Читать книгу Once Upon A Thanksgiving: Season of Bounty / Home for Thanksgiving - Linda Ford - Страница 11

Kathleen leaned against the door and waited for her heart to calm. He admired her. Approved of her friendship with Rosie. Of course he would, Rosie being his sister. But his approval meant more to her than she could explain.

She hung her coat on the hall tree and slipped out of her boots into a pair of fur-lined slippers. Central heating filled the whole house with welcoming warmth. Yes, she was grateful for the comforts of her life. Yes, she admired her parents for their moral strength. But some days it all felt hollow, and today was one of those times.

“I’m in here,” Mother called from the sitting room.

Kathleen took a deep, calming breath and scolded herself for feeling so restless when she was so blessed. She stepped into the room. “Mother, you’re up already. How are you?”

“I do believe I am feeling better every day.” She sighed in such a way that Kathleen wondered at the truth of her words. “I get tired of being tired.”

Kathleen sat on the stool at her knees. “You did something different with your hair.”

“Jeannie offered to brush and style it.” Jeannie was more than housekeeper. She often did little things to brighten Mother’s day. Kathleen would be sure to thank her later.

“It’s very becoming.”

Mother brushed her hand over her hair. “Who was that young man?”

Kathleen stalled. She didn’t want her parents to know too much about Buck, aware they would heartily disapprove of Joey. “That’s Rosie’s brother I told you about. He insisted on seeing me safely home.”

“I see.” Mother studied her a long moment. “And yet you’ve gone back and forth safely the past few weeks.”

“I assured him I didn’t need an escort, but he insisted his mother would expect him to do so.”

“Where is his mother?”

“She’s passed away.”

“Oh, I am sorry.”

Kathleen wished she could talk to her mother about the thousand thoughts racing through her head. Why were Rosie and Buck so secretive? Both parents were dead. How long ago? Was Joey truly on the mend? If he was, would Buck be on his way? Why did the idea tangle her thoughts? What did it all mean? But aware her mother would tell her to forget such people, she didn’t voice any of her questions. “I’ll go see if Cook needs help.” She hurried to the kitchen before her mother could say anything.

But Cook had everything competently under control and allowed her only to finish setting the table. Kathleen did so and stood back to study the formal dining room with its perfectly matched chairs and perfectly matched china and silver. It was all very nice but lacked something that seemed to abound around Rosie’s table. Funny—she hadn’t been so acutely aware of it until a day or two ago.

When Buck and Joey showed up. When she discovered in her heart an emotion she couldn’t name.

Kathleen’s father came in, greeted her mother and asked, “Is Kathleen home?”

She hurried from the dining room. “I’m here, Father.”

“Good. Good.” He settled down with the paper. “I don’t want you spending all afternoon at that woman’s place.”

“Her name is Rosie Zacharias and she is a very nice woman, as you would surely know if you ever visited her.”

Father looked over the top of his paper at Kathleen’s tone. She instantly repented of her peevishness. “I only meant she’s a good mother and a decent person.”

Neither parent said a thing, but Kathleen knew she had shocked and disappointed them with her attitude. She had no wish to be disrespectful. In the future she must guard her thoughts and her tongue.

The hours dragged the next morning as Kathleen helped her mother sort through letters from family members. For some reason Mother enjoyed reading them over and over and putting them in chronological order. “I’m sure some day these will constitute a valuable family history.”

Kathleen restrained herself from saying she wondered who would be interested in the chitchat, gossipy things most of the aunts and cousins related. “Today I wore a new chiffon dress. You would love it. Palest blue. One of your favorite colors, as I recall.” “I think I neglected to tell you Mamie and Fred have been seen together more often than not. Why, I myself saw them rowing on the lake Sunday.” Kathleen had no idea who Mamie and Fred were, or why anyone should care if they went out together in a rowboat.

