Читать книгу His Three-Day Duchess - Laurie Benson, Laurie Benson - Страница 12

Lizzy sat beside her aunt, staring into the blue Wedgwood teacup that was part of the set she had purchased shortly after her marriage, and was holding back her tears. He had changed her favourite room—the room she had spent many hours in entertaining family and friends. It was a room that she had taken great pains to decorate to her exact taste. She recalled trying four different paint colours before she settled on the soft white paint that complemented the gold crown mouldings that had once outlined the room. Those four walls held so many good memories of so many wonderful visits.

Now that the room didn’t even look the same, all of that was gone with the careless direction of Mr Simon Alexander. It was hard for her to think of him in terms of the Duke of Skeffington since physically he was so very different from her late husband, although he, too, could be infuriating, but in a completely different way.

‘Try drinking your tea before it gets cold,’ Aunt Clara suggested gently, patting her hand. ‘You will not find the answer to your troubles staring into that cup. A good cup of tea can help with many things, but I believe it works only when you drink it.’

Lizzy placed the cup and saucer on the table beside her. ‘It has lost its appeal seeing it in these cups.’

‘They are lovely cups. I recall going with you to buy them in London. I’ve always been partial to Wedgwood.’

‘They are his cups now.’ She didn’t even try to hide the despondent tone of her voice.

Not being able to look at the tea set any longer, Lizzy shifted her gaze to scan the new crown moulding that was painted a pale cream colour that matched the marble fireplace. What else had he decided to change? She got up and walked to the large windows that overlooked the back gardens. In the summer, they were breathtaking with a combination of manicured topiaries, water fountains and beds of roses. Now they were frozen in snow.

‘The house feels different,’ she said, staring bleakly out at the garden where she had spent many days enjoying peace and solitude in the sunshine.

Aunt Clara came up beside her and took her hand. ‘I know it is painful for you to adjust to all that has changed.’

‘My pain is all because of Mr Alexander. He changed this house. If he’d had the decency to remain in Sicily, he would have had no time to alter Stonehaven and this would still feel like home.’ It was his entire fault.

‘I’m not just referring to the changes in this house, Lizzy. In the past year you have become a widow. For months you had no notion of where you would be living. Your financial circumstances, while respectable, are not as grand as they once were. Charlotte is married to the man you wanted to marry and now Juliet is also married and in love. That is a lot of change in such a short time.’

‘What do my sisters’ marriages have to do with any of this?’

‘When Andrew married Charlotte it was very difficult for you. You couldn’t even go to their wedding and you refused to discuss your feelings with me or Juliet. You kept pushing us away when we would mention it. I know you now are speaking with Charlotte, but it has been six months since their wedding. I think it’s time we talked about it.’

‘They are married. I have come to accept that. What is there to say?’

‘Why did you have your heart set on Andrew? When Skeffington died, you said he was the only man who you could love and would make you happy. Why?’

‘It doesn’t matter why. He loves Charlotte and she loves him.’

It was obvious from her aunt’s expression that that explanation was not sufficient and she wasn’t going to let the matter rest until Lizzy bared more of her pain. She had come to accept her fate—she could talk about it a bit more now.

‘I understand that some people are meant to find love in this world and there are those of us who are not. Not everyone marries a man and finds a lifetime of happiness with him. Charlotte is fortunate she found love twice. I suppose when Lord Andrew married her, it reminded me that my future does not include a man who will love me. I thought he had cared for me, but I was wrong. He never had any feelings for me. I created that illusion in my head. I suppose believing in that for the past twelve years helped me through living in a loveless marriage. I could pretend there was a man out there in the world who was wishing I was his. But none of it was real. I know that now. I don’t blame Charlotte for what happened. He was never really mine. I want her to be happy and she is with him. But, in truth, I can’t help but wonder why her fate was to find two men to love her and my fate doesn’t include even one.’

‘Don’t say that. You are still young. You have many years ahead of you to meet a man who will love you.’

‘If there is one thing I’ve learned in life, it is that there is something about me that does not endear me to men. I don’t have striking green eyes like Charlotte, or her sweet disposition, and I’m not lively and spirited like Juliet. I am just me. There is nothing remarkable about me. Even before Skeffington bargained with Father for my hand, suitors were not sending me flowers or filling up my dance card. And as a widow, I know that I may not be able to have children. Heavens, how Skeffington would remind me of that fact while he was alive and even reduced my fortune and income because of it. I was not a desirable debutante and I will never be a desirable widow.’

‘Lizzy, you have a lot to offer a man.’

‘I will not marry some man just because he is in need of my money. If I cannot marry for love, then I will not marry at all. And we both know I am not the type of woman a man falls in love with. I’m just not.’

Aunt Clara placed her arm around Lizzy’s shoulders and the soft familiar scent of her rose perfume drifted on the air. ‘I was not referring to your money, Elizabeth.’

‘Everything is different now. The place that I considered home is no longer mine, nor its contents. That cup isn’t mine even though I was the one to pick it out for this house.’

‘Life isn’t always fair.’

‘It rarely is when you’re a woman.’

For months, she had been telling herself that everything would be fine. That she would find a way to get back some of what she felt was hers, like the use of this house. But now, standing in her favourite room at Stonehaven, with its new marble chimney piece and mouldings, she now saw that the world had gone on without her for these past few months and there was no going back to the way things were. It was too late for that. Nothing in her life would ever be the same. She was a creature of habit and moving forward through all this change was terrifying.

‘Thank you for coming here with me. You have been nothing but kind and patient. You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you? If not Mr Alexander changing the house, then some other things would be different.’

‘I suspected the servants would bar you from entering. I had hoped to save you from that humiliation. That’s why I suggested we go to my home in Bath instead. I love you, Elizabeth, and I don’t want to see you hurt. Living with Skeffington was punishment enough for one lifetime.’

Lizzy turned and scanned the room once more. He had done an admirable job. The reproductions in the room were of very high quality. You would almost think they were made a very long time ago. If this room were in anyone else’s home, she would have said that she liked it. But not here. Not in Stonehaven.

‘Let’s finish our tea,’ Lizzy said with a sigh. ‘I only wish we didn’t have to have it in my Wedgwood cups.’

They walked back to the sofa and settled in.

‘I think you are right,’ Lizzy said after taking a long, slow sip from her cup. ‘I think we should go to Bath. There is nothing left for me here.’ She was proud of herself for being able to hold back the catch in her throat.

‘You will find your place, Elizabeth. All is not lost. You were able to make a home for yourself here in Stonehaven. You will find a way to do that at Clivemoore.’

It certainly didn’t feel as if she would be able to do that at the moment. She had spent only a few weeks at Clivemoore while she was married and she had found the old house rather dark and gloomy. It wasn’t the kind of place that inspired happy thoughts. It certainly hadn’t felt like home. And it was a far journey from Clivemoore down to London or to Aunt Clara in Bath. She had never bothered to learn much about the gentry in the area. Would she even have things in common with any of them?

‘I’ve spoken with Sherman, my man of affairs, and instructed him that I’d like to use the money that I inherited to purchase a small town house in London and use the income from Clivemoore to support me.’

‘Why is this the first I am hearing of it?’

‘I’ll tell you more about it on our way to Bath. I’d like to take a short look around to see what else he has changed before we leave. I can think of no reason I will ever be invited to return. I only wish the last time I had seen this place hadn’t been in the middle of winter with all the snow on the ground. I would have loved to walk one final time through the gardens when everything was in bloom.’

Her only solace was that she wouldn’t be seeing Mr Alexander again.