Читать книгу FreiWillig - Episode 1 - Lilly M. Beck - Страница 2

Grand Hotel Fuck

I'm excited. I'm very excited. Because of this feeling of doing something forbidden. I mean, you'd have to see what I was up to. But no. Nobody cares about me. Nobody stares at me or points their finger at me. And I'm about to do something very brave for me. All I care about tonight is myself, my desires and needs. Secretly. Taking a little time out from commitments and social norms. It's all about me and my happiness. Big meaningful word. Happiness. But that's it. I feel an obligation to myself to make sure that my soul cries less (and I the louder if things get good today...).

The waiter puts my order in front of me and I am glad to finally be able to take some of the drink. Greedily take a big sip. Perfect. It does me good. I smile. I feel like a teenager on a first date with the crush. Except in the 90s, you didn't go straight to hotel bars to have a date. Well, I didn't. That's too bad. I think a little more excitement would do everyone good, man or woman. To dare something and then keep a secret or only share it with very special people creates an incredible space of inner freedom and connectedness. And this is something that really everyone can use more than well nowadays. I, for one, am very open to new experiences...

I'm going to have a look around the bar. The furnishing is modern, but very comfortable. There's even something like a sunbathing lawn. How unusual. I've never seen this in Germany before and it simply speaks for the relaxed atmosphere of this city. I grin. But it still doesn’t work for me. I imagine myself sitting there, trying to impress you, but I can't find any casual position to take my drink. Or maybe even in one careless move, tip it over for you or me. Having to pretend to listen to you but being permanently distracted in my thoughts because I wonder how all this might affect you. To pull in my stomach and look especially sexy and all this at the same time, well, it's all too exhausting for me. I don't date like that. That's why I chose the big sofa and placed myself there. Strategically also great, because that way I can see when you arrive.

To calm down, I am watching how the light is refracted in the crystals of the otherwise very unadorned ceiling and then I feel my mobile vibrating in my lap.

"How do we greet each other?" you ask in the chat. And I answer in a flirtatious mood. "Well, on the mouth." I'm totally nervous and at the same time I can't wait to finally see you. We've only been in contact for a few weeks. Unbelievable all this. And all because of a year-old notepad.

I got it back by accident and immediately remembered the previous chat with you when I read your email address. It was years ago, and it was on my lunch break. I pretended to be a wicked secretary and you pretended to be an eloquent and sexy boss. I grin wider at the thought of the virtual role play. Absolute cliché and yet so hot. We had fun. We had a lot of fun. So much so that I got your email address from you for no reason, but never got back to you. I'm not even sure why. You made me so wet back then, and it was all through speech and your brain. It was probably too good. Our moments almost perfect. That's the way it is in the virtual, and you want to take the magic out by dragging it into reality? Clearly not.

And now I listen to my gut feeling, my intuition and sit here. Only a few weeks after I wrote to you, out of a whim and curiosity - and now I’m seeing you in real life. You are in town on business and I will spend the night with you. That alone is totally crazy. You're a stranger to me and I came all the way up here for you. But this feeling you give me, I can't describe it, I can't grasp it, I only know one thing. I want you to live. I'll have another sip from the cocktail glass. "Babe, my heart is pounding off my chest."

I smile.

The fact that you admit that to me makes you extremely sexy to me. You surprise me with the way you look inside of me. Ever since the first moments after my first email. You are worldly, often detached and sometimes hard in your opinions, but then again you are so humorous and light, innocent and naive, like a schoolboy and just generally sweet. A good person. I felt comfortable with you right away, otherwise I would not do this. The initial emails quickly turned into chatting again and this was followed by phone calls. Now almost daily. And not just wicked. It was almost friendly. I know you just became a father. Happily married. The problems in your company. Know your fears... For me, that's what really turns me on. Trust. This unique alliance. I know that others would have definitely cut off contact after the information about the ring and the baby, but it doesn't matter to me right now. We've got a lot of other things going on right now. You do me so much good. Paying attention to me, listening to my concerns, listening to what moves me these days. Sometimes it is easier to talk to an outsider. So, I was able to tell you about my experiences, about my relationship, my longings and now I have no qualms about spending a wonderful evening and this night with a great man. One way or another.

I can't wait to meet you. I reply to you. "Where are you? Don't worry. It will be wonderful. I'll just kiss your excitement away."