She sighed at her frustration. Perhaps she was only being petty because she didn’t have anyone who would take her out in a boat, which wasn’t exactly true. Young Merv, who worked with Father, would surely take her out if she offered him any encouragement. Perhaps not in a boat, though, as there wasn’t a decent lake nearby and she didn’t fancy a long ride with him to get to one. She secretly thought the man a little too impressed with himself to be interesting.

He never showed the kindness to others that Buck did. Nor the approval Buck had expressed to her yesterday afternoon.

Finally Kathleen’s father arrived home for lunch, again taken in the dining room. As soon as they finished and he returned to work, Mother went to lie down. At last Kathleen could don her winter outerwear and hurry to visit Rosie.

The house rang with laughter as she stepped inside. Buck was on all fours on the floor, playing horsey to three boisterous boys.

Mattie tumbled off and pulled the others with him. They landed in a giggling heap. Buck corralled the trio and tickled them. They escaped to tackle him.

Rosie held young Lilly as she watched. Kathleen stood beside her and grinned at the roughhousing.

“They’ve missed Bill. He played with them,” Rosie said.

Kathleen tried to remember if she’d ever played with her father. She recalled only sedate walks during which she held his hand and flashed shiny new shoes. If not for the children of a large family—the Rempels—who lived a few blocks away, she wondered if she would even know what play was. Mary Rempel had been her best friend. Kathleen remembered afternoons of giggling and boisterous games and a pretend house in the bushes of the backyard. When the family moved away, Kathleen knew unabated loneliness until she went to a private girls’ school. But even then, her friendships proved transitory. Again, she wondered if it was her fault. Was she lacking some necessary social skill?

Buck rolled to his back, saw Kathleen watching him and grew still, his eyes flashing such warmth and welcome she forgot to breathe. “Hi,” he said. The word seemed to come from deep inside his chest.

Was it her imagination that made her think he silently invited her into a special world shared with him?

Of course it was. She gave herself a mental shake. “Everyone seems to be having a fine time.”

“It won’t last,” Rosie predicted. “Not this close to nap time.”

Mattie rolled into Junior, and right on cue they started to cry.

“Come on, you two.” Rosie led the way to the bedroom. “Bedtime.”

Buck sat up on the floor and pulled Joey into his arms. “What do you say, little buddy? Time for a rest?”

Joey pressed his head to Buck’s shoulder. “I sleep here?”

Buck nodded. “For a little while, though I think I’ll sit in a chair if you don’t mind.”

“I not mind.”

Cradling the boy, he plunked himself on a kitchen chair.

Kathleen realized she still wore her coat and slipped it off. She sat across the table from Buck as Joey’s eyes slowly closed. Watching the two of them brought a sting of tears to the back of her nose. “I think he’s asleep,” she whispered.

Buck nodded. “He’s still not up to his normal self.” He held the boy a moment longer, then laid him on the bed and covered him before he returned to the kitchen.

She sewed together more quilt pieces and tried not to be aware of his presence. Yet she couldn’t stop her eyes from glancing at him.

He leaned his elbows on the table, rested his chin in his palms and studied her so intently she ducked her head and concentrated on taking a small, even stitch.

“Tell me how you celebrate Thanksgiving in your house.”

She drew in a steadying breath, grateful for the offer of normal conversation. “I love Thanksgiving. I didn’t always. We have a formal meal, sometimes with guests.” Mostly they were business associates and not exactly fun company for a young girl. “The mealtimes were often a bit dreary, but since the church started holding a special service with guest speakers and a shared meal, I’ve loved the day. More and more I appreciate how much God has blessed all of us.” Her hands grew still as she sought for words to explain what she meant. “I am in awe of how much God loves us that He sent his son to earth as a baby. Can you imagine sending Joey into a place where you knew he would be shunned and tortured?”

Bleakness filled Buck’s face, and she wished she hadn’t used his son as an example. She tended to forget he was mixed-race and likely faced prejudice.

“Good reason to spend winters in isolated shacks, wouldn’t you say?”

