Читать книгу The Nanny Arrangement - Lily George - Страница 11

Chapter Three

“I still don’t see why you have to move away.” Nan’s voice verged on the quarrelsome. “After all, Kellridge is only a quarter of an hour from here. Why can’t you just stay there during the day?”

Becky folded another gown and tucked it into her valise with a deft hand. Now that the process of moving to Kellridge had begun, it was all rather exhilarating. In fact, she was hard-pressed to remain steady and calm when the desire to give in to giddiness was so great. “But Juliet is still quite young. I need to be with her at all times, even when she awakens at night.”

“That’s quite enough of being pettish, Nan.” Susannah glanced up from the small pile of nightgowns she was folding. “We’ve already had this discussion. This arrangement is beneficial to all parties. I won’t have my sisters fighting. We shan’t become estranged from one another. We’ve been through too much. If this will salvage your relationship, then ’tis well worth it.” She frowned and smoothed the bodice of one nightgown before handing it to Becky. “I can’t believe you two have argued this much. ’Tis troubling indeed.”

“But—” Nan caught Becky’s gaze and her blue eyes filled with tears “—I’ll miss you.”

Becky’s heart lurched in her chest. With one impulsive gesture, she gathered her little sister into her arms. Nan might be practical and efficient to a fault, but she would always be so dear. She patted Nan’s back with a soothing gesture. “Don’t cry. This is a good thing, I promise. You’ll have room to grow the shop as you wish. I can try to find work that suits me better. I want to be there for Juliet. She has so little in this world. I won’t be far, and I shall visit you often. I promise.”

Nan circled her arms around Becky’s waist and they stood, embracing, for a moment. How long had it been since she felt this close to Nan? Months, at least. Well before Susannah’s marriage. They had been such chums back then. When Susannah left, the steadying influence had drifted out of their daily lives and they’d squabbled over so many things, both big and small. Distance really was the best way to mend the fences between them.

Lieutenant Walker’s marriage still stung her deeply. In fact, it rather left her breathless to think how quickly he’d forgotten about her. The only way to overcome the humiliation was to prove herself worthy and useful to someone, even if she wasn’t a bride.

“That’s enough, you two.” Susannah’s gentle yet commanding voice broke into Becky’s thoughts. “Nan, go downstairs and brew some tea. I want to talk to Becky alone for a moment.”

Nan wiped her eyes with the corner of her apron and, giving Becky a watery smile, quit the room. Funny, Nan would never take orders from Becky that way. Only Susannah could boss them both around in that manner. Becky turned to face her sister, steeling herself for the lecture on deportment and decorum that was sure to come. Susannah was so particular about manners.

“When I was packing your vanity table, I came across this.” Susannah held up Lieutenant Walker’s letter. Becky gulped. Now the depths of her humiliation would be known.

Susannah sat on the bed, the mattress giving a mournful squeak as she did so. “What is the meaning of this? Why are you receiving letters from a man?”

Becky cast about for something—anything—intelligent to say. She should have packed the contents of her vanity table herself. Not that she had anything to hide—but still—trying to explain this was going to be an utterly mortifying experience. She shook her head, sending a silent plea that Susannah would drop the matter entirely.

“How did you meet him?” Susannah placed the envelope in Becky’s lap.

Of course not.

“His regiment was quartered in Tansley. We met by chance at the bakery one day.” A beautiful, sunny day, when the world was full of promise...

“A soldier? How often did you meet him? Has he proposed? Does Nan know?” Susannah was losing her temper, and if she did, then nothing could be done. She must confess the awful truth of her humiliation.

“Not much happened.” Funny. Looking back on it now, their friendship seemed so thin and insubstantial. Yet, at the time, it had meant the world. “We met a few times out on the moor and went for walks. I am sure it was nothing more than a pleasant diversion for him, for he wrote to tell me he has been wed. I’m such a fool, Susannah. I was so certain he was going to propose to me. I thought we both felt such a spark.” Her lips trembled violently and she pursed them for a moment to gather her wits. When it was safe to proceed, she continued. “I stayed with Nan and with the shop—even with things as bad as they had grown—because I was so sure I would soon be married. Then, when I received that letter, I found I just couldn’t bear it anymore.”

“Oh, Becky.” Susannah took her hands in her own and squeezed them. “You were always such a romantic little thing.”

“Well, I’m not any longer.” She straightened her spine and willed herself to stop shuddering and simpering like a ninny. “When Paul offered me the chance to be Juliet’s nursemaid, he opened my prison door. I can strike out on my own. I won’t have to be under Nan’s thumb anymore. I can learn to lead my own life.”

