Читать книгу MemoRandom - Литагент HarperCollins USD, Anders de la Motte - Страница 12

Sarac could see the white-coated woman’s mouth moving. He could make out the occasional word and realized that he was nodding in agreement, as if they had been talking for a while. His head felt strange, as if it had been filled with sludge. Heavy heartbeats in his chest. Fear. Who was this woman? Where the hell was he? This last question was easily answered. Grey plastic floor, textured yellow wallpaper, speckled plaster tiles on the ceiling. The distinctive smell of hospital, impossible to disguise, no matter how hard anyone tried.

‘We’ve met several times now, David. Do you remember?’ the woman in the coat said.

Sarac’s head went on moving up and down. He stared at the woman, trying to focus. High forehead, long, greying hair, dark-framed glasses, a tiny scar on her upper lip. Probably about fifty years old. Her appearance looked familiar, but he couldn’t locate a memory to match it against. His thoughts were still sluggish, as if he had been fast asleep and had just opened his eyes.

‘Do you remember my name, David?’ the woman asked.

‘N-no, sorry,’ he said.

The words sounded clumsy, as if he were sounding out each letter instead of joining them together.

‘My name is Jill. Jill Vestman, and I’m a senior consultant in the neurology department here. Do you remember why you’re here?’

‘Er … no.’

His body was still out of reach, but he managed to perform a brief check. His rib cage ached; his left arm was hanging limply in a sling. His chest and stomach felt tight, as if they had been strapped or sewn up. And then there was the headache. A rumbling, pulsing headache, the like of which he had never experienced before. It was making his thoughts fuzzy.

Dr Vestman pulled a stool over and sat down beside the bed. She took a small notebook out of one of her top pockets.

‘You suffered a minor stroke almost two weeks ago now, David. A hemorrhage in the left side of your brain. You were driving at the time and lost consciousness. You had a crash, in the Söderleden Tunnel.’

Sarac tried to straighten up but his body refused to obey him. What the hell was she saying? A stroke? No, no. Strokes happened to old men. Christ, he was only … only? His headache got worse, muddying his already hazy thoughts. The doctor seemed to note his reaction.

‘The impact was severe,’ she said. ‘You’d probably have been killed if you hadn’t been wearing a bulletproof vest and weren’t already unconscious.’

‘Drunk driving,’ Sarac said out of nowhere, without really knowing why.

‘What do you mean, David?’

He had to stop for a few seconds to think. He tried to trace the train of thought back from his mouth and up into his foggy brain.

‘Drunk drivers almost always survive,’ he said slowly, tasting each word. His voice still sounded odd. As if it weren’t really his. Dr Vestman nodded.

‘That’s right, relaxed muscles don’t get damaged the same way tense ones do. It’s interesting that you remember that.’ She made a note in her book.

‘H-how?’ Sarac muttered. ‘I mean, when …?’

Things ought to be getting clearer now, but instead everything seemed to be going the wrong way. He was feeling sick, and his headache was getting worse too. And he was starting to feel frightened.

A stroke – a brain haemorrhage.

‘Like I said, it was almost two weeks ago,’ Dr Vestman said, but stopped when Sarac tried to say something. Then she went on when he didn’t actually speak.

‘When you came in you were in a very bad way, David. We kept you sedated for over a week to stabilize your condition. To start with we concentrated on the most acute problems, releasing the blood and easing the pressure inside your head. Then we dealt with your other injuries. You’ve broken your left collarbone and ruptured your spleen. Several of your ribs are cracked and you’ve got severe bruising. But, considering how bad the impact was, you’ve actually been extremely fortunate.’

She paused and looked down at her notebook, as if to give Sarac a few seconds to digest the information.

‘On Monday we performed another operation on your head,’ she went on. ‘We removed the remaining blood clots. You and I had our first conversation the day before yesterday.’ She smiled at him, a gentle, sympathetic smile that she probably learned when she was training and had been refining ever since.

What the hell was she talking about? Awake, for three fucking days! He shook his head, harder this time, as if to shake that irritating smile out of it. His anger came out of nowhere.

‘No way,’ he snarled, and tried to sit up again. A fierce, burning pain made him put his hand to his head instinctively. His pulse was pounding in his temples. His right hand slid about, unwilling to do what he wanted it to. A double layer of gauze bandage, tightly wrapped around his skull. His hair! They’d shaved off all his hair. He must look terrible.

‘The swelling in your brain is slowly subsiding, David,’ the doctor said. ‘But it’s likely to affect your short-term memory for a while. That’s why you don’t remember the last few days. It’s not unusual, and in all likelihood it will improve.’ Dr Vestman fell silent and opened her notebook again, as if to let him take in what she’d just said.

