Читать книгу Coming Home For Christmas - Lindsay McKenna - Страница 12

CHAPTER TWO

FOUR DAYS... ANNA closed her eyes, standing near her bedroom door, hand upon the brass knob. She had changed into an old pair of jeans that had seen better days, two layers of sweaters beneath her dark blue nylon parka and good boots to traverse the knee-deep snow. As she opened her eyes, the slats of sun filtered through the burgundy drapes in her bedroom. Kyle waited for her out in the living room. They were going to go find the perfect Christmas tree for the ranch house and the wranglers’ bunkhouse. Her house was now painfully empty, no longer filled with the booming laughter of her father or the teasing from her mother. It seemed longer than a year that they’d been gone. And on days like this, particularly around the holidays, it felt as if someone was carving up her heart with a dull knife.

She felt weak and needy. Four days with Kyle under her roof triggered the powerful emotions of loving him once more. He was charismatic. His eyes were a deep gray with a black ring around the iris, making him look like the focused hunter he really was. He hunted men, just as raptors hunted their kind of food.

And his smile was devastating to her, dismantling all logic as to why she shouldn’t get involved with him. Did he know how his smile undid her? Did Kyle read the desire in her expression?

At twenty-two, seven long years ago, he had come home and they’d made love, giving their hearts to one another. Even after their breakup, she wore her heart on her sleeve. She couldn’t hide how she felt about Kyle. She never could. And right now, her heart pined so powerfully for any little touch, any smile or gaze from Kyle.

There was no mistaking what lay in his gray gaze, that intense craving for her alone. Kyle seemed cautious about touching her during the past four days. He’d been circumspect, as if respecting her space, her needs. But at night in bed? She hurt so much, the ache in her body for this man with the careless smile and dancing gray eyes haunted her. Kyle exuded life times ten. To Anna, he was like the force of sunlight come to earth in the shape of a human. Just being around him had increased her appetite, chased away so much of her dizziness and infused her with his energy, his love. Within days she felt ten times stronger than before.

Kyle cajoled her into eating a little more each day. He made them breakfast, and his buttermilk pancakes were mouth-waveringly good. She was surprised he knew how to cook, but in the end, she left no crumbs on her plate, either. Anna would swear she’d gained five pounds. It was Kyle’s love for her, she realized, that was feeding her soul, infusing her heart and body. He had always had that kind of magical effect upon her in every way.

Her fingers tightened around the doorknob. What was she going to do? She felt the intense longing to be in his arms, resting against his stalwart body, knowing he would hold her safe. Kyle would love her if she allowed him. Every cell in her body trembled with need. The last time he had loved her, kissed her, was seven years ago. And she could still remember the strength of his mouth upon hers.

What did that make her? A fool forever? Hadn’t she tried to erase Kyle from her heart? They were children who grew up together. Running through fields of purple clover, rolling in lush, green grass and lying together, hands behind their heads, watching the white clouds change shape above them.

A small sound, part desperation, part desire, slipped from between her lips. Anna wanted to blame her neediness for Kyle on her concussion, but she knew that wasn’t true. Her heart wanted this man who was so tall, so confident and such a warrior among men. And she knew she was chasing a dream that would never come true. Kyle had said it himself: his family was the SEALs. Not her. She was second in his life. She had been first before he’d turned eighteen. The sweet, stolen kisses they’d shared still danced in her heart’s memory. They had been so young, innocent and so much in love with one another.

Opening her eyes, Anna stared down at her hand, felt the dampness and coolness of her fingers around the brass knob. Kyle had loved the SEALs more. And that was what she had to remember. No matter what happened today, out at Christmas Tree Hill, Anna had to keep that knowledge that she was second in his life. Her heart didn’t want to remember it, but her head did.

Slowly, she twisted the knob and the door quietly opened before her. Anna heard the soft snap and crackle of wood in the massive fireplace down the hall. Those natural sounds always soothed her. This afternoon, she knew Kyle was there, warming himself by the fire, waiting for her.