“Don’t give up being who you are. Your dreaminess and passionate views about life make you the Becky we know and love.” Susannah gazed at her with eyes that had turned a stormy-gray. “When I needed to be released from caring about the shop and being mother to the two of you, you set me free. Do you remember that night?”

Becky nodded, smiling a little at the memory. “Yes. Nan slept through our whole conversation.”

Susannah laughed. “Yes, she did. A placid soul, our Nan. But you gave me the freedom to love and to create a life of my own. So I now return the favor. Becky, if this is what you want, then go ahead. Don’t worry about the shop or about Nan. All will be well.”

“Thank you.” She would give up on love and romance. They nipped too deeply into her soul. From now on, despite Susannah’s well-meant warning, she would give them up and try to be useful. “I want to learn a trade. Now that I know I shan’t marry, I will become a nursemaid and a governess. When Juliet no longer needs me, I can find a job in another house.”

Susannah shook her head, her mouth quirking gently. “Don’t let one man ruin your hopes and dreams. You may yet find love with someone else, you know. You’re so young.”

“No, indeed.” Becky gave a defiant toss of her head. “I shall be an independent woman from now on.” And she would, too. She must prove—if to no one but herself—that she was of some value in this world. She was done with passion, tenderness and romance. No more walks on the moor for her. No more windswept moments with her long curls streaming behind her. There must be a reason for all of this. Perhaps this was God’s way of telling her that she needed a firmer foundation.

If that were so, then from now on, she would be as practical as...as...as that willow basket in the corner. She seized the letter, unfolded it, and tore it across three times.

Susannah watched her destruction of the missive, disapproval written plain across her pretty face. “If that’s what you wish.”

Becky continued her massacre of the missive, tearing it into little bits, heaping the pieces into a pile on her lap. Each rip brought both pain and relief, like removing a bandage from a wound. “This is precisely what I want. I cannot wait to start my life anew.”

* * *

Paul walked to the library window and flicked the curtains aside for the fifteenth time, peering out onto the lawn as rain streamed down from the sky. He’d sent the carriage for Becky over a quarter of an hour ago. Even with this spring shower causing a slight delay, she should be here by now. If only she’d hurry and get here, he could get her settled.

Then he could indulge in his baser habit, that of drink. He drank alone now that Daniel had disavowed liquor. Drinking helped dull the pain of an engagement that never came to fruition, of a marriage that never was, and of a partnership that was abruptly broken off, never to continue. And now, a drink would dull the pain of his failures as a brother, his complete inability to save Juliana from her willful, harmful path. But even when imbibing alone, he had a strict ritual. First, he must attend to business. Then, when his duties as master had been attended to, he could give himself some leeway.

This interminable waiting strained his nerves. If only he could be done and shut the door on this particular responsibility.

His brother, George, had helped arrange Juliet’s safe passage home, and now that Juliet’s itinerary was well planned, he needed to get Becky set up as governess. Then and only then, he could take himself off to London for a few months of self-indulgence.

At last his carriage flashed into view, tracing an undulating path over the sodden gravel and drawing to a halt before the front steps. Paul bounded out of the library and down the hall. His butler was wrenching the front door open when Paul hastened into the vestibule.

In fact, Wadsworth had already retrieved an umbrella and was preparing to shelter Miss Siddons with it. Perfect, just like clockwork. If he continued rushing about breathlessly, he’d seem ridiculously out of place in such a well-run household. He grabbed hold of his dignity and assumed the mask of cynical good humor that had served him so well for the past decade or so.

“Miss Siddons.” He bowed as she scurried inside. “Where are your sisters? I had thought Susannah would be with you.”

“No.” She gave him a brisk smile and allowed Wadsworth to take her wrap. “I come on my own, as you see.”

Interesting. Was this his first glimpse of Becky’s independence? Yet, he couldn’t make too much of it, not with his butler standing right there. “Wadsworth, see to it that the library is set for tea. I shall show Miss Siddons her quarters and then we will meet in the library to discuss my niece’s schedule.”

“Very good, sir.” His butler gave a respectful bow and headed off for the kitchen.

“I thought your housekeeper would show me about,” Becky interjected as he led her toward the stairs. “This seems rather unusual.”

“Mrs. Clairbourne will of course meet you later, but I always show my new help over the house. I like things to be well under my control, and I find it is communicated more easily by myself, at least the first time.” He looked down at her as they climbed the last step. Her brow was furrowed as though his words confused her. Bother. He had to explain it better, so he didn’t sound such a tyrant. “You see, Kellridge has been under my care for at least six years. More, if you count the decisions I made when I was a lad. It runs with precision and timing. This is how I keep the pendulum swaying, if that makes sense.”

She nodded. “Of course. I understand.”

