Читать книгу Cassandra Behind Closed Doors - Linda Sorpreso - Страница 9

H

i Vinnie, it’s me Sophie,” she said, smiling at me.

“Thanks Vinnie, you’re a real sweetheart.”

“What did he say?” I whispered.

She tried to mouth the words at me but I couldn’t understand her. I opened my school bag, grabbed an old exercise book and pen, giving them to her. She appeared puzzled. I put my hands up mid-air, one flat; the other shaped like a pen and acted as if I was writing.

“Oh!” she said. “Oh! Not to you Vinnie, I just realised something.”

I smiled. That was close. Sophie scribbled quickly on the paper. He said what do you want?

“Charming!” I mouthed, rolling my eyes.

“Yeah, I’m still here. Did you have a nice Christmas?” She stared at me and pretended to yawn. I tried not to laugh but I couldn’t help myself. I covered my mouth with my hand and waited until the laughter subsided.

“Who’s laughing?” Sophie repeated, shooting me an evil look. “Um, Cassie. I’m at her house.”

“Why is she laughing? Aah…her cat just fell off the bed.”

Sophie reached for the book again. I read it and shook my head. Vinnie wanted to talk to me but I wasn’t ready to speak to him yet. Besides, he made us wait for five minutes before coming to the phone, so now he could wait for me.

“Sorry, Cassie just ran to the toilet.”

I shoved her hard across the arm — so hard, she almost fell off the bed. I couldn’t believe she just said that. She could have said I was putting Cilla outside or my mum just called me, but no, she had to say I was in the loo. I know Vinnie was my boyfriend but I didn’t want him knowing my bowel movements.

“Can you just wait a minute Vinnie?” She pressed the phone against the bed, covering the mouthpiece on the receiver. “What was that for?” she asked me.

“For telling him I was in the toilet.”

“Sorry! What’s the big deal anyway?”

“I don’t want him knowing that kind of information, thank you very much.”

“It was the only thing I could think of. I’m really sorry.”

“Just pass me the phone, before you embarrass me again.”

She picked up the phone. “Vinnie? Cassie’s back, here she is. Bye.”

Here I go. I took a deep breath and grabbed the phone. Sophie left the room.

“Hi Vinnie, how are you?” I asked.

“Hey Cassie, I’m okay and you?”

“Fine thanks. How was your Christmas?”

“It was okay. I just went down to my Nonna’s. What about you?”

“I went to Tessa’s for Christmas Eve and then all the family came down to my house last night,” I said, trying to drown out the boredom from my voice. I really couldn’t be bothered speaking to him, especially when all I could think about was how Brayden made me feel when I spoke to him on the phone. When Brayden and I spoke, our conversation flowed and it felt so easy. With Vinnie, I felt like I was speaking to a male teacher, instead of my boyfriend. We sounded so formal, so distant.

“That’s good,” Vinnie said.

“Yeah it was great. I had fun,” and I kissed your friend. “Thank you so much for the present.”

“That’s okay. I hope you liked it.”

“Yeah I really did. You chose a great gift.” Yeah but did you know I really prefer cats to dogs. “It was really sweet of you.”

“Well I wanted to get you something special.”

Where was the bucket when I needed one? I ignored the urge to throw up and said ‘thanks’. I didn’t know what else to say. I twiddled with the phone cord, wrapping it around my hand and sighed.

“Hey, what are you doing later?” Vinnie asked, breaking the silence between us. “I thought I’d come down to the park and we could meet up or something?”

“Sorry Vinnie, but I can’t…ah…” I couldn’t think of an excuse. It was such an unexpected question and my brain froze. I felt guilty but I didn’t want to see him, not yet anyway. Not until I definitely knew what or who I wanted.

“Oh.”

“Look Vinnie, I’m sorry but I gotta’ go.”

“That’s okay. Bye.”

“Bye.” I hung up the phone and lay down on my bed. I reached for a soft toy to snuggle against and grabbed the dog that Vinnie bought me — not really the toy I wanted at the moment. I pushed it aside and grabbed a teddy bear instead.

The door opened and Sophie came in, holding a glass of Coke in her hand “Well?” she asked, sitting down on the bed.

“Well what?”

“Tell me what he said. How do you feel? Do you still like him?”

“Whoa!” I said, sitting up, raising my hands in the air. “One question at a time.”

“Okay. Do you still like him?”

