Читать книгу The Christmas Cradle - Linda Warren - Страница 9

Dear Santa,

I’ve been real good this year, but could you please send Daddy and me a mommy for Christmas? Someone who’s nice and pretty and likes dogs and horses. That’s all I want for Christmas.

Love,

Ellie Kincaid

Ellie was stuffing the letter into an envelope and licking the flap as Colter Kincaid walked into the room.

“What are you doing, angelface?”

“I wrote a letter to Santa. Could you mail it for me, please?” Her bright green eyes waited for an answer.

A knot formed in Colter’s stomach. He knew what she’d written because this was the same letter his daughter wrote every year—asking Santa for a mother. He’d helped her when she was three and four, but after that she’d printed them herself.

She was seven now, a mother was all she ever thought about. Instead of enjoying her childhood, Ellie spent her time thinking of ways to get a mother; she’d landed him in a few embarrassing situations by asking women out to the ranch.

He didn’t have the heart to tell her he’d never fall in love again and that she’d never have the mother she wanted. Life was cruel and love was painful, but he wouldn’t tell his daughter that. She’d learn soon enough.

“First thing in the morning,” he replied, taking the letter from her. “Now it’s time for bed.”

Ellie made a face. “Why do I have to go to bed at nine? I don’t have school tomorrow ’cause it’s Saturday. We’re going shopping with Aunt Becky in Dallas.”

“Because we have rules around here.”

“Tulley doesn’t obey the rules. He goes to bed when he wants to.”

Colter pulled back the covers. “When you’re Tulley’s age, you can go to bed when you please.”

“Oh boy.” Ellie crawled into bed. Her dog, Sooner, jumped up beside her. “How old is Tulley? How long do I have to wait?”

“Tulley’s seventy. You do the math.”

Her face fell again. “I’ll never be that old.”

Colter gathered her in his arms. “Yes, you will, but you’ll always be my little girl.”

“I love you, Daddy.” She gave him several loud kisses.

He kissed her soft cheek. “I love you, too, angelface.”

No matter what happened in his life, this child would always be the center of it, and he would do everything in his power to ensure her happiness.

And that meant he couldn’t tell her the truth about her mother.

MARISA PRESTON SAT at her desk and wondered what she was doing in her Dallas office on a Saturday afternoon. She didn’t usually come in on weekends, but today she had to stay busy, to keep from thinking. She got up and headed down to the busy hub of Dalton’s Department Store. The firm she’d hired to do the Christmas decorations had done an outstanding job, or so her secretary and father had informed her. Maybe looking at the decorations would inspire a little Christmas spirit. This time of year always left her with a lonely, empty feeling that was hard to shake.

She found herself in the gift section full of special items they’d gotten in for the holidays. Her eyes went to it immediately—the Christmas Cradle. They had one every year. A man who lived in Austin designed and crafted them, and each one was made from a single block of wood. He didn’t use a single screw or hinge. His wife sewed the delicate bedding of white silk and lace. It was an antique design, and the wood was stained, not painted. All the intricate designs carved on the cradle denoted “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” making it one of a kind.

Unable to stop herself, she walked over and touched the beautiful cradle. As it rocked gently, she suddenly felt suffocated. Closing her eyes, she drew several deep breaths, but she couldn’t block out the sound—the sound of her baby crying.

She was powerless to halt the memories. This was the day she’d met him. She remembered it vividly; her friends, Stacy and Rhonda, had wanted her to go on an adventure to Las Vegas early in December. Back then, she’d lived in a New York penthouse with her mother and adhered to a strict regimen of training to be a concert pianist. While her mother was away in Europe, she had the opportunity to escape. She’d yearned for fun and freedom.

The National Rodeo Finals were taking place, and Stacy and Rhonda wanted to attend some of the events, to get a glimpse of a real cowboy. Once they were sitting in the audience, all of Marisa’s attention was on one cowboy. He wasn’t bigger or taller than any of the others, but he rode with such self-assurance and confidence, and he seemed to have a genuine respect for the animal he was riding.

He was the best and they all knew it. Not only had the announcer said he was the top rider in the country, he had numerous awards to prove it.

