Читать книгу A Cry In The Night - Linda Castillo - Страница 10

“This way.”

The sound of Kelly’s voice jerked him from his reverie. Buzz’s flashlight illuminated a fork in the trail. Kelly motioned left. “How far are we from where you fell?” he asked.

“Maybe another quarter mile or so.”

“This was a long hike for a young kid.”

“He’s a bundle of energy, Buzz. I know him. I know his physical capabilities, and I know what he likes. He’s always been fascinated by the outdoors. Trails. Camping. Animal tracks. Even flowers. We were having so much fun, I just didn’t realize how….” Her voice trailed off.

Buzz practically felt the rise of guilt. “I didn’t mean to imply that this is your fault, Kel.”

“I know. I just…if I’d just used my head, none of this would have happened.”

“You know what they say about hindsight being twenty-twenty.”

She shot him a grateful look. “Yeah.”

They walked in silence for a while, the only sound coming from their feet on the trail and heavy breathing. “Do you know the tread pattern on his sneakers?” Buzz asked.

“The deputy said the tracks had been—”

“You never know when you might get lucky.”

She didn’t hesitate. “Small circles with an arrow pointing toward the toe.”

“That ought to be easy enough to spot.”

“I didn’t see any when I looked, but I was pretty frantic. I could have missed something.”

Buzz tried to approach this mission with the same emotionless determination with which he approached other missions, but the cool objectivity he’d always been able to achieve eluded him. He couldn’t stop thinking that it was his son out there this time. A little boy who was too young to keep himself safe. A child who still carried his stuffed animal with him.

“This is the place.”

Buzz halted. Kelly stood a couple of feet away, her breath puffing out in a thin white cloud. The night had grown cool. A preschooler with nothing but a light jacket to keep him warm would be cold.

Dropping his pack to the ground, Buzz dug the whistle out of his jeans pocket and blew into it twice in quick succession.

“Eddie!” Kelly turned in a circle, looking out into the surrounding darkness. “Honey, it’s Mommy!”

Putting the whistle back in his pocket, Buzz put his finger to his lips. “Quiet, Kel. The whistle carries farther than a voice. Let’s just listen a moment, and see if we get a response.”

She nodded, then stood motionless and stared into the surrounding darkness. For a full two minutes, Buzz listened to the chirping of crickets, the call of an occasional night bird, the crack of a twig beneath the weight of a fat raccoon, the rustle of an owl’s wings as it swooped down to pluck an unsuspecting mouse from the grass.

“Exactly where did you fall?” Buzz asked.

“To your left. Eddie dropped Bunky Bear down the ravine. He’s had that bear since he was born, and he was upset.”

“Don’t tell me you went after it.”

“The bear fell only a few feet down.”

Shining the light down the incline, Buzz frowned. It was steep and rugged, but not vertical. “You should have known better than to try something like that without a partner.”

“I thought I could get to it, then get right back up. But I grabbed a branch. The branch broke….” She shrugged. “Well, there’s that hindsight thing again.”

Buzz knew all too well about hindsight.

“I’m going to go down there and have a look around,” he said.

“Buzz, what did you just tell me?”

“I’ve got an adult partner. You.”

“I’m not EMT certified.”

He shot her a small smile. “I’m not a rookie.”

“No, you’re just foolhardy.”

“Same goes, evidently.”

She frowned at him. “I guess I had that coming.”

“You did.” He handed her the spotlight. “Keep the light out of my eyes and on the ground below me so I can see, okay?”

Nodding once, she accepted the spotlight. “Be careful.”

The light flickered over her delicate features like firelight. Her gaze met his, and Buzz felt his heart give a weird little lurch.

Kelly wished he wouldn’t look at her like that. Like the world was at his beck and call, and she was right at the center of that world. She was no longer the idealistic young woman who’d fallen crazy in love with him a lifetime ago. She wasn’t the same woman he’d married. Wasn’t even the same woman he’d divorced. The world had taught her a few things since then. Lessons Kelly wouldn’t ever forget. Lessons that had made her too smart to make the same mistakes all over again.

But looking into his eyes, she believed everything was going to work out. The fierce determination that was so much a part of him, the force of his personality, his inability to take no for an answer. All of those things made her believe they were going to find Eddie unharmed. That was why she was here, she realized. If anyone could find her son, it was Buzz. So she’d come, even though she’d known both of them would pay a price.

