Читать книгу The Bad Son - Linda Warren - Страница 10

HE WENT BY HIS OFFICE and checked in with his secretary, Liz Meadows. The older woman was an invaluable asset. She’d been with him since he’d opened his practice fifteen years ago and her direct, no-nonsense manner kept his office running smoothly.

She handed him several messages. “Those need your attention. The rest I took care of.”

“Thanks, Liz.” He flipped through the names. There was nothing that couldn’t wait.

“Since it’s late, I assume you’re not planning on working.”

“No.” He didn’t feel he needed to explain further.

Liz stood with her hands on her hips, waiting.

“What?” He looked up.

“You know what I’m anxious to hear, so let’s have it.” She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose with one quick movement.

Liz knew the Dallas law firm might make him an offer—she was the only person who did and he trusted her discretion. But sometimes her avid curiosity, or just plain nosiness, got under his skin.

“The meetings went fine.”

Liz rolled her eyes. “Oh, please, don’t give me that bull. Did they make you an offer or not?”

“Yes.”

There was a long, awkward pause.

“Are you taking the job?” Her eyes narrowed to tiny slits.

“Liz…”

“There’s a lot of people in this office who depend on you for work and I’m one of them. You’re just gonna up and leave us high and dry? What are we going to do for jobs? At my age the job market is not all that appealing. This isn’t like you, Beau McCain. You’re responsible, dependable and…”

If he heard that one more time, he was going to scream or hit somebody. And that really wasn’t his nature. Liz’s voice drummed on inside his head like a steady, relentless rain, annoying the hell out of him.

“I haven’t made a final decision. But I will take care of everyone who works for me. No one will be without a job.”

“Yeah.” She snorted. “Like I want to work for someone else. I’m too old for this, Beau.”

“Change is good. Haven’t you heard that?”

“Ha.” She waved a hand. “You’re going through a midlife crisis, that’s what’s wrong with you. Take your family and your next-door neighbor off speed dial and go on one of those single’s cruises. Have a fling. Hell, have several flings. It’ll get that restlessness out of your system and make you feel young again. Then come home to your family and friends in Waco. Not Dallas. Dallas isn’t for you. Take it from someone who has known you for a very long time.”

He picked up a pencil and resisted the urge to break it in half. “I wish people would stop making assumptions and decisions about my life. Bottom line—it is my life, so butt out, Liz.”

Indignant, she stiffened. “Whatever,” she mumbled under her breath.

He stood and Liz knew just how far she could push him and when to stop. That’s why she still had a job.

“Jon is handling the Powers’ case and Natalie has the Coleman case.” Liz shifted to business. “Anything you’d like to tell them?”

“No. They do their jobs very well.” He stuffed the messages in his pocket. “I’ll be back on Monday.”

“Beau?”

He turned.

“You’ve earned this big fancy job, but I’ll miss you. We’ll all miss you. That’s all I’m trying to say.”

“I know. Thanks.”

“But…”

“No buts, Liz. Stop while you’re ahead. I’ll let you know as soon as I decide.” With that, he walked out.

IN HIS CAR HE TOOK a couple of deep breaths. He wasn’t expecting this kind of opposition and it was starting to get to him. His whole life was here and he had a good job, good family and friends. Why was he running away? Why did he feel that leaving would change his feelings for Macy?

Before he could answer the questions, his cell buzzed. He saw the number. Jake. His mom had found reinforcements.

“Hey, Beau, what’s going on? I just left Mom’s and she’s pretty upset. She said you’re thinking about moving to Dallas.”

His hand tightened on the cell. “It’s a very good job offer. I haven’t decided yet.”

“This is awful sudden, isn’t it?”

“I was hoping for some support, big brother.”

There was a moment of silence. “Hell, Beau. I’m sorry. I was thinking about myself and my kids and the family. We all depend on you. You keep us all together and never fail to remind us about the brothers’ meeting every month. We never worry about the date because we know you’ll call us. But if this is something you really want to do, then I’m there for you.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Beau?”

“Hmm?”

“You sound strange. Are you okay?”

No. He wasn’t okay. He felt like a traitor—deserting his family and friends.