He’d been very impressive to a young girl from New York. She hadn’t been able to take her eyes off him. Once, when he’d finished a ride, the pickup riders let him down right in front of where she was sitting. He’d bent to retrieve his hat and as he straightened and slapped his hat against the side of his leg, he’d looked directly at her.

He had the most unusual green eyes. They were light green, the color of grapes in summer. She remembered that first stirring of desire she’d experienced gazing into those eyes, and she’d known he would be far more stimulating than any nectar grapes could produce.

And he was. He was a true-blue Texas cowboy, with a brooding look that could make a young girl’s heart flutter. He was handsome, exciting and very much a man. She’d fallen in love with him instantly.

If her mother… She exhaled a painful breath as other emotions crowded in—the shock, the heartache that followed. But those were only minor compared to the pain of her son’s birth and his death. She still wasn’t over it, and she believed a woman never got over losing a child. She hadn’t. The memory of her son was always with her.

That was why at Christmastime she always managed to find her way to the cradle. It would soon be sold to a lucky expectant mother, but for a moment she could imagine… No, no, don’t.

Shoving the memories away, she glanced around the large store, its merchandise and salespeople upscale and the very best. Dalton’s was important to her and her family. Her grandfather, her mother’s father, had started the business in the 1930s, and today it was one of the most successful family-owned chains in Texas. This was her heritage and she was proud of it.

She just wished she felt more enjoyment, more pleasure in her work. What she actually felt was trapped. As senior vice-president, she should have more responsibility for making decisions, but her father, Richard Preston, was the driving force behind Dalton’s and nothing was ever done without his approval.

The decorations were perfect, she thought, studying the beautiful gold and silver bells and garlands and the red accents that seemed to reflect the cheer and enthusiasm of the busy shoppers.

Several of the employees watched her, but none spoke. She hated her father’s rules: no fraternizing with the staff and vice versa. She’d been reprimanded more than once for speaking to employees while on the floor. If she had something to say, her father had told her, she was to summon that person to her office. Since her best friend worked on the floor, it was hard to follow the rules, but then, her father didn’t need to know every little detail of her life. Although she resented his rigidity and control, she’d always be grateful to him because he’d been there when she’d really needed someone. Her mother she refused to think about—especially today.

She stopped abruptly as she caught sight of a man standing by the gift-wrap counter. No. Her breath congealed in her throat. It can’t be. It can’t be him! Not today.

Was she hallucinating? Thinking about him too much? The tall lean figure had to be a trick of her imagination. But as she took in the long legs in tight-fitting Wranglers, the silver buckle, the cowboy boots, the brown leather jacket, she knew this was real. He was real—as real as he’d been eight years ago.

Colter Kincaid, the man she’d loved so passionately and promised to marry when she was seventeen, the father of her son, was standing a few feet away.

She hadn’t seen him even once since that morning in the motel, but she would’ve known him anywhere: the proud way he held his head, the sharp lines of his face, those broad shoulders. All these things were the same and yet he seemed so different. It was as if time and maturity had added another dimension that she knew nothing about. What was he doing here? Marisa fought an unwelcome surge of excitement as she trembled with an awareness she thought she’d long forgotten.

She felt that awareness like a raw wound, deep in her heart. Her first encounter with love had almost destroyed her. That all-consuming passion had controlled her mind, body and soul, and she never wanted to experience it again.

Yet she couldn’t look away, couldn’t move, was unable to do anything but stare at him. The years had enhanced his appeal, not dimmed it, but there was a hardness around his eyes that she didn’t remember. She had waited so long for this meeting, for a chance to explain about the past. But the words wouldn’t come and she felt as tongue-tied as the first time she’d met him.

COLTER GLANCED IMPATIENTLY at his watch. How long could it possibly take to wrap three packages? God, he hated shopping. That was part of being a parent, though. He did a lot of things he didn’t really enjoy. Like having a multitude of little girls over for a slumber party and listening to them giggle all night, not to mention listening to music that could easily break the sound barrier. But when his daughter put her arms around his neck and said, “You’re the best daddy in the whole world,” it was all worth it. He sighed, checking his watch again.

