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From: Mark Finlay – January 2, 2011 – 9:03 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Pretty Please!!!!

Thanks for staying late to help me clean up yesterday. You know I just can’t go to sleep with dirty dishes in the sink, streamers on the walls, empty champagne bottles that need recycling, dirt tracked onto the hard wood floors, etc. You know me. ;) You’re a real pal. Oh, Ralph really liked Shelley. He plans to give her a call this week. He really thinks she could be “the one,” but don’t tell her I told you.

Okay. Now to the subject of this email. I know you will think I’m a major loser and a dork – not that you already don’t ;) – but my New Year’s resolution is to try an online dating service and I don’t want to do it alone. I know this year will be a busy one for me, trying to develop the cell phone game sequel, but I also feel like it’s the right time to meet the right girl. Hence, Pretty Please!!!! Come on – it will be a great way to meet new people and you never know, the man of your dreams may be hooked up to a UNIX system right now. Pretty Please!!!!

From: Renee Greene – January 3, 2011 – 9:16 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Fwd: Pretty Please!!!!

Have I really gotten this desperate? I know I promised myself that I would try anything if I wasn’t married, engaged, seriously dating, had a prospect or at least a house full of cats, by my 30^th birthday. Well, with 25 days to go, do I dive in this way? Help?

Oh, by the way. Ralph seems to think you are “the one.” One night stand is more like it…Tee Hee! ;)

From: Shelley Manning – January 3, 2011 – 9:38 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Pretty Please!!!!

Poor Ralphie. Poor stupid Ralphie. Well despite the raging hangover and Finlay’s anal retentive tendencies, it was a great party. But, it’s a party for Christ’s sake. Every time I put my drink down on the table, he was either throwing the cup in the trash or shooting me dirty looks for not using a coaster. That boy has got to light-en up! Talk about panties in a wad. What he needs is a good screw. Which leads me to your question. (Nice segue, huh?) As far as the online dating thing goes…Yes, you are that desperate. ;) I say give it a try. No harm. No foul. Finlay’s right. (Don’t tell him those words uttered from my lips – or in this case from my fingertips! He would never let me live it down!) You never know what might happen. At the very least, you’ll have eligible men taking you to swank restaurants. Hmmm. A whole host of hot and horny single men that I can review, chat with, judge and mock – all while sitting in my office looking very busy. Maybe I should give it a try myself. Lunch tomorrow?

From: Renee Greene – January 3, 2011 – 9:43 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Pretty Please!!!!

Thank you for your generous contribution to the “Flatter Renee Greene’s Ego Foundation.” Next time, don’t be such a tight wad. Okay, I’ll give it a whirl. But you have to promise – I mean promise on a box of cupcakes and a jar of anti-wrinkle cream – that you won’t tell anyone. Not a soul.

Lunch tomorrow is great. Meet you at Mel’s at 12:30.

From: Shelley Manning – January 3, 2011 – 9:58 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Pretty Please!!!!

Of course I agree to keep the secret. If I couldn’t keep a secret, then everyone would already know about that time you danced topless on a Cancun tabletop during spring break. I even have the pictures to prove it. Oh yes, there are photos. Multiple photos. They are tucked safely away in a Swiss safe deposit vault. Only two people known to man have the keys. So, you are forever at my mercy. Mwah ha ha ha ha! (Picture me looking really evil with a maniacal tone in my voice as I say that. Much better in person. Trust me.) Now of course if my emails from work are being monitored, I can’t accept responsibility for spilling the beans. But, I think the evil corporate trolls here have better things to do than worry about your dating life. Right? Okay. Gotta go. There is a really hot new senior manager that just transferred here from the New York office. Too bad he’s not in the HR department. I wouldn’t mind being assigned under him…or over him. Whatever his pleasure. ;) Good thing I work in HR and understand the importance of not making harassing, disparaging or inappropriate comments in the workplace. :) Regardless, I’ve got to go through some paperwork with him. Mwah! Mwah!

From: Renee Greene – January 3, 2011 – 11:59 AM

To: Mark Finlay

Subject: Re: Pretty Please!!!!

Sorry so late in responding. Didn’t check my work email over the weekend. My response: Ugh! I’m not certain I want to be with a man that even knows what a UNIX system is. But, I guess UNIX is better than Eunuchs. Ha! Ha! Okay, obviously this situation is making me a bit uncomfortable and as a result I’ve resorted to homonym humor. But I do crack myself up. Okay. I apologize. Please disregard. Okay, I’m in. Feeling a bit desperate, but willing to give it a shot. What do I need to do?

From: Shelley Manning – January 3, 2011 – 2:02 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Pretty Please!!!!

Okay, so the new guy isn't as hot as I thought. I guess when you get a three-second glimpse of someone walking down the hall through a small glass partition in a conference room, it's hard to make a solid judgment. But, he's pretty cute, in a preppy kind of way. He’s got really nice blue eyes, too. From now on, he will be here to forth known as Preppy Dude. We're going for drinks after work tonight. So, did Finlay pee himself when you said you would do this online dating thing with him?

From: Ashley Price – January 3, 2011 – 4:45 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Convent Bound

Sister Mary Catherine, my old teacher at St. Francis’ Sunday school, had the right idea. I’m convinced I was destined to be a nun, because there is NO ONE GOOD LEFT. I just don’t know what to do anymore. New Year’s was a disaster. Evan and I are over…for good this time.

It started out fine enough. He came by to pick me up and was 20 minutes late. Okay, I thought. I could let this slide…again. But really, is it too much to ask my boyfriend to show up on time, especially when we were going to “the club?” So, I asked him why it was so hard to pick me up on time and it just spiraled from there.

Oh, did I mention that his tuxedo pants were too short? I told him he should buy, not rent, but he just doesn’t listen.

So anyway, we’re arguing in the car and I ask that he please just make an effort. It’s New Years, the annual ball, and he’s meeting all of my parents’ friends for the first time for goodness sake. And I know I’m a little stressed out. I mean, I really want everyone to like him. And what’s not to like, right? He’s smart and comes from a good family. I mean granted, he could do a lot more than be a teacher. I know he likes teaching in the inner city and gets a lot of satisfaction from it, but he could be a lawyer or a doctor. But he’s pursuing his heart, right?

Well, he proceeds to hit on the waitress (a waitress!?!), get WILDLY drunk and PASS OUT in the men’s room. I’ve never been more mortified. But you would have been proud. It was like a scene from a movie. I poured a champagne bucket of ice water over his head and told him we were through. My parents drove me home.

I’m okay now. I realize we just weren’t right for each other. And I know I deserve better. So, I’m giving up on dating. That’s it. I’m resigning myself to a life of loneliness and solitude.

How was Mark’s party? Did you have fun?

From: Renee Greene – January 3, 2011 – 5:00 PM