“I’m fine. This is just a difficult decision.”

“Don’t worry about Mom. I’ll talk to her.”

“Thanks, Jake. How’s Ben?” Beau wanted to change the subject.

“He’s fine. We talked to his teacher and the coach and we’ve agreed to let him play in Little League. It’s past the sign-up day, but we got everything okayed. We were worried because he doesn’t have great coordination, but the coach thought it would be good for him. Ben is so excited that he’s going to get a uniform and play with some of his friends. I told Ben you and I would practice with him, but since you might not be here Elise will have to help. Can you imagine that?”

Beau closed his eyes briefly. This was his family and he’d never let them down. He made sure he was always there for them. A paralyzing pain shot through his heart. What was he doing? Why was he feeling so guilty about the choice in front of him?

“She might be better than you think.”

“Yeah. Now wouldn’t that be something. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Beau stared at the phone for a few minutes then headed for the hospital. Now that his mother was aware of his plans, it was only a matter of time before Macy found out. He had to tell her before that happened.

For his mother to enlist Jake’s help, she had to be really upset. That reaction still floored him. All his life she’d encouraged and supported everything he’d done. But he’d been within easy access, not far from her. This was different. Dallas was two hours away.

She’d said that she depended on him. And she had. It had been just him and her in that one-room apartment after she’d left Joe. She’d tell him that everything was going to be okay, but he’d cry at night because he missed Jake. She cried, too. Then somehow their positions shifted and he was the one telling her everything was going to be okay.

Althea depended on him to keep them together, as did Jake. Even though they were busy with their own lives, he made sure they all stayed in contact. Suddenly he knew what his mother was so afraid of. With him in Dallas, she was afraid the family would fall apart again, as the Randall family had.

He could call her, but he couldn’t tell her with certainty that he wasn’t leaving. That was still a very real possibility. He’d go over in the morning and have a long talk with her, reassure her that the family was strong and stable and nothing was ever going to break them apart again. Of that he was certain.

WHEN HE REACHED the maternity ward, he saw Macy coming out of the nursery. Her hair was pulled back and held with a clip. Loose strands curled around her face. With no makeup, the sprinkling of freckles across her nose and cheekbones was visible. And she looked beautiful. His heart knocked like a faulty engine. She pulled off her scrubs and stared at a baby in an incubator.

“Is that her?” he asked quietly, walking to her side.

Macy glanced at him. “Yes, that’s Zoë, Delia’s daughter. To maintain a normal body temperature, Dr. Pender decided to keep her in the incubator for a few days.”

Beau stared at the tiny infant with wisps of strawberry-blond hair. She wore only a diaper, and round stickers attached cardiac and respiratory monitor cords to her small chest. His gut tightened at the sight.

“Is she okay?”

“Yes.”

“What’s that contraption she’s wearing?” A clear plastic bubble surrounded her head.

“She’s getting some extra oxygen through an oxyhood. Dr. Pender says she’s four weeks early and all she needs is time to grow and to become stronger.”

He watched the concern on her face. “Do you agree with that diagnosis?”

“I’m not sure. It makes sense, but I’ll feel better when we have the results of the tests.” She placed her hand on the glass, her eyes on Zoë. “Isn’t she adorable? And she has big blue eyes.”

Beau knew that tone. He’d heard it a million times as she cooed over some dog or cat who was battered and bruised. She was that type of person, and she was already so in love with her niece that any words of caution would be pointless.

“She’s so tiny,” he remarked.

“She’s five pounds and two ounces. Delia doesn’t want to nurse her. I just fed her and she feels like nothing in my arms. So precious.”

At that moment, Zoë’s body jerked and became stiff. Macy immediately tensed. The nurse on duty was standing over her and put her hand through the hole on the side of the incubator to Zoë’s chest. She gave the thumbs-up sign to Macy, signaling everything was okay.

“What was that?” he asked.

“Babies sometimes do that in their sleep. She’s fine.” Macy didn’t seem worried so he wasn’t, either.

“When can Delia take her home?”

“The doctor hasn’t said and we have to wait for the test results. But Delia can go home in the morning.”

