Читать книгу Let Me Love You - Linda Walters - Страница 7

Terrance Marshall placed the phone into the cradle and waited. It took two minutes for it to ring again. He hesitated for another twenty seconds, his patience growing shorter by the moment. Contrary to his wishes, the phone continued to ring. Picking it up slowly, he spoke into the receiver quickly.

“Hello…” There was silence on the other end and his temper flared.

“If you’re not going to speak, you should stop wasting both your time and mine,” he said sternly, then placed the receiver into the cradle. He walked out of the room hoping to avoid what he knew would be a senseless exchange.

“Women…” he muttered under his breath. His instincts told him that his caller had to be Brianna. Who else would call him repeatedly, refuse to speak to him and hang up without saying a single word. He knew she was angry, and perhaps, rightfully so, but her anger was a moot point. Their marriage was over.

They’d tried their best to avoid divorce, but it hadn’t worked. In the scheme of things, too much time had lapsed as he’d avoided giving her honest answers to the questions she posed on a daily basis. There really were no clear-cut answers.

Besides, he’d learned long ago that honesty was overrated. They’d only been married for four years but in that time, they’d created something of beauty. Jacqueline. If it were not for their daughter, he’d have split long ago.

Terrance took off his tie, turned on the television and tried to figure out what he should do for dinner. Sorting through the many takeout menus he kept in a kitchen drawer, he decided to order in. He made the call, hung up and it rang immediately. “Here we go again,” he muttered under his breath.

Unable to stop himself, he cursed under his breath and barked into the receiver. “Yeah, what is it now?”

On the other end, Branch laughed, then said, “Man, didn’t your mama teach you to answer a phone any better than that?”

Terrance snorted, then breathed a sigh of relief. “Actually, you’d better be glad you said something ’cause my next comment would have been a solid insult. Someone’s been playing phone games since I walked through the door. I’m hungry and not in the mood for nonsense,” he added, then chuckled. “Guess you caught me at a bad time. What’s up, dude?”

“Not a thing. Just calling to save your tired life is all.”

“Now, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you were the one who vowed to make amends for having missed the wedding. My bride has almost forgiven you, but you’ll have to do a lot more than apologize before you can enter my good graces again. Thought I’d let you know that next weekend is your redemption, buddy.”

“Do you want to explain yourself properly or do I have to revert to King’s English just to get you to spell it out for me?” Terrance knew his buddy was giving him a hard time and he also knew that no matter what, he’d end up on the short end of the stick. Branch usually had a way of making good on any promise he’d made and Terrance was sure this would be no exception.

“Okay, here it is, dude. Nita has invited all of the members of the wedding party for a fun-filled weekend here in Fort Lauderdale. The house can accommodate all of you, so it’s not a problem. Most are coming in on Friday evening, but some can’t get here until Saturday morning. No matter what, the party is kicking off Saturday evening. Be here or be square,” he said.

“Party, huh? And just what’s the party celebrating, may I ask?”

“Sure, you may ask, but I really am not in a position to answer. You’d have to ask Nita and she’s not really speaking to you right now. Her stance is the same as mine—be here or be square. Now, before you start making excuses, let me tell you that you missed a jamming party with our nuptials being the significant excuse for folks to act up. I don’t think this event will be any less intense, just significantly less formal,” Branch said, laughter in his voice.

“I see. It doesn’t sound like something I’d wish on my worst enemy but you may have caught me at a time of weakness. Okay, I’m in. I think I could use the getaway.” They talked for another five minutes, exchanged the pertinent information and then hung up.

Terrance’s statement, though brief, told Branch more than Terrance realized. In college, Terrance had always gotten the girl, dropped the girl, then sung a song of woe for the next week before hooking up with the next honey in line. Then, in his sophomore year, he’d met Zoie.

Sophomore year at Temple University had been tough. Declaring a major, keeping your grades above the basement level and establishing your coolness ratio were daunting tasks. Both Terrance and Branch had been dedicated to the cause. Avoiding the unwritten rules of college life was definitely a major part of the deal with the number one rule being no dating of freshmen.

Enter, Zoie. Temple’s freshmen class had a number of delectable entries but Zoie Anderson was noticed almost immediately. Tall, thin and shapely, sure of herself and extremely intelligent, Zoie exuded sensuality. When she walked into a room, heads turned. When she spoke out in class, students listened. And when she moved off campus, got an apartment with two other freshmen and it became part of the campus knowledge, it also became the stuff of which Temple University legends were made.

The two met on a rainy night at a noisy off-campus party that neither one really was enjoying. They left together and became instantly inseparable. In the next months, they were seen on campus together, off campus together, and if one was spotted without the other, the next question asked was, “Where is your copilot?” That lasted for the next two years. It seemed that Terrance had been taken off the available list by a freshman. There wasn’t anything anybody could do about it. Not even him.