“I don’t know. I suppose I have to see him or Brayden to make my decision. He wanted to see me later but I said ‘no’. ”

“What else did he say?” Sophie asked as she took a sip from her glass.

“Nothing much. He was rather quiet. I guess we both were.”

“Do you think Brayden told him about the other night?”

“I don’t think so; otherwise he would have brought it up. Besides I don’t think Brayden would think it’s worth mentioning.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Well, yeah I kind of do,” I said, throwing the teddy aside. “He is going out with Lizzie.”

“Well, you never know unless you ask him.”

“I’m never going to do that.” I got up, grabbing my jeans and T-shirt that was thrown onto the chair from the night before. “If Brayden and I are meant to be together, he’ll have to make the first move and it’s not going to happen when he has a girlfriend.”

“Well, I think you should talk to him.”

“And look like a fool? I don’t think so. Not to mention losing Lizzie and I’m not prepared to do that.”

“I suppose so.”

I opened the door. “Well, I don’t want to discuss this anymore. I’m over it. Get ready and we’ll get some lunch.”

We went to the fish and chip shop and ordered two dollars worth of chips. I needed something oily — too bad it couldn’t slide my troubles away. After we finished eating, we played my new game, Wheel of Fortune, which turned out to be a lot of fun. I loved board games, it was therapeutic for me, made all my problems disappear and I could actually concentrate on something else, rather than myself.

Later that day after Sophie left, I climbed onto my wall and tried to sort through the Brayden/Cassie/Vinnie/ Lizzie love square. I felt as though I was a character on Days of Our Lives particularly Hope Williams when she was about to marry Larry, and Bo Brady, the man she had been in love with since her teens, whisked her away on her wedding day. I could just see it now. Brayden rides along on a motorcycle, I Need a Hero playing in the background, and he declares his love for me, telling me to forget about Vinnie, forget about Lizzie and we ride towards the sunset. And then from the corner of my eye, I see my dad coming after me, holding a shotgun.

Unfortunately, life wasn’t that simple because God wrote the script for us all, and life was like a long movie where he was the Director.

I knew I was being over dramatic, yet that’s how I felt. I could risk losing Lizzie and I never wanted to lose her friendship. She meant too much to me. I had known her my entire life and our friendship had grown year after year.

I had known Brayden forever too and had loved him for most of it. I was four-years-old, chasing him around the backyard, telling him how much I loved him. And I did love him back then. Unfortunately, in those days he was more infatuated with my sister Carla than me.

With Vinnie, I had doubts about him from the beginning; his feelings for Tessa — if they had really disappeared, his mum — who made me feel uncomfortable all the time and my wandering eyes, which had been a problem too. Also, I felt guilty. Sophie and Anna had liked Vinnie before we began dating and I was sure they still liked him. I did care about him though. He was sweet and had made an effort with me. Before school ended, he actually came to visit me at lunchtime. Sophie found me and dragged me to the gate. I stood there for twenty minutes, embarrassed by my daggy uniform, half-watched my friends who were practically drooling in front of him and kept peering over my shoulder, looking out for teachers, afraid I would get busted for having visitors.

How I longed for the days when I was a child, when Tess and I were too busy doing dance routines or playing scenes from Young Talent Time or Days of Our Lives. Pretending we were Hope and Bo in the fish market, using the leaves as fish and having thin long sticks as chips. I wanted to go back to the time where decisions were determined by dig, dig, dog shit or there’s a party on the hill, and the only thing you really had to decide was whether you wanted to play hide-and-seek, elastics or skipping. Life shouldn’t be this difficult. We shouldn’t have to choose between your best friend and the boy you loved.

“Cassandra!”

“Jesus Christ, Mum. You gave me a heart attack.”

She laughed. “Sorry, Salvatore is on the phone.”

I jumped down from the wall and went inside. I grabbed the phone. “Hey Cassie, do you want to go bowling with Tessa and me tonight?”

“Yeah, sounds like fun. Just wait a minute though; I have to ask my dad.” I put down the phone. This was something I wasn’t looking forward to. Dad was extremely strict. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere, especially at night. I wasn’t even allowed to go to the milk bar by myself until a couple of months ago and that was only at the end of the street. He was very protective of my sisters and me. People said how lucky we were that our parents really cared about us but I didn’t see it that way. I saw it as a life sentence in jail. I was enclosed in the one house all the time and ‘don’t do this, don’t do that’ had been drilled into me like a warden would do to their prisoners. I hoped he was in a good mood and he would let me go, or else I had to fake the tears and beg him.