Kelly had never been able to pretend when it came to Buzz. The mere power of his gaze wrenched the truth from her no matter how painful, no matter how deeply she tried to lock it away. She knew this was going to change their lives irrevocably. And as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she knew from experience that sometimes things didn’t work out for the better.

Trying not to think of the darker possibilities, she watched him step into the rappel harness and loop the nylon rope through the carabiner, then anchor the end to a sturdy-looking pine. She knew better than to notice the way that harness accentuated his long, muscular thighs and lean hips. But she noticed anyway. And the sight of him, even after all these years, still made her mouth go dry.

“Kel, the spotlight.”

She jumped at the sound of his voice, jerked the light to the steep incline just below him. “Be careful of the rocks,” she said.

“I’m always careful.” Never taking his eyes from hers, he stepped backward toward the ledge. Glancing quickly behind him, he stepped down and disappeared over the edge. She could hear the nylon rope humming through his gloves as he descended, his hiking boots thudding against the rocky face of the ravine. Holding the spotlight steady, she guided him over jagged granite, through juniper and the spindly roots of the occasional pine that clung to the side of the mountain, all the way to the ravine floor thirty feet down.

“I’m in!” came Buzz’s shout a moment later.

The rope went slack and Kelly knew he’d disengaged the rappel harness. She squinted through the darkness. “Do you see anything?” she shouted.

She could hear him breaking through brush. Hope burgeoned until her chest was so tight she couldn’t breathe. Please, God, let my son be down there. Let him be all right.

The need to hold Eddie tight and safe in her arms was an ache so deep she almost cried out with the pain of it. That need twisted inside her now, like a knife, cutting her at the very core of her being. She knew better than to get her hopes up, knew how acute disappointment could be, but her heart kicked hard at the thought of getting him back safe and sound.

“I need for you to put on the harness.”

Kelly started so abruptly at the sound of Buzz’s voice, she nearly dropped the spotlight. She’d been so embroiled in her thoughts, she hadn’t seen him climb back up the ravine wall. One look at his face, and fear snarled like a rabid beast inside her. She tried to shove it down, refusing to give it free rein, but it was a cold, mean fear and clamped over her like a predator’s jaws.

“What is it?” she blurted. “Is he down there? Is he—?”

“Easy, Kel.” Buzz grimaced. “He’s not there. But he was. I almost missed it, but there’s a sneaker print.”

“Are you sure? He was there? But how did he—” She closed her eyes, a strangled sound escaping her. “How did he get down that ravine?”

“Looks like our little guy climbed down.”

“But…it’s so steep. How did he….” Because she didn’t want to think of her son braving such a treacherous climb, she let the words trail.

“Maybe he climbed down to help you.”

The thought of Eddie trekking down that dangerously steep ravine to help her ripped at her, tearing her from the inside out. She’d sworn she wasn’t going to cry or succumb to hysterics, but the thought of her little boy risking his life to help her when she’d been hurt shattered the last of her control.

She put her hand over her mouth to smother a sob. “Oh, God, Buzz. He’s so brave.”

“Easy, Kel. Just take it easy for me, okay?”

“I want him back.”

“I know, honey.”

Kelly closed her eyes tightly against the tears, but they squeezed through her lashes and ran unchecked down her cheeks. The sob that tore from her throat didn’t sound at all like her. Not like Kelly Malone who’d been standing on her own two feet since she was fifteen years old. Not the young girl who’d lost not only her father, but her brother and then spent the rest of her teenaged years taking care of the broken woman who had once been her mother.

But the pain was too great and refused to be bridled. Wrapping her arms around herself, Kelly doubled over, felt a sob wrench from her throat. “Where is he?” she cried.

“Shh. Kel, hey, settle down. I want you to take a deep breath for me, okay?”

She tried to suck in a breath, but all she managed was a keening sound that echoed off the trees like the cries of a dying animal.

“Kel….”

“I want my son.”

“Come here.”

She barely heard the whispered words over the tide of grief within her. But slowly they penetrated the fog of pain, the fear of the unknown, and registered in her brain. Come here. An offer of comfort when she desperately needed it. She knew what it was like to be wrapped within those strong arms. To have that gentle voice reassure her. For those hands to caress away her pain and fear. She knew better than to give in to that kind of temptation. But Kelly was tired of being strong. Tired of being alone. For a little while, she wanted to step into that strong embrace and just be held.