Her heart cried out in anguish to go to him, wrap her arms around his narrow waist, rest her head against his well-sprung chest, feel his arms slide around her, enclose her, hold her close. In four days, the desperation had built within her so much that Anna felt like a crazed animal, wanting to throw caution to the wind. Take Kyle to her bed, love him with all the passion she possessed and allow him to return it to her. She saw the look in his eyes. Saw the hunger for her in them. Anna knew he didn’t possess the ability to hide how he felt toward her. With her, Kyle wore his heart on his sleeve, too.

Numbly, she walked down the flagstone hall, the hollow sound of the tread of her boots against the caramel, white and sienna–colored sedimentary rock. As she emerged, Kyle lifted his chin, his gaze narrowing on her. Heat began to build in her breasts, tightening them, and then that arc of blazing heat dived below, nestling and restless deep within her. All Kyle had to do was look at her. Just a look.

“Ready?” he asked, studying her closely as she drew up to him.

“Yes,” she said, a little breathless.

“Blue sky and sunshine out there,” he said, slipping his hand beneath her elbow. “A beautiful day. Jepson said it was going to get above freezing.”

Anna barely heard his low, dark voice that always made her shiver with anticipation. She felt the monitored strength of his long, strong fingers cupping her elbow as he opened the door and guided her into the crisp afternoon air.

Kyle led her outside the gated fence to a black Chevy truck. He opened the passenger door for Anna and she stepped inside the cab. The sky was blindingly blue, and she put on her red baseball cap and dark glasses. Watching Kyle walk around the truck, the way his shoulders were proudly squared, she admired the strength in his face, in the set of his jaw. It was when her gaze dropped to his well-shaped mouth that she groaned internally. How badly she wanted his mouth upon hers.

“Jepson said he had a wrangler take a grader up into the road area earlier this morning where we’ll find a tree,” Kyle said, putting the truck in gear. He drove out of the plowed area, remembering the way to that hill.

“We’ll need two trees today, Kyle.”

“Two it is.” He smiled as he drove slowly down the road covered with hard-packed snow. “How are you feeling today?”

“Okay,” she lied, clasping her gloved hands in her lap.

“Dizziness?”

“None so far today.”

“Good.”

There was relief in his low voice, and genuine caring. In all the years, Kyle had never lied to her. He’d always been honest and straightforward with her. Anna felt as if she were sitting next to sunlight. Kyle unaccountably lifted her spirit. Fed her hope. Made her feel as if everything in the world would turn out all right. He’d always made her feel that way.

“My mother emailed me and said you’d gotten a divorce,” Kyle said, giving her a glance.

“Yes. From Tom Carter.” Giving him a quick look, she saw his set profile, his brows down. “Why?”

“I didn’t know him.”

“He was a drifter.”

“Who came to work here?”

“Yes.” Anna knotted her hands, staring at them.

“He must have been special for you to fall in love with him.”

Wincing internally, Anna said, “I thought I loved him.”

The cab went silent, just the slow grind of the engine as Kyle guided the truck up and around a long curve. Up ahead was a large hill wreathed with evergreens.

“What do you mean you thought you loved him?” Kyle moved his gloved hand a little on the steering wheel, keeping his eyes on the slippery road.

“I was...young.” Her throat tightened and she didn’t dare look at Kyle or she’d burst out in tears.

“I didn’t know about it.” Kyle took a deep breath. “Only the divorce. I’m sorry, Anna. You deserve only happiness.”

Pain scored her heart. “A-after you left at twenty-two, I was lost, Kyle. I’m not blaming you. I know you asked me to marry you, but I just couldn’t...I couldn’t...”

He reached out and squeezed her arm for a moment. “It’s all right. I understood why you didn’t, Anna.”

Pain increased in her heart, and she wished his fingers would remain around her lower arm. “I wanted a family....”

“Yes,” he said, his voice thick, “you’ve always been a mother at heart. You’ve wanted a brood of kids since forever.”

She opened her hands. “I thought when Tom entered my life, that I could love him. That we could settle down. He said he wanted kids, too.” She touched her nose. A memory. “I believed him.”

“We fell out of touch after I left,” Kyle said, apology in his voice.

“I couldn’t email you, Kyle. It was—too painful.”

