Читать книгу A Baby by Christmas - Linda Warren, Linda Warren - Страница 8

THE NEXT MORNING JAKE WOKE up to the smell of bacon frying and knew he was home. Wags was asleep on his mat in Jake’s room. When Jake rolled out of bed, Wags trotted into the kitchen, enticed by the smell of food. Jake hurriedly dressed, trying not to think about Elise and how it felt to wake up with his arms around her.

Aunt Lavina stood at the stove—a short, thin woman with permed gray hair and blue eyes. She was his father’s sister and Jake had always called her Aunt Vin; everyone did. She’d never married or had children and when Althea left, she came to help raise Jake and she’d been at the farm ever since. She’d worked as a secretary for years, but now she was retired.

“Morning, Aunt Vin.” Jake kissed her cheek.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “The honeymoon over?”

He was well aware she was referring to the fact that he’d slept in his own bed last night and he avoided the question.

“Mmm, that smells good.”

Aunt Vin gave Wags a piece of bacon, then set a plate of eggs, bacon and homemade biscuits in front of Jake. “I knew this was going to happen. Any woman who isn’t interested enough to even come here and see the beautiful work you’ve done to this house is not good enough for you. I’m glad you’ve finally realized that. The only interest you had in her was making the bedsprings sag.”

Sex had been a big part of their relationship. Hell, it was the only relationship they had. They hadn’t built any type of foundation to sustain the news they’d received yesterday.

Ignoring her words, Jake bit into a biscuit. At Elise’s, they usually had muffins and fruit in the mornings, and now the big breakfast seemed too much.

“I’ve got bingo tonight, so you’ll have to fix your own supper. I’m not missing bingo.” She put the frying pan in the sink. “Some woman’s been calling. Did she get you?”

Jake put down his fork. “Yeah, I talked to her.”

“I just hope Mattie isn’t there tonight. She always manages to win. I believe she’s cheating and I wish I could catch her.”

Aunt Vin was on another channel as usual—at times it was hard to keep up with her.

“So what did the woman want?” she asked abruptly.

Jake wondered how much to tell her, but then made the decision. Aunt Vin was like a mother to him and he had to share this with someone. He told her about Ms. Woods and Ben. Aunt Vin just stared at him.

“A son? You could have a son?”

“Yes. I have to take a DNA test and then we’ll know.”

She clapped her hands. “Oh my, there hasn’t been a child in this house for years.” She looked down at Wags, who was begging for more bacon. “Isn’t that great, Wags?”

Wags growled.

“Aunt Vin, you’re not listening to me. I said might. I have to take a test, so don’t start planning anything.”

“Okay, okay, don’t get riled up,” she said, giving Wags another piece of bacon.

“I just want you to be aware of what’s going on.”

Aunt Vin smiled. “Oh, now I see. That’s why the fancy lady kicked you out. She’s not happy with this development.”

“Please don’t call her that,” Jake said, hating that Aunt Vin didn’t like Elise. But Elise hadn’t made any effort to get to know her, either. Still, Jake found himself defending his wife. “And no, she’s not happy. No woman would be.”

“Well, well, well,” Aunt Vin murmured, pouring him more coffee. “This should be interesting, but you can count on me. I raised you and I can raise another boy.”

Jake stood and hugged her. “I know, and thanks, but like I said, please don’t start making plans. We have to wait before we do anything. Now I have to find Mike and then go to the lab.”

“Will you be sleeping here tonight?”

He turned at the door. “I’m not sure.”

“You’ll be sleeping here,” she muttered under her breath as he walked out the door, Wags right behind him.

Wags missed him at nights, but there was no way he could take a dog to Elise’s. Elise didn’t even know he had a dog. So whenever he was at home Wags followed him everywhere he went.

JAKE TALKED TO HIS FOREMAN, Mike, to go over which cotton fields were scheduled to be harvested today. It was late September, one of the busiest times of the year, and he needed to be here, but he had no choice—he had to go. He had good people working for him so he left things in their capable hands.

