Читать книгу The light of my future - Lee Yeon - Страница 8

«Thought you’d have more stuff,» Sung Joon chuckled as he placed one of the two boxes of my stuff on the small coffee table in the living room of my bright and airy two-room studio.

«Didn’t think you were thinking stereotyped,» I replied as I walked out of the bedroom, where I had finished hanging my things in the dressing room a minute earlier.

«None of these templates work exactly for you,» he grinned, leaning his shoulder against the wall and looking at me point-blank with an exhausted look.

«You should go home. And please eat something,» I pleaded with Sung Joon.

«Only if you keep me company,» he replied in a playful tone, and pushing off the wall took a few steps in my direction. Now we were separated by only a few steps.

He was taller than me and that gave him an advantage. I looked at him from the bottom up and for the umpteenth time this evening felt awkward. Sung Joon took a cautious step towards me and reached out to touch my eyelashes with his fingers. From such an unexpected gesture, I froze in place and could not take my eyes off his exhausted, but still beautiful face, which radiated sincere interest.

He ran his fingers down my cheeks and took another cautious step towards me, closing the distance between us to a minimum. I knew that our closeness was dangerous, but I wished that he would not stop, but instead gave me a forbidden kiss.

«Song Joon, you have to stop,» I barely audibly called to him in a broken voice and took a step back, hiding my eyes from him.

«I don’t want to stop. For the first time in my life, I don’t want to do this,» he said in a languid voice, stepping on me until I was back against the wall. He continued to hover over me, «but… I’ll only do this because I can’t take responsibility right now,» he stated regretfully, and after a heavy pause, he turned around to head to the living room.

«Nothing like this should ever happen again!» I screamed after him, feeling the tension caused by Sung Joon’s closeness slowly leave my body, leaving weakness and disappointment in its wake.

«I will be back in ten minutes!» He shouted to me from the hallway, after which the door closed behind him.

I was so angry at myself for not being able to resist his pressure. And with horror I realized that my sympathy for Sung Joon was growing into something more.

Realizing that my strength was not enough to sort out the remains of things, I lay down on a small double sofa, looking ahead of me with an unseeing look. In just a couple of hours, all my thoughts got confused, the landmarks went astray, and my peace of mind collapsed.

The door squeaked to announce that Sung Joon had returned, and I got up to find two paper bags in his hands.

«I’ve brought groceries. Now let’s cook dinner together,» he announced as he made his way to the kitchen.

«Why don’t you go home? Cho Hee is waiting for you.»

«He has a meeting with friends,» Sung Joon replied as he explored one kitchen cabinet after another, «hmm, your father even prepared dishes for you. But that’s not enough,» remarked my guest who didn’t seem to be leaving.

«Min Hee, would you like to help me? This will go faster,» Sung Joon called from the kitchen, after which I leisurely walked over to the countertop, where one of the two bar stools was located to sit on it. Sung Joon washed the vegetables and then handed them to me along with a cutting board and a knife, «Let’s make fried rice with vegetables, do you mind?» He turned to me, looking at me over his shoulder.

«I’ll eat whatever you cook,» I shrugged nonchalantly and started slicing carrots, «should have just ordered delivery.»

«I don’t eat food that I don’t know the origin of,» he repeated what he had once told me.

«Why?» I asked, but he left my question unanswered, and I decided not to focus on this, surrendering to the simple process of cutting vegetables.

«My obsession… because of my mother,» he replied after a long silence, «I don’t trust food that I don’t know anything about, for fear that it might be poisoned,» he said without looking at me, while continuing to fill rice cooker with raw rice, and then filled it with water.

«Are you saying that…?» With horror, I began to put forward my assumption.

«Yes, my mother fed me poisoned food,» he said quickly, hiding his grim expression from me.

«Song Joon, this is…» I couldn’t finish the sentence as there were no words that could ease his suffering.

«You don’t need to say anything. I just explained my strange actions to you.»

«I never thought that your actions were strange. Well, okay, at first, maybe I thought, but then I realized that you must have some good reason for this.» I reasoned as if I was alone in the apartment, which made Sung Joon smile weakly.

«I know that food is not dangerous for me, but I can not overcome my fear. Especially if I get this food from people I do not trust,» he continued to decipher the code, the key to which I had been trying to figure out for so long.

«Wait a minute!» I blinked in confusion and swallowed nervously, frantically searching for words, «The fact that I’m tasting food for you. Should I take that as…?»

«I trust you,» he finished the sentence for me and turned so that he could look into my eyes, «consider this my official admission that I like you. And if you think it’s impossible, then it’s bad. First of all, for you,» he confidently stated, to which I raised my eyebrows in surprise, «because I will try my best to fix it.»

«Then you’ll get yourself in a lot of trouble and break millions of hearts,» I stated with a heavy sigh.

