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In every school around the world, there will be some children who go to school dreading the day. They will be teased, pushed or excluded. Some brush it off and look for new friends, others know how to block their bully and some are severely affected by the bullying while they are at school as well as after they leave.

Sadly, despite the recent legal guidelines of National Safe Schools Framework, schools are slow to implement programs to reduce bullying. Most schools lag far behind their legal and ethical responsibilities – too hard, no funds. They appear reluctant to confront the issue. Victims of school bullying and their families are therefore left to sink or swim. There is very little support for them. The other sad fact is that there is no support for bullies. Once they leave school, bullies also face a downward spiral. They are far more likely to have a criminal record by the time they are 24 years of age and more likely to have work and family difficulties.

Although there is lots of evidence based research on what schools and parents can do, you cannot wait for schools to change. My first book Bully Busting (now available as Bully Blocking) has been clinically proven to empower children to block bullies. I believe that we need to empower young people to block bullies wherever they are. It is a life survival skill.

Lisa was physically, verbally and socially bullied over many years. She was different to other students, coming from a European background. She was a little chubby, matured physically early and had glandular fever while in primary school. Teachers were not kind. She was teased because she was sensitive. But it became far worse in secondary school. Her name was on the class graffiti. She received threats about her life. She was crying all the time. Nobody did anything. She wanted to leave but her mother wanted her to obtain a good education. The bullying was reported to the teachers who made it worse. Ms H told her to ignore it, and walk away. She said it would blow over. She said, “ You can’t run away from your problems.” Sadly that is exactly what she did as a teacher.

A few years later, at the school dance, she was kicked and punched by a number of girls. The following day, at school, she was again attacked again by a number of girls. She was kicked, called names and her head was knocked against a door. It appeared that other girls stood by watching, as though to support the bullies. She was knocked unconscious and did not return to the school.

Lisa then went to do her year 12 at Chisholm TAFE. she had to obtain an intervention order because one of the bullies also went there. S (the bully) said she would “kill me on TAFE grounds” and “ I’ll put you in hospital worse than last time.” She actually kicked her in front of witnesses at Chisholm and called her “a bloody bitch”. In fact, S admitted under oath that she had kicked her at school. Lisa said that she is still scared of her. I understand that police had to give S a warning at a shopping centre. In contrast, Lisa’s teacher supported her in obtaining the intervention order for 12 months. Lisa commented upon the difference between the TAFE teacher who supported and believed her and the attitude of staff at Highett where all her concerns went unheeded and she felt blamed, guilty and responsible.

Like many other victims, Lisa was badly affected by her bullying. It affected her schoolwork and her career opportunities, her physical, emotional and social health and her self-esteem. She became extremely depressed and anxious. It affected her family and her relationships with others. She experienced a high level of trauma, which has had a devastating impact on her life.

It is a sign of how far she has come that she has had the courage to survive and write this book. It is also a reflection of her intelligence which was never given an opportunity to develop at school.

It has taken her a long time – many years of pain and suffering, self harm, confusion, depression, anxiety. She has required medication and lots of treatment. The bullying also appears to have exacerbated any predisposition she had to other psychological difficulties. My understanding is that often she was treated by those who meant well, but did not understand the trauma associated with being bullied at school. In fact, they may have made the situation worse. I don’t know if she has learnt how to block bullies now or just avoids them.

It is not easy to guess in hindsight what could have helped her at any stage of her tortuous journey. Obviously the school should have had policies, programs and consequences to reduce bullying. But her bullying occurred a few years ago, when there was no legislation. But they did have welfare and discipline policies, however failed to use them. They could have also extended basic caring and kindness and encouraged her to learn some skills. They could have referred her for counseling outside the school. I cannot understand why no one investigated her distress, undertook appropriate action, referred her for help or suggested she leave that toxic environment.

It would have helped her to learn how to cope or blend in. If she had been referred to a psychologist, like myself, I could have helped her learn the appropriate bully blocking^® skills in a short period of about six to eight sessions, as I have done for many years and continue to do so with many students. Sadly the school and her parents were unaware of these services.

Although her parents did the best they could, they should have moved her. Hopefully parents reading this book will either obtain counseling or remove their child. Parents are responsible and need to take action. It is a medical issue, and should be treated as such.

It’s sad that Lisa had no other option for resolving her case and was forced to go to court to obtain validation, justice and compensation. It is also amazing how Lisa managed the adversarial games of the bully barristers and court. Hopefully going to court validated Lisa and was self-empowering.

When Lisa first approached me to write an introduction for her book, I wasn’t sure if she would see her project through. Despite many difficulties she has persisted and now her book is a reality. This book shows that she wants to understand why she was bullied, move on from her awful experiences and help others understand why school bullying is so toxic. The message to the reader is clear – if bullying is happening in your family, get immediate psychological help for your child or move them to another school.

I hope that along the way Lisa too has learnt how to deal with damage and learnt the appropriate skills to empower her future relationships. I congratulate her on her persistence to write this book. I hope it is sign of things to come and that she will continue to turn her bad experiences into something worthwhile for her self and others.

Evelyn M. Field FAPS

Evelyn M. Field is a psychologist, professional speaker, and media psychologist. She empowers people to block school and workplace bullies and develop social survival skills. She has written two bestselling books, Bully Busting and Bully Blocking and is currently writing a book on workplace bullying.