Buzz took the decision away from her. Without bothering to remove his rappelling harness, he reached for her. Strong hands closed around her arms and pulled her to him. Kelly started to protest, but he shushed her gently. She didn’t remember falling against him. Or wrapping her arms around those rock-solid shoulders. She knew getting close like this was dangerous business, that she should pull away. But the next thing she knew he was holding her close, molding her body to his and she was helpless to resist. All the while the scent of his aftershave curled around her brain, reminding her of how right it had once felt to be wrapped within this man’s embrace.

“I need him back, Buzz. It’s killing me.” She was sobbing now. Wrenching sobs that bubbled up from somewhere deep inside her where the pain was unbearable and her body and heart could no longer contain it.

“We’ll get him back.”

“He’s everything to me.”

“Shh. We’ll find him.” Gently, he stroked the back of her head. “Let it out, honey. Just cry it out. I’ve got you.”

Kelly didn’t want to cry. Not again. But the pain had been hammering at her for nearly six hours now. The element of the unknown beckoned her beleaguered mind to conjure unspeakable possibilities. She simply couldn’t bear it if something terrible happened to her little boy.

“Promise me we’re going to find him,” she whispered. “Please, promise me.”

“Kel—”

“Say it,” she said fiercely. “I want to hear you say it.”

“I promise. We’ll find him. Just…be still a moment, okay?”

The rush of tears ended as quickly as it had descended. In its wake, Kelly felt calmer. Still afraid, but somehow stronger. Purged.

“Better?” Buzz asked.

She wasn’t sure why the question embarrassed her, but it did. Kelly wasn’t a helpless female, couldn’t bear for this strong man to think of her that way. “I didn’t mean for that to happen,” she said. “I don’t usually have emotional meltdowns.”

“Considering the circumstances, I won’t hold it against you.”

Tilting her head back just enough to look at him, she smiled thinly. “I appreciate that.”

“You’ve been holding it together remarkably well. You’re doing just fine.”

Only then did she realize his arms were still around her, and he was close enough for her to feel the warm brush of his breath against her cheek. Awareness zinged through her. She felt the hard planes of his body against hers, his warmth radiating into her, taking away the chill that had sunk all the way to her bones. He smelled of soap and man and the subtle scent of an aftershave that brought back a jumble of memories she was crazy to think of now.

Realizing she’d nearly trespassed into territory best left alone, she eased away from him. “Where did you see the sneaker print?” she asked.

“At the base of the ravine.”

“Where do you think he went?”

Buzz studied her intently in the ribbon of light cast by his flashlight. “I don’t think he climbed back up that wall.”

The words registered slowly. Kelly’s pulse spiked, and she took another step back. “Do you think the volunteers that came through earlier missed him?”

“Maybe. Boulder SAR is a relatively new outfit. A lot of the guys are rookies. Lots of energy and training, but they lack experience.”

A starburst of hope exploded in her heart. “They didn’t look in that ravine, did they?”

“Maybe not.”

“I need to go down there.”

“All I’ve got with me is a light tactical harness. It’s pretty basic; nothing fancy. Think you can rappel down?”

It didn’t matter if she remembered how to rappel or not. Come hell or high water she was going down there. She just wouldn’t tell him she hadn’t touched a rappelling harness since they’d scaled Deep River Gorge together over six years ago. She knew him too well to tell the truth. “Of course I can.”

“The harness is minimal. Lightweight. Think you can handle it?”

She nodded, already reaching for the harness and stepping into it. “No problem.”

Reaching around her, he looped the rope through the caribiner and doubled it back over the pine tree. “I’ll spot you from up here. Keep the light on you.”

“Okay.”

“When you reach the ravine floor, unharness yourself and I’ll pull it up and meet you down there.”

Impatient now, Kelly walked over to the edge of the ravine and looked over her shoulder at the darkness below.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Buzz asked. “If you’re not, we can rig something and go down together.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Just keep a grip on that rope.” He plucked off his leather gloves and handed them to her. “Use these.”

Kelly put the gloves on, gripped the rope the way he’d taught her all those years ago, then turned to face him. “I’m ready.”