“Is she fine with leaving the baby?”

“Yes, but she’s nervous and anxious. I’m trying to get her back on her meds.”

“Good luck with that. It never worked before.”

“She’s twenty-four now and has a baby to raise. She might be more responsible.”

He watched the glow on her face. “You just never give up.”

“No, not with someone I love. And with Zoë here, it will give us time to buy a baby bed and things Zoë will need.”

“Macy…”

She raised a hand to stop him. “I’m helping my sister any way I can and, yes, my heart will be broken when she takes the baby and leaves. But my heart has been broken before and I’ll survive.”

He wondered if she was talking about her exhusband. How much had she loved him? And what had happened in that marriage? He’d probably never know.

“When are you going home?” He had to tell her about the job offer and he didn’t want to do it here.

She cocked her head to one side. “I was hoping a tall, dark and handsome neighbor would give me a ride.”

That teasing light in her eyes warmed his insides. He didn’t understand how two people who cared so much for each other could be miles apart in their desires. He wanted a life with her, but she just wanted him around—like his mother. Oh yeah, that was a dose of reality.

He bowed from the waist. “He has arrived, ma’am. Are you ready?”

She smiled broadly and linked her arm through his, so naturally, so right. Yet there was a tension building in him that wasn’t natural or right.

“The baby’s fine and Delia’s sleeping. That will give me time to make space for a baby bed in the upstairs bedroom and do some shopping. Zoë’s going to need a lot of things. Delia doesn’t have anything prepared.” She talked as they headed toward the elevator.

“Don’t you think you should rest first? You’ve been up all day and night.”

They stepped onto the elevator and she touched his cheek. He wished she wouldn’t do that. It made it that much harder for him to remain detached.

“Thanks for worrying, but you know how I am. I’m on an adrenaline rush and there’s a lot of things I want to get done before Delia comes home.”

Yes, he knew how she was—a bundle of energy. Sometimes she worked twelve hours, then came home, cleaned the house, shopped, took care of her animals, snatched a few hours sleep and went back to work. She was always going at a breakneck speed, as if she had to stay busy. Maybe to keep from thinking. And he wondered what she was trying to avoid.

“This will give Delia and me a chance for some time together. Maybe we can talk as sisters again,” Macy said as they walked from the hospital to the parking area. “Delia has this wall of anger and resentment that’s hard to break through. I’m hoping Zoë will change all that. I’m looking forward to having them with me for a while.”

They climbed into his Expedition. “For a while?”

“Yes. I know this is short-term so you can stop looking at me like that.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He smiled inwardly at how she was trying to look at the situation realistically. But they both knew she was a cream puff when it came to animals and babies.

“Maybe, just maybe, Zoë will change Delia.”

“Maybe,” he murmured, but he had his doubts.

She playfully hit his shoulder. “How’s my gang?”

“Fine. I let them out for a bit then they stayed at my place. Lucky and Lefty made my bed.”

“Aren’t they smart?” Her eyes glowed with love.

“Absolutely. But I’m sure I have teeth marks on my sheets and comforter.”

“They’re love marks.”

“Mmm.”

“You see, you need a pet. It would be so much company for you.”

“No, no, no. We’ve been through this a million times. I work all the time and sometimes late at night.”

“But…”

“No.”

“Pets are wonderful. They greet you at the door with affection and they don’t care if you’re late. They’re just glad to see you. They lick your hands, your face and steal your heart with their unconditional love.”

“No.” He remained strong.

“Beau, you love my pets and you’d be crazy about one of your own.”

Now was the time to tell her his plans. He was moving and wouldn’t have time for a pet. Driving into his driveway, he turned off the engine. “Could we talk for a minute?”

“No.” She opened the door and got out. “You’re not convincing me you don’t have time for a pet. It’s a waste of your breath and my time. Talk to you later.” Closing the door, she ran to her condo.

Damn! He hit the steering wheel with his hand. On a scale of one to ten, his day was hovering at a one. He’d try again tonight—that’s all he could do.

Later he saw her drive away. She hadn’t even rested. Her mind and energy was now on the baby and Delia. He wasn’t even on her radar screen of interests.

