Читать книгу The Baby Chronicles - Lissa Manley, Lissa Manley - Страница 11

Aiden tried not to stare at Colleen’s pink, open mouth, tried not to let her wide-eyed, horrified expression cut too deep. Obviously she thought going away with him was akin to taking a vacation with Charles Manson. Searching for levity to break the thick tension that had sprung up between them and calm the dull pain knifing in his gut, he said, “A fly will get in if you leave your mouth hanging open like that.”

She clamped her mouth closed and glowered, drawing her perfectly arched, dark blond eyebrows together, presumably to look stern. “Very funny.” Obviously she didn’t appreciate his attempt at humor.

“Hey, whatever works,” he said with forced lightness, determined not to dwell on the fact that he had to work with the woman who’d crept under his skin eight years ago and dismantled his heart like a one-woman wrecking crew.

“You think this is amusing?” She began to quickly shuffle through the masses of papers covering every square inch of her desk, nervously jumping from pile to pile. Odd, she’d never been the twitchy sort before.

He let out a heavy breath. “No, not amusing. But not the end of the world, either. C’mon, Colleen, lighten up.” If he could deal with this after she’d cut a hole in his heart she damn well could, too.

She yanked out a sheaf of papers and began to thumb through the stack. “I wish that were possible.”

“Why isn’t it?”

Her worry-studded gaze flicked up and held on him for a long moment, then darted back down to peruse the papers in her hands. “I told you. I don’t want this assignment.”

“Why not?” he asked before he could call the words back, irritated that he cared about her reactions at all. Nothing but trouble there.

“I just don’t.” She shot to her feet, turned away and opened a file cabinet, ignoring him again.

He stood in silence, staring at her narrow back and blond, curly hair. A memory of her on the beach, smiling at him, the blue sky behind her, her hair blowing in the ocean breeze, popped into his brain—

He stopped the image in its tracks. Those were the memories of Colleen that had tortured him while he huddled against bombed-out buildings in the dark during cold, endless nights. Funny how those memories had also kept him warm deep inside, encouraging him to go on when scenes of death and starving children and leveled villages had cut across his heart and soul and branded themselves in his brain forever.

Fortunately he didn’t need memories of Colleen to get him through anymore, to keep him warm. His new, life-affirming job taking pictures of babies would do that.

Dragging his gaze away, he fisted his hands at his sides. He had to concentrate on his work, not how his memories of her had helped him through the darkest hours of his life.

Despite that one and only benefit of his past relationship with her, he couldn’t ever let himself forget that she’d coldheartedly eviscerated him. End of story. He refused to let himself care about her beyond working on this article together.

“Dammit, Colleen.” He reached out and tugged on her elbow. Her soft, peachy scent assaulted his senses. “We have to work together.”

She spun around and the papers in her hands fluttered to the floor. She jerked away. “Do you mind?”

He dropped his hand. She was right. He shouldn’t be touching her. “All I want to do is talk—”

“We’ll talk about the story, nothing more.”

“Hey. Cool. That’s exactly what I was going to say. So you’re going to find a way to work with me so we can collaborate on a quality piece?”

She froze, staring, and a whisper of naked vulnerability flashed in her eyes. She looked down and slowly turned back to the file cabinet, shutting him out again.

He opened and closed his fists, determined not to let himself wonder or care about her vulnerability—or anything else about her. “I’m not going to let you ruin the spread. This is too important to me to let you do that.”

She twisted back around and met his gaze, then opened her mouth to speak, but clamped it tightly shut. She closed her eyes briefly, and when she opened them, a studied blankness assailed him.

To his irritation, right on cue, as if he’d been plunked down in the past, his chest pulled tight. He ignored the tugging sensation, determined not to give a rip about Colleen again. He’d seen that expression before, more times than he could count. Thankfully her utter blankness, so familiar, so damn steadfast, didn’t matter anymore.

He wouldn’t let it.