He wasn’t able to explain it, couldn’t seem to stop it and was powerless to change her influence on him. She commanded his attention, his concentration and most of all, his loyalty. It was a different kind of existence for him coming from a family which had been functionally inadequate. Terrance was unaccustomed to having to give answers on his whereabouts from the time he’d turned twelve. No one ever thought to ask, “Where are you going and how long will you be gone?”

Unbeknownst to him, that information had suddenly become common fodder for a daily planner which Zoie kept in her locked duffel bag. By the time Terrance realized he’d become the pet rock of a freshman zookeeper, it was too late. Precedents had already been set, limitations already established. Oddly, it felt right.

It was fine for a while. Actually, it was lovely for a long time with quiet walks in the park, movies when they could afford it and lovemaking at any time the notion hit them. That is, until the day when the blinders were lifted after he decided to try having an in-depth conversation with a graduate student about the coming election of a new city council leader. Zoie walked in on them sitting at a conference table in study hall and had a midday meltdown. The fact that the girl was an unknown entity, a sophisticated upperclassman killed the deal—at least for Zoie. She assumed, correctly, that an upperclassman would possess the ability to outrank, outclass and outmaneuver her.

Terrance was still under the misguided impression that he could handle things, so the young couple continued to see each other even after the initial crack in the relationship’s exterior. Originally enrolled as a science major, Terrance realized his real passion was medicine at around the same time as Zoie’s freak-out. He switched majors but tried, unsuccessfully, to remain consistent with his dating partner.

Six months later when Zoie saw him with the same female student as before, she showed up at his dorm room armed with a can of spray paint, an armful of flyers and proceeded to paint her way into Temple University history.

She spray painted obscenities, accusations about his masculinity and several badly spelled expletives all across the campus, concentrating her efforts at Xenon Hall where he shared a room with an economics major from Buffalo.

Then she proceeded to cross the campus from one end to the other stapling posters to each tree or any other standing element which would allow punctures. She also covered many of the existing billboards. The flyers contained a photo of Terrance with the word “PLAYER” sprawled across the front and a huge red line through his picture.

Needless to say, the incident curtailed his dating efforts for the remainder of his tenure at the school. His name had become part of the public consciousness on Temple University’s main campus. Ironically, Zoie’s legacy included being called up on charges by the school’s administration and a psychiatric evaluation. She quietly left Temple soon after and returned to Pittsburgh, her hometown.

Now, looking back on it, he wondered if he hadn’t had that experience, if things would have turned out differently.

After being dateless for a full year, he’d met Brianna. Determined to take his time getting to know her, it dawned on him pretty quickly that they had more in common than not. The fact that he’d never noticed her, although she was in his graduating class, stunned him. That she also came from the Caribbean pleased him, although he’d always wondered what Trinidad had on his home, Paradise Island.

Aside from being several times the size of the Bahamas and reportedly one of the wealthiest islands in the Caribbean, Trinidad’s existence had never posed any real interest for him. Suddenly, he found it important to know as much as he could.

Small, petite with coal-black hair, Brianna was pretty with an added touch of exotic flair. She also possessed both the talent and brains to become a top-notch M.D. Terrance was immediately struck by the reality that she was different from anyone he’d ever met before. Although she studied a great deal and partied very little, she still managed to be more fun than many of the party animals he knew. Something about her inspired confidence, a quality he found refreshing. Ironically, on their second date, he began calling her Bree without knowing her entire family did, too.

They were married one year after graduation. Brianna passed the examinations necessary to become a registered nurse in the Bahamas and they set up housekeeping there. Around the same time, Terrance finished up his premed courses and entered into an internship with Nassau Medical Center, a state-of-the-art hospital which had only been built three years before. They were owned in part by a medical conglomerate located in the United Kingdom.

They’d discussed Brianna’s change of heart about becoming a doctor many times. Terrance did his best to convince her that it was still possible, but she no longer felt it was necessary.

“One doctor in the house is enough. I’ll continue in nursing. It’s fine,” she’d said.

The marriage was solid for the first year and a half. Then all hell broke loose. It started with small things, then mushroomed as each month passed. Brianna complained incessantly about every birth-control product on the market. Everything from bloating, headaches, dizziness and real or imagined weight gain plagued her.

Terrance attributed much of the complaints to her not wanting to take the Pill; hence he concluded she wanted to be pregnant. For some unfathomable reason, the thought of becoming a father bothered him. And the thought of Brianna becoming pregnant terrified him.

One Sunday afternoon, as Terrance polished his silver-gray BMW 535, Brianna walked outside, came around to him and put her arm around his waistline. Not one to be prone to intimate gestures in public, Terrance put down the cloth he was using, looked at her briefly and asked, “What gives?” He had already come to the realization that any uncharacteristic gesture from her usually meant that something was up.

“I think you might want to sit down for this,” she said softly, then took his hand and led him into the small house they’d leased for the past two years. As they both sat down on the dark green sofa which filled the den, she’d looked at him quickly then whispered, “I think I’m pregnant.”