His impatience vanished as an eerie feeling came over him. He could actually feel the hair on the back of his neck standing up, as if his body sensed danger. Raising his head, he received a jolt that he would remember for a long time. He felt winded and gasped, struggling for breath. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be her. But he knew it was as he looked into the brown eyes of a woman he’d hoped never to see again.

They stood there silently, staring at each other, and against every conscious objection on his part, the years rolled back. He remembered that time in Las Vegas, the love they’d shared, the days and nights of sensual magic only their bodies could create. The happiness and pleasure of those weeks flashed through him, only to be overshadowed by the pain left in its aftermath.

Colter’s first instinct was to turn his back on her and walk away. He didn’t want to acknowledge her presence, but a force deep inside moved him forward until he was standing in front of her.

From a distance he could tell she’d changed, but he wasn’t prepared for the impact of seeing her face-to-face. The young girl he remembered had matured into a beautiful woman. His eyes made a quick, thorough assessment of her, taking in the ash-blond hair around her oval face, the dark eyes that shimmered like brown satin, the delicately carved facial bones and the soft curve of her mouth. His appraisal missed nothing, not the beige linen dress and matching jacket, nor the way she nervously pushed her hair behind her ear. A provocative gesture he remembered well.

She was beautiful; he’d thought that years ago, too. Bitterness quickly filled his mind, reminding him what a fool he’d been—a stupid, infatuated fool. Her beauty was only a facade. She was not beautiful on the inside.

“Marisa Preston?” Her name erupted from his lips and came out as a question, and he couldn’t imagine why, because he definitely knew who she was.

“YES,” SHE ANSWERED with a quaver in her voice, feeling as if her knees were going to buckle. “It’s been a long time. Do you live in Dallas now?”

His eyes narrowed. “Why do you ask?”

She shrugged, not knowing how to answer. She’d only been trying to make the best of an awkward situation.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

The bluntness of the question took her by surprise, but she answered without a pause. “I work here.”

He frowned. “Work? Here?” He made no attempt to hide the incredulity in his voice as his eyes slid over her again.

“In the executive office,” she amended.

“The executive office?” The frown deepened. “I assumed you’d be playing in concert halls all over the world by now. Isn’t that what your mother planned for you?”

“You know I never wanted to do that,” she answered almost inaudibly, wondering if that was what he’d believed—that she’d left him to pursue her career as a concert pianist.

“I never knew what you wanted,” he said in a harsh tone. “I never knew you at all.”

Her stomach tightened. She hadn’t expected him to be so cold, so angry. After all these years, she’d expected idle curiosity about why she’d left him, but he didn’t seem too concerned with her reasons for leaving. Her head began to throb and she lightly touched her temple to ease the ache.

His eyes caught the small gesture. “What’s the matter? Do thoughts of the past upset you?”

If he only knew. Feelings of guilt mounted inside her. “Some thoughts,” she acknowledged, forcing herself to meet his eyes. “But that was a long time ago, and I was very young.” The statement sounded inane even to her own ears, so she tried again. “I made a lot of bad choices that I’m not proud of, but I’ve managed to put them behind me.”

“How convenient for you,” he muttered, urging himself to walk away. He couldn’t do it, though. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just leave? It had to be the shock of seeing her, of knowing what she’d done to his life. She’d ruined him for other women. After her, he couldn’t trust a woman again. He’d tried, but he couldn’t, and he couldn’t fully love again, either—the way a man should love a woman. Not even for his daughter had he been able to do that. All because of this woman.

She called it a bad choice, said she’d been young. Was he supposed to accept that and now have a pleasant conversation with her? Her gall was unbelievable! He mentally shook himself, fighting to keep his emotions under control.

MARISA HAD IMAGINED this meeting a thousand times, but she was unprepared for this hostile stranger, especially since he’d married Shannon four months after Marisa had left him. Her mother was glad to tell her the details. So why would he still be so angry with a young girl who’d broken her promise of marriage?

She blinked nervously under his hard stare, unable to stop herself from asking, “Don’t you think you’re overreacting? After all, it was a long time ago.”

“Overreacting!” he repeated, his voice sharp as a whiplash. He jammed his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Doesn’t it ever bother you?”

