Читать книгу FreiWillig - Episode 2 - Lilly M. Beck - Страница 2

Dare

I'm not really doing that now. I can't believe this. We hardly know each other and yet you have such an effect, such influence on me. Such a strong attraction. I mean, you did last time. Against all odds, I do want you back. An "almost" stranger. I've thought this through, and I've tried to be unemotional about it. Yes, that's not the word I would use at all. I'm laughing at myself. I put everything into the balance and in the end only positive aspects came out. The only thing that would be really negative would be if it came out about us. I don't want trouble, not for me and not for your little family. Well, you could also be a dazzler and a psychopath, who at best has already prepared his basement for me, but if you wanted to hurt me, you would have had enough possibilities in the hotel room. There were plenty of opportunities. In the bar, just put something in my drink and put something unspeakable upstairs. It's a strange city and a lot for me to lose. Oh, God, I shouldn't read so many fantasies...

Anyway, a little texting, calling and a single night doesn't exactly make you my affair now. Then again, every relationship has its start, right? Is there such a thing as affairs in the BDSM world? After our last date I spent a lot of time in forums and bought books on the subject, but I have to admit that there's probably nothing written anywhere about how to live my life. There is no use in reading anything. All this is my decision and nobody can take it from me. If things go badly, I will have to live with the consequences of being a stranger, a slut who seduces a family man and ruins a marriage. The moralizers in this country should mind their own business anyway. There are plenty. When you point your finger at someone, three of your own fingers always point at yourself. I love that line. And the middle finger is my favourite anyway. So I've decided to worry about that later, when I'm ready. Not now. I'm way too excited and I'm too busy keeping our secret to get stressed out. The people in our lives are far too important to us to let it come out. That would only hurt them.

We've set clear boundaries for this time. You set them. Of course, you did. I would have agreed to anything now anyway. You were so angry because last time I just walked out of the room without saying goodbye. You didn't even want to hear my explanation. It's a disrespectful thing to do, and you won't tolerate it. And now I'm on my way to make it up to you.

I also secretly hope to become your steady playmate. At best, even your sub. This special relationship fascinates me incredibly and it already harmonizes so perfectly between us anyway. So I'm curious if I'll be enough for you. I have no idea about this area, but I want to learn and try myself. Preferably with you. I want to be drawn deeper into this storm and the vortex that come with playing this game. You really are an incarnate cliché about a dome. Good-looking man in his mid-thirties, suit type, always working for his career and of course, that's why he's so successful at his job. Your intelligence and dominance are in every sentence. You don't let anybody fool you, nobody, and you are especially good at reading me. That's how I imagine it to be very exciting and enriching with you. As far as I understood it, Dom and Sub in general have a very strong bond to each other. People always think that such a connection is based solely on submissiveness and dominance, but in truth it is only trust, but that in its purest form. As strong as the bond can be, it's all over very quickly and irretrievably if boundaries are crossed carelessly or maliciously. Building trust takes so long, but in a split second everything can be in ruins.

I have felt this way before... The field of BDSM has fascinated me for quite a while, but I never really had anything to do with it before you. Two years ago I only had one guy who was into sexting and alone in my head I really enjoyed it. With him it was so cool that I dared to arrange a real date. We wanted to turn our imagination into reality.

He was really very dominant and much older than me. I really liked that and we had a very special year together. It was very intense and we had each other every day. Unfortunately, fantasy is just not reality and I have to say very clearly that I cannot even blame him. I simply revealed myself in the virtual world more and he was more experienced than I was in the end. Always everything to please him, never to let it get boring and in the chat I didn't mind hard stuff, I didn’t really feel anything. He always reacted very turned on to that. My submissive behaviour was praised, but I am actually not like that, I thought. Anyway, in the chat I found it all hot. Really hot. But when our date was about to start, he escalated so much during the last conversation with each other, with his ideas and what he would do with me in bed, that I cancelled the meeting completely, anxious and deeply disgusted. He crossed my very clearly formulated boundaries and showed zero insight. From that point on there was no turning back and our relationship was over.

That's why I did everything different with you now. Was honest from the beginning. That means I have named my desires and more importantly, my NO GO's. You continued to be interested and didn't let go, but in such a charming, seductive way that I couldn't help but let you into my life. Dance with the devil. You seduced me. Too tempting was your way of dealing with me, seeing life and addressing your expectations of me. How could I pass you up? Especially after that incredible night. I would have said yes to any condition, just to see you again. I miss you. You've wrapped me up. First with your charm and then with your determination. I love your determination. You're pragmatic and always goal- and solution-oriented. If something is efficient, great. If not, get rid of it. It scared me at first. What if it ever hits me, you just sort me out, or I don't lead you to your desired goal, or I don't work out the way you want me to? You seem so experienced.

So incredibly experienced in getting what you want, that you made it clear to me in just a few sentences that we are at the beginning and I shouldn't go crazy. You listed all the things you like about me and that you have the feeling that my potential as a sub has not yet been recognized. At least not by you. Your direct way brings things straight to the point and often puts me in trouble. You enjoy that. I actually always have the feeling that I am like Little Red Riding Hood and you are like the bad wolf. I always try to make it clear that what we have is simply a very, very horny and above all, from the beginning, an intensive experience. Everybody wants to reach this level, but in truth they have to decide anew every day and just follow the rules. When this happens, mutual caring, stimulating and getting off each other is as much a part of it as serving, in our case you, and punishing me.