The lab work was easy and simple, as Ms. Woods had said, a few minutes out of his day that could change the rest of his life. Driving home, he started toward Elise’s, then realized she’d already have left for the university. He should’ve called her this morning, but he wasn’t sure what to say. Maybe by tonight she would’ve cooled off and they could talk without tempers flaring.

When he got back to the farm, he picked up Wags and drove to the fields. Wags loved to ride in the truck with his head stuck out the window. The machines were already picking cotton, which would be stored in a module to be taken to the gin a little later. Right now the goal was to get the cotton out of the field. The corn had been harvested in July and so far he was having a good season. The weather was always a deciding factor in his business. It could make or break him.

His office was attached to a big barn that housed most of his farm equipment. After he checked with Mike and found they were on schedule, he headed there. Wags curled up at his feet as Jake tried to focus on paperwork that had piled up on his desk, but he couldn’t concentrate. He kept thinking about Elise. He wished he’d called her, then he’d know what kind of mood she was in and maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to get some work done.

At noon, his brother Beau stopped by. Beau was a lawyer, single with dark good looks that made him popular with women. They’d had very little contact when they were growing up. Beau was eight when Althea left and the battle lines had been drawn—Beau and their mother against Jake and their father. Joe McCain had refused to let Jake have anything to do with them and that was the way it stayed for years. When Jake was twenty-five, Joe passed away and Beau came to the funeral. He and Jake started talking, getting reacquainted. Since then, Beau had been on a crusade to bring Althea and Jake back together, but so far Jake had resisted all his efforts. He couldn’t forget the hurt she had caused him and his father.

“Hey, Jake,” Beau said, throwing himself down in a chair. “How’s business?”

Jake lifted an eyebrow. “Busy.”

“Yeah, I saw the machines in the field. Looks like you’re having a good year.”

“Yep, even the shortage of rain didn’t hurt. Irrigation took up the slack.”

Beau looked around the office. “It’s strange coming back here. I feel as if he’ll walk in at any minute and yell at me to do something. I was always frightened of him.”

“We have different memories of our father,” Jake replied with a somber face.

Beau eyed him speculatively. “Just like we have different memories of our mother.”

Jake leaned back in his chair. He didn’t want to discuss their parents; that was the past. He was more concerned with the present and Elise and the DNA test.

“What are you doing here, Beau?”

“Aunt Vin wanted some advice on her will. She’s leaving everything to you, which is no secret, but I think she just wanted to make sure I didn’t feel hurt. I told her that by the time she dies, she’ll have spent it all on bingo, anyway.”

“Yeah, it’s an obsession with her.” He glanced at Beau.

“Are you sure you’re okay with her decision? I tried talking to her, but—”

Beau held up a hand. “I’m fine with it, Jake. Besides, I’ve only gotten reacquainted with Aunt Vin in the past few years.”

Silence stretched for a moment, then Beau slipped in, “Aunt Vin said you slept here last night.”

Jake’s eyes caught Beau’s. “Don’t pry into matters that don’t concern you.”

“Ah.” Beau crossed his legs. “Something is wrong.”

It certainly was, Jake thought, but not in the way Beau meant. How much had Aunt Vin told him? Not much, Jake guessed; that was why Beau was fishing for information. Well, if the boy was his, it wouldn’t be a secret too long, but still, he wasn’t good at confiding and the last person he wanted to know was his mother. And he couldn’t trust Beau not to tell her.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Jake replied in a cool tone.

“Come on, Jake, I’m not stupid,” Beau kept on. “Something’s wrong or you wouldn’t be sleeping at the farm.”

“If there is, it’s between Elise and me.” He’d never told Beau why he and Elise had gotten married so quickly. His relationship with Elise was private.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop prying.”

“Don’t you have an office you should be in?”

“Sure do.” Beau stood. “If you need to talk, you know where to find me.”

“I won’t.”

Beau frowned. “Why do you have to be so hard and unforgiving?”