How dare he ask her that? He was a married man. He had no right to judge her without knowing the truth. The truth. She suddenly knew she had to tell him that truth, the truth that had tortured her for years.

“Yes, it bothered me for a while,” she began, lifting her chin, meeting his icy gaze as she struggled for the right words. “But as I said, I was young and—”

“Oh, please,” he cut in. “Spare me your pretty speech. Why don’t you just admit that you were a spoiled rich girl who couldn’t handle responsibility or commitment, so you ran home to mother?”

“It wasn’t like that,” she denied, hating the picture he held of her in his mind.

“It was just like that. Tulley warned me. Shannon warned me, but—”

“Please,” she begged, her head beginning to ache in earnest. “You don’t understand.”

“No. I’ll never understand.”

“If you’d just listen, I can explain.”

“It may surprise you, but I’m not interested in anything you have to say—now or ever. I’ve moved on.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she said, hoping for a weakening in his implacable attitude. He quickly disillusioned her.

“No, of course not,” he replied in a scornful voice. “You never thought about me or my feelings. You just left.”

“Please, listen—”

“I told you I’m not interested in anything you have to say. I had a feeling you were trouble the first moment I met you, but you seemed so different from the other girls who hung around the rodeos—or so I thought. You had me wrapped so tight around your little finger, I couldn’t see the real woman behind the beautiful face.” His eyes slid over her, sending a tiny shiver through her body. “It’s hard to imagine I ever considered myself in love…with you.”

“Mr. Kincaid, your packages are ready,” a woman called from the gift-wrap counter.

Colter whirled toward her.

“Daddy,” a little girl shouted, running up to him with a pair of low-rise jeans in her hands. Rhinestones glittered on the pockets and around the hem. “Can I have these? I really like them.”

Colter grabbed his packages and turned to face the child. “You’re too young for jeans like that.”

“But all the girls in my class are wearing them.”

“Ellie—”

He and Shannon had a daughter—a beautiful little girl with blond hair and green eyes. The Kincaid green eyes. She appeared to be around six or seven, and Marisa couldn’t look away. Through the panic rising in her, she realized Colter and Shannon had started a family very soon after she’d left.

Before she could assimilate this piece of information, another child with blond hair came running up.

“Daddy said I can’t have them,” the girl called Ellie told the other one.

Marisa’s stomach tensed in pain. Colter has two daughters.

“Go put the jeans back,” Colter said.

“Aw, Daddy.”

“Ellie.”

“Okay, c’mon, Lori, we’ll find something else.”

They ran off and Colter followed. He didn’t give Marisa a second glance.

Colter stopped and put his arm around a woman who had her back to Marisa. Marisa couldn’t see the woman clearly, but it had to be Shannon Wells—Colter’s wife.

Almost in slow motion, Marisa walked to the executive elevators. Once the doors closed, she jabbed the stop button and the elevator stalled. She sank to the floor, wrapped her arms around her trembling body and began to cry. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she didn’t bother to wipe them away as pain encompassed every part of her. Why today? Why did she have to see him and his perfect family today?

And why, after so many years, did it still hurt so much?

“MS. PRESTON? MS. PRESTON? Are you stuck in the elevator?”

Marisa heard the man’s voice over the intercom and rose slowly to her feet. She hit Talk and released the stop button. “I’m fine, thank you. The elevator’s moving now.”

When it reached the executive floor, the maintenance man was waiting. “Ms. Preston—”

“I’m fine,” she murmured again, brushing past him and hurrying to her office, not wanting him to see she’d been crying. The news would quickly get back to her father, and she couldn’t deal with that right now.

She went over to the window that overlooked downtown Dallas, she didn’t see anything except Colter’s angry face. So many years she’d waited to tell him about their son, yet she couldn’t even bring herself to utter the words in his presence. We had a son. He died. How could she say that to him? Oh God, she had to talk to someone.

She picked up her phone. “Send Cari Michaels to my office, please.”

“Yes, ma’am,” her secretary responded.

