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In Loving Memory of

Kiki Dee

8/6/98 - 11/17/11

Albuquerque, New Mexico

Animal Spirit

Animals have spirits or souls, and they do go on to the after-life, just as humans do. Consequently it's not unusual for some of those spirits to return again and visit the living in ghostly form. Animals of all types have been seen as ghosts in a wide variety of locations. Not all reports of animal ghosts are sightings; however, some are sounds, such as animal footsteps on a tile floor, or a cat's meow or a dog's bark. Deceased family pets show up in snapshots of family members, reuniting with their loved ones. Apparitions of horses, ponies, cattle, wild cats, and other animals have been seen. The sounds of deceased animals, including the raucous voice of a long dead parrot have also been heard.

November 17, 2011 was one of the most tragic days of my life. My beloved dog, Kiki Dee passed away unexpectedly of heart failure. He was a pug and was thirteen years and three months old. He was my love, my friend, my baby, my child. I have never felt so much excruciating pain and loneliness before until that fateful night.

My mom passed away when I was nine years old and I was devastated but I knew that she was very sick and suffering. I didn't think that death was such a horrible thing for her. I felt that when she passed away she would no longer be in pain. I thought she would be happy, in heaven, watching over me for the rest of my life. I viewed her as a guardian angel and I knew she would be with me always in my time of need.

I was not prepared for my dog's passing, I thought he was invincible and would live forever or at least until I was old. I always prayed to God that when it was his time to go that it would be quick and painless. I did not want him to suffer or have some horrible disease. I knew that I didn't have the heart to ever put him to sleep if he ever had such a problem. I could never deal with seeing his lifeless body. He was so full of energy and I wanted to always remember him in a positive light. At least, God granted me that wish and I didn't have to deal with that. Kiki did pass away very quickly at the vet's office. This was about two hours after I told him I loved him and left to go home.

I did not want to leave him overnight at the vet's office, but I had to. He was in an oxygen tank because he couldn't breathe. The vet said he had fluid on his lungs and an enlarged heart. He was waiting to stabilize him so he could start giving him medicine. He was doing much better when I left him then when I brought him in. He was alert, standing up, looking happy, and he started licking the plexi-glass to try to kiss my hand. He was acting like his normal self again.

The vet reassured me that night that I could pick him up the next morning. He said "Don't worry, you will not lose him tonight" My gut instincts knew better. I had a feeling a few hours before when I was waiting in the exam room that he was dying and this would be the last time I would see him. That is, until I die. I believe that is when we will be re united in heaven. I felt a premonition that he was going to die that night. It was a weird feeling, almost as if someone was standing next to me comforting me and preparing me for his passing. I thought it could have been my mother or perhaps my guardian angel trying to console me.

I believe in signs or messages, so I documented every sign I received from the beyond before and after Kiki's passing. I chronicled the events and incidents. I jotted them down in a notebook every time something strange or unusual happened regarding Kiki. I believe this is an easier way to tell my story. So here goes:

11/16/11

I did not go to work that day because something was telling me to spend time with Kiki. I went to my friend's house and brought him with me, which was unusual because I usually let him stay home and sleep. As he got older he didn't want to travel as much but something told me to take him with me. A mutual friend from Pennsylvania was visiting us and she knew Kiki for years and loved him very much. I figured she would get a chance to see him that day. We went out shopping for a few hours then we went to my friend's boyfriend's house for dinner. Kiki was very energetic and was acting like his normal self. I felt relieved because earlier in the day he was acting a little weird. He didn't want to walk in the yard. He would just stop and stand. Then he walked into a different room and went under an ironing board and just stood against the wall like he didn't want to move. I had to go and get him. It was almost as if he didn't know where he was. It broke my heart. I had a feeling something was going on with him. Then when I was on the couch, he just plopped his body on mine, which he used to do a lot when he was younger. As he got older he didn't really do this, he wanted to just lie on the couch in the corner. I was happy anyway to pet him and kiss and hug him.