“That’s just me” was the quick answer.

“No, it isn’t. It’s just a front to hide your emotions.” Beau took a breath. “For God’s sakes, why can’t you talk to her?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why not? She’s your mother.”

“Not anymore.”

“Sometimes, Jake, you make me so angry.”

“Close the door on your way out,” Jake said, then went back to his paperwork.

“One of these days, Jake, you’re going to need someone, and I hope to God that person’s not as hard as you are.”

Jake tried to shut out Beau’s words, but he couldn’t. All he could remember was a ten-year-old boy who cried himself to sleep wanting his mother—a mother who’d deserted him without a second thought. That might be hard for Beau to understand, but he wasn’t the one left behind. Jake refused to see Althea under any condition; that was a vow he’d made to himself when she walked out of his life—the day she abandoned him to start a new life with Andrew Wellman. That kind of betrayal he couldn’t forgive and neither could his father. A heartbroken man, Joe McCain died way before his time.

Jake had never met his half brother, Caleb, the child of Althea and Andrew Wellman, nor did he want to. Caleb was now almost twenty-eight, but Jake still had no desire for any type of relationship. He realized that was a flaw in his nature, but he couldn’t get around it. The pain from the past was always with him, and even though Caleb had nothing to do with it, he represented part of that betrayal.

Jake reached for his hat. If he had a son, he’d never be able to walk away from him. He’d never do to a child what his mother had done to him—even if it meant losing Elise.

THAT EVENING JAKE DROVE TO Elise’s house, unable to stay away any longer. Her car was in the garage, so he knew she was home. At the door he started to pull off his boots, then changed his mind. He wasn’t doing that anymore. He wondered if he should knock but decided against that, too. He used his key, as always.

Elise was sitting on the bed staring at Derek’s picture but thinking about Jake. She’d thought about calling him all day but wanted him to make the first move. He was the one who’d created the turmoil in their lives, so he had to make it right. She heard the back door open and jumped to her feet. It had to be Jake. She glanced at herself in the mirror and straightened her blue suit.

“Elise,” she heard him call.

She slowly made her way to the living room. Jake was standing in the middle of the room with his hat in his hand. He wore his customary jeans, boots and cotton shirt and he looked so handsome. Just seeing him made her heart beat a little faster. Now he’d tell her that the boy wasn’t his and everything would be okay. They’d have their baby as planned.

“Hi,” he said softly.

She noticed him looking at her hair, which was pinned up. She wore it like that to work. She thought it gave her an added edge of maturity, but Elise knew Jake liked her hair down—he enjoyed taking it down.

“Hi,” she replied, her heart beating so fast now she could barely breathe. They had to resolve this situation; that was all she could think.

“We have to talk,” he said.

“Yes.” She sat on the sofa and he took a chair.

“I had the test done this morning,” he told her, placing his hat on the end table.

“But you still don’t have the results?”

“No,” he admitted. “But I need to tell you how I feel.”

Elise leaned back and grabbed a decorative pillow for support.

“My mother walked away from me when I was ten years old. I would never do that to a child. If the boy is mine, I have to take responsibility.”

God, she knew that. She knew Jake. This nightmare was not over.

“What about our plans for a baby?” She had to have an answer to that question. It had been with her day and night.

Jake drew a deep breath. “We have to wait for the test results before we can go any further.”

“Our lives have changed,” she had to say. “We have this tension that wasn’t there before.”

“Yes, and I apologize for that, but this has been a big shock.”

“I’m having a hard time dealing with it.”

“I can see that.”

“So where do we go from here?”

Jake swallowed. “If the boy is mine, you’ll have to ask yourself a big question. Can you raise another woman’s child?”

Another woman’s child.

Suddenly she felt a deadweight in her arms and fear clogged her throat, her senses, her thinking. How did she explain to him what she was feeling? She had a hard time understanding it herself.

Jake was taking in the expression on her face, looking like he’d been punched in the chest. He swallowed again. “I suppose the DNA test will decide our future.”

