing.’

Elliot looked at the ground and kicked an old tennis ball that was lying by the kerb, then he looked up and said, ‘Hey, who’s that guy I keep seeing driving your mom around?’

‘Oh, you mean Hitch, he’s our new butler,’ replied Ruby.

‘Your butler?’ spluttered Elliot. ‘You have a butler?’

‘Well, house manager – I call him a butler but he’s a house manager.’ Ruby was kicking herself – why did she have to go and say butler?

Elliot obviously thought this was the funniest thing he had ever heard. ‘Butler!’ he repeated, ‘butler!’ He was laughing so hard that he no longer seemed to be able to hold himself up – his spine seemed to concertina. Tears were rolling down his face.

Mouse Huxtable came round the corner. ‘Hey, what’s so funny?’

‘Nothing,’ scowled Ruby.

Mouse looked at Elliot. ‘Do you think his head will fall off?’

‘It’s hard to say,’ replied Ruby. ‘It never has before.’

This scene wasn’t unusual. Elliot was prone to terrible giggling fits. At the most inappropriate moment he would break out into uncontrolled, often silent laughter, shoulders shaking, tears streaming down his cheeks. The worst thing about it was that Elliot had a very infectious laugh and it was hard not to get caught up in it once he got going.

But this time, Ruby did not want to see the funny side.

‘Give me a break bozo – funnier things have happened.’ But Elliot did not seem to think so.

Ruby felt the corners of her mouth twitch – she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction so instead she said, ‘Come on Mouse, let’s go and get a fruit shake.’

The two girls and the dog left Elliot on the sidewalk and made their way across the road to the fruit bar, Cherry Cup. Ruby liked the fruit shakes here because they had an unlimited choice of both the interesting and the more pedestrian fruit. The owner, Cherry, was a man in his late fifties – five years ago he had thrown in his job selling insurance and opened this place. Now he was just happy to be liquidising fruit, any combination, however unlikely. If anyone ever asked him how he was, he would reply, ‘not too shabby,’ meaning, pretty darn good.

‘So where’ve you been Rube?’ asked Mouse.

‘My grandmother has been sick,’ said Ruby.

‘Really? How bad is she?’

‘Tragically bad,’ replied Ruby in a hushed voice.

‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ said Mouse. ‘What hospital’s she in?’

Ruby looked down at the floor. ‘Uh, one in New York – I’ve sorta been flying back and forth.’

Another lie, she thought.

Mouse took Ruby’s unease as a signal that she no longer wanted to talk about it, and fell silent. The door opened and in walked Clancy Crew. He barely even glanced at Ruby. ‘Hey Clance,’ said Mouse.

‘Hey Mouse,’ said Clancy. Ruby said nothing.

Clancy went over to one of the booths, and sat down. He pulled out a comic, appropriately titled Buzz Off, and began to read it intently. Mouse looked first at Ruby then at Clancy and then back to Ruby. ‘Something you want to tell me?’

‘Like what?’ Ruby was staring hard at the Cherry Cup menu.

‘Like did you guys have a fight or something?’

‘Nah,’ said Ruby.

‘Are you sure? I haven’t seen old Clance like this since that time you stepped on his turtle.’

‘Look Mouse, could you just drop it. I don’t feel like talking about Clancy Crew right now, OK?’

‘Whatever you say Rube,’ sighed Mouse.

‘Listen Mouse, I got bigger things on my mind than some boy with a bad case of the grouches.’

‘Course you do Rube,’ said Mouse, biting her lip.

Ruby felt guilty – she didn’t like to lie to Mouse and now she was making it worse by snapping at her. ‘Look, I didn’t mean to bite your head off, it’s just my brain is overloaded and all – what with my grandmother being so sick and my mom all racked with worry so she can’t sleep any more.’

Another lie.‘That’s OK Rube – no offence taken. Let me order you a fruit shake.’

‘Thanks Mouse my old pal – make mine a pineapple quince, two straws. Here.’ She held out a dollar bill. ‘They’re on me.’

Mouse ordered the drinks and they waited at the bar. She was fiddling with toothpicks, sticking them into the plastic cherries which decorated the bar top. She looked up at Ruby. ‘Hey, I bet it has to do with his teeth.’

‘Huh?’ said Ruby.

‘Clancy being all grouchy – it must be to do with his teeth. I overheard his mom talking about how one of his molars is infected – how it’s gotta come out. You know what Clancy’s like about the dentist, I’ll bet that’s what’s making him act weird.’

Ruby smiled. ‘You know what Mouse, you’re probably right, you usually are.’

Mouse was pleased with that. ‘So you heard about the TV people coming to film the “safest safe in the US of A”?’

Ruby looked blank.

‘Twinford City Bank, you know – the gold?’

‘Oh yeah, I read about that in the paper – the “unstealable gold”,’ said Ruby.

When they got up to leave Mouse called out, ‘See you Clancy.’

‘Yeah, see you Mouse,’ he replied.

It was as if Ruby didn’t even exist.

It was late afternoon by the time Ruby got home and as she climbed the stairs she could hear the sing-song voice of Barbara Bartholomew. She stuck her head round the living room door; Ruby’s mother was reclining on a new and elegant sofa, Barbara sitting cross-legged on a pile of silk cushions – both were sipping on elaborate cocktails. They were deep in conversation.

‘I can’t tell you, Barb, how super great Hitch was this morning – I had quite the lucky escape.’

