Читать книгу Forbidden: A Shade Darker – The Complete Collection - Leslie Kelly, Kira Sinclair - Страница 26
ОглавлениеERIN WAS COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED, but from the spot where she sat in the doorway of her sunroom, she could appreciate all of the new changes that surrounded her.
Now, her house was starting to feel like home.
She smiled at her freshly painted ceiling and the summery, soft green walls of her dining room, enjoying how the verdant tone contrasted with the pretty honey color of the room she was in and the rich, cinnamon-brown of the living room.
Hank and Kit were working on the kitchen, which was being redone in sunny yellow and white, and Leroy was retiling her bathroom floor after she had finished painting the room a soft gray with white trim.
Pete was busy on the trim while she’d finished the walls in the entryway—the same honey color as the sunroom—and looked down at her with mock severity.
“No napping on the job, Riley.”
“I’m just appreciating the color mixes from a different perspective. I saw it on a design show on TV,” she lied, fighting a grin.
All of her blah furniture had been donated, as well. Someone else might make good use of it, but tomorrow, a new dining and living room set and some decorative pieces would be delivered here.
There were several art shows around the Syracuse area every summer, one in particular downtown in July that was juried, and she couldn’t wait to choose colorful, cool stuff to put on her walls and tables. It all made her feel more like herself—or whoever she was becoming. Someone who liked color. Lots of it.
Her smile faded as she thought it would be nice to put up some family photos. Maybe she’d take a photography course and frame some pictures of her own.
The picture of her and Bo on the beach came back to mind, and along with it, a ping of regret that none of those photos could be displayed.
“Hey, no lying down on the job,” Leroy said as he came into the room.
Walking up to her, he nudged her with his foot, as if checking to see if she was still alive. She played the game for a second, and then moved fast, grabbing his leg and pulling him down into a wrestling hold that came naturally, though he turned her around and then held her captive in the next second.
“Glad to see you remember some of that jujitsu I showed you, but not enough, lady, not enough,” he whispered menacingly in her ear with an evil chuckle. “Loser buys dinner.”
She hugged Leroy back, a real hug, not a defensive one this time, and laughed.
“Okay, I planned on treating you all anyway. No need to get violent,” she joked as they got up from the floor. “But seriously, you guys do great work. I can’t believe how different it looks. And feels. It’s a lot more cheerful to be here now.”
“It would be even more cheerful with a couple jumbo buckets of fried chicken,” Pete said.
“And sides,” Leroy added.
“I get it. Food. Okay. I’m going to go upstairs and see how Bo’s coming along, and then I’ll go.”
Bo had joined in when Erin had sent a general invite for a painting party at her place when it became apparent that left to her own devices, she’d never get it all done. With the general invite open to everyone, it didn’t make anyone curious about why Bo had joined in.
Dana and Scott had come, and a few other people from the department. It was fun, and the place got done very quickly. She also liked that Bo had chosen to work upstairs. Dana and Scott were with him until they had to leave. Since then, he’d been alone. It had taken all of her willpower to stay downstairs and not go up to see him too often.
Taking the stairs two at a time, she left Pete and Leroy, who were bickering about a sports controversy, and went into her bedroom. The ugly beige was now a soft rose color on one accent wall behind her bed, the others painted in a very pale gray.
“Oh, this is so pretty,” she said, making Bo aware of her presence as he put the finishing touches on the trim around her closet. “I can’t thank you enough for all of this. It would have taken me forever to do it myself.”
She couldn’t help but think how he looked at home in her bedroom. He should, she figured, with as much time as he’d spent there in the past two weeks. They’d fallen into a pattern of sorts, much like the one Bo said they had before. They spent evenings and his days off together, sometimes at his place, sometimes at hers. In the meantime, she helped with Kit’s store and kept busy.
She had remembered a lot—but it was always from her relationship with Bo, some family memories, or events with friends. Like Leroy teaching her some jujitsu holds and takedowns. Nothing about the fires or the job.
At least there hadn’t been another arson in that time, but she couldn’t help but wonder if it was only a matter of time.
“No thanks required. This is fun. Relaxing stuff. How are things going downstairs?”
“We’re almost there. Still need to do about half the trim and finish the bathroom floor. I don’t know where Hank and Kit are on the kitchen. I’ll check when I go back down to get dinner orders, which is why I’m here. Fried chicken and sides okay with you?”
