Читать книгу Back to You - Lauren Dane - Страница 9

CHAPTER THREE

“BEFORE WE GO out there and kick ass with this last show, you want to tell me what you’re up to?” Ezra, Vaughan’s oldest brother and someone he trusted implicitly, didn’t look up from his case where he’d just pulled out his guitar and handed it off to his guitar tech. They were backstage, just minutes out from showtime. Ez had some sort of meditation-type thing he did now instead of being fucked up so he radiated solid calm. Utter confidence and capability.

Just being around Ezra made Vaughan feel better. More focused. Everyone seemed to react that way around the oldest Hurley son.

Though Ezra had stumbled into the pit of addiction, he’d fought his way back. He was stronger than anyone Vaughan knew. Protective of those he loved. Vaughan had already gone to him just that afternoon for some advice, but it helped to bounce his thoughts off his brother’s brain.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier today. After you and I talked, she and I had this... It was a fight.”

Ezra shifted his attention then, turning to look directly at Vaughan. “A good one or a bad one?”

“There are good ones? Oh, you mean the ones with sex after? No, definitely not that. But she didn’t stab me with broken glass, either. I said I was sorry. About before. Sort of. She didn’t think it was a good apology. Oooh boy, did she get pissed. Told me off.”

Vaughan told Ezra about how he’d stumbled into Kelly’s tree house hideaway and their argument. “She gets annoyed with the same stupid crap everyone else does. But she only very rarely gets angry.”

He’d never revealed to anyone what Kelly had grown up with. At first he’d told himself it was to respect her privacy. Her story was her business and he had no right to share it.

While that had been true in part, it was also because he’d known what she’d been raised by and he’d hurt her anyway.

“She can’t stand to be around truly angry people. Her mother, well, you’ve met her.”

Rebecca was unpredictable. Kelly’d built her entire life around keeping her mother on the other side of the country. Or, if they had to be in the same place, managing her to keep Rebecca from making a scene.

Her mother had an impressive variety of ways to create drama. Vaughan had been in the woman’s presence just three times and each time it had been a master class on how to wreak the most destruction.

Just three times and that was his impression. Vaughan really couldn’t imagine what it had been like for Kelly to have grown up with a raging inferno of a stage mother who was the most narcissistic human being he’d ever dealt with.

Vaughan blew out a breath. “Understandably, she isn’t prone to showing that sort of extreme emotion.” He pinched his bottom lip as he thought about how to explain it all. “I can’t lie to you, Ez. For years I thought it was a simple case of a bad breakup.” And it had been. He’d delayed things without ever coming out and saying he wanted her to stay. And then he’d told so many pretty lies to himself he didn’t know what was true anymore.

In retrospect, those things brought him shame. He’d been young and selfish and shitty. He’d wanted her to break and tell him she wanted him back. Because he was too weak to say it first.

“I hurt her. Made her sad. Broke her heart. I did those things. But today when she got really angry it was like a big giant buzzer sounded. She peeled all that calm back and showed me stuff I’ve never seen from her. Until she walked away from me, fuming like some gorgeous creature of vengeance, I thought she was totally done.”

Vaughan paced as the noises of a rock-and-roll concert getting ready to start sounded all around them. Strange as it was, he found the hum and chaos of it to be soothing.

“I made so many mistakes. I didn’t apologize right. Not eight years ago and not today. She called me out and I deserved it.”

“You’re not that guy anymore, Vaughan,” Ezra said. “You were a spoiled kid when you two got married. Still a spoiled kid when you got divorced. You’re a man now. They’re your family. Don’t let fear keep you from doing the right thing because Ross won’t.”

It had been Vaughan who hadn’t wanted to be married, not Kelly. She’d served him the papers first, but he’d been the one to toss a divorce at her to make her leave a subject alone.

He’d thought—at the time—that she’d cool off and back down. He meant to make it up to her once he’d gotten off tour. But he never got the chance. He’d said it one too many times and much to his surprise, she’d taken him at his word and filed for divorce.

Then pride had taken over. If she wanted to end their marriage, fine. He’d still have a great life. He’d told himself that for years as he’d driven the road from Hood River to Gresham where Kelly had offered to settle so he could be close to the girls.

He’d told himself being single was better anyway. That his life was too fucking fabulously full of women to bang for him to go tying himself down forever.

And every time she opened her door he knew everything he said had been a lie. But pride was a fucking killer and he’d let himself hide behind it for way too long.

This engagement had tripped him up. For the past three months it had rattled around in his head. Kelly being someone else’s wife. Kelly sleeping next to another man. His kids waking up to another dad on Christmas morning. And Ross didn’t like him. While he’d never done or said anything in front of their daughters, Vaughan couldn’t help but wonder if and when that might change.