Nodding, he rasped, “Yeah, for both of us, but especially for you. It’s okay. I understand.”

“After a while,” Anna whispered, “I wanted to email you. But Tom discovered all the letters and emails you had written to me over the years from eighteen until you were twenty-two.... He was furious and jealous.”

Giving her a sharpened look, Kyle heard the anguish in her voice. “Jealous?”

“Very.”

“I took all the letters you’d written to me and hid them from him because I knew he would destroy them. He accused me of being unfaithful to him. Of loving you, not him.” Anna met his turbulent gaze. “I was twenty-seven at the time. We’d had a five-year marriage and I knew Tom wanted to leave me. I—I couldn’t get pregnant. I’d suffered two miscarriages earlier and he blamed me.... He said I still loved you and not him.” Anna flexed her fingers in a helpless gesture.

“Damn.” Kyle’s mouth thinned as he pulled up to the hill. There was a path that led up to the Scotch pine that grew on the rounded summit. Turning off the truck engine, he unbuckled his seat belt and turned, sliding his arm around Anna’s hunched shoulders. Her face was filled with misery. “I wish... I wish I’d known all of this, Anna.”

“Why?” She held his stare. “What good would it have done, Kyle?”

He frowned. “Because I’ve always cared about you, Anna. Growing up, we always talked. We were best of friends. We held one another’s secrets.” Kyle took his gloved finger and moved some of her long hair away from her ear so he could see her face. “I never wanted to lose that connection with you, Anna. Not ever. I’m sorry if you thought I didn’t care. I always have....”

Tears jammed into her eyes and she quickly swallowed them away. Just the grazing touch of his index finger against her hair sent sheets of prickles and pleasure through her. She pulled away, unable to handle Kyle’s contact. Because if she didn’t remove herself, she’d collapse into his arms, cling to him and never let him go again. “I know you care,” she whispered brokenly, pushing the door open, unharnessing and escaping.

Leaving the cab, Kyle picked up the saw in his left hand. The wind was chilly and he walked over to where Anna stood at the foot of the trail. “Come on,” he urged her quietly, cupping her elbow. “Let’s go find some nice Christmas trees.”

Every foot up that winding path, Anna recalled an earlier Christmas with Kyle. By the time they entered the tree farm, tears fogged her vision and she was no longer able to drive them away. Her elbow throbbed where his hand curved around it. She found herself wanting to stop, turn and throw herself into Kyle’s arms. Anna knew he would receive her. Kiss her.

“What about this one?” Kyle asked, halting. Releasing her elbow, he pointed to a six-foot Scotch pine to their left. “What do you think?”

Blindly, Anna moved toward it, not wanting Kyle to see her tears. With quick swipes of her gloved hands, she wiped the tears away. “I think it’s perfect,” she said. “Just the right size for that corner near the fireplace.”

Kyle got down on his hands and knees, positioning the saw.

Anna stood away, watching him work, the sawing sound filling the air around them. The snow was knee-deep and the wind was brisk. She pushed her hair away from her face, watching him make quick work of the trunk. In no time, the pine tipped and fell softly into the surrounding snow. Kyle grinned up at her.

“One down. One to go...”

Anna forced a smile. As she backed up, her boot slipped. With a startled cry, she threw out her hands, falling. In seconds, Kyle was there, catching her. He fell into the snow, bringing her on top of him, protecting her. Snow kicked up and flew all around them.

Anna’s hair was showered with glistening snowflakes as Kyle rolled her on top of him to break the worst part of their fall. He was warm and strong and his arms curved around her, holding her safely against him, taking the brunt of the impact. He grunted as he hit first. Automatically, she closed her eyes, surrendering over to him entirely, knowing Kyle wasn’t about to allow her injured and healing head to slam into the hillside. She utterly relaxed in relief against him.

“Anna? Are you all right?”

The urgency in Kyle’s roughened tone snapped her eyes open. Snowflakes settled against her hair and across her face. She felt the length of his body against her own, her breasts pressed against his jacketed chest. She gave a short, nervous laugh.