Bo looked at her and stepped down off the short ladder he was using to reach the upper part of the trim, and crossed to where she stood.
“That’s fine, but it isn’t really what I’m hungry for.”
Then he was kissing her, and Erin didn’t mind one bit. In fact, with the door cracked open, and voices from the first floor filtering up as everyone worked and talked, she thought she might have a few minutes to show Bo how appreciative she was for his help.
Sliding her hand down his chest, her fingers made their way to the zipper of his jeans and he pulled back.
“Hey, now, we’re not alone.”
“I know, so you’ll have to be really quiet,” she said with a naughty smile.
Bo gave in, bracing one hand against the wall as she littered kisses over his throat, stroking him in a hard, fast way that she knew he liked.
Someone’s voice got louder in the entryway, and they both stilled, but there were no footsteps on the stairs, so she continued. Taking his other hand, she placed it over her breast as she kissed him, and felt him shudder.
His groan was low and deep, and he collapsed against the wall with a resounding thump as he climaxed, his breathing harsh, though he made no other sound.
“Hey, everything okay up there?”
Pete must have heard the noise, and Erin smiled as Bo caught his breath.
“Yeah, Bo just dropped a can of paint, but it had the lid on, thank goodness. I’ll be back down in a second,” she responded.
Bo’s chest was still heaving, his eyes hot as he pulled her in for one more kiss.
“You always did like the chance of being caught,” he said before he released her, separating so that they could fix themselves up.
She shrugged. “It’s fun. The excitement of almost being caught adds a little something.”
“Have you ever thought what?”
Erin shook her head. “I don’t know. Some adventure, I guess. I do remember the time we had sex under the stands at that concert. That was crazy, with people all over the place, but it was also really, really hot.”
Dressed again, he put the lid on the paint can he was finished with.
“That it was,” he agreed with a chuckle.
“I guess it’s my little bit of kink. You don’t have any—or any that I remember?”
Standing, he looked at her speculatively, as if unsure if he wanted to answer. That intrigued her, and she dared him with her smile.
“C’mon, Myers. Confess your naughty secrets to me.”
“Nope, not me. I’m kink-free. Straight as an arrow,” he said, fighting a smile.
“So you’re not going to tell me?”
“There’s nothing to tell, Erin.”
She took that in, but his tone suggested there was something he wasn’t telling her. Why?
“With you, I always thought the sex-in-public thing was maybe because you wanted someone to catch us,” he mused, deflecting the topic back to her. “That since we were a secret, it was like tempting fate. Do you think that’s what it is now, too?”
“I haven’t really given it that much thought, to be honest. It’s just a fun thing to do. Does it have to have any deeper meaning?”
“I guess you’re right.”
What had been a fun bit of sex was suddenly heavy and uncomfortable. Erin didn’t want to psychoanalyze her sex life or his, and if she did, she’d see a shrink.
“For what it’s worth, if there’s anything you want to do that you haven’t told me, I’d be willing to try.”
She wanted to change the mood between them, and erase the distance that had somehow grown between them.
“That’s good to know.”
Frustrated and starting to get irritated, she walked to the door, shoving her hands into her pockets.
“Okay, well...I’d better get going before there’s a revolt.”
She was out the door and down the stairs before he could reply, still annoyed. Whether she wanted to think about it or not, now her mind wouldn’t let go of what he’d said.
Was there any merit to Bo’s thoughts that she had wanted them to get caught? Why? To make their relationship public or to make it impossible? If they had been caught, would that have pushed them closer or made their breakup even more imminent?
Or was it simply a fun way to have sex that she found particularly exciting?
She headed to the kitchen to grab her purse when another surprise assailed her. Erin couldn’t be sure, but as she went into the kitchen, she could have sworn she saw Hank remove his hand from her sister’s bottom.
Blinking, she was sure she must be seeing things.
“Erin!” Kit exclaimed, turning pink, though Erin supposed it could have been the exertion of the work she was doing up on the stepladder.
Erin looked at Hank, who was studying the wall he was painting very closely, and she shook her head. Maybe Hank had been steadying Kit on the ladder?
That made more sense. Knowing what she knew about her sister, no way would Kit ever have interest in a firefighter. Though Kit seemed tense lately, too, and worried. Erin had made a few attempts at getting her to talk, but Kit wasn’t sharing.
“I’m going for dinner. I’ll be back in a bit.”