Silence reigned supreme for the next moment as Terrance remained speechless.

“Well, say something,” she offered.

“I’m not sure I understand. You said you think. When will you know?” he asked quickly, not wanting to react before there was certainty.

“Well, I’m late and I took one of those home tests a little while ago. According to the test, I’m pregnant,” she ended, her face showing a mixture of emotions.

Terrance held his breath, took one of her hands into his and said slowly, “I thought we agreed we would wait.”

“I know but I can’t help it if it happened. I didn’t see you saying anything at the time it was occurring, so don’t start now,” she snapped, then jumped up and ran into the bedroom.

Terrance continued to sit in the same spot for the next twenty minutes, unable to go to her. A baby would change things, that much he was certain of. They’d barely made a dent in the mountain of bills they’d each brought to the marital table, not to mention the student loans they each carried. His concern was strictly practical although he also wondered if he possessed the parenting skills necessary to produce a well-rounded human being. As the sun went down, that thought plagued him as he washed, waxed and buffed both of their vehicles. He focused on the task at hand, not allowing his mind to acknowledge any of the thoughts which threatened to break through.

By the time he came back inside, Brianna had dinner on the table and seemed to have also put the exchange behind her. Two days later, the test results were confirmed by her physician. A baby was on the way.

Meanwhile, Terrance avoided the discussion, avoided his wife and did his best to ignore the obvious. Although Brianna hadn’t brought the subject up again, he recognized that the longer it took for them to hash out their differences, the more entrenched she would be when the time finally arrived. And so, from the start, he knew that his stance was a moot point.

Brianna went through the nine months of pregnancy without incident, but the couple had already suffered a crushing blow. They spoke rarely and discussed things pertinent to the baby only when necessary. The irony of it was that once Brianna gave birth to their daughter, Jacqueline, the feud was inexplicably over.

As soon as he held his daughter in his arms for the first time, Terrance realized he had never known unconditional love. What he felt for the bundle within his arms was and would probably always be unsurpassed by anything he felt for anyone else on the planet.

Months passed, but Brianna never forgave him. And he never forgave himself for second-guessing Jacquline’s entry into the world.

The doorbell rang then, breaking Terrance’s thought pattern. A dinner of brown stewed chicken, steamed vegetables and salad was delivered from a local restaurant he’d called. Terrance ate slowly while watching the evening news. His mind was still on the conversation with Branch.

He also wrote out a check for the monthly child support, then went online to make a round-trip airline reservation to Fort Lauderdale.

Branch’s statement stayed with him and he wondered when, if ever, he’d be done with playing catch-up to all the people he owed some form of consideration to. He’d been alone for the past months, but felt good about it. Twice monthly weekend visits with his daughter kept him going and for that much, he was grateful. He’d always wondered why couples fought so bitterly for child custody when they could more easily share the burdens and joys. It simply made sense to him.

With that thought, Terrance picked up the phone and dialed. Brianna answered on the second ring and he took a deep breath before speaking.

“Hi—it’s me.”

“Hello, Terrance—Jacqueline is asleep already,” she responded, shortly.

“Have I gotten you at a bad time?” He wanted to ask why she sounded so winded, then caught himself. It was no longer his business what she did, when she did it and with whom. So he just waited for her to respond to his question as asked.

“I was exercising. Listen, can you call back tomorrow night, but before eight o’clock? I try to get her into bed by then or otherwise, it’s a fight to get her up in the morning.”

“Yeah, I know she’s not a morning kid, at least not yet,” he said, wanting to lighten the conversation. What he really wanted to do was to talk to her, but he sensed she was not willing to engage in that kind of exchange, so he continued to hold the phone in his hand, wondering why on earth he was feeling so melancholy.

“I don’t know that she’ll ever be. Kids just need more sleep. Anyway, I’ll let her know that you called. She gets excited whenever your name is mentioned.”

Terrance smiled then and relaxed a little. “Does she? So, she’s still Daddy’s little girl, hmm?” He couldn’t help himself. The thought of Jacqueline’s face when she smiled almost broke his heart, but he’d already done his crying, already had his meltdown and now was not the time to revisit that place.

“Absolutely, but isn’t that always the way? Mommy gets to do all the hard work and Daddy gets all the glory. It’s a story that’s as old as time,” Brianna ended, an edge of bitterness creeping into her voice.

Terrance figured it was time to end the conversation then, knowing he was in no mood to hear charges of recriminations or to have a guilt trip laid at his feet.

“Well, I’ll keep the eight o’clock slot in mind and be sure to call before then from now on. You take care of yourself, Bree,” he added, wondering why she’d hung up on him before.

“You, too. And I will remember to tell her that you called,” she added. She wanted to say more but something stopped her.

They both hung up then, aware that there were things left unsaid, but grateful that they had been able to leave it that way.

Terrance showered, turned the radio to his favorite jazz station, killed the lights and got into bed. Just before he closed his eyes, the thought of Jacqueline’s smile entered his mind.