«For the first time in my life, I care about my own heart and feelings. And I want to be selfish. I want to be with you because you make me better.»

«Perhaps you actually feel my attention that I give you as part of the work, so you feel that we are close?» I suggested, trying to contain the excitement and palpitations caused by his words.

«Do you think I can’t sort out my own feelings?» He smiled sadly, frying vegetables in a frying pan, which I successfully finished chopping, «before you, I had thirty-five assistants, each of whom entertained the hope of getting my attention, but… this whole illusion dissipated on the very first day. None of them succeeded and still can’t fill my thoughts and feelings the way you did, didn’t make any effort.»

«I can’t believe we’re talking about such serious things like this sitting in the kitchen,» I laughed nervously.

«I’m just stating the facts,» he shrugged nonchalantly.

«And what am I supposed to do with these facts now? You do understand that we can’t work together. One of the conditions was that I must not, under any circumstances, start a relationship with you.»

«Only with me?» He asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise, but trying unsuccessfully to suppress a smile. «What a pity! It looks like your father will suffer losses when the truth comes out,» he laughed, but I didn’t appreciate his sarcasm, «let’s not quarrel before meals. Better look for glasses for the mineral water that is in your refrigerator.»

I obediently carried out his order, pouring water into glasses while Sung Joon placed a plate of fried rice, a plate of vegetable cuts, and pickled radish kimchi in front of me.

«Thanks for the food!» I sincerely thanked, trying to ignore the fact that Sung Joon was sitting next to me, but at the same time I glanced at him from time to time to make sure that he was really eating.

«You can relax. Today I’m going to enjoy my meal with you,» he chuckled as he caught another quick glance at me.

«You should have let me have lunch with you,» I told him regretfully, realizing that we could have avoided our trip to the hospital.

«We’re having dinner instead,» he remarked gleefully, popping a spoon full of rice into his mouth, «so take it easy. Tomorrow we’ll have a long day.»

«I’m not taking you with me,» I announced decisively and shook my head. «You will go to work according to your schedule. The doctor said that you need to get a good rest.»

«I rest when I am near you,» he said without a hint of embarrassment.

«Song Joon,» I called out to him, putting the spoon aside, «why do I get the feeling that you see me as a lifeline?»

«To a certain extent it is. You save me from loneliness. I think when you understand what makes your heart flutter, you can admit your feelings for me,» he shrugged and continued to eat.

«Hmm, how presumptuous!! I snorted contemptuously and took a sip from my glass of water to hide my awkwardness.

«Well, I think it’s time for me to go home. Are you sure you won’t be afraid to stay here alone tonight?» He asked, peering intently into my already glowing face.

«I’m often alone. My parents are on business trips most of the time. So just go home,» I pleaded, getting to my feet to walk him to the door.

The ease with which he spoke about his feelings unsettled me, and I did not quite understand how I should react to this, but I knew that I could not afford to succumb to Sung Joon’s love provocations in any way.

***

The next morning, I found Sung Joon’s housekeeper Ms. Jung Eun in my kitchen, arranging new dishes in my kitchen cabinets.

«Miss Min Hee, I’m sorry for barging in like that without warning, but Mr. Sung Joon insisted that I deliver everything to you immediately,» a middle-aged woman with a sweet smile and dark hair tied in a high, tight bun apologized to me. There was not an ounce of makeup on her face. At the same time, her skin was perfectly even and had a bronze tint. Her miniature figure now and then flickered with various items of utensils in her hands, placing them in their places in the cabinets even at the moment when she spoke to me.

«I understand. Thank you,» I smiled wanly, feeling tired despite having slept for almost six hours.

«Miss Min Hee!» Ms. Jung Eun called me and I stopped half way back to my bedroom, «Mr. Sung Joon sent you food,» she pointed towards the refrigerator.

I slowly walked over to the refrigerator to look inside and found several containers of various sizes filled with edible contents.

«Thank you,» I replied in shock, feeling slightly dizzy at what was happening.

It looks like Sung Joon has seriously decided to violate my personal boundaries. I need to change the code for the apartment.

I got to work on the subway and walked into Sung Joon’s manager’s office, unable to contain the flow of thoughts that brought me back to the events of the previous evening. Sung Joon’s hunger swoon is not something I could understand and accept so easily. His eating disorder was due to trauma, and it was terrible. It was utterly unfair to him. And I sincerely wanted to help him overcome his painful memories, but will he allow me to do this? And will it solve the problem with his contract? And what will I do if his feelings, about which he spoke to me yesterday, are not an empty phrase?

«What are you thinking about?» I shuddered at the piercing, velvety voice of Sung Joon, who carefully sat down on a nearby chair, handing me a glass of warm tea. «I know that you are not a coffee drinker.»

«Thank you,» I replied, trying not to look at my charge any longer than necessary, as his presence embarrassed me.