11/17/11

The next morning he didn't want to eat or walk again. Then he seemed to be huffing and puffing almost as if he was struggling to breathe. I was worried all day at work and called my roommate to ask how he was. She said the same. He was just lying on his bed breathing funny. I had a gut feeling something was wrong. I raced to get home. He had allergy problems so the first thing I thought was has he developed a severe allergy or maybe asthma. I fed him some Mighty Dog, some chicken, and gave him some water. I had to carry it over to him because he would not get up and move. He was a stubborn, tough, little dog, so it was hard to tell if he was in any kind of pain. I didn't know what to do so I put some hot steam in front of his nostrils, I massaged his neck and shoulders and then I wiped him down with a cold cloth. Nothing seemed to help.

A few months before this I purchased another black pug that I named Spooky from the humane society in Missouri. I thought I would get him to keep Kiki company in his last few years. KiKi seemed very excited when I first brought him home. His little tail actually wagged. It hadn't wagged like that in years. I had just bought a house so I was finally able to get another animal.

Spooky was very smart and affectionate. He seemed to sense that KiKi was sick, and he stayed by his side constantly. I was getting ready to take KiKi to the vet, I looked over at Spooky and said go take care of KiKi for me while I get ready. Spooky looked at me then he ran over to KiKi and sat down next to him; then he curled up with him on the bed. I couldn't believe it. He actually listened to me and did exactly what I asked him to do. I was amazed.

I had to leave KiKi overnight in the oxygen tank at the vet's office. I was reluctant to go but I kept reassuring myself, I will see him tomorrow morning. About an hour and a half after leaving the office, the phone rang. It was about 10:30pm. My roommate answered and the vet gave her the tragic news. My knees fell to the floor and I started crying hysterically then I ran to the bathroom throwing up. I was devastated and shocked that it happened so quickly. When I left the office I looked over at him and said "I love you, l'll see you tomorrow". He looked energetic and back to his normal self. I couldn't believe it. I think that he waited for me to leave so he could pass away without me seeing it. I also think he held on all day until I got home, so he could say goodbye to me. He had been struggling all day to breathe while I was at work and I didn't even know that until I got home. According to the vet, they were amazed that he held on so long with the low level of oxygen that he was breathing.

I was just starting to fall asleep around 10:30pm, and I thought I heard something. I opened my eyes and I saw a quick streak of light come from my bookcase to my bed. It was a whitish tan color. Kiki was tan and had some black and white patches. I saw this so quick from my peripheral vision. Then I felt movement at the bottom of my bed. About an hour later, I heard a slight sound near my closet. It sounded like walking in the direction of the water bowl. I could also hear a light rattle of a metal tag hitting a collar. It sounded exactly like Kiki's tag. He had a metal tag with a K on it that I gave him for his birthday. When he jumped off the bed at night he would walk over to his water bowl and I could hear his tag hit against his collar. I knew it wasn't my other dog Spooky because he was right against me sound asleep. I knew it was Kiki. I was a little stunned, I looked around but I didn't see anything. I fell back to sleep.

Later that night about 3:00am in the morning; I felt something move at the edge of my bed. Then I felt something move to the right side of me. This is the same spot where Kiki slept and where he would walk over to me so I could pet him. Then I felt it again about ten minutes later. I sensed it was KiKi coming to say goodbye. I was startled at first, then I felt happy that he came to see me one last time or so I thought.

11/18/11

The next night about 2:00am, I felt the same movement at the bottom of the bed where KiKi used to sleep. This time I felt a little better. I wasn't as sad. It felt like a shiny, warm, glowing light engulfed my body. It is very hard to explain. It felt like positive energy. I felt like I was receiving a message from Kiki. He was letting me know that he is ok and happy and does not want me to be so sad. I truly believe he is in heaven and now is a Pug Angel watching over me.