She didn’t think so, but how could she explain in such a way she wouldn’t be misunderstood? “What I see between you and Joey,” she began slowly, forming her thoughts as she spoke, “is a wonderful example of fatherly love and care. I’m convinced you would do anything for his well-being. I think by hiding your relationship, by seeking isolation, you deprive others of witnessing such a fine example. Our society is the poorer for the loss.” She could think of nothing more to add, though the words were inadequate for the emotion she tried to convey.

Buck stared at her, swallowed hard. “You make me want to walk boldly into the town’s businesses with Joey at my side.”

“There’s no reason you shouldn’t.” But was it for his sake and Joey’s she wanted him to believe so? Or for her own sake? She let a picture form in her mind of Buck openly being her friend.

“Life isn’t so simple for everyone.” His expression grew hard, guarded. Again, the evidence of a secret. She wanted to ask him about it, but Rosie returned and took up needle and thread.

For the next few days, the afternoons passed in the same fashion with the exception that Buck didn’t give her an opportunity to say anything more about walking openly and proudly down the street. Kathleen prayed he would believe he could do so or that she would get a chance to discuss it again, because every day she discovered something more she liked and admired about this man—his easy laughter when he played with the children, the way he sprang to his feet to help Rosie. And herself. She ducked her head over her sewing to hide the heat in her cheeks as she thought of how he lifted her coat from her shoulders and hung it on the rack. A common courtesy, yet when his fingers brushed her neck her reaction was far from common. The way her heart lurched against her rib cage made it impossible to think.

Each afternoon, he escorted her home.

“Won’t you come in and meet Mother?” she asked on this particular day—a request she’d considered several times before, but because of her uncertainty as to how Mother would react, she’d never yet voiced it. Now she wanted nothing more than for Buck and Mother to meet.

“I don’t think it would be wise,” Buck said, his expression giving away nothing.

“I think you’d enjoy meeting my mother. And she you.”

He shook his head. “There are things you don’t know about me. No one here does. Best to keep it that way.”

“I wish you’d tell me what they are so I could understand.” She didn’t care that her request made it sound like she had a right to know, which she didn’t—except for the fact that she admired him and cared how he seemed to feel, he must remain an outsider.

A gentle smile lifted his lips and softened his gaze. “Maybe I will some time.” Hardness returned so fast, she almost gasped. “You do realize I promised Rosie I wouldn’t hang about until people noticed me. I think I am perilously close to reaching that place.”

She reached for his arm, stopped herself before she touched him. “You won’t suddenly disappear without a word, will you? I’ve had friends that dropped out of my life like that. I—” Why did she think it would matter how it had shattered her life? But she steadied her voice and continued. “I found it hard to accept. I asked myself all sorts of questions. Was it my fault? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I worthy of their friendship?”

His smile touched her. “Kathleen, anyone would be honored to be your friend.”

Her thoughts skidded to a halt as his words spread like wildfire through her insides. Honored? Could he possibly mean it?

“I’ll tell you before I leave. I promise.”

She nodded and relaxed. She had a strong feeling that a promise from Buck was as good as money in the bank. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“I’ll be there.”

She hurried into the house, a smile curving her lips. How sweet to know he would be there tomorrow. If only she could persuade him to consider more. More than that, he made her believe her lack of friends wasn’t due to some flaw in her makeup.

Mother greeted her in the hall. “It’s not proper for you to visit a man on the street like that.”

“Mother, I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

“He’s below you.” Mother made it sound like Buck belonged in the gutter.

“He’s a decent man.” Stilling defensive words on Buck’s behalf, she hung her coat on the rack, glad of the excuse to avoid meeting her mother’s gaze. “Just as his sister is a decent woman.”

“Your father and I don’t approve of how much time you’re spending with this family.”

“Mother, I am only extending Christian kindness in a way I feel I should.” Yet it was as much for her sake as for theirs that she went. Having Rosie and Buck as friends eased her loneliness. But only one argument would convince Mother. “Jesus didn’t make a distinction between the rich and the poor.”