«Did you have breakfast?» He asked in a businesslike tone, continuing to stare at me inquisitively.

«What about you?» I answered a question with a question and plucked up the courage to look at him in response. Sung Joon nodded his head in the affirmative and drank from his glass, it seems, coffee. «You shouldn’t have bothered Miss Jung Eun.»

«I asked her for a favor. It was the first time. And she seemed to be delighted,» he smiled and winked playfully at me.

«Thanks. But that’s not necessary anymore. I don’t need your tutelage,» I said, but it actually sounded like I was trying to convince myself of this, not him.

«I just decided to thank you in this way for yesterday. Besides, I understood well that you drew a line in our relationship, so I’m not going to cross it, so as not to put you in an awkward position,» he said conciliatoryly, and I felt ashamed that I admitted that his words caused me disappointment. «Let’s get to work? I have to go to the studio in three hours,» he smiled, peering into the first box he saw.

We looked at all the gifts together and even took a photo to share with fans of Sung Joon carefully examining the gifts received, after which we went down to the dining room for lunch, and then Sung Joon went to work in the studio, and I returned to the letters. When the task was almost completely completed, Min Hyuk entered the office.

«Min Hee, you did great! To be honest, I wasn’t sure if you’d make it on time. You’re doing well. And Sung Joon is pleased with his assistant for the first time. What can be compared to a real miracle,» he continued to praise me on the way to the work chair, and I rose to my feet and looked at him guiltily.

«It’s not like that,» I answered stifledly, and swallowed nervously. «Mr. Min Hyuk, I have something to tell you,» I swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling extremely embarrassed and guilty. It all happened because of my negligence.

«What’s wrong, Min Hee?» He was instantly alert.

«It’s about Sung Joon,» I replied in a barely audible voice, «he was admitted to the hospital last night.»

«What are you saying?» He exclaimed angrily and frowned, scorching me with his brown eyes.

I plucked up the courage to tell him everything that had happened yesterday, knowing that I was doing the right thing no matter what.

«You should have reported this to us right away! If anyone saw you, Sung Joon would get into a scandal! Do you realize how imprudent you were?» I nodded my head guiltily, hiding my eyes, but at the same time I fought with myself, as I was outraged that the possibility of Sung Joon appearing on the news worried the general manager more than the health of the agency’s leading artist. «You think that your father is the owner of the agency, so you can be negligent in your duties?»

«Do you think I’m waiting for your indulgence?» I could not contain the fit of rage, «if I did not feel guilty, I would not tell you anything. So please do as you always do in such cases. I will accept any punishment that is provided for in our contract. I followed all your instructions regarding fan gifts and wrote everything on the sheet. The same list is available electronically in your mail. With your permission…» I bowed to him and hurried to leave the office, holding back tears with all my might, although I understood that this whole situation was not worth my worries.

I did not expect that everything would take such a turn. Feeling offended (which was not typical of me) and tears coming to my eyes, I hurried to a cozy balcony, the exit to which was only accessible through the meeting room located on the fifteenth floor, hiding my burning face behind my hair and trying not to look at someone who might get in my way.

Tiredly plopping down on a small sofa located under a glass canopy, I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands, feeling the events and people around me press on me. I did not think that this work would touch my feelings and affect my emotional component so much.

«You rushed past me so fast that I didn’t immediately realize it was you,» Cho Hee’s mocking voice rang out, and I turned to look at him. He walked over to the couch with a smile and, at a safe distance from me, gracefully sat down beside me, «it’s hard, isn’t it?»

«What exactly?» I asked, continuing to look at him. Despite being tired, Cho Hee looked quite happy.

«Working with my brother is hard?» He clarified and looked at me with a sad smile in response.

«No. I wouldn’t say that,» I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my shoulders, «it’s hard to watch him deliberately deprive himself of health and happiness.»

«Song Joon was against it when he found out that I want to debut in a group as an idol. We even had a fight. And the more I’m here, the more I understand why exactly. He worked hard to give me what he doesn’t have He took care of me since he was eighteen. He replaced my mom and dad. Cooked breakfasts, attended meetings, picked out school uniforms and supplies. And all so that I was happy and did not feel lonely. But I know that all this time he himself was alone. And he truly deserves everything he has. Especially the love of the fans. But… this love is so ghostly and elusive that it is not so easy to feel it. Besides, if they knew the real Sung Joon, they wouldn’t have squealed like that when they saw him,» he chuckled, obviously remembering some events in his life with his older brother, «but after you appeared, he began to change.» After these words, Cho Hee’s smile became wider, «No matter what you are thinking now, no matter how much you hate everything that happens to Sung Joon, do not leave him if you care about him. Because you also began to change after you bonded with my brother. And now you two have a real chance for mutual love.»