Читать книгу Romantic Getaways Collection - Liz Fielding, Christy McKellen - Страница 20

CHAPTER TEN

CALEB MARCHED INTO his apartment, slamming the front door so hard behind him the angry sound of it reverberated around the space for a good few seconds.

How could he have let this happen? He’d known there was something strange going on but he’d blamed it on his memory loss instead of looking harder at the woman who had appeared out of nowhere like a ray of sunshine on a dark day.

Slumping onto the sofa, he winced in pain as his cracked rib reminded him that he’d been weakened by the accident in more ways than one.

But then hadn’t he known, deep down, that there was more to her story than she was telling him and he’d let himself fall for her anyway?

Because he had—hard and intensely. The thought of being with her had consumed him over the last few days, just like it had when he was younger. He knew why he’d not wanted to look too closely at what was going on. It was because he’d wanted her to be genuinely interested in exploring a relationship with him—wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life.

So he’d allowed himself to trust her, to begin to care about her—no, who was he kidding, he’d fallen in love with her and she’d used that to get what she wanted from him.

Once again she’d played him for a fool.

He felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest. All that emotion that had been building inside him from the moment he’d seen her again swelled to an almost unbearable size, closing his throat, crushing his lungs, filling his head with unbearable pain.

No doubt she was already at the airport, ready to head home, happy in the knowledge that she’d achieved her objective here: to get him to sell her his battery, no matter what she’d had to do to get it.

Anger flashed through him, propelling him off the sofa and towards his bedroom where her things were still hanging in his wardrobe and sitting on his shelves.

Well, he wanted them gone. He didn’t want a trace of her left in his house now. He couldn’t stand the pain of thinking about what he could have had if only she’d really wanted him.

Grabbing her small suitcase from where she’d stashed it in the wardrobe, he stuffed her clothes roughly into it willy-nilly, not caring how much it hurt his rib to do so—in fact, welcoming the pain it brought because it momentarily overrode the ache in his heart—then went to the bathroom and scooped all her toiletries into it too, forcing down the lid and roughly zipping it up.

Picking up the case, he strode to the front door, opened it, then tossed it into the hallway, where it bounced a couple of times before coming to rest on its side, looking battered and forlorn in the grandiose, brightly lit space.

Pushing away a rush of anguish, he slammed the door on it and strode into his kitchen, grabbing a glass tumbler out of the cupboard and splashing a good measure of whisky into it.

He knocked it back, feeling the burn in the back of his throat and registering the warmth as it hit his stomach, though deriving no pleasure from it whatsoever.

Pouring himself another large shot, he took it into the living area and slumped down onto the sofa again, staring out of the window at the dark night sky, which had become stormy with wind and rain that lashed against the glass, trying not to think about how painfully alone he was here in this big echoing apartment.

Despite the way Elena had treated him, his traitorous body still ached for her. His throat was tense from holding back the urge to rage and swear at the world, his chest tight with sorrow and frustration.

He knew, with ringing clarity now, why he’d deliberately sabotaged his engagement to his ex, Adela. He’d been afraid to trust her love for him for this very reason. His survival instinct had kicked in and he’d pushed her away before she could do it to him first.

Because he’d been afraid of something like this happening to him again.

The sad truth was he’d fallen for Adela in the first place because she’d reminded him of Elena. Adela had exhibited many of Elena’s traits; she’d even looked a bit like her, but of course he knew deep down that she could never be her. That was why he’d broken off their engagement. It wouldn’t have been fair to Adela to have always been second best in his heart.

Perhaps he was destined to always be alone. It would at least be easier that way. Like it had been when he was younger.

He was also acutely aware now that keeping his relationship with his mother at arm’s length had had a serious effect on the way he dealt with all his close relationships to this day.

At least after her cancer was diagnosed he’d made sure to visit her more and they’d brokered a kind of unspoken peace between them. He’d never totally understood the life choices she’d made, but he’d come to finally accept them, and her. During those sad, desolate hours at the end of her life she’d made it clear to him that she’d always loved him and that she regretted the distance that had always been between them.

It had torn him up inside, the futility of it, because she was gone now and all he was left with was a sense of deep sorrow for the time he’d wasted spurning her instead of loving and accepting her for who she was.

And now he’d lost the woman he’d hoped to spend his future with too.

The woman he loved.

Knocking back the second whisky, he closed his eyes and tried to blank his mind of her—to shut out the pain and grief that made him feel as though someone had stripped him to the bone—but it was no good; he knew there was no forgetting Elena Jones.

* * *

Elena paced the streets, barely noticing the rain as it began to fall steadily from the sky, seeping into her new dress and plastering her hair to her head.

