Читать книгу M.O.E. - Linda Blum - Страница 8

The parking lot was full when they arrived at Morty’s. Hope and Rick pulled in the same time as Judy and Ren, so they went in together. The place was wall-to-wall people when they entered. When Judy looked around, she noted most of the mourners were women, making Judy wonder if these ladies were her uncle’s mistresses.

Entering further into the room, she felt a mix of emotions and tried to protect herself. As she advanced towards the casket, she was surprised by what she saw. Uncle Leo was laid out in a plain pine casket with messages written all over it. Judy walked up to it and read the inscriptions: You lucky dog, What a way to go, You’re the man, At least you left this earthly plain with smile on your face. There were a few reserved passages, but not many. Below all the scribbles someone wrote a poem that read:

Bodies entwined in bliss,

Lovers held in a kiss.

Passion burning so bright,

Too bad it turned off your light.

What a way to go,

I’m sure you’re happy now Uncle Leo

For those who weren’t good with the written word, they choose to draw pictures instead. There was one tacky drawing of two stick people doing it, with the caption “In honour of Uncle Leo.”

The real clincher to all of this was when Judy noticed Uncle Leo’s death certificate on display beside his casket. At closer inspection she noted the reason for his death was highlighted in yellow. A buzz of soft laughter could be heard behind Judy. When she turned around she saw Ren and Rick reading the certificate, as well as his casket. Hope was standing beside them with a look of dismay on her face. Judy came up beside her.

“Are you alright?” Judy asked.

“I can’t believe all this,” Hope said waving her hand towards the casket.

“I know. It’s unbelievable,” Judy commented dryly.

Just then Grandma Nora came over.

“I’m going to ring Morty’s neck,” Grandma Nora fumed. “I was hoping Leo’s demise would be lower key, not so blatantly obvious.”

“It’s every man’s dream to die while having sex...”Ren stopped when the women glared at him.

Rick tried to save him. “What Ren means is that it’s not every day someone dies while in bed. Beats dying of cancer or a heart attack.”

Their analogy wasn’t helping matters. Grandma Nora was still upset. Things got worse when two women began shouting.

“You’re a slut!”

“Better a slut than being cold and rigid.”

“Why you...”

Judy, along with the others, turned towards the shouting to notice Aunt Myrna beside Betty Holmes.

“How could you sleep with my boyfriend,” Aunt Myrna shrieked.

“I wouldn’t have if you put out,” Betty shot back.

“What Leo and I did is none of your business!”

“According to Leo you didn’t do much.”

A dark look crossed over Aunt Myrna’s face at her comment.

“Leo called looking for a good time,” Betty said. “I told him I wasn’t interested since I knew he was seeing someone, but he told me it was over.”

“You’re lying,” Aunt Myrna accused.

Betty shook her head. “Leo said he broke it off because you wouldn’t sleep with him. Personally, I thought you were nuts considering Leo had a lot to offer a woman in the goods department, if you know what I mean.”

Aunt Myrna’s face turned beet red. Hope was waiting to see steam come out from her ears.

Betty went up to his casket. “Look at him he died with a smile on his face thanks to me.”

Aunt Myrna lunged at Betty and a scuffle broke out. Relatives watched on, placing bets on which women would win the fight. The funeral director pushed past everyone to break up the brawl. Once the women were pulled apart, the crowd dispersed. The funeral director led a crying Aunt Myra away. Betty took her place beside Leo standing proud as a peacock, while looking adoringly down at him. People came up in droves to speak to Betty about Leo’s final minutes. She told everyone that Leo’s last words before he died were to have his death certificate portrayed at his funeral for the world to see.

Judy had heard about enough and went to get a drink with Ren, Rick, and Hope.

“That was a disaster,” Judy groaned.

“I feel sorry for Aunt Myrna,” Hope commented.

“How did she end up with Judy’s uncle?” Rick questioned.

Hope shrugged. “Maybe it was that opposites attract thing.”

Judy shook her head. “My uncle liked a challenge, especially with women. He was probably biding his time, waiting for the right moment to talk her into going to bed.”

“Obviously there never was a right moment, since he was caught in bed with someone else,” Hope said in disgust.

“Everyone knew my uncle was a dawg,” Judy said. “That’s why I was surprised to see your aunt with him.”