“Dad?” My voice quivered.

He turned his gaze from the TV, his eyes levelled with mine.

“Can I go bowling with Sav and Tessa tonight?”

“Why?”

“Sav is leaving this week and he wants to see me before he goes.” I bit my lip.

“Who’s driving?”

“Zia Sarina, I think.”

He stayed silent, staring at me as if I was somehow lying to him. Why would I? It was just bowling. It wasn’t as if I was asking to go to a party where I would smoke and get drunk. Besides, I would never do that anyway. I was against those things because of him.

I looked at Mum for some help. She raised her eyebrows and gave me the ‘don’t get me involved’ look.

“Well, can I please go? Sav is waiting on the phone; I have to let him know.”

He cleared his throat, raised his eyebrow and then nodded.

“Thanks,” I said, surprised. I could have kissed him, but I stopped myself. He would probably change his mind if I did. I half-ran, half-skipped into my bedroom and spent another five minutes on the phone, arranging plans. I hung up the phone just as Abby came in.

“Who was that?” she asked.

“Sav,” I replied. “He asked me to go bowling. How was your day?”

“It was okay. I just went to Jim’s house and we watched a movie,” she said, putting her bag away. “Hey, do you mind if I come bowling? It sounds like fun.”

“Yeah, I’m sure there’ll be enough room in the car.”

“What time are they coming?”

“Seven-thirty.”

“You can’t stop smiling, is there something you’re not telling me?”

“No, it’s nothing. I just can’t believe Dad said ‘yes’. The King is allowing me to live a life beyond these four binding walls.”

“I know. I’m shocked too. Maybe he’ll give you more freedom.”

“I hope so.” I just couldn’t stop beaming. I felt like twirl-ing about the room, doing handstands and cheering like a cheerleader.

Mum came into the room. “Girls, time for dinner.”

We followed her into the kitchen and sat at the table, in our usual positions; Dad at the head of the table, Mum and I sitting on his left side, Abby on his right, while Carla sat opposite him. I hated it when people sat in my chair. Mum said I was a demon child while I was growing up. If anyone I didn’t like sat in my spot, I would start screaming and kicked them out of the house. I must have been imitating my father because he did the same thing. Not kicking people out, but he just stared at you and you knew you needed to get off his chair. When Mum told me about these incidents, I just laughed. I couldn’t believe grownups would actually listen to a three-year-old. I must have looked scary though. I never used to brush my hair, and it was wild, knotty and all over the place. People must have thought I was evil or just too loud to argue with. Whatever it was, no one sat in my chair after that and I could understand why Carla called me a brat when I was younger.

“Who set the table tonight?” I asked.

“I did,” Carla said.

I picked up the utensil in front of me. “Do I eat with this?” I asked.

“Oh Cassie, get over it, it’s just a fork,” she replied, rolling her eyes.

“No, it’s not and you know I prefer the other one.” I got up from the table and grabbed my fork. My sisters thought I was stupid for using the one set of cutlery but I had always used it. I had abnormally tiny hands and my fork was smaller and easier to grip, while the others in Mum’s collection were huge and the tip barely fitted in my mouth.

Dinner was promptly at six o’clock every night and no one missed it, unless Carla and Abby worked late. Dad was very strict about dinner. He liked us to all eat together. The problem was we had to watch the news and if we tried to change the channel he cracked it.

“I heard you’re going bowling tonight,” Carla said.

“Yeah, with Tess and Sav. It should be fun. Abby’s coming too,” I said, helping myself to some turkey.

“How come you’re going Abby?”

“I thought I might as well, since you’re going out with Peter tonight.”

“Cassie, move your head,” Dad said.

Every night was the same thing. Dad couldn’t see the TV because my head was in the way. No matter what I did, if I moved in closer or kept my head down lower, he always complained. Then we would get into an argument about it, because he wanted me to sit on the other side of the table, and I wouldn’t because I didn’t want to sit next to him. However, I didn’t want to fight with him tonight, he wouldn’t let me go out otherwise.

I moved an inch closer, the table jabbing into my stomach. “Oh, so we’re your back up because you don’t have anything better to do,” I said to Abby.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that…”

“No, that’s okay,” I said interrupting. “It’s okay to be used once in a while.”

“Shhh,” Dad said.

We all tried to be quiet. The weather was about to come on and Dad needed absolute silence so he could hear the forecast for the sea. I didn’t understand why he had to hear it. Couldn’t he just see it?