“He was God. You are just a woman.”

“I can’t believe you said that.” She slowly faced her mother. “I don’t think my being a woman has anything to do with extending friendship to others.” Was it only friendship she longed for from Buck? Or did something deeper, wider, more intense beckon? Afraid her cheeks would flash guilty color, she ducked her head to dust her skirt. Friendship was a good start, but she allowed herself to acknowledge she wanted more.

Buck, with his easy love for Joey, Rosie and her children, and with his loyalty to what he believed, filled in the hollow spots in her heart simply by being there.

If only he would stop believing he had to leave.

“Your father is right. That Eastern college has given you strange ideas.”

“No, Mother. Reading God’s word—” learning to think for herself “—has given me these ideas, and I’d hardly call them strange.” She slipped her arm through her mother’s. “Now let’s not argue. Tell me what you’ve been doing. Did you finish going through your letters?”

Mother sniffed then brightened at the chance to talk about what she’d done. “I finished them and started to answer some I’ve neglected. I haven’t seen some of these dear people since before you were born, but I don’t want to lose contact.”

Kathleen encouraged her mother to talk and tried to still the little annoyance that she felt more regard for people whom she hadn’t seen in twenty years or so than she did for those who lived only a few blocks away.

Later that night, after she’d gone to bed, she heard her parents talking and guessed she was the subject of their long discussion. She fully expected one of them to insist on her ending her visits to Rosie’s. But after lunch the next day, her mother wiped her arm across her eyes in a gesture of weariness and waved her away. “Do what you want. I need to have a nap.”

Thankful to be free to continue her visits, Kathleen slipped away.

Joey was stronger, ready to travel. Still Buck made no plans to leave. He couldn’t bring himself to do so. Not yet. Not while Kathleen continued to come. He anticipated every visit with restless joy. Her very presence in the house filled it with sunshine and—

Perhaps only his heart felt the vibrations of happiness.

Perhaps if she, for some reason, stopped coming he would be able to leave.

But she seemed committed to regular visits. According to Rosie, she hadn’t come every day until recently. Actually, what Rosie said was she hadn’t come every day until Buck showed up. She’d said it with a mixture of teasing and annoyance.

“You can’t stay. Have you forgotten?”

“You make sure I don’t forget.”

“If things were different, I would welcome you. You know it.”

He nodded. “Things will never be different.”

“I know, but I hope my kids can be free of our fear.”

His staying put her hope at risk. He should be on his way, but still he stayed. Always giving himself one more day. Promising tomorrow he would tell Kathleen he had to leave. Then finding some excuse not to inform her, thus giving him a reason to linger one more day.

“You’ll go to the Thanksgiving service with her, won’t you?”

Rosie hesitated. “I’m thinking about it.”

“It’s your chance to leave the past behind.”

“I know. To be honest, Kathleen makes me want to be closer to God.”

“Me, too.”

A knock informed them Kathleen had arrived. Rosie nodded at him to answer the door. “I’ve got Lilly.” They both knew it was not the reason.

Buck’s growing affection for Kathleen would only make it harder to leave. His heart wanted to see her and enjoy her company one more day. One more day to fill his insides to brimming with her sweet presence.

But one more day would never be enough.

Gritting his teeth, he pushed away the temptation to ignore the reality of his life and stay. Let people find out about his pa. Let them do what they wanted. It would be worth it to enjoy day after day of seeing Kathleen … Kathleen with the rich and powerful father.

What was he thinking? Her father had the power to destroy not only his life but also Rosie’s and the children’s. He had the power to make Kathleen’s life miserable.

Buck vowed he’d leave before he’d allow that to happen.

He opened the door and smiled a welcome that echoed in Kathleen’s eyes. Could it be she was growing fond of him, too? She’d been outspoken in her admiration, which he found endearing.