“I’m scared I can’t do it. That I don’t have what she needs. For me, there’s no one else. It’s just her. But she’s got a software engineer with a big house in the burbs already. This guy wants to marry her and erase me from her life. I can feel it. He wants to take my place.”

“I have to be honest and say I think you’re right. Ross hates your guts. He hates the way you look at Kelly. Hates the way she looks at you. Bummer. But if it’s you or him, make it you. This is love.”

It was long past time to finally just admit that he was thirty-four years old and in all his adult life there had been one woman he’d loved and it was Kelly. He’d already found the right woman to settle down with and, whether Ross liked it or not, Vaughan planned to do everything he could to get Kelly to give him a second chance.

“She’s not going to let you get away with avoiding responsibility, though. If you can’t own your shit and say exactly what you’re sorry for and how you plan to make it up to her, why should she let you? Comfort is great and all. Reality isn’t nearly as fun when things are hard. You can be comfortable and alone, or banging chicks you barely know and don’t care about. Or you can do some hard, painful work and have a family with the woman you love. I know what I’d choose.”

He missed how it felt to have Kelly belong to him.

He needed to be a real, daily part of Maddie and Kensey’s life. He’d base himself in Portland and then come back and forth as he needed to. He’d be away from the ranch awhile, which was also necessary, as well.

The gong sounded, indicating it was time to head toward the stage. Vaughan tipped his chin at Ezra. “Thanks. Tell me what’s going on with Tuesday.”

Ezra’s smile went sort of predatory for a moment as he thought about the gorgeous woman he was so clearly gone for.

“That one we’re taking step-by-step. Let’s go kick some ass.”

As they headed out to the roar of a hometown crowd, Vaughan wasn’t tied in knots. He’d made a choice. One he needed to make. Now he just needed to see it all through.

* * *

STACEY PUSHED A cup of coffee toward Kelly as she opened the door to admit her best friend. Who Kelly’d specifically told to stay in Manhattan where she’d been attending a conference.

“It’s gonna be a long day. I brought sustenance.”

“I know you heard me tell you to stay at your conference.”

“Please, as if I listen to nonsense like that.” Stacey tossed her bag on the couch and kept on until they reached the kitchen. “What’s for breakfast?”

“There’s like forty-five pounds of food in the fridge. Vaughan’s sister-in-law brought over a boatload of stuff yesterday and fed people for hours. There’s actually more left. I had some mu shu pork stuff. I shouldn’t have mentioned it, though, as I ate it all and there’s none for you. Why did you come back? I thought you were presenting your paper today?”

“I told them I’d had a family emergency so they let me present it yesterday. I was on a plane back here a few hours later,” Stacey explained.

Kelly hugged her. “I’m so glad you’re here. So much has happened since I spoke to you last.”

“Get to drinking that coffee while I go through your food like a hungry bear.”

Now that Stacey stood there in her kitchen, Kelly allowed herself to be relieved and then thrilled. “I’m so glad you’re a disobedient nag.”

Stacey moved back to her, hugging her once more. “She’s going to be all right.”

“I know.” Kelly drank her coffee while she watched Stacey fill a plate. “It’s not even that. I mean, I was freaked when it first happened. But Maddie’s going to be fine. It’s...Vaughan.”

Stacey slid up onto the stool across the island from Kelly. “Please tell me you didn’t sleep with him.”

“I didn’t sleep with him!” She kept her tone low, not wanting to wake Kensey just yet. All this stuff had been bubbling up and she’d had no one to say it to. Thank goodness for her friend.

Stacey arched a perfectly shaped brow. “You wanted to.”

Kelly had met Stacey eight years before when Stacey had been her divorce attorney. After the divorce had been final she’d been minus a husband but up a friend.

An unlikely pairing, but the two of them clicked. Stacey was the sister of Kelly’s heart and a big part of the way Kelly had been able to stand up and claim a safe place for herself and her kids.

The moment Kelly had fully fallen in love with her friend was when Kelly overheard Stacey giving a stern lecture to Vaughan’s attorney about not underestimating Kelly’s intelligence simply because she happened to be beautiful. No one had ever defended her like that before. It usually tended to be double-edged. In her modeling days she’d had friends, but they’d all been wrapped up in the track to the top. She did have people she kept contact with since she’d left, but Stacey had become the closest friend Kelly ever made.

Which also meant Kelly couldn’t lie to her. She put her head down, resting on her arms and groaned. “I always want to. That’s not a secret. I feel like I need one of those ‘days without a workplace accident’ signs only with ‘X days since I last boned my hot-as-shit ex-husband.’”

Stacey fanned her face a second. “He is hot as shit. No denying it. One of the most superior male specimens I’ve ever seen. And yet, he’s a thirtysomething man-boy who lives with his mom. Don’t forget that.”

Kelly burst into laughter. “He has his own house. He doesn’t live with them.”