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Abby whispered over the table.

“Relax Abby, I was only joking,” I whispered back.

Dad pounded his fist on the edge of the table. He got up quickly, his chair slamming against the wall. We all froze our forks and knives in mid-air.

“Madonna mia, what did I fuckin’ say?” He screamed, his face red, his eyes gorging out of head. “Sta zitta or I swear you’re all going to get it!”

“Gianni, sit down, the weather’s on.”

He sat back down. “Geez Christ.”

We ate the rest of our dinner in silence and fear, hoping Dad wouldn’t live up to his promise. He had before. I spent one dinner crying because I couldn’t leave the table after he hit me. I nearly choked on my potatoes that night. He wasn’t always like this. Sometimes, he joked around with us and we all had a peaceful dinner. It really depended on the day he had, how much he had to drink or how much money he lost at the TAB.

I was still eating when Abby started to clear the table. I was probably the slowest eater in the world. While the others scoffed their meal down in five minutes, it normally took me twenty minutes just to eat a bowl of pasta. It was a horrible curse to have while living in the Romanelli household. It meant I was always stuck drying the dishes. In my books, that was the worst job to do.

It was double the work. Drying, then putting the items away and because it was the longest job ever, usually the others fled the scene and left me by myself in a long, uncomfortable silence with Dad. And, I hated that more than drying!

I preferred to wash, though Carla rushed to the sink first and never let anyone else have a turn. If the chores were rotated, maybe I wouldn’t create a stink whenever we had to do it, but they weren’t and it was the same repetitive thing every night.

Carla was already at the sink, fidgeting with the taps to get the right temperature. It was the cue I needed and I had to make a quick getaway before anyone noticed. I walked slowly through the lounge room, sneaking into my bedroom, grabbing my book, and then I hurried through the corridor — not too fast to make it noticeable but kind of like the cha-cha. One, two, quickly shuffle along and repeat the steps again until I was safe in the toilet and I could relax. It was a technique I had perfected and knew very well.

I pulled my pants down and sat on the seat. I didn’t have to do anything but I had to pretend I was, in case one of my sisters came barging in. Just as I was really getting into the novel Carla called out my name.

“What?” I yelled back.

“Come and dry!”

I groaned as softly as I could. I swear I hated drying!

“I can’t, I’ve got cramps!”

“It’s amazing how every night, when it’s time to do the dishes, you suddenly have cramps!” Carla screamed.

I tried not to laugh. “It’s not my fault, I can’t digest food properly!” That was true. Most of the time I did suffer from cramps — either period pain or concerning my bowels. Sometimes the pain was so sharp, I lost my breath. Tonight though, I really couldn’t be bothered.

“Whatever! You’re just lazy!”

Lazy…the one word I hated with a passion. Carla knew it too, hence the reason she said it. I wasn’t lazy. Okay, I didn’t do much around the house but I had better things to do than to waste my time vacuuming the carpet or doing the beds. I was not a maid, nor was I going to be the perfect housewife, preparing meals and doing the household chores. I couldn’t see that in my future and even if I didn’t end up becoming successful in the writing industry, I still wouldn’t clean. I would hire a maid and let them do the jobs I truly hated and refused to do.

I thought I would ignore the comment this time. Usually I would snipe back and defend myself but Dad was already in a bad mood and if he got involved, that was it. I wouldn’t be allowed to go out. I could still hear Carla bitching about me though and it was getting me angrier. My sisters always did it in front of Dad, just so they could get me into trouble.

Ten minutes later, after I heard the final dish being put into the cupboard, I flushed the toilet, to give it the final affect, and then headed into my bedroom to get ready for bowling. I was a bit hesitant about leaving Mum on her own with Dad but I couldn’t call Sav and cancel. He was already on his way and besides I needed to go out. I was so angry; if I stayed I knew there would be more trouble.

The car beeped at exactly seven-thirty. As Abby and I went outside, my legs started to tremble. I had expected to see Zia’s car parked outside the gate, but it wasn’t. There was a van instead and there was only one person I knew who drove a van. Bob Tammurello — Brayden’s dad.

“Abby,” I squeaked, grabbing her arm.

“I know.”

“I can’t believe Brayden’s here. Sav didn’t even tell me he was coming.”

“Just relax!”

“Relax? How can I? How do I look?”

She laughed at me. “You look great.”