Growing fondness on her part put her future at risk, too. Her mere association with him and Rosie could destroy her. He had no wish to hurt her. For her sake he must leave soon.

Just one more day. Even better—a special outing. The idea was perfect.

He lifted her coat from her shoulders and hung it beside his own. Perhaps some of her sweet flower scent would cling permanently to his jacket, and he could think of her every time he donned it. Not that he would need such a reminder. He would carry her in his heart.

“This is wonderful weather for November,” he said, setting up the discussion for his intended suggestion. Snow had fallen a week or two ago and the temperature had been cold enough to freeze the ground, but otherwise it was pleasant enough for the time of year.

“Don’t be fooled into complacency,” Rosie warned. “Things could change any day now.”

“All the more reason to take advantage of it while we can.”

Kathleen and Rosie both stared at him and the little boys clustered around his knees, but Rosie was the one to demand an explanation. “What did you have in mind?”

“A picnic.”

Rosie snorted. “It might only be November but it feels a lot like winter to my way of thinking.”

“Why not?” He silently appealed to Kathleen, who showed a flicker of interest. “I could rent a wagon and we could go to a pond. The kids could play on the ice and we could have a big fire. Then enjoy cocoa and sandwiches. How does that sound?” He directed his question to the kids, knowing they would show more enthusiasm than the women.

“Fun,” Junior said.

“Fun,” Mattie echoed.

“Sure.” Joey was more guarded. Perhaps because he’d spent his share of time out in the elements.

Buck turned to Rosie first. “What do you think?”

“So long as it’s not cold.”

He turned to Kathleen. “You in?”

Her eyes gleamed. “I’m invited?”

“Of course.” It was the reason for his idea. “Tomorrow?”

Rosie looked at the little ones. “I could feed them an early lunch so they can have their naps. That way we can enjoy the warmest part of the day.”

“Then it’s a plan.” Buck scrubbed his hands together. One more special memory to take with him when he left.

One more excuse for delaying his departure.

The children were excited about the planned picnic, so Rosie took longer than normal to get them settled for their naps. Buck held Joey and wondered if he would have the same difficulty, but Joey soon nodded off. Buck held him even after Kathleen whispered that he had fallen asleep. He found comfort in the small body curled against him. At least he would have this bit of human contact when he left. The idea provided only a little comfort. Having met Kathleen, he now knew it would never be enough to have Joey, though he loved the boy beyond measure.

After a few minutes, he carried Joey into the bedroom. When he returned, he pulled out a bit of wood he had begun carving.

“What are you making?” Kathleen asked.

“A little horse for Joey. Watching him enjoy the toys Rosie’s children have made me realize how few things Joey has. I intend to remedy it.”

Her hands grew still. “You’re a good father. Are there other things Joey needs that you might have overlooked, do you suppose?”

She didn’t need to spell it out. He knew what she meant—the boy needed a permanent home. He agreed. But it didn’t change the facts of his life—namely that people weren’t prepared to let him enjoy such luxury.

He felt her watching him. Tried to ignore it but his resistance proved fragile. He lifted his head and let her search his thoughts. Yes, Joey needed a real home. So did Buck. In his deepest, most secret dreams, he longed for the acceptance she hinted he deserved.

He knew it was a fleeting mirage.

“Joey and I will survive the best way we know how.”

Slowly her expression changed, softening. “I think you are close to wanting to belong.”

“Wanting to belong has never been in question.” He closed his mouth firmly. He yearned to tell her everything but he dare not. It would surely put an end to her friendship. Not only with himself but also with Rosie, and Rosie didn’t deserve to be robbed of Kathleen’s acceptance. He pulled his gaze away and concentrated on the horse he shaped. “I think Joey will enjoy this toy.”

“I’m sure he will.” She didn’t say anything for a spell. “Can I bring the hot cocoa for tomorrow?”

“If you like.”

Rosie joined them. “I’ll make sandwiches. You know, Buck, this is a good idea. I’m looking forward to an outing.”