“If you can pick up some cupcakes at Harrison’s, that’s all I ask,” Kit said.
Erin laughed. “I can do that. I love how this is looking,” she said, taking in the bright kitchen and white trim. “I’ll probably have to have this floor replaced, too. Not right away, though.”
“Hardwood is always good,” Kit said, and both sisters swung their gazes to Hank as he suddenly was caught by an attack of coughing.
“Sorry, swallowed my soda the wrong way,” he said, clearing his throat and turning back to his work.
“Okay, well, I’ll return shortly. Thanks for all the help, you guys. This doesn’t even look like the same house. Next we’ll have to do the outside,” she added as she left the kitchen, smiling at their groans of objection.
But as lighthearted as she came off, Bo’s comments and her promise to perhaps experiment with him resurfaced as she drove. They were supposed to be reenacting her past, not trying new things, right? But then again, if it was something he really wanted—something she had denied him before—it was related to their past. So why wouldn’t he tell her? Maybe he was telling the truth, and there wasn’t anything. Maybe she was imagining that he wasn’t sharing what he really wanted.
Or maybe he’d done that, and she was unreceptive? Or maybe it took a level of trust that they didn’t share.
She might never know. Time was getting shorter, and if her memory didn’t come back—what then? Bo would be gone, and she would be right where she started, except that now she’d know what a good thing she’d let go.
* * *
BO LOOKED UP as Erin appeared in his office door the next day. He wanted to give her a kiss hello, not worry about anyone finding out about them—what did it matter now? He’d accepted the task-force job, and he was out of here in under a month.
But instead, he said hello and gestured to her to sit down.
“Thanks for coming down here.”
“Sure. What’s going on?”
“I have some news. They’re going to start demo on the arson site—yours—tomorrow.”
“Oh. Yes, you mentioned that before.”
“I wondered if you’d visit the building with me. Take a look before it’s gone. I know you went down once before, and nothing came back to you. You also found it upsetting then. Do you think you’re okay to go now?”
She took a second to consider. “Yeah, I think it would be fine. I don’t know that it will make any difference, but I think I can handle it. I think the time that’s passed has helped. When I went, I was just out of the hospital, and I was pretty raw back then.”
“If you’re up to it, then, maybe we can stop by the second site, too.”
“The second fire?”
“Yes. I want to walk you through a few things. See if anything pops for you. There could be commonalities or something you might notice that we didn’t. It’s a long shot, but it’s worth trying.”
“I don’t know what I could find. I have no connection to that one.”
“You never know. You tagged along with me a few times when I was training for arson investigation, as an interested observer. You showed some skill, too—you have a good eye for investigation. But maybe going over there now that you have some distance will make something pop.”
“I can definitely try.”
“Great. So, we can take the afternoon to do that, and maybe go somewhere after?”
Erin paused, and then met his gaze. “Sure. We could probably stay around here. I mean, I don’t think it’s a big deal if anyone sees us. No one seemed to think twice about you coming over to help with the house the other day.”
“You invited everyone at the department who wanted to help.”
Still, his heart—and his hopes—rose at her notion that it didn’t matter if people saw them together. He would have given his left arm to hear her say that six months ago.
“I don’t think we have to worry. We’re out visiting the sites, so that can be our excuse.”
Her words brought him back down to earth. “Yeah, but we’ll take my truck and come back for your car later. So it’s clear that it’s just business. Not personal.”
He wasn’t sure if he caught a slight flinch as he said that, but she agreed and stood, walking ahead of him out of the office.
Things had been tense between them since their discussion at the house, and Bo hoped this went well. It seemed as if Erin’s memories were there, but being with him was only triggering relationship memories. And that was triggering all kinds of other complex emotions.
She’d wanted him to share more about his desires at the house, but he couldn’t do it. Not when they didn’t have a future. What was the point? In truth, he had expressed a few secret fantasies back when they were together, but Erin had been uncomfortable with it because it meant she had to give up control. She had to trust him completely.
And apparently she didn’t. Bo had no desire to tread over that territory again. They had to stay clear on the real reason they were doing this and see if they could rouse memories about the fire. That was the goal.
There’d been no activity for weeks, and for that he was grateful, but the investigation had also hit a dead end. Whoever was setting these fires, they were hard to track.
On their way out to the truck, Bo watched her walk. He liked how her bottom moved. It made him think about other things he wanted to do later.
Maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned that bit about her maybe wanting them to get caught. He might have been way off. As she said, it wasn’t that, but the idea itself was the thrill. That would be more Erin’s style, daring the world to cross her.
She’d been good at firefighting because she knew how to stay calm and keep her cool under pressure—the way she did when she was turning him on with all the guys and her sister a few rooms away.
She liked the challenge. She craved excitement. They were alike in that.
Her offer to try something new—anything he wanted—was tempting. It was also dangerous. Did it mean that Erin had changed? That some of the old rules between them no longer applied? That she trusted him more?
That there could be something new between them?
He shook his head as if trying to cast away the thought.
“What?” she asked, bringing him back to the present.
“What?” he echoed back, taken off guard.
She smiled. “You were shaking your head no at something.”
“Oh. Just lost in thought, that’s all. Here we are,” he announced. “If this is bad and you want to leave, you say so, okay? We’re only here to look around—no pressure.”
“Got it.”
They stopped, and she slid out of her seat to the pavement, taking in the skeletal remains of the burned-out warehouse. Erin seemed to confront it without any particular emotion at all. That was a good start, he supposed.
They approached a small shed, where Bo grabbed hard hats and handed her one. She put it in her head, and he stifled a smile. He’d once told her how cute she was in her firefighting helmet, and she hadn’t taken it as a compliment. She’d been cranky with him the rest of the day, until he got her back to her place and did things that made her decidedly uncranky.
“Let’s go.”
He went ahead. No one else was there, though there was heavy equipment on the other side of the lot. They were obviously prepping to level the place. He couldn’t blame the company that owned the property—it lost money the longer it sat here unused, and the investigation had held it up for long enough without yielding much. This was Bo’s last chance, literally.
The light was fine as the sun came in through the rafters, and safe passage through the burned-out building was marked with small flags and chalk so that inspectors and others weren’t injured.
“Make sure you stay within the marked areas. Other spots are not safe.”
Erin nodded, but was otherwise quiet. Bo hoped this wasn’t a mistake.
“It’s so spooky,” she finally said when they paused inside the large entry, looking around. “But also weirdly pretty. The way the sun comes down in between the burned rafters.”
“I’ve thought that, too, though it feels wrong to see something artistic in so much ruin.”
She agreed silently and walked ahead of him, her expression mostly curious. He let her lead, but made sure she stayed on the safe route. He wondered what it would be like, to see it all again for the first time. Even with his experience, it was still overwhelming sometimes. The ability to analyze discrete parts of a fire scene as well as the overall picture took discipline and practice because there was so much to look at. It was also easy to see something misleading or something that could fool you.
Eventually, you learned the patterns and the telltale signs of various kinds of fire, how it behaved or how it had started or progressed, but there was still an element of surprise. It paid not to get too bogged down in patterns, since that’s when you could miss the most important things.
Maybe it was the same way in relationships? What had he missed that he and Erin had gone so terribly wrong?
He pushed romantic musings from his mind. Though he’d been over the site several times now, some things had changed due to weather exposure and other people invading the area, and he tried to see it all with fresh eyes.
What might he have missed?
Erin started moving faster through the charred walkway, as if she were moving toward something. As if she were drawn in a certain direction. Bo followed, fascinated.
She stopped at a spot in the far corner, looking up.
“Something happened up there?”
She turned and looked at him, her face strained—parts fear, anxiety and pressure.
Bo followed her gaze.
“That was the general quadrant of the building that you and Joe were sent in to check out. They thought there could be toxic chemicals stored there. But you were both found in a completely different area of the building, which is one of the things we can’t account for.”
Her expression was pained as she stared, trying to remember so hard, and Bo almost couldn’t take the agony on her face.
“I can feel something...like, panic,” she said, and he stepped closer as her breathing quickened. “But nothing else.”
He noticed her hand was shaking as she lifted it to her face.
“This is enough, I think. Let’s get out of here.”
“No, I’m okay. I’m just so frustrated. Show me the spot where we fell.”
Bo shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Erin stared through the rafters at the same spot on the second level for several more long seconds, and then, before he could stop her, she took off for the stairs that went up to that floor. Outside the safety zone.
“Erin!” he shouted, but she was fast and halfway up the steps by the time he followed.
“I’m okay.”
“It’s not safe. Those supports are burned. Come back down slowly.”