“He was more than a dawg!” Someone bellowed. “He was a moron!”

They turned around to find Grandma Nora storming over to them.

“I cannot believe my son,” she hissed.

“Now Grandma it’s not that bad,” Judy said.

“He’s in a pine box with sexual declarations, as well as graphic pictures, on it praising his demise. Then he has the gall to have his death certificate on exhibit, as if it’s some artifact to be admired.”

“I guess Uncle Leo wanted to go out with a bang,” Ren commented.

“He got banged alright, right into the grave,” Rick chuckled.

Grandma Nora ignored them and continued, “Then to top it all off, Leo’s mistress flaunts her wantonness in Myrna’s face to embarrass her.”

Just as Grandma was finishing up her tirade, her grand children, Ted and Kyle walked by.

“It’s too bad the funeral guy broke up the fight,” Ted commented. “I placed bets on Betty to win.”

Kyle shook his head. “No way. Did you see the look on Myrna’s face? She looked like she could have killed her.”

“That would have been cool if she had,” Ted said. “Then Uncle Leo’s lover could have been laid out along with him.”

“It would have been kind of romantic, wouldn’t it?” Kyle said.

As the two commiserated over sentimental gestures, they didn’t notice Grandma Nora come up behind them and clock each one in the head with her purse.

“Ow,” Kyle moaned rubbing his head.

“What was that for?” Kyle asked.

“You two are morons just like your uncle Leo.”

A puzzled Ted and Kyle watched as their grandmother stalked angrily away to go talk to Morty.

Judy sighed. “I’d better go and run interference before Grandma uses her purse on Morty.”

Judy took off, leaving a baffled Ted and Kyle still wondering what they had done.

Ted turned to Ren. “What’s wrong with Grandma Nora?”

“Leo’s death has been rough on her,” he replied.

“Well she didn’t have to take it out on us,” Kyle whined.

“Go easy on her boys. This is the second son she’s had to bury, along with her daughter.” Ren warned.

Sympathetic looks crossed over their faces at his comment, as it wasn’t that long ago they had attended Will and Vera’s funeral.

“Point taken,” Kyle said.

“I think we should just stay away from her,” Ted added.

“That may be a good idea,” Ren said.

Judy got to her grandmother just in time. She was about to hit Morty with her purse when Judy showed up to disarm her.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Grandma yelled.

“Now Nora, this is how Leo wanted to go,” he said.

“This is a disgrace to the dead,” Nora huffed.

Morty shook his head. “Leo’s death will go down in history. You know how many people would rather die while having sex then being stuck in a hospital bed withering away from some terminal illness.”

Judy had to agree he did make a good point.

“But to do it in such a flamboyant way,” Nora huffed.

“That was Leo,” Morty laughed. “He always told me he wanted to go out in style and boy did he ever.”

Morty eventually got Nora calmed down so that Judy could go back to Ren.

“How’s your grandma?” Ren asked.

“Not too pleased with things, but what can she do. Morty was honouring Uncle Leo’s wishes.”

“I’m just glad we didn’t bring Jay,” Ren commented.

“So am I,” Judy agreed.

The rest of the night went smoothly. When visiting hours were over, everyone piled out of the funeral home. Judy, Ren, Hope and Rick stood in the parking lot for a while talking, until they ventured into their cars and headed for home.

Hope was quiet along the drive. Being in a funeral home always brought back memories of her father. He had been dead for years now and the grief may have lessened, but it never went away. Part of the reason for this was that Hope felt that her dad committed a mental suicide.

One year prior to her dad’s death, Hope’s grandmother had suffered a heart attack and died. There was no warning. One day she was alive the next she was gone. Her dad took his mother’s death hard and he never recovered from it. Her mother didn’t help matters either, as she was always complaining about his mood, never trying to help him get through his grief.

As time went on, he became more and more depressed and eventually started to become ill. At first he contracted colds, then it turned into some sort of an infection that never seemed to go away no matter what medication he took, until eventually he got cancer.