“I…uh, I need to get something. I’ll be right back.” She walked from behind her desk and left him standing alone in her cube.

He swore under his breath, looked at the ceiling and rubbed the back of his neck. Casting a glance around her tiny cubicle, he again noticed the mounds of paper covering every inch of her desk and most of the floor. A yellowing, half-dead plant swimming in water sat in one corner, and its brown, dried-up twin sat on the corner of her desk. Stacks of file folders and empty office-supply boxes crowded the top of the file cabinets. The place was an absolute mess.

He frowned. He remembered Colleen as being pretty neat and well organized, and her appearance today was polished and put-together. Why was her office so filled with clutter? Was she just too busy to straighten up once in a while? And why was she so damn fidgety?

He shook his head. He had to admit, she seemed different. The glimpse of vulnerability he’d seen in her eyes earlier was totally unexpected and so unlike what he remembered about the confident, wisecracking Colleen he’d fallen in love with.

And why was she so bothered to be working with him? She’d seemed to escape absolutely unscathed by their breakup. He’d seen her in a bar the night before he’d left for Afghanistan, happily dancing up a storm with every guy in the place. Stuff like this didn’t usually bother her.

Yeah, Colleen had changed. Despite that observation, she was as much a mystery as she’d always been, a mystery he would solve only for the sake of “The Baby Chronicles” and his career as a baby photographer.

As much as he hated it, to build the new life he wanted, he had to discover a way to work with her effectively.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Colleen dropped into a chair in the small room that served as the break/lunch area for the employees of the Beacon, thankful lunchtime was over. She needed a few minutes alone to get a hold of herself.

To find a way to keep Aiden from getting to her.

She plopped her chin in her upturned palm and looked around the room. The light blue walls were adorned with gold-framed copies of old issues of the Beacon. One wall held a new white refrigerator, shiny black dishwasher, gleaming chrome sink, speckled blue counters and white wood cabinets. Newspapers and magazines covered the surfaces of the three small, round metal tables, and unwashed coffee cups sat on the counter between the sink and microwave oven, along with an assortment of plates, empty junk-food containers and pop cans. The place was a disaster.

Kind of like her. Looked good on the outside, a mess on the inside. Mercy, she was such a product of her loveless childhood, spent first with her neglectful, flaky parents, and later, in a verbally abusive foster-care home. She shuddered, remembering the terrible, lonely place where her only purpose had been to act as a live-in baby-sitter for the rest of the younger kids and as a verbal punching bag for her alcoholic foster mother.

She shook her head, recoiling from those terrible memories, focusing on the here and now, which, unfortunately, was inevitably intertwined with her past.

Was that why Aiden had thrown her into such a tizzy? She frowned and pinched the bridge of her nose, taking control of her spiraling, disconcerting emotions. Tizzies, she’d discovered at an early age, were useless and only brought on someone else’s anger, targeted at her. She always made sure that she managed herself well enough to avoid them. But not today.

She’d run from her office like a frightened little girl, letting Aiden take control of her emotions.

What was wrong with her?

She didn’t have the answer to that important question, just as she hadn’t had the answer eight years ago. Aiden’s ability to open the door to her wants and desires and her inability to fight that power had scared her to death and forced her to break up with him.

But that was then, and this was now, and Aiden was back in her life for the next few days. She had to find a way to keep an even keel, to keep herself under protective control.

A startling thought occurred to her. Had he deliberately sought her out?

No, he’d been genuinely surprised when he’d discovered he was going to be working with her. It was just an odd coincidence they’d been thrown together again. Though not all that odd when she thought about it. She and Aiden were both journalists. Also, most of Aiden’s huge family probably still lived close by in Oak Valley; it made sense he’d return to Portland to be near his four siblings and parents. Just another reason she’d run, having been unable to deal with the prospect of being around his big, traditional family, light-years from her horribly dysfunctional one.

And whether she liked the current situation or not, she had a job to do. She was going to have to go away with him to complete the article. It was time to buck up and do her job without letting Aiden bother her.

