Читать книгу Chili Dawgs Always Bark at Night - Lewis Grizzard - Страница 24

Breakfast with a Kick

For years I have put up with modern-day nutritionists telling me what I can or cannot put into my stomach.

At one time or other, I’ve sworn off red meat, eggs, bacon, sugar, and all sorts of other things I enjoy eating. If we listen to health-food advice, all we would be allowed to put in our stomachs would be something animals graze on, bee pollen, and various sorts of bran.

I don’t know about anybody else, but eating a diet like that probably would make it necessary to spend a great deal of time in the bathroom, and I’ve other things to do.

Anyway, I have put up with the nutritionists—as I would any other do-gooders—but now they have gotten personal.

In case you missed it, the Coca-Cola Company is out with a campaign suggesting you drink Coke at breakfast.

They might as well have suggested that along with your Coke you start the day with two Twinkies, a Little Debbie Snack Cake, and a Tootsie Roll. Various nutrition experts expressed shock and dismay (not to be confused with the rock group of the same name) at the thought that Americans might do something so ill-advised as chase down breakfast with a soft drink.

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, especially for children,” said one so-called food expert. “Coca-Cola should be more responsible and not suggest Americans start their day on a poor nutritional note.”

Horsefeathers and grape nuts!

I’ve been drinking Coke for breakfast for years. In Russia I couldn’t find a Coke, so I drank a Pepsi, warm. I’d saved what little ice I could find for the vodka. I’ll admit I’m no health specimen, but I don’t think I’d be in this good a shape without my Coke in the morning. You know how most of us feel when we get up—groggy and sluggish, ill-tempered, slack-eyed, and loop-legged.

I might start with a cup of coffee, but all that usually does for me is get one of my eyes open and start a fire in a region just behind my navel.

But a Coke. It goes down so smoothly. It puts out the fire. It refreshes—and bring on the day, I think I can make one more. I began drinking Coke for breakfast some twenty years ago when I had a job that demanded I be at work at five-thirty in the morning.

That was when you could still find Coke in those little six-ounce bottles, as the Lord intended.

I would start each day with a couple of those little Cokes, and if anybody had taken them away from me, I would have been a complete failure at my job and my career would have been ruined.

One more thing, as a Southerner, I simply must stand fast against anybody who would want to take Coke, with its roots planted deeply in the South, away from me in the morning. Give them Coke and, perish the thought, grits could be next.