She stared at him. “Have you considered that I might be pregnant?”

“Yes,” he said, and looked away. “We’ll have to wait about that, too. So I’ll stay at the farm until this is resolved. It’ll give us the time we need.”

“Yes,” she muttered, squeezing the pillow so tight her fingers were numb.

He walked over and kissed her cheek. She felt cold and didn’t respond to his touch. How could she? He straightened and picked up his hat.

“I’ll call when I get the results.” Then he walked out of the room.

ELISE’S HAND WENT to her cheek. She could still smell his aftershave. She closed her eyes and her body started to tremble. Placing both hands over her stomach, she prayed a baby was growing inside her. If she had Jake’s baby, he’d come back. They would be together, but that didn’t make the other problem disappear. It only made things worse. God, she was losing her mind, just like her mother and sister, Judith, had said. And she was losing Jake.

She wiped a tear away and tried to understand what she was feeling. A little girl’s blue face swam before her eyes and that old fear gripped her, just as if it were yesterday. Then the memories came flooding back.

Her mother was getting ready for a party at the university. She was going with her friends, the Abbotts. Even though Elise’s father had passed away, her mother still had close ties to the university.

Mae Abbott called at the last minute in a panic because her baby-sitter had canceled. Elise’s mother had volunteered her for the job.

Elise was fifteen and didn’t know a thing about babies, but her mother gave her a list of instructions and told her it would be easy. Tammy was eleven months old and adorable and Mrs. Abbott had brought a playpen full of toys to occupy her. Elise fed her, changed her diaper and let her play while Elise lay on the floor reading. Engrossed in her novel she forgot about Tammy, then she heard her gagging. Elise jumped up to see what was wrong.

Tammy’s face was red and tears rolled from her eyes as she continued to gag. Elise picked her up and patted her back, but it didn’t work. Tammy turned blue and stopped breathing. Elise was horrified and didn’t know what to do. She shook the baby, turned her upside down, but nothing worked. Tammy was limp and unresponsive. Clearly there was something obstructing her breathing so Elise had no choice but to stick her finger down Tammy’s throat, trying to dislodge whatever it was. At first, she couldn’t feel a thing, so she rammed her finger farther into the baby’s windpipe and pulled out an object. Tammy coughed and started breathing, then wailing. Elise sat with her in a chair, both of them crying hard. That was the way her mother and the Abbotts had found them.

Mrs. Abbott was very angry and accused Elise of being irresponsible and negligent. Her mother had asked what Tammy had choked on and Elise opened her hand to reveal an eye from one of the large teddy bears in the playpen. The Abbotts whisked Tammy away to the emergency room and Elise’s mother told her to go to her room and to forget what had happened. Tammy had almost died because Elise hadn’t been watching her—there was no way she’d ever forget that.

Later, Mrs. Abbott had apologized and said she shouldn’t have sent the bear because she knew the eye was loose, but the damage had been done. Elise couldn’t stop thinking that she’d almost killed a baby. An innocent baby.

After that she avoided babies, her fear of them continuing through her teens, college and adult life. A lot of people gravitated toward babies, but Elise was just the opposite. Derek was the only person she’d ever told about her experience and her fear. For the first time someone made her understand it wasn’t her fault, and Derek had her actually planning the birth of their own baby. Then he died.

When she turned thirty-five, she began to have inner stir-rings—yearnings—and she found herself looking at babies, wondering what it would be like to be a mother. Derek had told her she would be a good mother and she believed him. She wouldn’t be scared of her own child; she would love it, care for it and protect it.

Her biological clock was ticking, the sound a silent alarm that kept reminding her time was running out. If she was going to have a baby, she’d have to do it, and soon. Somehow she reasoned that if she gave birth, she could forget that horrible day, finally put it behind her as Derek had told her. She would experience those nurturing, motherly feelings and prove she wasn’t a horrible person.