Standing, she paced around the small room, forcing herself to fall back on the things that had helped her survive her childhood. Be analytical and rational. Review the situation and formulate a plan.

One. Aiden was in as photographer. Bad news, but unavoidable.

Two. They were going to go to Sun Mountain, a resort in central Oregon about four hours from Portland, for a long weekend. Again, too bad, but a done deal.

Three. Four babies and their parents, all strangers, would be going along, but she and Aiden would be the only other adults there. They would be spending long hours together, working on the article. Just the two of them, for an entire weekend…

That would be torture.

Nervous dread twisted her stomach into a knot. How could she do her job but spend as little time with Aiden as possible?

She stopped pacing and gazed into space for a long moment, her brain humming.

An idea materialized in her head. She smiled. Yes. She needed a friend to accompany her who would act as a safeguard between her and Aiden, someone she could hang out with to avoid having to deal with Mr. Gorgeous Green Eyes.

And her neighbor Maggie was just the person she needed. She was a single mom with a baby the right age. Colleen would have to pull some strings to get Maggie’s daughter, Laura, included in the spread, but that was a manageable detail. She was sure she could persuade Joe to include Laura, and knew she could talk Maggie into agreeing, even though Colleen deliberately hadn’t spent much time with Maggie since Laura had been born. Being around Laura, who drew Colleen’s attention like a fly to sugar, was just too hard to take. And while she would have to spend more time with little Laura this weekend, which would be a test in itself, it would be worth it to have Maggie act as a buffer.

Feeling better, she clenched her hand into a fist and pumped it in the air. “Yes!” she mock whispered. Score one for ingenuity.

A male voice startled her. “Wow. You must be feeling better.”

She twisted around, widening her eyes, and met Aiden’s vibrant, emerald-tinged gaze. His large body filled the small room and it was suddenly difficult to drag air in.

She swallowed and pressed a hand to her chest to calm her racing heart and wobbly nerves, then forced herself to smile broadly and spread her arms wide. “I guess I am.”

He hoisted a lone eyebrow. “What gives?”

A valid question given the hasty exit from her cube. “I’ve been thinking, and I’ve decided to bring a friend and her baby along on the shoot.”

“Because?”

I need protection from you. “Well…because the baby is adorable, and I’d like to include her in the spread.”

He moved closer, shaking his head. “I’ve already approved the four kids I need for the shoot. Five won’t work.”

“What do you mean you’ve approved them?” She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “I haven’t even seen the pictures submitted yet.”

He stepped closer still, bringing his unique clean-air and fresh-water scent with him. “Joe e-mailed them to me this morning, and I chose the four babies I wanted.”

Annoyance rolled through her. Struggling to maintain her equilibrium, she backed up out of his scent’s reach and hit the counter with her back. Aiden had had final say-so on the babies. Apparently he’d been put in charge of the content of the layout. “Well, if you’re in charge, choose one more,” she blithely demanded, trying not to breathe in his smell, scrambling for her much-needed control.

“Can’t.” He checked his watch. “I’ve designed a layout around four babies. Five will mess it up.”

Okay, Aiden was in the driver’s seat, and after she’d treated him so badly today, there was no way he was going to help her out. He’d probably drive her right off the road.

Quelling the tide of hot frustration burning a hole in her chest—she hated standing meekly by, letting him call the shots—she sidestepped away from him, trailing her hand along the messy counter for support, needing space to think clearly. Chewing on her lip, she stalled, scrambling to come up with a way to get what she wanted.

“Of course,” he said, his voice as smooth as silk, “we could cut a deal.”

She snapped her eyebrows together and slowly turned to look at him. “What kind of deal?”

He very casually lifted a broad shoulder. “I give you what you want and you give me what I want.” He smiled, flashing even, white teeth, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Simple.”

“Simple, my foot.” He was coldheartedly manipulating her. “What do you want?” she asked, even though she already had a pretty good idea.