“Hi,” we said, getting into the van in the last row. Tessa and Sav were sitting in the middle, with Brayden in the front with his dad. Brayden smiled at me and I wished I had ice to cool me down.

We arrived at the bowling centre within ten minutes, which were ten whole minutes of small talk and the nervous fluttering in my chest. I didn’t speak to Brayden once. I didn’t want him to think the kisses meant anything but I didn’t know how to act around him.

We paid for the game and received our shoes, walking up to the lane. As I was putting on the bubble-toe footwear, thinking the red and black stripes would have looked better on a clown instead of on my small feet, Brayden walked past me and casually thumped me on the arm.

“Ouch!” I said, hitting him back. It didn’t really hurt, but I thought I would boost his ego a little bit. Besides, it was a way to start a conversation with him.

“Did that hurt?” he asked.

“Yeah it did.”

“Sorry,” he said laughing.

“Shut up,” I said, going to hit him again. He moved away from me, still laughing.

“You’re such a girl,” Sav said.

“Well, I am a girl; didn’t your parents ever teach you the differences?”

“Ha ha, you’re funny.”

“Yeah I think I am,” I said, walking up to Tessa and Abby who were typing in our names on the computer.

“Who’s going first?” I asked them.

“Can’t you read?” Abby snickered.

“Shut up bitch.”

“Brayden’s going first, then Sav, you, me and Tessa.”

“Okay then, sounds good.”

I was hopeless at bowling. I had only played it a couple of times and I really sucked the last time I did.

Brayden picked up a ball and rolled it down the lane, hitting eight pins. Pretty good, I thought. I would be lucky if I even hit one. Brayden had another turn and received a spare. He sat down next to me and we watched as Sav ran down like a professional bowler, swinging the ball high in the air, and then released it down the lane. I tried not to laugh at him. He seemed as if he knew what he was doing. I was sure he was going to get a strike, yet he only knocked five of the pins right down the centre. The rest would be harder to get as there were two on one side and three on the other.

“I called Lizzie today,” Brayden said.

“Oh did you? What did she say?” I asked, pretending to be interested in the game and trying to conceal my despair. I knew I shouldn’t be upset but I was.

“She’s going to call you so we could make plans or something. Maybe watch a movie?”

“Sounds good.”

“You spoke to Vinnie today, huh?”

“Yeah, how do you know?”

“Well, he rang me this morning to see if I would come with him to visit you. Then he called me straight after you did, to tell me you couldn’t make it.”

“Yeah, I was busy. I just called to say thanks for the gift.” And if I knew you were going to come with him, I definitely would have made the effort.

“Hey guys, are you watching me?” Sav called out.

“Yes we are,” I said, glad for the interruption. Sav threw the ball and managed to hit another three.

I was next. I got up nervously from my seat and picked up a ball. It was so heavy that I almost dropped it. I put it down and selected a lighter one. I walked down towards the line. I held the round, shiny object above my waist, back bent and extended it, watching it as it rolled straight into a gutter. I was so embarrassed. I could hear the laughter from the others as I turned away from the pins and faced them.

“Ha, ha,” I said. “I’m just warming up.”

“Yeah right,” Sav said.

I waited for the ball to return and grabbed it. I’d show them, I thought. Just as I was about to throw it, I changed my mind, took my fingers out of the holes and heaved it up in the air. It landed with a loud thump against the pine boards but went straight down the alley and smacked down all of the pins. I couldn’t believe it — a strike! Well, technically just a spare but I had knocked them all down in the one shot.

“Whoo hoo!” I yelled, grinning.

“You cheated!” Sav shouted.

“It’s a technique, not cheating!”

I sat back next to Brayden, flicking my hair behind me. “See, that’s how a real player bowls,” I said. He laughed at me.

I continued to play like that for the entire night, except I didn’t have as much luck as I did in the beginning. Tessa was the winner, scoring over two hundred points. I never knew she was so good at this game. Maybe she could teach me a few pointers since I ended up coming last, though I didn’t care. Apart from Sav who kept telling me I had a great arse whenever I bent down, I had a blast. Sav made me feel so self-conscious that I stopped playing my way.

Brayden and I spent most of the night together, talking, laughing and at times flirting. I couldn’t help myself and besides it was him too, not only me. On the way home, he opted to sit in the back with me and we kept hitting each other. I didn’t know if he still thought of me as a cousin, sister or whatever. I had reached my decision and I think I always knew. I wanted Brayden.