Hope was optimistic that he would recover, but when she was told he only had six months to live she lost it. She told him if he died that she would commit suicide. Her father got in a tizzy about her declaration and begged his sister, Fran, to speak with his daughter. Fran had pulled Hope aside and reprimanded her for her outburst. After that, Hope reluctantly told her father she would continue living even after his death. She didn’t want to do this, as she was trying to give him a will to live since she felt he was just giving up.

When he died, however, she regretted telling her father that she would continue on and for not following through with her threat to end her life, as life became unbearable after his death. Her mother and brother were a pain and of no comfort to Hope. Then there was the issue about her father’s ring that was supposed to go to Hope, but never did. To top it all off Hope happened to come across her father’s journal. She read her father’s thoughts and feelings after his mother died up until the last disturbing entry where he wrote that he was very tired, depressed, and didn’t know if he could go on. After that he stopped writing, then five months later he was dead.

The irony of his death was that most people thought that the cancer killed him, yet Hope knew differently. He lost his will to live. The cancer just helped facilitate his way out of this life. This fact alone was hard for Hope to take. Like her father, she too became deeply depressed after her father’s death. Judy was there to help her through her rough times, as she knew what it was like to lose a parent since she lost both of hers. Hope didn’t know if she would still be here if it wasn’t for her friend.

As they pulled into the driveway and parked, Rick turned to Hope.

“Are you all right?” he asked in concern.

“Yeah,” she replied.

“You seem down.”

“Funeral homes do that to me.”

Rick watched her closely guessing there was more to her mood.

“You seemed uptight last night as well. I’ve been meaning to ask you if something happened at the restaurant?”

His question shook Hope as memories of Jonathan came flooding back. Rick noticed her sudden edginess and became concerned.

“Something did happen didn’t it?” Rick questioned.

“No,” she squeaked.

“You’re lying.”

“I am not,” Hope countered.

“Tell me what’s going on,” Rick demanded.

Hope wasn’t about to tell him about Jonathan so she opted to lie instead.

“Look I just got my monthly cycle,” she started. “You know how I get when it’s my time of the month.”

Rick groaned. “I thought you just had it.”

“Yeah, like last month.”

“It didn’t seem like that long ago,” he whined.

“Believe me I wish it was that long ago. Having it is a pain.”

“It’s not that much fun for me either,” he grumbled.

Guys were such whiners when a woman got their menstrual cycle just because the sex had to stop for a few days until it was over.

“Well live with it, I have to,” Hope griped.

Rick never commented further as he heard the irritation in her voice and knew it was best just to keep quiet.

They entered their apartment in silence. Rick headed for the bedroom while Hope checked the answering machine for messages. She noticed the flashing light and was considering waiting until the morning to listen to them, but curiosity got the best of her.

The first one was from her mother asking Hope to call her. Hope sighed wishing she’d have waited until the morning to find out who called. The last thing she wanted to think about before going to sleep was of her mother. When the last message began playing, Hope’s breath backed up in her throat. The sound of Jonathan’s voice boomed over the room. Hope quickly turned down the volume hoping Rick didn’t hear him. After listening to the message she quickly erased it then sunk down on the couch.

She was reeling by the fact that he called her home asking her to meet with him so that they could talk. He knew she was living with someone, but obviously didn’t care. Hope got the impression he wanted to stir up trouble for her.

As she sat mulling over his message, Rick entered the room. He noticed the dark look on her face and came to sit down beside her.

“I’m sorry for being such an ass,” Rick said.

“That’s okay.”

“Why don’t you come to bed?”

Rick took her hand and guided her towards the bedroom. Once inside they got changed and slid into bed. Rick cuddled up beside her and held her close.

“Who called?” Rick asked.

Hope was startled by his question, but tried to keep her cool.

“My mother.”

Rick groaned. “What did she want?”

“For me to call her.”

“Are you going to?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“Who else called?”

“No one,” she replied sheepishly

“I saw the light blink twice indicating two messages were left,” he said.

Damn why did he have to be so observant, Hope thought.

“The other was just a hang up.”

Hope held her breath hoping he would believe her. When he muttered some comment about hating when people did that, she began to relax.

Rick was soon fast asleep while Hope lay there awake. Her thoughts turned to Jonathan’s message. She couldn’t believe his audacity to call her place, especially when he knew she lived with her boyfriend. Now she had no choice but to meet with him tomorrow, even though she really didn’t want to, and set him straight.