At this moment, a quiet signal sounds and the elevator opens. I see you asking for me at the bar, holding your phone. "My wife is expecting me. Great smile, about this tall?" The waiter recognizes me in the photo, has the tray full and just points in the right direction. There you go. My heart slips into my non-existent panties and I want to be alone with you. There you go, poker face. I'm certainly not gonna show you that I am weak in the knees right now. You're still wearing that suit from your business meeting, and I like it a lot. Wow, you look really good.

I'm getting up and coming towards you. We greet each other. Authentic. Just like a married couple. You wink at me and in one fluid motion you slide your hands across my hips down to my bottom. "Hey, babe." You pull me close to you and gently give me a kiss. Mmmm. Your scent. I smile at you. Hold your hand and walk back to the couch with you. Did it just get warmer in that room? I can clearly feel the effects of the alcohol and heat rising inside me. Your touches have caused goose bumps and my pearl, the little traitor, is already throbbing happily. From the first moment it is like that, just like on the phone. Familiar. As if we have known each other forever.

We chat about my train ride here, about your day at the fair and now about us. It's unbelievable. I can't get my head around the fact that YOU are the one I had the last couple of great orgasms with. I remember very well everything we did together... I haven't felt such greed and passion for a long time.

While I don't let on that I have long been in our love play in my mind, you look at me and brush a strand of hair from my face. I put my head in your hand and look intensely into your eyes as you come closer. Your look is so gentle. I take another deep breath of your scent. You smell so incredibly good. Caress my cheek and reach into my neck. I sink into your wonderful blue eyes and just fall silent in the middle of my sentence because I think you must be able to hear my heartbeat.

The excitement has turned my cheeks red. Or was it the alcohol? No... It was definitely you. You make me nervous. I can't believe how handsome you look. Jackpot. "Hanna, can I kiss you?" Your voice sounds soft, but it's like you're not taking no for an answer. What did you ask? because it's getting so slippery right underneath me. My mind goes crazy. Is this really happening?

Despite your confident tone of voice, you just wait for my answer. I smile and bend over to you. Wait a second. Don't take your eyes off me, smile seductively and say: "Yes, please, kiss me." My pulse quickens and I feel dizzy. You smile, too.

I close my eyes and immediately feel your soft lips. Oh my God, your lips are beautiful. They feel great. Your tongue. So gentle. Exploring. I'm in the game. We make out for a long time. And I can't help but laugh when you breathlessly tell me how good of a kisser I am and how wonderful my lips are. You already liked them so much in my photos. I love the way you flirt with me. High class, but when it gets passionate and dirty, you drop your mask and show me your lust for me. Blatantly. Greedy. Wicked. You know exactly what you want, and I love that you say it.

We order a Chardonnay for each other again and enjoy our date. The bar is slow. Outside the door, life is pulsating, here it's pulsating between our legs. I'm pretty sure that more will happen between us now. We're drinking, talking and laughing together, as always. Just like buddies. Buddies. That's what we call ourselves. Of course, we know that a sort of "friendship with benefits" has developed. But here, real, hands-on, this is the grown-up version. You're my secret and I'm yours. No one has a clue what you've been doing to me for weeks. And we can't let that get out. After all, we don't want to hurt anyone. Hurt anyone. Just be selfish for once and for one night forget all the rules we live by, all the pressures. Just fuck.

The excitement has died down and everything feels so natural with you. I can't believe it. I can't believe this. Everything is so familiar and just feels so perfect and balanced for a first date. So well-rehearsed, so valuable.

Now you hold me in your arms and I gently caress your leg. As if it has always been this way. As if my hand belongs right there, to show everyone that we belong together. I don't believe it. I blame this intense feeling on the alcohol and the greed for such an experience. Tomorrow I will think about it. Maybe you will too.

Then I put the glass down on the little table, turn to you and kiss you first gently, then more and more passionately. When you stop my hand on your thigh, I look into your eyes with a cheeky grin.

Your voice is even deeper than usual when you ask: "What do you think about us going up?". There are a thousand butterflies in my abdomen. It tingles everywhere and I feel the inner goddess inside me celebrating. I only show you that I like the idea very much, nod briefly to confirm and kiss you lasciviously.

While I grab my trench coat and my weekender, you just give the waiter a generous tip. Have a nice evening and stroll arm in arm to the elevator.