Marisa wrapped her arms around her waist again to still her agitated nerves, and waited, staring out the window. Within minutes, Cari came through the door. Petite with dark eyes and hair, Cari had started working at Dalton’s as a sales-clerk. Today she was head of staff and, even though she had an office, she spent a lot of time on the floor making sure the store ran smoothly. Marisa had met her the first year she’d returned to Texas and they’d become fast friends, best friends. Cari knew all of Marisa’s secrets.

“You’re going to get me in trouble,” Cari teased. “You keep forgetting I’m not allowed on the executive floor.”

The executive floor was for the Preston family. Her father had a large suite of offices, as did she and her brother, Reed.

Marisa turned from the window.

“What’s wrong?” Cari asked immediately.

“I saw him.”

Cari frowned. “Him? Who?”

“Him,” Marisa emphasized.

“Oh, no.” Cari understood now, and Marisa blurted out what happened.

“He was awful and I…I don’t understand.” Marisa was trembling visibly, and Cari quickly got her a glass of water.

“Here—” Cari handed her the glass. “Sit down before you collapse.”

Marisa sank into her chair and took a sip.

“Are you okay?”

Marisa nodded. “Seeing him was such a shock and he was so hateful, not at all like the man I once knew. It brought back so many memories. I wanted to tell him about our son, but he wouldn’t listen. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was. I wanted him to know—” Her voice wavered as emotion closed her throat.

Cari knelt beside her. “Marisa, don’t do this to yourself. You were so young, and you did the best you could under the circumstances.”

“Did I?” Marisa jerked to her feet and began to pace. “I don’t think so. I was weak and I let my mother control my life.”

Cari stood, too. “Marisa, what good will it do to—”

“My mother has these priceless crystal eggs that have figurines in them. I feel like one of those figurines, encased in glass, sheltered from the world, not allowed to live or make my own choices. That’s how both my parents treat me—like a piece of crystal.”

Cari didn’t say anything.

“Everyone knows my father created this job for me. I’m nothing but a figurehead. I’m allowed to decorate the store. That’s rich. That’s a joke.”

“Marisa, please—”

“But not anymore, Cari,” she said with renewed vigor. “No one’s going to treat me like that—including Colter Kincaid.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I have to see him again and tell him what really happened. That’s the only way I’ll have any peace.” She drew a deep breath. “But I don’t know where he lives. I never knew, even when we were together.”

“Do you really not know?”

Marisa swung to face her friend. “What?”

“I guess it was inevitable that you’d run into him one day.”

“What do you mean?”

A look of momentary discomfort crossed Cari’s face. “He has a large horse ranch somewhere outside Mesquite.”

“How do you know?” Marisa asked, pushing hair from her face.

“A couple of years ago, he was featured in Texas magazine. The story talked about his success as a horse rancher—and in the western wear business. His name’s on everything from boots to belt buckles.”

“What?” she whispered. “He was just a cowboy when I met him. And now he…”

“Marisa.” Cari’s eyes filled with compassion. “I never said anything because I didn’t want to upset you—and what good could it possibly have done? You’ve come too far to let this get the better of you.”

Marisa licked her dry lips. “Where’s his ranch?”

Cari shook her head. “I’ve just read about it, that’s all.”

“Please, Cari, I need his address.” Marisa stared into her friend’s eyes with a silent plea.

Cari sighed. “Marisa, I have this feeling you’re going to get hurt.”

“More than I’m hurting right now? I don’t think that’s possible.”

Cari flung up her hands. “Okay, let’s try the Dallas and Mesquite phone books.”

Marisa opened a drawer and pulled out the directories. Colter wasn’t listed, but his company had a Dallas address.

“That doesn’t help,” Marisa said. “And I’m sure his company won’t divulge his home address.”

“Your father has a lot of contacts,” Cari suggested. “I’m sure he could find the address in no time.”

“I don’t want my father involved in this,” Marisa replied, her tone abrupt.

Cari shrugged. “Just an idea. Now, let’s think. There must be a lot of people who know him.” Cari grew thoughtful. “Wait a minute. Why didn’t I think of this before? My sister’s husband works for one of those large feed-supply places. Colter has horses, so maybe he buys feed from them.”

“Call him, Cari, please.”