“Trust your equipment, Kel. Feel your way down with your feet. Trust the rope.”

“Okay, okay,” she said impatiently. “Let’s go.”

But for all her bravado and the heady rush of newfound hope, her legs were shaking. When she’d fallen earlier in the day, the fall had seemed endless. Her body remembered every rock and every broken root that had punched her on the way down. Knowing she was about to descend the very same ravine with nothing more than a nylon rope and the vague memory of a previous rappelling experience to back her was unnerving. But the fear of falling was nothing compared to the fear of never seeing her son again. She had to do this.

Wrapping the rope once around her leather-clad knuckles, she backed to the ledge, then stepped down into the ravine. Instantly she realized the darkness was going to make her descent infinitely more difficult. But knowing she didn’t have a choice, she slid her feet inches at a time. First her right foot, then her left. Branches poked at her back and legs as she broke through the brush. Adrenaline spiked through her when her hiking boots slipped on the slick granite. She dangled for an instant before swinging her legs forward then pushing off against the rock face.

By the time she reached the ravine floor, every muscle in her body quivered with exertion.

“You okay?” Buzz shouted down to her.

“Fine.” Stepping out of the harness, she slipped off the gloves and tied them to the harness. “Go ahead and pull the harness back up.”

An instant later, the harness bumped back up the rock face.

Slipping the flashlight from her fanny pack, Kelly flicked it on and shone it down on the ground. Her heart turned over when she saw the barely discernable sneaker print in the dust. Small circles with an arrow pointing toward the toe. Buzz had been right. Eddie had been here. Guilt nipped at her that she’d missed it earlier. If she’d seen it and searched the ravine, she might have been holding him safe in her arms right now.

Needing to be close to him, Kelly dropped to her knees and pressed her fingers into the dust. “Oh, sweetheart. Mommy’s coming for you.” Bowing her head, she whispered a prayer for the good Lord to keep her son safe until she reached him.

She was still kneeling when Buzz slid the last few feet down the ravine wall. “Kel?”

The first tinges of exhaustion pressed into her as she got to her feet. Kelly looked up at him, surprised to see the raw concern in his expression.

“You okay?”

She nodded. “I’m fine. I just need to find him.”

Tugging the radio from his belt, Buzz jerked out the antenna, adjusted the squelch and barked into it, “This is Tango Two Niner, RMSAR Homer One, do you read? Clear.”

“Hey, Tango, this is Dispatch. Any luck?”

“I’ve got tracks, and I’m wondering if Eagle is out and about. Clear.”

“National Weather Service issued a wind advisory. Eagle went back to her nest. Sighting negative. What’s your twenty?”

“I’m three miles from remote camping. East ridge of White Water.”

“It’s oh one hundred, Buzz. Dogs will be there at oh six. Please advise.”

Kelly listened to the exchange. She’d always known that Buzz was the kind of man who would be good at what he did, no matter what it was. He was competitive and driven and a perfectionist to the extreme. But somehow, the breadth and width of what he did—and how good he was at it—hadn’t fully penetrated until now. At that moment, she knew she’d done the right thing by going to him. He was the best of the best. He loved what he did, he chose his team wisely, and she knew if it was the last thing he did, he would find her son.

“Advise Lake and Chaffee counties of our twenty. Let them know we found tracks. We’re going to camp for the night. Over and out.” Buzz switched off the radio and shoved it back into his belt.

Kelly just stood there a moment before realizing she was staring at him and that he was staring back. “I’m not camping,” she said.

“You’re dead on your feet,” he returned evenly.

It was true, but that didn’t mean she was going to admit it. It sure as hell didn’t mean she was going to sleep while her son wandered around lost. But Buzz was the kind of man who took care of things. The kind of man who liked to be in charge, liked to be in control. If he knew she was exhausted, he would make sure she got rest—even if that meant calling the search to a halt until morning. Kelly didn’t intend to let that happen. “I’m not tired,” she said.

“It’s 1:00 a.m.”

“I want to keep looking.”

“We need to find a place to camp for the night. Get a couple of hours of sleep—”

“Dammit, Buzz, I’m not going to stop! We just found his tracks, for Pete’s sake. If we keep going we could find him before morning.”

“If we don’t find him by morning, you’ll be about as much use to me as a broken rope.”