11/19/11

A few days after Kiki passed away I went shopping to keep my mind off of things. I was walking in a store and I passed by the dog section and I immediately started crying hysterically. Suddenly a song came on the radio called "The Power of Goodbye" by Madonna. This is one of my favorite songs and very sad an emotional but it has a powerful meaning. I knew instantly it was a message from Kiki trying to help me with my grief. Later that day when I got home I felt a little bit better. It was Saturday afternoon, and I was sitting on the couch watching T.V. All of a sudden I got a weird sensation, almost of instant happiness and I felt a release of all my sad emotions. I think I was learning to accept Kiki's death and I was starting to realize he lived a long happy life and it was just his time to go. Another weird thing happened around the same time. I noticed Spooky started running, barking, and playing like he did with Kiki. It was in the same spot on the carpet where Kiki's bed was located. It looked like he was playing with something that was invisible. It only lasted for a few minutes, but I think Kiki came back to visit Spooky and say goodbye to him.

11/20/11

The next day I was having a hard time. I was crying when I woke up, in the shower, when I was in my walk in closet trying to get dressed, and in the store. I went to the movies with my friend to get my mind off the depression. Then I felt like I received another message from Kiki. The movie I thought was going to be scary but ironically it was about a man learning to let go of his wife and children's death. I am watching the movie then the man said the nickname for his daughter was Dee- Dee, I couldn't believe it. What are the odds I was in shock. Of all the movies that I could have possible gone to, this one mentions a name similar to his. Then the dead wife comes to visit the husband and says "Don't worry I will be with you all the time", Of course, I started crying thinking that is what Kiki was trying to tell me. The night before I called my parents to tell them about Kiki. My stepmother had also said to me Kiki will be with you all the time.

11/21/11

A few days after Kiki's passing, I noticed the most amazing thing. My other pug named Spooky, which I've had only a few months, started taking on many characteristics that Kiki had. His behavior had changed from being shy and docile to energetic and obnoxious like Kiki. He also started sleeping in Kiki's bed and house. I think he sensed that he was gone and was missing him. I truly believe animals can communicate with each other. I feel like either part of Kiki's soul is living inside Spooky or that Kiki somehow told spooky to act like him in order to comfort me. His mannerisms are so much like Kiki that it was reminding me that Kiki is not totally gone. He is still living on through Spooky.

11/22/11

I was at work and it was getting towards the end of the day. I was looking at my calendar and I started doodling flowers around Kiki's name. I had marked the day that he passed away. I'm not sure why I did this, I just did. Then I picked up "High Desert Dog" magazine that was on my book self. I forgot it was there. The first page that I opened up and looked at was a page that Kiki was on. I had entered him into a contest the year before and he made it into the magazine. I looked at the picture closely; it was Kiki in his prime, surrounded by beautiful yellow flowers. I felt happy looking at him and I smiled. I felt like it was his way of saying hello.

When I got home, my roommate Val walked over to me and handed me a wooden box. It contained the remains of Kiki. I had him cremated and the vet's office said it would be at least another week until we received them. I was in shock but happy to get them sooner than expected. On the outside of the wooden box were engraved flowers, just like the ones in Kiki's picture. Of course, I cried. It was another message from Kiki. Then she told me he was cremated on Saturday around the same time that I felt the strange sensation of happiness. I believe that was the moment that Kiki's soul went to Heaven.

11/27/11

I received from the vet's office an ornament with Kiki's footprint. I didn't know that I would be getting this in the mail. I was surprised and very emotional. I started crying. I started looking through the rest of my mail and I noticed a catalog. I flipped through the magazine and I came across a book titled "All Dogs go to Heaven". The book is an inspirational book that has quotes. It states you will see your dog again in heaven. Then I glanced over to the left side of the book and saw a statue of a pug. I couldn't believe it. I felt like it was Kiki's or a guardian angel giving me a message that I will eventually see him again.