“Yes...I’m okay...really...” She started to struggle to get off him, but then made the mistake of drowning in Kyle’s narrowed gray eyes. His pupils were huge and black, reminding her of a predator that has its quarry sighted. Her heart banged violently in her chest as he eased her slowly off him, tucking her down beside his body, his arm beneath her neck and shoulder, cradling her.

The world came to a halt. Their breaths were shared raggedly between them. It was going to happen. Kyle was going to kiss her. And Anna wanted this more than anything else in her world. She reached up with her gloved hand, sliding it across his stubbled cheek, and watched Kyle’s eyes suddenly grow intense upon her. Anna felt him move beside her, take off his glove and throw it aside and then curve his roughened palm against her cheek, guiding her lips toward his.

The chill of the air was warmed by his breath as his mouth moved tenderly across her parting lips. Anna heard a groan start deep within Kyle, felt his fingers grow firm against her face, angling her so he could kiss her more deeply, more fully. His mouth was strong and hungry, but not hurtful. His punctuated breath, warm against her cold nose and cheek, made Anna sink more deeply into his embrace. A small whimper caught in her throat as he coaxed her mouth open, taking her, trying to rein in his hunger for her, allowing her time to respond.

Anna’s entire world melted as his mouth slid and curved fully against hers, opening her, his tongue gliding along her lower lip, tasting her. His groan met and matched her own, and she sensed Kyle shift, pulling her hard against his body, his hand ranging across her shoulders, down her spine, trapping her hips against his erection.

It felt as if a bomb had gone off low and deep within her body as Kyle worshipped her lips and kissed the corners of her mouth, urging her to kiss him in return. And she did, her hands framing his face, her lips taking his, drowning in his male scent, the cold, fresh air and the swirling fragrance of pine encircling them.

Anna forgot about the snow melting against her face or the scattering flakes falling out of the strands of her hair. She forgot everything except Kyle as a man, a man she’d secretly loved all her life. His mouth took hers more gently now, rocking her lips open, moving his tongue inside, testing, tasting her. Her breath grew chaotic, fingers tight against his face. Anna couldn’t get enough of him.

As Kyle eased his fingers through her hair, sliding strands aside, he lifted his mouth from hers and pressed small, feathered kisses against her hairline, her brows and then across her closed eyelids. She could feel his breath against her skin, feel him reacquainting himself with every square inch of her flesh. Anna luxuriated in his surrounding her with his caresses, his care. Her heart exploded with love, the rippling effect moving through her, and she boldly pressed her hips against his, feeling his erection, wanting desperately to feel him inside her once more.

And as his kisses drifted near the lobe of her left ear, a little cry escaped her. Kyle knew how sensitive the region was in back of her ear, and even more so, her nape. His hand ranged across her hips, keeping her firmly against him, letting her know just how badly he wanted her. Her hair was swirling around her face as Kyle eased her forward until her head lay across his chest, her hand on his right shoulder as he teased and caressed her nape. More softened sounds, mewls of pleasure, tore out of her.

Slowly, so slowly, Kyle lightened his exploration and kisses across her slender neck and delicate ear. Easing up on his elbow, he cradled Anna in his left arm, staring down at her, raw need burning in his eyes for her alone.

Every female cell in her body took off in screaming need for Kyle. Her breath was choppy, her breasts rising and falling sharply against his chest. When he lifted his hand and gently tamed the ginger strands away from her face, he gave her a faint smile.

“It doesn’t seem like time means anything between us,” he rasped, smoothing a drop of water from melted snow from her brow.

Her heart was galloping in her chest. Anna couldn’t think. A mass of accumulated starvation. The ache for this man so extreme, she could give only a brief nod.

“Are you all right?” Kyle looked deeply into her dazed eyes. “Your head?”

Her head was the last thing Anna was thinking of right now. The stunning fireworks going off in her lower body held her attention. She was soaking wet between her thighs, and it had nothing to do with snow melting there. Kyle’s kiss had unlocked that door within her, and Anna understood the power of him as a man to trigger her into bright, burning life and need. “I—I’m okay...I think....” She managed a one-cornered smile, still lost in his turbulent, stormy gray gaze.