She got up and walked to the bedroom. How could she tell Jake that awful story? How she’d almost killed a child. He’d see her differently and she didn’t want to see the loathing in his eyes.

The little boy needed a mother. And he might be Jake’s son. Could she care for him? Be his mother? She honestly didn’t have an answer. All she could feel was the fear inside her, and before she could find an answer she’d have to tell Jake the truth. Derek had understood, but then Derek had loved her. Jake didn’t love her and it made this problem so difficult.

He’s just a little boy, though…. She swiftly closed that door. She wouldn’t open it. She couldn’t. Selfishly, painfully, she pushed those thoughts aside. Tomorrow would be brighter. It had to be.

THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS were difficult. Jake worked himself to exhaustion. He talked to Elise several times to see how she was doing and she was always happy to hear his voice. Still, their conversations were stilted and the waiting was getting to both of them.

Elise went through her regular routine of teaching and attending meetings, but Jake was never far from her mind. She was surprised she missed him so much. She missed his presence at night and she missed his company in the mornings. He always brought her a cup of coffee to wake her up; she enjoyed that and enjoyed what followed even more. She became angry every time she thought of how that had been taken away from her without warning. But she had to learn to cope, to deal with the situation.

She had a dinner engagement with her family at the club and came up with several excuses, but they all seemed lame. Besides, she had to get on with her life.

The club was busy and Elise spotted Althea Wellman and her family eating at a table. She purposely avoided them because she didn’t want to be asked questions about Jake. She hurriedly slid into a seat at her mother’s table and forced a smile.

“You’re late,” Constance Graham said before Elise could speak. Constance’s hair was blond, as was Judith’s, but now her color came out of a bottle. In her sixties, Constance was regal and proper and expected the very best of her daughters. Being late wasn’t tolerated.

“The husband not with you?” Judith asked in her catty way. “I’m not surprised. He’s never with you.”

Stan, Judith’s husband, spoke up. “Leave Elise alone. For God’s sake, she just sat down.”

“Thanks, Stan,” Elise said pointedly. “And it’s nice to see everyone, too.”

Constance patted her hand. “How are you, darling?”

“Fine,” she replied, gritting her teeth. Her family had that effect on her.

“Stan’s ordered wine,” Constance informed her. “Oh, here it comes now.”

The waiter poured wine into a glass and Stan tasted it. “Great, just great,” he murmured, and the waiter filled the glasses around the table.

Elise took a sip of wine. She was going to need it to muddle through the evening. Why had she come? She just wanted to be by herself. She didn’t like the way she was thinking or feeling these days and she couldn’t seem to do anything about it.

“I’ve had a horrible day,” Judith was saying. “I’m not satisfied with Duncan’s school and I can’t get through to his teachers. It’s like talking to robots.”

“He’s at a very good private school,” Elise said. “Their academic record is excellent.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the school,” Stan put in.

Judith turned in her seat to confront her husband. “Our son is not excelling the way he should. He has to be pushed. You’re too lenient. Why can’t you understand that?”

Stan shoved back his chair. “I need something stronger.” He headed for the bar.

“Oh, he makes me so angry,” Judith said, tipping up her glass. “He lets Duncan get away with anything. I caught them watching sports the other night instead of doing homework. I won’t have it. I won’t.”

“Calm down, dear,” Constance said. “We’re in a public place.”

Judith drank more wine.

“Duncan is eight years old,” Elise had to say. “He’s bright and energetic. I’m sure he’ll excel in anything he chooses.”

“I don’t need your advice, Elise.”

Normally Elise wouldn’t say anything to her older sister because when Judith was in a bad mood, it was better to leave her alone. But tonight she was out of patience. “Then stop giving me advice.”

Judith’s head jerked up. “And do you ever take it? No. You just had to marry that McCain man. Lord only knows why. Look at his brothers over there. They’re educated and respected in their fields, but you chose the farmer in the family. What were you thinking?”

“It’s my business,” Elise shot back.

“Yes,” Judith settled back with a smug expression.