She looked at him over the rail. “They’re knocking this down tomorrow. I need to see.”
She continued her progress up the stairs, which seemed to be holding, so Bo muttered a curse under his breath and followed.
Erin was never reckless before, which made her one of the best. She knew that being reckless was what could cost people their lives, and Bo hoped that wasn’t the case now.
She was also about sixty-five pounds lighter than he was, and when he stood on the second step, it gave an ominous creak.
She’d ambled up fine, but he could take the whole thing down in seconds, and then she’d be trapped.
Cursing more vehemently, he backed off.
She was up there for a few minutes, quiet, and he started to worry even more.
“Erin? What’s going on?” he shouted up the steps, wishing he’d never brought her here.
She came to the edge, peered down at him through jagged, burned-out boards.
“We ran,” she said, her complexion as ashen as the walls around her. Then she looked over his head, back toward the east side of the building. “Joe took off and ran that way.”
Chills worked down Bo’s spine as she pointed in the direction of the spot where she was nearly killed. He balanced the excitement at her memory with concern for her current safety.
“Okay, good—that’s good. Now, come down very slowly, carefully, and show me where.”
She looked like a ghost, but she made it back down the rickety steps safely.
Bo grabbed her and hugged her tight to him, relieved, and then held her at arm’s length, staring hard into her face.
“Don’t ever do that again. You could’ve been hurt or killed. Stay on the damned safety path from here on, or I swear, I’ll arrest you and put you in jail for the night.”
He wouldn’t really—or maybe he would.
He’d replayed the scene of her falling through those stairs about a dozen times while she was up there, and if she couldn’t be safe, he was taking her out of here, memory or no memory.
He’d almost lost her once, and he wasn’t going to risk it again.
“You’re right. Sorry, I know I shouldn’t have done that, but I had to get up there. Something made us run. I don’t know why, but we took off in this direction.”
“Running away from someone?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know.”
There had been nothing on the second floor that Bo knew of, and it was easy to think you saw something in the room full of smoke and flames. But if she could remember this much, there had to be more there.
Bo slipped his arm around Erin’s shoulders as much for support as to make sure she didn’t bolt on him again.
“Okay, show me where.”
She zeroed in on the exact spot where they had found Joe dead and Erin pinned under a beam.
“What else?” he prompted.
She stared at the spot for a while and then sniffled. When she glanced over at him, fat tears rolled down her cheeks.
Bo was stunned. He had never once seen Erin cry. Ever.
“Nothing. There’s nothing else. We came here, but that’s all I know. Why can’t I remember this? Why can I remember other things but not this?”
Sobs took over, shaking her body, and Bo wrapped his arm around her again, walking her out of the warehouse and back into the light and fresh air. Outside, her tears subsided after a few minutes, and he let her lean on him until they did. Another first.
“I’m sorry,” she said, sounding miserable.
Bo looked down into her face, wishing he could make every bit of pain he saw there go away.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“We don’t know that, do we? I remember running and Joe following me, but I don’t know why. I led him to his death. It was my fault. Maybe his family is right to blame me.”
“No.” Bo said the word with absolute conviction. “First, you don’t remember enough to know what happened, let alone take responsibility for it. Second, you and Joe were both experienced firefighters. If you knew you had to get out, and he followed, it was a good call, or he wouldn’t have gone. What happened next was an accident, or it was someone else’s doing. But either way, it is not your fault. Don’t even go there.”
Erin seemed as shocked at his vehemence as he was, but some of her distress cleared.
“Okay. But how can we stop them from demolishing this place? If I can’t come back, I may not ever remember the rest.”
Bo agreed, but he didn’t know if he had enough to reopen the case and stop the demo. A few vague memories wouldn’t be much to argue with.
“C’mon. Let’s go back to the office and see what we can do to make that happen. It might be too late, but we can try. Then you’re going home to relax, dress up in something nice and let me take you out, okay?”
She wiped the tears from her face and frowned. “Okay. Jeez, I hate crying. It makes me feel like such a girl.”
Bo laughed and hugged her one more time.
“Now there’s the Erin I know.”
She smiled slightly and Bo smiled back, but it didn’t reflect how he felt. Not really. It was good that she was remembering—it seemed like more memories surfaced every day. He couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be before she remembered that she hadn’t wanted to be with him. Until that happened, he’d be there for her. He’d do his job, and then he’d leave this all behind, as well.