“That was one helluva surprise,” he murmured, giving her a slanted look. “I didn’t see it coming.”

“I didn’t either....” Anna closed her eyes, content to be exactly where she was—against Kyle.

“I’m not sorry, Anna. Are you?”

She barely shook her head, her hair mixed and coated with the snow.

“Come on,” Kyle urged her thickly, “we need to get you up and out of this snow before you get wet and chilled.”

Kyle gently eased her into a sitting position, stood up and then brought her slowly to her feet. He held on to her gloved hands, making sure she wasn’t dizzy or unstable. Before Anna could pull her hands from his, he began to carefully brush the snow from her dark strands. Standing so near to him, feeling his raw animal heat, sensing his care cascade over her—Anna absorbed it like the starving woman she was.

Kyle was so considerate, so careful with her. She had always felt worshipped by him. He loved her and she knew it. Right now, she’d accept secondhand love from this man because Anna had gone too long without him in her life. It was as if he were recharging her soul, allowing it to awaken once more, to dream, to want, to share with him again.

“There,” Kyle murmured. Satisfaction vibrated in his tones as he nudged the clean strands across her shoulder. “You’re snow free. You sure you’re okay?”

“Mmm, yes, fine...wonderful...” she whispered. Searching his eyes, Anna could see his love for her, and his lust. “I wish...”

“Wish what, angel?”

Anna quivered inwardly over the endearment. Ever since she could remember, Kyle had called her his guardian angel in this lifetime. “I wish...things were different....”

He cocked his head, staring at her. “In what way, Anna?”

Her throat tightened. Tears burned in the backs of her eyes. Swallowing, she said hoarsely, “That things were different between you and me, that’s all.” And if she didn’t pull away from Kyle right now, she was going to do the unthinkable: walk into his arms and never leave. But he would leave her. In less than thirty days. And Anna just couldn’t step across that chasm. Touching his jaw, she stepped back. “You’ve always known how to kiss me....”

He remained where he was, watching her, saying nothing. There was regret in Kyle’s gaze. Want. Desire. Lust. She was sure she had the same expression on her face. And then, he surprised her by stepping toward her, sliding his hands around her shoulders and holding her in place.

“We have to talk, Anna. There’s a lot that needs to be said. To be discussed. I was waiting for a time.” Kyle lifted her chin. “I was trying to wait until you felt better. When we weren’t so wary of one another...”

Anna didn’t try to fight his embrace. The gesture was of a man claiming his woman. And she didn’t know what Kyle’s end objective was. “We never had wariness with one another until after you left for the Navy.”

“Yes, it started then, Anna.” Kyle gave her a pained look, his hands resting lightly on her shoulders, not trying to draw her any closer to him. Not trying to kiss her again. “I needed to see the world, angel. I felt tied down here in Montana. I didn’t want to be like my father and never have adventures outside the ranch.” His mouth drew into an unhappy slash as he looked above her head for a moment, trying to choose the right words. His gaze fell on hers. “Anna, this was never about you. You were the innocent victim in all of this. I didn’t mean to hurt you, angel. I swear to God, I didn’t. But I did and you can’t know how forever sorry I am about it.”

“Shh,” she whispered. “Don’t go there. There’s nothing to forgive, Kyle. I was too young to understand why you left. But later, I did. I realized you needed to see the world, experience life, live it. I got it. I really did.” Tears slipped from her eyes. She saw Kyle’s face crumple. He never could handle her tears.

He swept her into his arms, crushing her, his face buried against her hair. Giving a broken cry, Anna collapsed against him, her arms slipping around him, their hearts beating frantically against one another. He smelled of sweat, of male, of pine, and Anna dragged it into her nostrils, drinking Kyle into her in every possible way. She could feel the tension rise in him, the tightness of his shoulders, holding her close, as if to somehow protect her with his large body. The sensation was exquisite. Exactly what Anna needed.

Tears continued to stream down her face unchecked. She cried for the loss of two babies from her miscarriages; she cried for herself when Tom had beaten her; and she cried for the loss of Kyle she knew was coming. He was going to break her heart once more. A heart that had ever loved only him.