He had questions, so many questions. An infinite number of questions. Like, for instance … Fuck, fuck, fuck! He had to try to calm down and get a grip on his brain before his headache succeeded in crushing it against his skull.

‘I was thinking of asking a few questions, mostly to see where we are in the healing process. Don’t worry if you can’t answer some of them at the moment,’ the doctor went on.

Sarac still couldn’t manage to say anything. He nodded instead, as he tried to slow his pulse down. It seemed to be working, at least partially.

‘Do you know what month it is, David?

‘How about what time of year?’ the doctor added when he didn’t answer.

He was trying but couldn’t find the words. Instead he tried to conjure up images in his head. A calendar, the date on a newspaper, the screen on his cell phone. Snow, he suddenly remembered. Heavy, wet flakes covering the tarmac, settling like a blanket on the car windshield. Headlights reflecting off the snow. Blinding him, sticking into his head like knives.

‘W-winter,’ he said.

‘Well done, David, that’s right.’

Sarac leaned his head back on the pillow. He felt suddenly relieved. At least he wasn’t completely gone. If he could just calm down a bit, if only this bastard headache could let up a bit, everything would become clear.

‘Do you know what year it is, David?’

‘Of course,’ he said. ‘2011.’

Doctor Vestman said nothing, just made a small note. But something in her body language had changed.

‘No, no, sorry! 2012. Obviously, I meant 2012,’ he quickly corrected himself.

She looked up. Smiled again, the same irritating, sympathetic smile as before.

‘It’s December 2013, David.’

‘W-what?’

‘It’s Thursday, December twelfth, 2013.’

‘Impossible. I mean …’ Sarac struggled once more to sit up, trying to push back against the mattress with his feeble right hand and almost losing his balance. He slumped back against the pillow instead. His headache shifted up a gear, then another. He screwed his eyes shut a few times. Then he slowly opened them. The fluorescent lights in the ceiling were flaring.

‘Can you tell me about your last memory, from the time before the crash, David?’

‘Of course,’ he muttered. ‘No problem,’ he added after thinking for a couple of seconds. But it wasn’t true. It didn’t even come close.

The time before the crash … His heart was suddenly galloping in his chest.

A stroke.

Car crash.

The time before …

December 2013.

The time before the crash …

December.

20 … 13!!

Fucking hell!!!

‘It doesn’t matter, David,’ Dr Vestman said, putting a hand on his shoulder. ‘Let’s rewind a bit,’ she went on. ‘That often helps. Try telling me what your name is.’

‘David Georg Sarac,’ he said quickly. The words helped ease his panic slightly.

‘And how old are you, David?’

‘Thirty-five!’ He breathed a short sigh of relief. It worked when he didn’t try to think. If he just let the answers come out automatically.

‘Where do you live?’

‘Birkastan. Rörstrandsgatan, number 26. Third floor.’

‘Family?’

‘Mum and Dad are dead. My twin sister, Elisabeth, lives in Canada.’ He paused.

‘Ontario,’ he added, and suddenly felt much calmer. He wasn’t some fucking vegetable, as he’d begun to suspect. His brain was sluggish, sure, but he wasn’t completely gone. All this would soon be over, and everything would fall back into place.

‘A number of your friends and colleagues have been to see you. A lot of people care about you, David. Could you tell me something about your work?’

‘I’m a police officer,’ he said.

‘What sort of police officer, David?’

‘The Intelligence Unit. I handle informants …’ He suddenly broke off. New feelings were suddenly running through him. It took him a few seconds to identify them. Discomfort, shame. A growing sense of danger.

His headache instantly redoubled its efforts, forcing him to close his eyes. For a few seconds he thought he was going to be sick. The words broke free and bounced around inside his head.

What.

Sort.

Of.

Police.

Officer?

‘And what does that involve?’ the doctor asked. ‘Handling informants, I mean.’ Her voice sounded very distant all of a sudden. What was her name again? Dr …?

You’ve had a stroke, you crashed your car in the Söderleden Tunnel, and you’re in the hospital. Today is Thursday, December 12, and the doctor’s name is … something beginning with V. He suddenly felt incredibly tired, could hardly keep his eyes open.

‘It’s okay, David, there’s no rush. You’ve already made very good progress. Get some rest and we’ll carry on tomorrow.’

He heard the stool scrape as the doctor stood up. He could feel himself slowly slipping into sleep.

‘Secrets,’ he muttered when she was almost at the door. ‘I collect secrets.’