Stacey snorted. “Oh, I see, he lives in the carriage house with his own entrance! Please. Same difference, Kelly. You can’t have a life with a man who lets anyone else have that much say in his decisions concerning your family.”

“I hate it when I can’t just say, you’re jaded because you’re a divorce attorney.”

“And why is that?” Stacey had no problem making Kelly come out and say it.

“Because you’re right. In part. He’s suddenly in my space. Sure, I see him often enough when he’s not recording, writing or on tour. He sees the girls regularly, is what I mean. Which is good,” Kelly added.

“Get to the real point and stop giving the man a gold star for doing what is a necessary and normal thing. It’s not a special achievement to be there for your children. Nor should you have to note it every time like a credit he gets paid for. Ugh. He’s supposed to be a good parent.”

When Kelly thought about her own upbringing, she couldn’t help but give Vaughan credit because she’d grown up without anyone who loved her the way he loved their children.

“What about Vaughan and Kelly? Don’t get sidetracked by your obsessive need to be nice. Not when we’re talking about sex and stuff. He’s reacting to your engagement.”

Kelly thought so, too. “Maybe. When I told him about the engagement he was surprised.”

“But the tool held his tongue to the point of pretty much rolling with it A-OK.”

Kelly shook her head, disagreeing with that. “It felt more like he ran from it. Not acceptance. Avoidance.” The distinction shouldn’t be important, but it was. “It’s recent and stupid and it doesn’t say anything. Not really. But it feels like he’s trying to get close to me. Like a deliberate step into my life.”

She told Stacey about the thing he’d done at the table the day before and the support he’d shown her at the hospital and even after. And about the argument in the tree house.

“You got mad at him? Like to his face?” Stacey put some potato salad on her sandwich and topped it with a slice of bread. Kelly shook her head. Who was she to judge? She’d eaten mu shu pork before six in the morning.

“Suddenly I just... I wasn’t able to keep it back. So I got mad as hell and said all sorts of stuff. I don’t regret any of it. I thought about being sorry but then, you know what? It felt good to finally let the anger out. The problem is that now it’s like a switch has been flipped or something. I can’t stop thinking about him or why he’s evading my questions.”

Stacey pointed with her fork for extra emphasis. “He’s evading your questions because he wants you back. I actually thought he never would get off his ass to fight for you. Bold move, if he’s committed to it. Maybe he can pull it off. Neither of you are the same people you were when you divorced.”

Kelly blinked, beyond words for long seconds. “And what should Ross think about that?”

Stacey kept eating her sandwich.

“So, let me get this straight. You’re not going to tell me to lock the door and keep an aspirin between my knees?” Kelly asked.

Stacey laughed. “It wouldn’t do any good. I love you and want you to be with a man who loves you and deserves you. Ross is nice, though he’s way more connected to his ex-wife’s family than I think is normal. You let them eat here when your kid was in the hospital. That’s not weekly dinners at your ex-in-laws’ like he does. Regardless, Ross would be a proficient spouse. He’s a good provider—not that you need it, but it’s a good indicator of character—and he enjoys your girls. The ones on your chest and the ones you gave birth to. But he doesn’t adore you. He doesn’t cherish you. He wants you. Plus? You don’t love him.”

Denial sprang to her lips automatically. “I do so love him.” Kelly sighed as she searched for something she was more certain of. “He’s everything I’ve been missing. He’s stable. He came to the hospital because he knew the Hurleys were going to show up and I’d be there alone. I said yes to his proposal. I should have said yes.” Kelly added a sharp nod of her head to underline that. Stacey kept looking at her. “What? I’m sorry, but it’s true. It was a logical choice. His girls and mine get along. We share the same general parenting philosophy. He’s a good choice.”

Kelly winced at how empty the words sounded. Though maybe there was a slight flavor of desperation, a need to believe it. If she just said it all over and over again she’d believe it.

“Jeez. Yes, yes, Ross is a great guy. And he’ll make the right woman a great husband. You’re not that woman. He can’t handle you. He doesn’t even know it yet, but he will sooner or later. And resent you for it. Right now, though, he wants more than you can give so he’s accepting that you’re settling. Which will leave you both unhappy. I think marrying Ross would be a terrible mistake. No matter what you decide with Vaughan,” Stacey added. “The world is full of nice people who make good choices and floss. But those things, in and of themselves, aren’t enough to get married to someone over.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

Stacey peeked in a few containers she’d brought out from the fridge, sniffed a few, putting most back but bringing the rest to the table. “It’s not like I’ve hidden my general feelings about Ross.”

That much was true. But Stacey was really good at seeing past the emotional but not necessarily important stuff to get to the heart of the matter. She gave great advice, even if she herself didn’t always follow it.

“Well, but whether or not he’s bland, that’s not going to color your perception as to my marrying him. You’re too single-minded and Borg-like for that. It would be irrelevant unless you had a good reason,” Kelly said.