BEAU ANSWERED his messages then thought of calling Tuck to see if he wanted to go out for a beer tonight. Tuck lived outside of Austin and they usually met halfway, but he had to talk to Macy. He couldn’t concentrate on anything else.

He grabbed a can of beer out of the refrigerator and found a bag of peanuts in the cabinet. As he opened the can, he saw the box of bacon-flavored dog biscuits. He kept treats for Macy’s animals. Their lives were as entwined as married people, except they weren’t together. And he couldn’t keep going on as if they were.

Clicking on the TV, he found a basketball game, sat down to enjoy his beer, and forced himself not to think about Macy. He was so engrossed in the game that the sound of the doorbell startled him. Hitting the mute button, he went to answer it.

Macy stood there with her arms full of shopping bags. She charged in and deposited her load onto the sofa, her animals following her. “I had to show you what I found,” she said, her cheeks flushed with excitement. “Once I started shopping, I couldn’t stop. And Delia’s going to need all of this.” She pulled a tiny pink outfit out of a bag. “I bought this to take Zoë home in. Look, it has lacy ruffles on the back. Isn’t that cute?” She didn’t give him time to answer. “It has booties, a cap and a blanket to match. I got sleepers, bibs, bottles, a diaper bag and several cases of diapers, just about everything a baby will need.” She kept pulling items out of the bags.

Bored, Lucky and Lefty trotted into the kitchen and reared up on the cabinet, whining. Beau gave them a treat.

“I bought a bassinet, but I have to put it together. I was hoping you’d help.”

He walked back into the living room. He had to do it now. “Sure, but I’d like to talk to you first.”

“I know I’m getting too involved, but I can’t help it.” She folded the pink outfit very carefully and he wondered if she ever thought of having children of her own. He was getting sidetracked.

“This isn’t about Delia and the baby.”

“It isn’t?” She folded a sleeper.

“No.” He took a moment. “I wanted to tell you before you found out from anyone else. My Dallas trip was about a job offer—a very good offer. I’m thinking of taking it.”

Her head jerked up. “What?”

“It’s a senior partnership, a salary to match and a corner office with a view of the city. The perks are unbelievable.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You’re moving to Dallas?”

“I have to let them know by the end of the week.”

“But your life and your family are here.”

“It’s not an easy decision to make.”

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and he noticed her hand shook slightly—the only sign that his leaving bothered her. His pulse skipped a beat.

She stuffed the clothes back into the bags, the neatly folded ones jumbled together. “You’re my best friend. I depend on you for so many things. I whine on your shoulder and tell you my secrets.”

This was it. He had to say out loud what he’d been avoiding for years. She had to know how he felt. He swallowed, never realizing how hard this would be. “Have you ever thought that we could be more than friends?” He waited, and his breath lodged in his throat like sawdust.

Macy didn’t answer. She just kept stuffing the baby items into the bags. That made him angry. He deserved an answer.

“Macy, did you hear me?”

“Beau, please, I…ah…” She didn’t look at him and that fueled his anger and his frustration.

“I don’t want to be just your friend. I want more. I want to have a life with you in every way that counts—a home and a family.”

She picked up the bags and her blue eyes met his. “I realize you’ve worked hard for this advancement.”

He frowned. “Is that all you can say? I just told you that…”

“I’ll miss you,” she muttered.

It took a few seconds for him to catch his breath. “I’ll miss you, too.” He sighed, waiting for a miracle he knew wasn’t going to happen. This was it. The final goodbye.

“I better get this stuff to my place and find room for it.” She moved toward the door and glanced back.

They stared at each other. Beau wanted to say so much but for a man who was used to talking, words suddenly seemed useless.

“Will you be leaving soon?” she asked.

“I have to let them know by the end of the week, but it will probably be a month before I leave Waco.”

“You’ll let me know.”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t feel he needed to.

They kept staring at each other. Years of friendship hung in the balance. Those years melted away into a moment of intense pain. Without another word, she turned and headed to her condo.