“Your promise that you’ll find a way to work with me.” He stalked closer, pinning her in place with his piercing eyes. He placed his large hand so close to hers on the counter his pinkie touched her finger. “Think you could manage to do that, Colly?”

His slight touch sent sparks shooting up her arm and his use of his old nickname for her almost buckled her knees. No one else had ever called her that. Her parents, who she hadn’t seen in years, had barely been able to remember her real name.

Not that he meant anything by it. He was simply trying to throw her off balance to get what he wanted, darn him. “Hauling out the heavy artillery, huh?” She smiled tightly, moving her hand away from his.

“Whatever it takes to make sure you and I can do this together to produce a fantastic piece.” He looked away, but not before she saw a flash of pain in his eyes. “All I care about is taking pictures of babies.”

Shoving aside her interest in the glimmer of pain she’d seen in his eyes, she asked, “You sure it isn’t more than that?”

He gave her a slight frown. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve always liked to pick me apart. Maybe this is nothing more than your morbid curiosity at work.” He’d always wanted more than she could give, wanted to “fix” things so everything would turn out the way he wanted. But that task had been futile. She’d known from the get-go that she’d never be the traditional fall-in-love-and-get-married-and-have-babies woman he’d wanted eight years ago.

Knowing that, she should have walked away the moment they’d met instead of letting their chemistry keep them together long enough for him to care. To make matters worse, she’d had panic attacks the moment the M-word had come up, not to mention how far and fast she’d run when he’d actually proposed.

He let out a heavy breath and held up a rigid hand. “No way. I have no reason to be curious about you. And for the record, I never tried to pick you apart.” He looked away, then looked back, his eyes now hard and unyielding. “Back then, I was a fool and wanted your love.”

Her love. The nonexistent fantasy item he’d always wanted, the one thing her flaw had made sure she couldn’t provide. “You can’t have what doesn’t exist,” she whispered.

She sank into a chair, stunned to discover that, even now, after so many years, knowing she didn’t know how to love him made her heart weep.

But she couldn’t ignore the truth now, just as she couldn’t ignore it eight years ago. He’d deserved more than a flawed woman. He still did.

He made a deprecating sound. “So you always said.”

Before she could ask him what he meant by that, his cell phone rang, shrill in the quiet of the lunch-room. He answered it and she chewed on a nail and went back to her thoughts, tuning out his conversation.

Once she thought about it, she really didn’t want to know what his comment had meant. Their rocky past didn’t matter anymore. What was done was done. She’d broken up with him, he’d taken off on his overseas adventure, and they’d both gone on.

And luckily for her, everything was different now. They didn’t mean anything to each other anymore. New rules applied, thank the stars above.

Obviously Aiden hadn’t figured that out yet. Like a bad case of déjà vu he wanted to peer inside her and communicate with her for the sake of the spread. Well, she wanted none of it.

Too bad.

She was stuck like a doomed bug on glue. And judging by the still-tingly skin on her arm and her shaking knees, taking Maggie along was absolutely necessary. Colleen needed some sort of shield from Aiden, and she intended that Maggie serve the part. She would make sure her neighbor stuck to her side every second of the weekend.

His voice interrupted her thoughts. “That was the moving company. They’re waiting at the house to deliver my stuff, so I’ve got to go.” He moved to the door, jamming his tiny cell phone into the front pocket of his pants. “We’ll continue this conversation later.”

She rose and followed him, yanking her gaze from the front of his pants where he’d shoved his cell phone. She wanted to ask him where he lived and if he’d bought a new house. But she squashed the urge. For her own sanity and emotional safety she desperately needed to keep her distance from Aiden this time, not that he’d ever be interested in heating things up between them again.

“Aiden, wait.”

He stopped and turned, his green eyes questioning.

She ignored the sparks his gaze generated and gave him a hesitant smile. “Can my friend and her baby come along?”