Kelly heard the logic in his words. She wasn’t a fool. She knew she had to pace herself. But the part of her that was a mother first couldn’t bear the thought of stopping to sleep when her little boy was huddled somewhere all alone, cold and hungry and afraid.

Shaking with the need to find him, she walked over to Buzz and met his gaze with an equally powerful one of her own. “Give me one more hour. Please. If we don’t find him, we’ll make camp and get some rest.”

Buzz sighed, his jaw flexing. “I’m going to hold you to it.”

“One hour. That’s all I’m asking.”

He looked past her, toward the small footprints in the dusty earth. “Is that where you came to after the fall?”

She nodded. “He must have come down the ravine to see if I was okay.”

He shone the spotlight over the area. “Let’s see if we can pick up a trail.”

Re-energized now that they had found a tangible clue, Kelly nodded and slipped her flashlight back into her fanny pack to conserve the batteries. She’d only gone a few steps when Buzz’s voice stopped her.

“He went this way.”

Kelly watched his spotlight play over tall grass and sparse trees where the terrain sloped gently. She could see how a young child would think the slope led down the mountain. But the fact of the matter was that the downward incline had taken him in the wrong direction, away from the campground to a higher elevation and some of the most rugged high country in the state.

“You can barely see it, but there’s a path in the grass.” Buzz shone the spotlight over the meadow.

Kelly squinted, trying not to think of how scared he must have been. “He thought the downward slope would take him back to the campground,” she said.

“Smart little kid.”

He takes after his father. The words almost slipped out, but Kelly stopped herself just in time. Now wasn’t the time to tell Buzz how many times Eddie had reminded her of him. She couldn’t talk to this man at all about the child she had chosen to keep a secret. The child he’d never wanted. She had a pretty good idea how Buzz felt about that—angry and betrayed and justifiably so.

When they were married, Buzz had made it clear he didn’t want children. She understood why. Though he’d never revealed the details, she knew about his own childhood. About the abuse he’d suffered at the hands of his father. She also knew about the four years of hell he’d gone through when he’d worked the Child Abuse Division of the Denver PD. He never talked about it, but she knew what those years had done to him. She had been there when he’d wakened in the dead of night, his hands shaking, his body slicked with sweat. In the end, Buzz had made his choice. He’d chosen the job over her, over family, and stuck like glue to his resolve never to bring a child into the world. Kelly hadn’t been able to live with that, and their marriage had slowly fallen apart.

She wondered how he would react when she told him she would be moving to Lake Tahoe next month. She wondered if he’d thought about whether or not he wanted to know his son. She wondered if he would travel to California to see him or settle for a two-week visit during summer vacation. She wondered if he would relinquish a relationship with his son for his own selfish peace of mind.

Without speaking, they started into the meadow, Buzz’s spotlight playing over the grass, sparse juniper and the ever-present rock from which the mountains had garnered their name. Lightning flickered on the horizon to the northwest. Kelly tried not to think of Eddie out there all by himself and facing the threat of a thunderstorm.

“Why didn’t you tell me about him?” Buzz asked after a moment.

Kelly thought she had been prepared for the question. Since Eddie’s birth, she’d rehearsed her answer a thousand times. But all those carefully constructed responses withered on her tongue when she looked into Buzz’s eyes. Back at the cabin, she’d seen the emotions behind those eyes. Now those emotions were gone, replaced by ice, perhaps even a thin layer of contempt. But he was so hard to read, had always been hard to read, she couldn’t be sure. And whatever defenses she’d built around herself in the last hours nearly crumpled beneath the power of his gaze.

“You never wanted children,” she managed to say.

“You did.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I guess that could be translated as I’m wondering if you got pregnant on purpose. Maybe you figured you needed a baby, but you didn’t need me.”

“You know I wouldn’t do that.”

“That’s exactly what you did.”

Her temper jumped, like a big, wild cat hit with a jolt of electricity. Stopping abruptly, she turned to him. “Don’t you dare lay all the blame at my feet. In case it’s slipped your narrow mind, it takes two people to make a baby!”

“You were always…. I thought you were on the pill.”

