Читать книгу How to Be a People Magnet: Proven Ways to Polish Your People Skills - Leil Lowndes, Leil Lowndes - Страница 5
ОглавлениеCHAPTER ONE How to Show You’re a Somebody in Ten Seconds
A friend of mine, Karen, is a highly respected professional in the home-furnishings business. Her husband is an equally big name in the communications field. They have two small sons.
Whenever Karen is at a home-furnishings industry event, everyone pays deference to her. She’s a Very Important Person in that world.
Yet, Karen complains, when she accompanies her husband to communications functions, she might as well be a nobody. When she takes her kids to school functions, she’s just another mum. She once asked me, ‘Leil, how can I stand out from the crowd so people who don’t know me will approach me and at least assume I’m an interesting person?’ The following techniques in this section accomplish precisely that. When you use them, you will come across as a special person to everyone you meet. You will stand out as a Somebody in whatever crowd you find yourself in, even if it’s not your crowd.
Let’s start with your smile.
The Flooding Smile
Big Winners know their smile is one of their most powerful weapons, so they’ve fine-tuned it for maximum impact.
The old-fashioned instant grin carries no weight with today’s sophisticated crowd. Look at world leaders, negotiators and corporate giants. Not a smiling sycophant among them. Key Players in all walks of life are just ever so slower to smile so, when it does erupt, it has more potency and the world smiles with them.
TECHNIQUE 1:
The Flooding Smile
Don’t flash an immediate smile when you greet someone, as though anyone who walked into your line of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the other person’s face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes. It will engulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split second delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them.
Sticky Eyes
Your eyes are personal grenades that have the power to detonate people’s emotions. Big Players in the game of life know exaggerated eye contact can be extremely advantageous, especially between the sexes. In business, even when romance is not in the picture, strong eye contact packs a powerful wallop between men and women. It broadcasts a visceral message of comprehension and respect.
TECHNIQUE 2 (FOR WOMEN):
Sticky Eyes
Pretend your eyes are glued to your Conversation Partner’s with sticky warm toffee. Don’t break eye contact even after he or she has finished speaking. When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, reluctantly, stretching the gooey toffee until the tiny string finally breaks.
TECHNIQUE 3 (FOR MEN):
Sticky Eyes
When talking to men, you, too, can use Sticky Eyes. Just make them a little less sticky when discussing personal matters with men, lest your listener feel threatened or misinterpret your intentions. But do increase your eye-contact slightly more with men on day-to-day communications – and a lot more when talking to women.
Now let’s look at a very important technique to make you look like a Very Important Person.
Hang by Your Teeth
Big Winners in life stand with assurance. They move with confidence. They smile softly with pride. No doubt about it! Good posture symbolizes you are a man or woman who is used to being on top. Here is a visualization technique to get your body looking like a Winner. I call it Hang by Your Teeth.
TECHNIQUE 4:
Hang by Your Teeth
Visualize a circus iron-jaw bit hanging from the frame of every door you walk through. Take a bite and, with it firmly between your teeth, let it swoop you to the peak of the big top. When you Hang by Your Teeth, every muscle is stretched into perfect posture position.
You are now ready to float into the room to captivate the crowd or close the sale (or maybe just settle for looking like the most important person in the room).
The Big-Baby Pivot
The first few moments of your reactions when you meet a person for the first time set the stage upon which the entire relationship will be played out. If you ever want anything from the new acquaintance, you need to show them immediately that you recognize what a special person they are.
Here is a technique that will help you win what-ever your heart desires from whatever type of beasts you encounter in the social or corporate jungle. I call it The Big-Baby Pivot.
TECHNIQUE 5:
The Big-Baby Pivot
Give everyone you meet the Big-Baby Pivot. The instant the two of you are introduced, reward your new acquaintance. Give the warm smile, the total-body turn and the undivided attention you would give a tiny tyke who crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours and beamed a big toothless grin. Pivoting 100 per cent toward New Person shouts ‘I think you are very, very special.’
Deep inside everyone is a big baby rattling the crib, wailing out for recognition of how very special he or she is.
Hello Old Friend
The secret to making people like you is showing how much you like them! When we see a close friend, we respond warmly from head to toe without a thought. Our lips part happily. We step closer. Our eyes become soft and wide. Our bodies turn fully towards our dear friend. Often, however, when we meet a new acquaintance, shyness or negativity slips out through our body language.
Here’s a visualization technique that guarantees that everyone you encounter will feel your warmth.
TECHNIQUE 6:
Hello Old Friend
When meeting someone, imagine he or she is an old friend. How sad, the vicissitudes of life tore you two asunder. But, holy mackerel, now the party (the meeting, the convention) has reunited you with your long-lost old friend!
The joyful experience starts a remarkable chain reaction in your body from the subconscious softening of your eyebrows to the positioning of your toes – and everything between.
You now have all the basics to come across to everyone you meet as a Somebody, a friendly Somebody. But your job isn’t over yet. In addition to being liked, you want to appear credible, intelligent and sure of yourself. Each of the next three techniques accomplishes one of those goals.
Limit the Fidget
If you want to come across as an entirely credible Somebody, try to squelch all extraneous movement when your communication counts. Fidgety movements give the listener the sense that something just isn’t right or a gut feeling that the speaker is lying.
Here is a technique to help you come across as 100 per cent believable and trustworthy.
TECHNIQUE 7:
Limit the Fidget
Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose itch, your ear tingle or your foot prickle. Do not fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm or scratch. And above all, keep your paws away from your face. Hand motions near your face and all fidgeting can give your listener the gut feeling you’re fibbing.
Tune to the Silent Channel
If you want to come across as an intelligent Somebody, watch people carefully to see how they feel about what you are saying and plan your responses accordingly.
You don’t need a complete course in body language here. Already your life’s experience has given you a good grounding in that. Most people know if their Conversation Partner steps back or looks away, they’re not interested in what you’re saying. When they think you are a pain in the neck, they rub theirs. When they feel superior to you, they steeple their hands. So, make it a habit to tune to the silent channel being broadcast by your Conversation Partner.
TECHNIQUE 8:
Tune to the Silent Channel
Make it a habit to get on a dual track while talking. Express yourself, but keep a keen eye on how your listener is reacting to what you’re saying. Then plan your moves accordingly. People will say you pick up on everything. You never miss a trick. You’re an intelligent person.
Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene
Experts agree if you see the pictures, hear the sounds and feel the movements of your body in your mind before you do the activity, the effect is powerful. Visualization works in just about any endeavour you apply it to – including being a terrific communicator. Here is a visualization to pull together all the techniques in this section. Do the visualization before leaving for the party, the convention or the big-deal meeting. See it all in your mind’s eye ahead of time.
TECHNIQUE 9:
Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene
Rehearse being the Super Somebody you want to be ahead of time. SEE yourself walking around with Hang by Your Teeth posture, shaking hands, smiling the Flooding Smile and making Sticky Eyes. HEAR yourself chatting comfortably with everyone. FEEL the pleasure of knowing you are in peak form and everyone is gravitating toward you. VISUALIZE yourself as a Super Somebody. Then it all happens automatically.
There are two kinds of people in this life: Those who walk into a room and say, ‘Well, here I am!’ And those who walk in and say, ‘Ahh, there you are.’