‘Really, no kidding?’

‘Well, he drove me into town – I needed to stop off at Glenthorn’s jewellers, they are altering that necklace of mine.’

‘The white jade one?’ asked Barbara

‘The white jade one,’ confirmed Sabina. ‘I want to wear it at the launch and it needs a better setting – more modern.’

‘Oh that will be nice,’ cooed Barbara.

‘So Hitch stays in the car because there were no free parking meters, as per usual.’

‘Oh Sabina darling, there never are – it’s terrible.’

‘Isn’t it? Why the mayor doesn’t do something I don’t know. Anyway, where was I?’

‘Hitch stayed in the car,’ said Barbara.

‘That’s right – anyway, I am in there a little while, thirty minutes maybe forty, and Hitch is driving round the block and I come out and I stand there waiting on the street for him to reappear and then you won’t believe what happens.’

‘What?’ whispered Barbara dramatically.

‘I only get my purse snatched by some criminal is all!’

‘You don’t!’

‘I’m telling you, and no one does anything, I mean the guy’s fast but still… you’d think.’

‘You would,’ agreed Barbara.

‘Anyhow, suddenly Hitch drives around the corner, sees me screaming at the thief; I tell you Barb, he was out of that car before you could blink and running, I’ve never seen a man move so fast.’

‘Hitch, your butler? You are kidding!’

‘I am not kidding Barbara, he is after that guy, catches up with him, karate kicks him in the back of the legs and the guy drops my purse.’

‘No way!’

‘I get my purse back, no harm done.’

‘What about the guy?’

‘Hitch chases him up a fire escape and over the top of the Wilmot building but the guy leaps down about forty feet into a passing garbage truck and he’s gone.’

‘Wow Sabina, that’s some butler you have there – hold on tight to that one.’

‘You can be sure of it Barb!’ And the two women dissolved into unexplained giggles.

Ruby walked into the kitchen where Hitch was preparing snacks.

‘So I hear you were quite the action hero today.’

‘Yeah well, stopping purse snatchers isn’t usually what I do but it makes a change from arranging cheese straws.’

‘But you do it so nicely,’ said Ruby, adopting her mother’s voice.

‘It’s not as hard as it looks, want to try?’

‘Nah, I’d cramp your style. So I guess your shoulder’s getting better if you can chase a thief up a fire escape?’ said Ruby.

‘Yeah, it must be, finally – which can only mean one thing. I’ll be moving on soon – I’ll have to get someone else to babysit you.’

‘Just like old Mary Poppins, you’ll be gone,’ said Ruby, pouring herself a glass of banana milk.

‘Yeah well kid, I’m not saying it hasn’t been super-califragilistic to know you, but I’m kind of glad to be getting back to the day job, know what I mean?’

‘I know what you mean.’

Ruby walked upstairs to her room and met Consuela coming the other way with a tray piled high with dirty cups and cereal bowls.

‘I was just about to bring those down,’ said Ruby correctly predicting trouble.

‘I shouldn’t have to be going up and down cleaning up after you – I’m a dietician not a housemaid,’ said Consuela, ‘but we are running out of crockery – it’s all in your room!’

‘Look, I’m sorry, I really am.’ Ruby gave Consuela her best “I’m sorry” face and Consuela’s scowl instantly softened.

‘Oh, your friend Clancy called,’ she said. ‘He wanted me to ask you how your grandmother is doing? He seems to think she is sick or something.’

‘Yeah, poor Clance, he can get very confused about things – gets facts very mixed up. He’s got some sorta disorder.’

‘Oh, that’s a shame,’ said Consuela, unusually concerned.

‘Yeah, it’s too bad,’ said Ruby and as she closed the door to her room, she remembered how every little untruth always led to a hundred others. This was RULE 32: TELL ONE LIE AND GET READY TO TELL A WHOLE LOT MORE.

The next day, cycling across Twinford, she had the same “watched” feeling she’d had before, but there was no sign of anything that might suggest she was being tailed.

After sitting at the desk in the dusty brown office for six hours, it dawned on Ruby that she was bored – it wasn’t the work exactly, although today it was painstaking, reading files over and over, trying to find a loose thread or something that would lead her to the next thing. No, it was the environment that was the problem, cut off from the world with only a supreme potato head for company. She wondered if this was how Lopez had felt.

Only it was doubly bad for Ruby because it looked like she was going to fail and the fear of failure was indeed a strange new feeling.

She started absent-mindedly rolling her pencil up and down the desk – she wasn’t even aware that she was doing it. She was lost in thought when she heard Froghorn shout, ‘Hey! little girl, could you stop doing that!’

Ruby jumped and the pencil rolled across the desk and disappeared off the edge.

Darn it. She slipped off her chair and took a look underneath the table – she could see the pencil there on the floor but she couldn’t reach it. As quietly as she could Ruby began pulling at the heavy piece of furniture until it moved a couple of inches. She slid her hand along and felt around until it found what she was looking for. But the pencil she retrieved was not her pencil, it was green with white writing. The writing said:

“The Fountain.”

Ruby sat still for so long that Froghorn came in to see if something had happened.

When he saw her sitting there, just staring at a pencil, he made some pathetic attempt at a smart remark. Ruby noticed that he had a mayonnaise stain on his tie but she really couldn’t be bothered to point it out – she was far too busy thinking about Lopez.