“I went off the pill the day the divorce was finalized. You came to me twice after that. Twice! Both times we…. That last time….” She let the endings of both sentences hang, not wanting to think of the wrenching sadness and blinding, desperate passion they’d shared that final night. Buzz had made love to her with a desperation so powerful it scared her. It was the last time they’d been together, the last time she’d been with anyone, and she’d always known in her heart that was the night Eddie had been conceived.

Buzz switched off the spotlight. Kelly wondered if it was to conserve the battery—or to keep her from seeing his expression.

“You kept him from me, Kel,” he said. “I didn’t think you were capable of something like that.”

“Because you didn’t want him. Because you didn’t want me.”

“Did you come to this conclusion before or after you decided to walk?”

“You’re the one who made the decision,” she said breathlessly. “You made your choice. I merely followed through.”

“I had a job to do, and I did it the best way I knew how.”

Kelly struggled to pull oxygen into her lungs. Her heart bucked and stomped in her chest. She hated fighting like this. Hated opening up those painful old wounds. It had been bad enough when they were married. But with her son lost and the fear pounding like a drum inside her this was infinitely worse.

“It’s not that simple,” she said after a moment. “There was nothing simple about our marriage.”

“Marriage is cut and dried. Either you stay and try to work things out. Or you walk away and don’t look back. We both know which choice you made.”

Her temper rose like hot mercury. Memories rained down on her, pieces of her life that had gone up in smoke, fluttering down like smoldering ash, burning her. “I walked out because I know what men like you do to the people who love them.”

“Now I guess we’re getting to the heart of the matter, aren’t we?”

“You put me through three years of hell, Buzz.”

“Oh, for chrissake!”

“I saw you the night they brought you in on that stretcher. You had a bullet in your back. You were bleeding internally. You couldn’t even breathe on your own, for God’s sake! You nearly died that night. The doctors didn’t know if you’d ever walk again.”

“I was a cop, Kel. Cops get hurt sometimes. It goes with the territory. I couldn’t stop doing my job just because you didn’t like it.”

She didn’t tell him those were the same words her father had used to placate her mother. The same words her brother had used the last time she’d seen him alive. They’d scoffed at her worry. She couldn’t tell him that she would rather lose him on her terms than on the more vicious terms set forth by fate. “You had a choice.”

“I made the only choice I could,” he snapped.

“Yes, you did. And that was when I knew it wasn’t going to work.”

“That’s when you realized you didn’t have the guts to stick by me.”

“Don’t lecture me about guts!” The anger came with such force that her voice shook with it. “You turned down that corporate security position for the job with Rocky Mountain Search and Rescue. This could have turned out differently.”

“Don’t blame what happened between us on fate, Kel. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked out no matter what I did for a living.”

She stared at him, speechless, not sure how to disagree without opening doors she knew were better left closed and locked.

“You made a conscious decision and stuck by it,” he said.

“I stuck by it because I don’t want my son to have his heart ripped out by a man who doesn’t have the good sense to know when to retire. A man who would eventually draw the short straw. And I know Eddie will never have to see his father die before he’s old enough to understand how exactly final death is.”

“I guess you think it’s better that he doesn’t have a father at all?”

She thought back to when she’d lost her own father and brother. She’d only been a teenager, but she’d never forgotten the agony of that day or the dark months that had followed. Her mother had never been the same, and had quietly faded away until she was nothing more than a shell of the vibrant woman she’d once been. While her sister, Kim, had gone away to college, Kelly had cared for their mother, and she’d sworn she would never let her own children suffer the same fate.

“Yes,” she said quietly. “I do.”

Buzz remained silent, but his eyes never left hers.

Shaken by the exchange, by the truths on both sides and the echoes of pain clanging through her heart, Kelly tugged the flashlight out of her fanny pack and moved ahead of him, shining it over the tall grass. “I’m not going to discuss this with you now.”

Not waiting for a reply, she found the subtle trail in the grass and followed it. A moment later, she heard Buzz behind her. She knew eventually they would have to talk about how they were going to handle this. About whether Buzz wanted to be part of his son’s life. About whether Kelly could accept Eddie bonding with a man who spent his days jumping out of helicopters and rappelling down sheer cliffs and putting his life on the line day in and day out. Just as her father and brother had all those years ago.

Kelly knew that before this was all said and done she would have to decide if she could live with the very real possibility that she might one day have to watch her son have his heart ripped out by a man who thought he was immortal.