He motioned for her to follow him to the east wing. It really was a nice part of the house. Mrs. Clairbourne had done amazing things with it since Juliet’s arrival was announced. The walls were painted a pretty shade of pale yellow, and the dour family portraits had been removed. Now a few gilded mirrors reflected their profiles as he took Becky to her new quarters.

“This is your room.” He opened the door, freshly painted with a glossy coat of white. “You can see the connecting door there. That will lead you to Juliet’s room.”

“Oh, it’s beautiful.” Becky stepped into the room and looked about her, her hands clasped over her chest. What was different about her today? She seemed...tamer. Perhaps it was her hair. Instead of streaming down her back in bouncy curls, it was tucked up high on her head. Shame that pretty hair wasn’t being shown in its full glory, but she did have a graceful neck all the same.

He abruptly switched off his thoughts. He might be a connoisseur of female beauty, but it was hardly appropriate to think of Becky as anything but his help in his time of need. In fact, he would leave her alone now, for if he continued to show her about the house, he might continue to dwell upon her loveliness, and that simply would not do.

“Well, I shall leave you to explore for a few moments. The bellpull is here—” he waved at a cord by the door “—and in the mornings, you can ring for your breakfast to be brought to your room. You can poke about in Juliet’s room, too. If there’s anything you require, make a list. I shall try to see to it before I go to London.”

“When are you leaving for town?” Becky turned to him, her firmly compressed lips registering frank disapproval.

“In the next day or so.” Surely she wasn’t going to start that nonsense about meeting the boat again.

“Paul, I really do feel most strongly that you should stay. Juliet will be so confused and so frightened. You must let her know that she is welcome in your home and that you will take care of her.” Becky removed her bonnet and her gloves, casting them onto her dressing table. “How far is the ship docking from Kellridge?”

“The ship should be arriving in Cleethorpes, a mere half day from here. Not that it matters.” He was torn. Should he try to tease her out of this ridiculous notion? Or should he simply play his role as lord of the manor? “I need to be in London, and so I shall go. You’ll be on hand to welcome her. That should be enough.”

“But Paul—you must want to see her. She’s your niece, after all. As her uncle, surely you owe her something more. She is your responsibility.”

Her words broke a dam within his soul. He could not let those feelings out. Feeling anything—rage, grief, pain—was a terrifying experience. He felt that dam burst once six years ago when Ruth had died. She was going to be his helpmeet. She was someone on whom he could depend. When she died, a black hole of despair had swallowed him, and he had cried. No more. Never again.

“While you are in my house and while you are in my employ, I must make a few things quite clear to you, Miss Siddons. Though I am a friend of your family, I am still in control. My word here at Kellridge is final.” He cleared his throat. “I have great respect for my responsibilities, and I take care of them as a man should. I am doing what I can to make Juliet’s life comfortable and pleasant. I don’t need any reminders from you about what I should and should not do. Do I make myself quite clear?”

She took a step back, her delicate features hardening. “Perfectly clear, Mr. Holmes.” She bobbed a brief curtsy. “As your newly employed governess, I feel it my responsibility to do what is best for Juliet’s care. As such, with all the dreadful traveling the child has endured, only to arrive in a foreign land where she may not even know the language, I simply cannot allow her to arrive unwelcomed. Someone must be there to embrace her and assure her everything will be fine. Therefore,” Becky folded her hands before her and gave him a frank stare, “I will require a carriage to take me to Cleethorpes on the appointed day of Juliet’s arrival.” Becky folded her hands before her and gave him a frank stare.

His sardonic humor began to creep back, triggered by her calmly defiant manner. “Is that an order, Miss Siddons?”

“It is a reasonable request, Mr. Holmes.” Her voice had lost all its sweet charm, and her lovely eyes burned—with anger or with disappointment? No matter. He had his plan all laid out, no matter what she said.

“When word arrives, I shall make sure that Wadsworth knows you are to have a carriage at your disposal, and a servant to ride along.” Her gaze was making him distinctly uneasy. Somehow, it was as though she had the upper hand. The only way to win back control was to return to his sarcastically amused self. “So. Now that’s been decided. Join me for tea in a few moments in the library.”

“I must refuse your invitation, Mr. Holmes. I shall retire to my room and ring for tea when I am ready for it.” She gave another brief curtsy that signaled—more clearly than speech—that he was being summarily dismissed.

Should he press on? Make her come down to tea? After all, he had wanted to speak with her about Juliet’s upbringing. She was in his employ. He glanced at the set of her jaw and the fire in her eyes. No. Better to leave while he still had some modicum of authority.

He’d give her time to cool off, and then they would speak sensibly. Becky Siddons was supposed to solve his problems and make life easier for him. But already she was causing more trouble than he’d ever dreamed.