12/7/11

I was driving home from work and feeling sad about Kiki, I started crying while I was driving. Then a song called "Heaven" by the Psychedelic Furs came on the radio. I stopped my car at the light; there was a car in front of me. For some reason, I looked up at the license plate and the first letter was a K. Once again, I felt like this was a message from Kiki letting me know he is ok, happy and in Heaven. I looked over at the picture of him along with a small vial of his ashes that I keep hanging from my rear view mirror. I smiled and felt a little better. It seems every time I am extremely sad, he does something to cheer me up and make his presence known. When I got home that day, I was looking through a box of photos of Kiki. The first photo that I picked up was Kiki, surrounded by yellow flowers. It was the same picture that I had sent to the magazine about a year ago. I forgot it was in there. Once again I was amazed. It made me think that Kiki is happy and in a better place. This is probably how he looks now in heaven; young, beautiful, healthy, and pain free. He is probably playing on a cloud somewhere surrounded by flowers. I believe that was the message that he was giving me.

12/23/11 - Christmas Eve

I asked Kiki to come visit me on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I told him I missed him and it would be a wonderful gift he was able to do this.

I woke up suddenly at 5:29am from a deep sleep. My birthday is on 5/29. I felt the bottom of my bed move. Then I felt something pacing back and forth for fifteen minutes non-stop. I was a little scared at first, then I realized it must be Kiki saying hello. I used to make a big deal out of the holidays. I would always bring him presents and tell him it was Christmas Eve. It has always been a sentimental day for me because that is the last time I saw my mom before she passed away. If he had energy to come back and see me I believe he would have chosen this day.

Later that day, Val, Spooky and I were taking Christmas photos. When I looked at the photos, I saw two orbs. It looked like they were moving. One was next to me and another was next to Spooky. I believe it was Kiki and my mother.

12/24/11 - Christmas Day

Val took some photos of Spooky and I. An orb appeared near the right side of Spooky, who was wrapped in a blanket. That's what I used to do to Kiki when he was little. Every year I would dress Kiki up in a Christmas outfit and take his picture. I believe the orb was some form of Kiki's energy coming by to say hello and get his picture taken.

7/22/12

The following year I went to Flagstaff, Arizona. I was on my way to Sedona, Arizona so I could go visit Oak Creek Canyon. This is a very beautiful, spiritual, area. There is a stream where I scattered some of Kiki's ashes. Oak Creek Canyon is supposed to have natural healing waters. I was going to take Kiki there for Thanksgiving and put him in the water, but he passed away seven days before we could get there. My friend and I were staying at the La Quinta Hotel in Flagstaff, Arizona.

The most amazing thing happened to me there. It was about 3:30am. I had just dozed off to sleep, and then I felt a warm body press up against my stomach. This was on the left side of the bed. This is the area where Kiki used to sleep. I woke and glanced over and saw a partial apparition from the waist down. I knew instantly that it was Kiki. I saw his legs, tail, and part of his body. I tried to grab him and said "don't go". As I was trying to grab him, he dove under the blankets and disappeared. I felt him run to the edge of the bed and plop down. He used to always do this at home.

After he disappeared I felt the bed in front of me. The area in front of my stomach felt warm to the touch. It lingered for a few minutes. It felt warm as if something was lying next to me. This is where Kiki would sleep every night. I felt very emotional. I felt happy and sad at the same time. I started to cry. I was in shock that I just saw him but very happy that he came back to say hello. I was thinking about him earlier in the day and the day before. I wanted to go visit the area where I scattered his ashes.I was only about thirty minutes from the area. Since the rock formations and vortexes in Sedona hold on to so much energy, it only makes sense that Kiki's spirit absorbed this energy in order to manifest and appear to me that night.

There is a theory that ghosts come to people when they are sleeping. This is because the brain is the most active at this time and it is the most receptive to seeing an apparition or a visitation from the loved one that has passed on.

On my way home from Flagstaff, it started raining. My friend said to me maybe we will see a rainbow. As soon as we pulled off the highway entering Albuquerque, New Mexico, I looked over at the Sandia Mountains. There was a dark cloud hovering above. Then I noticed the most amazing rainbow. I felt it was a sign from Kiki. He was letting us know he is still around and in the cloud, probably running over the rainbow. The last few months, every time I would think of Kiki, I would look up at the sky and see something beautiful; whether it was a cloud, or just a simple ray of light I felt it was his way of showing me some beauty in the world. I believe he is my guardian pug Angel looking down and watching over me. I am not sure if he is able to visit me again but I know that life does exist after death. There were too many signs and messages that he gave me to discount it.