“The business of making a baby. But has it happened? No. I think you should cut your losses and get out while you can.”

Anger bolted through Elise at her sister’s words. Judith didn’t even know Jake, but she’d judged him because of his profession. “I will thank you to stay out of my life.” She rose to her feet. “I’ll pass on dinner.”

Constance caught her arm. “Darling, no. Judith is just upset and not acting rationally, are you?” She looked at Judith. “I won’t have this kind of behavior at the dinner table.”

Judith waved a hand. “Okay, I’m just upset with Stan. I promise I won’t say another word about the farmer.”

“You just did,” Elise said heatedly, and walked away. She didn’t even pause when Constance called her name. Before she could escape, Althea stopped her at the door.

Althea was petite with short brown hair now highlighted with shades of gray. Her eyes were brown like her son’s.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering how Jake is.” She asked the same question every time Elise saw her. Tonight she didn’t think she could take much more.

“He’s fine, Althea. Busy as ever,” she managed to say.

“That’s good. I just want him to be happy.”

“I really have to go,” Elise said, and hated that look in Althea’s eyes—as if she’d hurt her. “I’ll talk to you later.”

She quickly made her way to her car, resisting the urge to run. She wanted to go to Jake, to feel his arms around her and…what? She didn’t know anymore. All she knew was that she was falling apart and the worst wasn’t over.

JAKE WAS FINISHING FOR the day when the phone rang. He’d spent hours in the fields, making sure things were done to his specifications. He was dirty and tired and he longed for a shower and a change of clothes.

“Hello,” he said into the receiver.

“Mr. McCain, this is Ms. Woods.”

Jake immediately sat down. He had to, because he knew what the call meant.

“Yes.”

“I have the DNA results.”

“Yes,” he said again, and tried to swallow, but his throat seemed to be locked.

“You’re the father. The test is 99.9 per cent reliable. You can’t be any more positive than that. You’re definitely the father.”

You’re the father. You’re the father. You’re the father.

The room and Ms. Woods’s voice faded away, and he was alone with those words holding him in a mindless void of pleasure and pain. He was the father. He had a son. He now knew the truth, and the truth was a bitter sweetness that permeated his whole body.

“Mr. McCain? Mr. McCain?”

Jake finally heard Ms. Woods calling his name. “Yes,” he said.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m not sure, but I will take responsibility for my son.”

“I’m glad you feel that way. We offer counseling for you and your wife…to help make this transition.”

“Right now I just want to see my son.”

“First, I’d like to meet with you and discuss Ben.”

“Why? What’s to discuss?”

“Ben’s just lost his grandmother. He’s very confused and we have to take things slowly.”

“Yes, yes, I understand.”

There was a pause, then Ms. Woods asked, “How does Mrs. McCain feel about this? She was pretty upset the other day.”

“Does it matter?” he countered, not wanting to discuss Elise with her.

“Yes, it matters a great deal. At the hearing a judge will look favorably upon a couple having custody of Ben.”

“Hearing? What hearing?”

“Ben is a ward of the court, Mr. McCain. Sherry’s rights as a parent were severed long ago and Mrs. Carr had full custody. A judge will now review Ben’s case before awarding custody to anyone else. The court will do what’s in Ben’s best interests.”

“I’m his father. Doesn’t that mean anything?” It was the first time he’d said the words and they felt good. He had a son. Ben was his.

“Yes, that will weigh in your favor, but as I said, a judge will make the final decision.”

“Are you saying I might not get my son?” He suddenly felt nauseous.

“I’m saying that with your wife beside you, it shouldn’t be a problem. But from this conversation, I’m guessing she’s not supporting you in this.”

Jake couldn’t lie to her. “She’s having a hard time accepting the news.”

“I see” came the reply. “I’ll be in Waco at nine in the morning to discuss this. The address is on the card I gave you. We’ll talk about Ben and everything else. Maybe by the time the hearing comes around, your wife will feel differently.”

“Maybe,” he mumbled, but he felt she wouldn’t.