He reached out and squeezed her hand but his eyes remained cold. “That depends on you.” He let go of her, waved and left.

Score tied.

Aiden stepped outside and took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the warm summer air, liking the sound of the cars and buses zooming along. Though the offices of the Beacon were located in a building in the center of downtown Portland and lots of people and traffic hurried by, the sounds of a normal city, one not torn apart by bombs and war, calmed him. Thank God he was home. Even though he doubted he’d ever be safe from his devastating memories and scorching guilt, at least he was back in familiar territory, a place he could burrow into and fashion a new life.

Yeah, everything would be perfect if he didn’t have to work with Colleen. But he did, and he wasn’t going to let that fact bother him enough to ruin this job and his chance to obliterate the terrible memories burned in his mind.

Unbidden, images arose in his brain, images he was helpless to stop. Dying children. Grief-stricken parents. Hell on earth…

I did nothing.

He stopped, suddenly breathing heavily, sweat breaking out on his upper lip. Guilt roiled in his soul like boiling water, burning him little by little from the inside out.

He closed his eyes, and by sheer dint of will he forced the agonizing pictures away, the truth of the current situation with Colleen thudding down instead.

Take back the stupid deal.

Nodding, he did an about-face and headed back toward the offices of the Beacon, his memories putting his problem into instant perspective. Making any kind of deal with Colleen was idiotic. If she didn’t want to work with him, fine. In fact, better. Easier. Less demanding. Less challenging.

He found Colleen sitting alone once again at a cluttered table in the lunchroom, staring off into space, a faraway, vulnerable expression on her face that unexpectedly landed like a kick in the gut. Fool. Why the hell should he care that she seemed sad? He ignored the unsettling sensation and cleared his throat. “Colleen.”

Her gaze snapped to him. “Aiden.” Surprise lit her cornflower-blue eyes. “Back so soon?”

“Yeah.” He made a face when the scent of stinky, stale coffee grounds and burnt microwave popcorn assaulted his nose. But he’d take that smell any day over the stench of blood and death he’d never quite been able to banish.

He shook it off along with his bad memories and forced himself back on track, back to the present. “I’m calling off our deal.”

She stood and stared at him, then pushed her hair back behind one ear and narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

“It’s pretty simple, really,” he said, irritated that he’d even considered making any kind of deal with Colleen, that he’d let her push him around. “All I want to do is take pictures of babies.”

“Okay,” she said, drawing the word out. “But what does this have to do with your…deal?”

He snorted. “I’m not going to make some dumb deal with you to make sure you find a way to work with me. That’s your choice, not mine, and frankly, I don’t give a damn what choice you make.”

She widened her eyes, clearly taken aback by his harshness, then moved over and opened the refrigerator and pulled out a can of diet pop. “I don’t know whether I should be jumping for joy or feel insulted.”

He shrugged. “I’m not trying to be insulting, just realistic. I told myself that you needed to find a way to work with me to do this job.” He let out a derisive laugh. “That’s a load of bull, and I’m not going to beg you to do your job. I’m sure Joe can find someone else to work with me.”

“Actually, I’ve already asked him to find someone and I’m it.” She pulled her lips into a triumphant smile. “So I guess my friend and her baby are in.”

He ground his back teeth together. It rubbed him the wrong way to have to redesign his layout to include another baby, but it wasn’t worth fighting with Colleen about. The less contact he had with her, the better. He nodded. “Yeah, your friend and her baby are in.”

Her face relaxed. “Good,” she said, walking toward him. She laid her free hand on his forearm for a moment. “You won’t regret it, I promise.” She moved by, her scent briefly masking the coffee and popcorn smell. “I’m going to call Maggie right now. I bet she’ll be thrilled.”

Colleen left the lunchroom and Aiden felt the warm place her touch had branded on his arm. Her light scent lingered in the air, intoxicating and evocative, fueling memories of her in his arms, her blue eyes staring into his soul, making him feel happy and content and loved.