As Cari punched out a number, Marisa’s nerves were taut. She knew she should just forget about Colter and get on with her life. He had, so why couldn’t she? She didn’t have an answer. All she knew was that she had to find him.

Cari haggled with her brother-in-law, it was clear he didn’t want to give out the information. Finally Cari scribbled something on a pad and Marisa’s heartbeat accelerated.

Cari hung up, then handed her the paper. “I had to use a little family blackmail, but there it is.”

Marisa hugged her. “Thanks, Cari. Thank you so much.”

“Just don’t tell anyone where you got the address, or Charlie could lose his job.”

“I won’t breathe a word. I promise.” She grabbed her purse and coat.

“You’re going now?” Cari asked, sounding dismayed.

“Yes. I need to do this and I need to do it now.”

“But sleet’s in the forecast. Why don’t you wait until tomorrow?”

“No, I can’t,” Marisa said. “I’ll be back before the weather turns bad. Mesquite is only about fifteen minutes from Dallas, and the ranch can’t be much farther.”

“Marisa—”

A tap on the door interrupted Cari. Reed Preston, Marisa’s brother, walked in and shook his head at Cari. “You know you’re not supposed to be on this floor,” he said.

Cari didn’t bat an eye at Reed’s censure. “Don’t worry, junior, I was just leaving.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Cari lifted an eyebrow, then glanced at Marisa. “Call me later.” She sauntered out the door.

“I don’t appreciate it when you talk to my friends like that,” Marisa said once the other woman had left.

“Cari? She’s tough as nails, and if I didn’t reprimand her, she’d think I was ill.”

“Still, she’s my friend and I invited her here.”

“Point taken.” Reed grinned at her.

He was five years older than Marisa and a younger version of their father, very tall and handsome with a disarming smile. She was four years old when she and her mother moved to New York, and nine-year-old Reed had stayed with their father in Dallas. It was well known that Harold Dalton had arranged the marriage of his only daughter, Vanessa, to Richard Preston. His daughter didn’t have much interest in the stores, and her grandfather wanted a man who could control her and control the empire he’d built.

The marriage had been a disaster from the start, but they’d stuck it out until Harold Dalton passed away. Then they’d received a shock. Harold had left half his estate to Vanessa and the other half to Richard. If they divorced, they’d lose everything. Her grandfather had sentenced them to a life together. But her parents figured out a way around it—living separate lives without a divorce, and in the process making their children’s lives a nightmare.

“I stopped by to see if you wanted to go with me to the airport to pick up Mother.”

“Oh, no, sorry. I have other plans.” She couldn’t believe her mother’s visit had completely slipped her mind. She’d been dreading it for days. Now other, more important, matters took precedence.

Reed watched her for a moment. “Are you okay?”

“Sure, why?”

“You seem a little nervous.”

“It’s nothing.”

“I know you and Mother have had problems, but that’s all in the past, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

In her youth, her mother’s complete domination of her life had turned her into a shy, insecure teenager. Vanessa had dreams and plans for Marisa—dreams Marisa didn’t share. She’d rebelled only once, when she’d run away to Vegas, and that had been the happiest and yet most debilitating part of her life. She had thought she’d never recover, but after the death of her son, her father had brought her back to Texas. With his love and support, she’d stood up to her mother and refused to return to New York. For the first time in her life, she made her own plans. She went to university and earned a degree in business and then began working for Dalton Department Stores, much to her father’s delight.

She’d grown confident and stronger and was now able to cope with her mother on an adult level. She still had difficulty sorting out her feelings about Vanessa, but she did love her, although at times she found it impossible to like her.

“I really have to go,” she said, brushing past Reed.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ll be home in time for dinner.” She threw the words over her shoulder.

As she drove out of Dallas, her nerve began to falter, especially when she thought about Colter’s wife. Shannon had been crazy about him back then and she hadn’t liked it when Colter took an interest in Marisa. Colter had said they were just friends, but Marisa knew it was far more for Shannon. In the end, Shannon had won. Colter had married her. That hurt, even now, but she didn’t want to cause any problems in Colter’s marriage. However, she had to tell him the truth, for her own peace of mind, her sanity. She couldn’t live with the guilt any longer, and there was only one solution. To see Colter—and to tell him about their son.