6/20/14

I was driving to work one morning and thinking about Kiki. Then I glanced over to my left, and I saw a truck that had a logo on the side of the door and it said "Kiki's Tree Service". I smiled. Then a little bit down the road I saw another truck that said the same thing. That's when I realized it was him trying to give me a message that he is still around watching over me.

6/21/14

The following day Zoe and Spooky were acting weird in the hallway near the bathroom and the spare bedroom. They were both looking around and barking at something that was not there. They did not want to pass by the spare room. This is a room where I keep a lot of Kiki's pictures displayed. On the same day I happen to be wearing a necklace of the letter K. I wear it in remembrance of Kiki. On the way home from shopping, there was a weird reflection of light flashing in the car. I tried to figure out where the light was coming from. I realized it was reflecting off a keychain in my rearview mirror. The keychain contains a picture of Kiki and a small vial of his ashes. I felt these were all little signs to get my attention. This is his way of saying hello.

2/16/15 & 2/17/15

I had a dream about Kiki two days in a row. He was alive again and just acting normal like he never left. I was walking him and playing with him. I felt such joy and happiness just to be with him again. I didn't want the dream to end.

2/18/15

Then the following morning the most extraordinary thing happened. I was getting ready for work about 7:30am in the bathroom. Suddenly, I heard a quick very loud whining sound. It was definitely the whining sound of a dog. I thought it was Zoe, so I looked over at the bed. She wasn't there. I looked down the hallway, but it was dark and no one was around. Zoe & Spooky were lying down on the chair in the living room. Then I entered my walk in closet. I felt a little weird. I felt a presence near the entrance of my bathroom, next to a big canvas picture of Kiki. I couldn't believe what I just heard and experienced. I called out Kiki's name and asked if he was there. A few minutes later, the feeling subsided. I didn't tell Val at that moment. I still wasn't sure if the whine or bark that I heard was Kiki, but I had a strong feeling that it was him trying to say hello. I was still in shock about 15 minutes later after the incident, but I was happy that it did. I was hoping to see his apparition but I was content with at least hearing his bark. I didn't tell Val until a few days later. I was waiting to see if she was going to tell me that maybe the bark came from Zoe or Spooky that morning. She never did. Once I told her about what happened she said they were both with her, sleeping in the living room when the incident happened. I believe it was Kiki because every time I feel really sad and start grieving over him, he usually appears in some way. There have been too many signs to dismiss this as just a coincidence.

4/24/15

I had a dream about Kiki. He was swimming underwater in a pool, and he was looking up at me. His face looked so cute, happy, and peaceful. It looked like he was smiling.

4/25/15

The next day Val called her mom in New York. She wanted to wish her a happy birthday. Her mother briefly mentioned that she dreamt about Kiki the night before. She said he was dancing. I felt this was another message from him. She liked Kiki very much and was very sad when he passed away. I couldn't believe we both dreamt about him the night before.

I was happy that I got Spooky after Kiki passed away, but I was still sad and I missed Kiki terribly. I also sensed that Spooky missed him and I didn't want him to be alone since he was such a young and active dog. I decided to get another pug. This time is was a female. Her name is Zoe. Ironically she was born the next day after Kiki passed away. I felt like it was fate and I was meant to get her. She reminds me of Kiki and she even looks like him. She is obnoxious, a bully, cute, affectionate, shy, and tough. She and Spooky get along very well. They love each other. They play, they fight, they sleep, and they do everything together. I feel she was a gift from Kiki. Somehow he pushed me to finally get her. I always wanted a female pug. Sometimes it feels like I'm taking care of two young kids but I wouldn't have it any other way. I know Kiki is looking down on us and happy that I found some other dogs to love. Kiki will never be forgotten. I cherish the day we will be reunited again in Heaven.