Beau flopped onto the sofa and buried his face in his hands. His leaving was about Macy, just like his mother had said. But he already knew that. He’d tried to take their friendship to another level, but she made it abundantly clear that wasn’t happening. He was never going to have a life with her, share her bed, her hopes, her dreams and her future.

It was over.

And the truth of that hurt more than he ever thought possible.

MACY PACED in her living room, Lucky and Lefty matching every step. Beau was leaving. That was all she could think. She never saw it coming and she should have. She should have known she couldn’t have Beau forever. Not this way. He needed more and so did she.

I want to have a life with you in every way that counts—a home and a family.

When he’d said those words, she’d wanted to accept everything he was offering. But she couldn’t. Why not?

The monster under the bed reared its ugly head and fear gripped her, held her a prisoner of her own emotions. Tell him about your marriage. Tell him the truth. The thoughts tantalized and teased, but the monster still held her captive. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t handle another rejection. It was time to let Beau go so he could find a woman who could give him everything he deserved—like the family he wanted.

To keep from torturing herself, she opened the box with the bassinet and realized her hands were shaking. Sucking in a calming breath, she decided to put it together herself. She could do it. She didn’t need Beau. After reading the instructions, she grabbed her tool-box—something Beau had insisted she have for when he fixed things at her place.

A sob escaped and she fought tears. No. She wouldn’t cry.

She forced herself to study the instructions. All she had to do was connect the stand to the body of the bassinet. Simple. A Phillips screwdriver was required. She stared at the set of screwdrivers. Which one?

“Mmm.” She glanced at Lucky. “Which is the Phillips screwdriver?”

Lucky barked and sniffed the tools. “Don’t know either, do you?”

Lucky barked louder and Lefty got in on the act.

“Quiet,” she ordered. “I have to think.”

It couldn’t be all that hard. Studying the screws, she picked a screwdriver to match the grooves. She shouted for joy and the dogs barked again.

“Shh.” It took a lot of strength and patience, but she worked on until she had the bassinet attached to the base.

Sinking back on her heels, she looked at her handiwork. It was beautiful—all white and delicate. Through her defenses slipped another memory of a precious bassinet trimmed with satin and lace.

No. No. No.

She leaped to her feet, shoved the memory away and collapsed onto the sofa. Gathering her dogs into her arms, she felt as if her world had just collapsed. The monster under the bed now controlled her and she was the only one who could turn on the light and reveal the secret she’d kept hidden in her heart.

Beau wanted her to ask him to stay. She saw it in his eyes—that’s how well she knew him, and she’d wanted to. But she didn’t have anything to offer him, except friendship.

Sometimes late at night when she wished his arms were around her, she’d wondered how long she’d have him. How long would they be friends before he’d want more? He was a man, after all. She’d seen him go out on dates and though it broke her heart she never did anything to stop it. Just like she’d do nothing to stop him leaving.

A tear trickled out of the corner of her eye, then another followed. She tasted the saltiness on her lips and the dogs whined at her distress. Freckles slinked along the back of the sofa and rested on her shoulder. She stroked them so they’d know she was okay.

But she wasn’t.

Beau had said that she had more energy than anyone he knew. She had to keep going, doing until she exhausted herself. That way her mind was too tired to dream dreams she shouldn’t—like having a husband and a family. She’d had the fairy tale. Now she lived with the nightmare.

She would never marry again, but she would always love Beau. How she wished she could tell him that and share her secret. Allen was the only one who knew. Not even her parents had known what had happened in her marriage. It was her own personal pain.

Beau was leaving.

More tears followed and she didn’t bother to brush them away. She needed to cry, to cleanse away the heartache and to find the strength to say goodbye to Beau.

That night as she lay in bed her arms ached to hold him, to see the warmth in his eyes, feel his body against hers and to fulfill a need in her that she’d been denying for a long time. She wanted Beau in all the ways a woman wanted a man she loved.

Tell him.

The silence mingled with the darkness and the fear in her was very real, holding her back. Turning the light on wouldn’t help. She’d still be the same person, a person no one could love.

Living without Beau was better than living with his rejection, which inevitably would come. Tomorrow she’d be better. Tomorrow she’d be busy with Delia and the baby. Tomorrow she would find the strength to face a future without Beau.