“Borg-like?” Stacey snickered. “That’s a good one. Also, correct. Because even if I hated him, if you loved him and I thought he’d make you happy I’d suck it up and hold my tongue. I’ve been waiting until you asked.”

“You’re good at this friend thing. I’m just saying.”

“Right?” Stacey winked. “Back to Ross. He’s nice. So what? Nice?” She blew raspberries. “Fuck nice. I don’t even want nice shoes much less a nice partner.” She put her sandwich down and after a judicious wiping of any potato salad remnants, Stacey grabbed Kelly’s hand for emphasis. “Does he make your heart beat faster? When he says your name, does it feel like your skin can’t hold in the intensity of what you feel? Because if not, don’t get married. Every day I see the end of one marriage after the next and while yes, it does make me jaded, it also convinces me that successful marriages are a mix of things, but they have an essential spark between the couple. Ross would be sure your car got detailed. The guy you should marry? He’d know you get up at four thirty so you can work out an hour before you start your day. He’d accept that you do it because you were raised by a sociopath but that you work quite hard to not let it go into more obsessive behavior.”

“It’s weird that you feel no hesitation bringing up the state of my mental health,” Kelly said.

“Whatever. I’m socially awkward and useless when it comes to being subtle anywhere but in my job. I say what I think. You need that. You ignore that I’m weird in my own ways.”

Kelly giggled quietly. “You’re my weirdo soul mate.”

“My point is, being known by someone else— understood—that’s worth everything. Nice is one thing. But true connection? That’s a universe away from nice. It’s necessary. Kelly, you don’t have that with Ross. And I don’t think you ever will.”

Kelly frowned. “I am totally done being single. I want a partner. I want someone to have long talks with, late into the night. I want someone to come home to. Other than the girls, obviously, but you know what I mean. I want to be with someone. Ross isn’t exciting like Vaughan, no. But he’s a good choice.”

“There are men from sea to shining sea. Especially when you’re tall, blonde, blue-eyed and gorgeous. You don’t have to settle and marry someone you don’t love.” Stacey indicated Kelly with another fork point.

“None of this matters anyway. Vaughan hasn’t said anything specific. When I asked him directly about it he avoided answering. I’m off balance. He’ll go back to the ranch tomorrow or maybe even tonight and it’ll all be over.” It’d be easier to think about marriage to Ross once Vaughan had disappeared from her life again.

“I don’t know, Kel. I mean, look at you. You’re flushed. He’s got you flustered.”

“I didn’t say the situation would be over. Just his part in it. I have to think about the engagement. I’ve had second thoughts over the last few weeks.” Upstairs she heard Kensey moving around. Walking down the hall from Kelly’s bedroom to her own. They probably had about five minutes before she came down, so Kelly needed to wrap this up before they had an audience.

Stacey shrugged. “You know my opinion of the engagement. If you want more from me, tell me. I’m just trying to keep my mouth shut and support you after this.”

Kelly laughed some more. “You butt out? Ha!”

“I didn’t say I was going to butt out. I said I told you how I felt but that you’re my friend and I want you to be happy so I’ll support you in that.”

“Fair enough. Thanks again for coming home.”

“Not a thing. Tell me what you need. I can stay here with Kensey while you go pick Maddie up. I can bring her with me to the hospital, take her to my place for a while. I can run interference with the Hurleys. Whatever.”

“Thank you. I called the hospital already to check in. She’s awake and doing well. They said I could come over there after eight. The doctor told us last night that if everything kept on the way it was that we could bring Maddie home sometime late morning today.”

“When’s Shurley arriving?”

Kelly couldn’t stop her snicker. Shurley was what they called Sharon Hurley so no one knew they were talking about Vaughan’s mother.

“Vaughan should be here within the next fifteen minutes. I imagine his parents will be arriving either with him, or sometime soon after. I hope after. I don’t have enough coffee in me yet for before. The rest of the brood I expect will show up at some point once we get Maddie home and settled.”

“How was it yesterday? Aside from the argument you had with Vaughan?”

“It was all right. Everyone was friendly, especially everyone who wasn’t a certain mother-in-law. Ezra has a new girlfriend. She’s pretty cool. Makes jewelry so I’m all over looking at what she does. Maybe for the shop.”

Kelly co-owned two clothing boutiques. One in Portland and the sister store in Manhattan. She and her business partner had decided to start carrying more accessories like jewelry and bags recently. As they liked to feature women artists and designers and also support locals, she’d been thrilled to meet Tuesday and get along with her so well from the start.

“It could have been dreadful and it was only uncomfortable. So, yay, I guess. But there won’t be as big a houseful today so that means I may have more one-on-one time with Shurley. Maddie’s in raptures that her dad and grandparents will be here. I’m trying to hold on to that. If you could just be here to run interference if I need that, I’d appreciate it.”

“Got it.”