As he hung up, he didn’t think about Elise or Ben. He thought about Ms. Woods and their conversation. There was a note in her voice that bothered him. A hesitation—as if she was keeping something from him. But what?

LATER THAT EVENING JAKE DROVE to Elise’s house. He let himself in and saw her working at her computer in the study. When she saw him, she came into the living room, wearing black slacks and a cream knit top, her expression vulnerable. He wished he wasn’t about to shatter her world. He searched for words to tell her, but she took it out of his hands.

“You have the results, don’t you?”

“Yes,” he said quietly as his insides coiled tight.

She bit her lip. “Well?”

His eyes met hers. “I’m the father.”

“No, no!” She shook her head, not wanting to believe it, then saw that look on his face. “Oh, God.” She sank onto the sofa and linked her fingers together. “You’re the father.”

“Yes.”

“This changes everything.”

“Yes,” he said again.

Silence. Loud, heartbreaking silence.

He squeezed a question from his locked throat. “Can you raise another woman’s child?”

She raised her head. “I…ah…I’m not sure.” She needed to tell him now what she’d done. Maybe he would understand. Maybe…

“I want my own baby” came out instead.

“I’m aware of that, but I can’t walk away from my son. My mother did that to me and I will not do that to my child.”

They stared at each other, and the pain in her eyes tightened his stomach even more. “I’m sorry, Elise. I didn’t plan this. I would never intentionally hurt you.”

Tears rolled down her face. “But you have, can’t you see that? You’ve ruined our lives.”

Something in him snapped. She wasn’t even trying to see this from his point of view. She had only one thought in her head—herself and a baby.

“Yes, I’ve ruined your life, Elise, and I’d find all these tears and emotions easier to understand if you cared one iota for me. But I’m just a sperm donor to you. You’ve never considered my feelings or much of anything else where I’m concerned.”

She blanched. “What are you talking about?”

“Derek’s picture. How do you think it makes me feel to make love to you with his picture on your nightstand?”

“You never said anything.”

“My God.” He shoved both hands through his hair.

“Why should I have to say anything? You should’ve had enough consideration for my feelings to remove it.”

“You know how I loved him.”

“Oh, yeah, and I’m tired of hearing that, too. He’s dead and it’s time you accepted it.”

“Now you’re being cruel.” She buried her face in her hands, sobbing.

Jake inhaled sharply, but it didn’t keep the grief and anger from coming out. “And I don’t like living in your house. I’m afraid of getting something dirty or breaking a priceless heirloom. I’m a farmer and I have a house and that’s where I should be.” She looked up at him with her bottom lip trembling but still he didn’t stop. “You’ve never showed the slightest interest in seeing my home, my farm. That’s because you don’t care about me. The only thing you care about is having a baby.”

She stared at him through watery eyes. “That was our agreement—to have a child and raise it together. We never discussed the other things. I didn’t think they were important to you.”

“They are and you’ve stomped on my feelings long enough.”

“Then I think you’d better go.”

Some of his anger evaporated. He didn’t want it to end like this. He’d wanted to say so many things to Elise and everything had come out wrong and harsh. “I…ah…”

She gritted her teeth and took a deep breath, composing herself. “It’s okay, Jake. I’ll survive.”

No doubt she would, but he hated hurting her. “The social worker is setting up a meeting with Ben.” He didn’t know why he said that. It just seemed to slip out. Maybe he was hoping for a break in her demeanor, something to give him a sign that the marriage wasn’t over.

“I hope you’ll be happy with your little boy.”

Her head was bent and he couldn’t see her eyes, but he knew it took every bit of emotional energy she had for her to say that. It also told him that there was no hope for them. Ms. Woods had said his chances for custody would be better with Elise. Now he’d have to take his chances alone.

“If you want to file for divorce, I’ll sign the papers.”

Her eyes jerked to his. “Is that what you want?”

No, I want us to raise my son together. But he said, “Yes, it’s what I want.”