How could things have gone so wrong so quickly? She’d known before, of course, that there was a chance they might when she’d thought his memory was still missing, but for him to have lied about remembering her, then shown her how wonderful they could be together, only then to regain his memory and reject her was devastating.

Lightning flashed overhead, shocking her out of her frustrated, meandering thoughts, and she ducked under a nearby awning of a restaurant where a few other tourists had gathered, taking shelter from the storm. What was she doing? Moping around Barcelona in the rain wasn’t going to solve the problem; the only way she was going to get him to listen to her was to turn up at his apartment and refuse to leave until he did.

She wasn’t going to run from him again, not this time. She was going to do what she should have done all those years ago—be brave and fight for what she really wanted, no matter the consequences. She’d never be able to forgive herself if she didn’t, not now she knew what she’d be missing—a positive, life-affirming partnership with the man she loved.

Seeing an available taxi driving down the street, she ran back out into the rain and hailed it, jumping into the back seat and giving the driver Caleb’s address in a voice shaking with nerves and determination.

She would not give up on them. Not this time.

The journey seemed to take an age as they joined the slow-moving traffic and more and more people jumped into taxis to shelter from the rain. Elena tapped her foot anxiously, wondering what sort of reception she’d get when he opened the door and found her standing there. Would he be angry, cold, indifferent? Or, now that he’d had some time to calm down and reflect rationally on it all, would he be relieved to see her?

She hoped so.

Oh, how she hoped.

The taxi finally drew up outside his building and she shoved the fare towards the driver, telling him to keep the change in her haste to get to Caleb, and dashed across the pavement and up to the entry door to his block. Pulling out the spare key card that Caleb had lent her that morning, so she could get in and out while he was out at work, she pressed it against the pad and sighed with relief when the door lock clicked open. She wouldn’t have put it past him to have the code reconfigured to keep her out.

The lift was already at ground level and it took her straight up to his apartment. Walking into the hallway, she came to a surprised stop when she saw a suitcase lying haphazardly in the middle of the floor. She frowned at the incongruity of it, wondering absent-mindedly what it was doing there. And then it hit her like a fist to the gut.

It was hers.

Caleb must have packed her things and thrown them out here in case she had the gall to return for them. Well, she wasn’t going to let that deter her. Marching up to his door, she hammered loudly on it, her heart thumping in her throat as she stood there listening for his heavy footsteps coming towards her. It occurred to her wildly that she wasn’t exactly looking her best at the moment—a lot like a drowned rat, in fact—but she shoved the thought away, knowing this was no time for vanity.

The door swung open and she looked up into Caleb’s handsome face, forcing herself not to take a step backwards as she registered the anger in his expression.

‘Your things are behind you in the hall,’ he said curtly, the bitterness in his voice making her stomach roll.

‘I’m not here for my things; I’m here for you,’ she stated baldly, keeping her gaze locked with his and her chin determinedly up.

A range of expressions passed over his face: from bemusement to resentment and finally, and most worryingly, to incredulity.

‘Let me in, Caleb,’ she said calmly, but with a determination that rose from her very soul.

‘You can say what you need to right here,’ he said, folding his arms in front of him, effectively blocking her way past him with his enormous bulk.

The coldness in his eyes shook her, but there was no way she was going to let him scare her off now. She knew that the kind, compassionate man she’d got to know again over the last few days was still in there somewhere; she just needed to get him to hear what she had to say then maybe she’d be able to draw him back out again.

‘Okay, fine, if it has to be said here in your hallway then it will be.’ She took a breath and set back her shoulders.

‘You were right; I wasn’t honest with you and I should have been from the very start, but I was afraid you’d push me away and I desperately wanted to make up for the way I treated you in the past. I was selfish and cruel then but, please believe me, I’m not that same self-absorbed girl I used to be. I’m a different person now. A better one, I hope. Surely you’ve seen proof of that over the last few days.’

He didn’t give any indication that she was getting through to him, his posture remaining stiff and his expression impassive, so she decided just to get it all out in the hope that something she said would strike a chord with him.

‘I know I told you that I decided I couldn’t marry Jimmy because our relationship was staid and—boring.’ She winced at how awful that sounded. What a terrible person she’d been, to them both.

Caleb still didn’t say anything, his expression remaining indifferent.

She took another steadying breath, then let the words rush out. ‘But the truth is, I broke up with him because I realised I’d never feel about him the way I felt about you.’

There was a flicker of something in his eyes and she held her breath for a moment, praying for a reaction, but he steadfastly refused to give her one.

Swallowing hard, she bunched her fists for courage.

‘Back then I was afraid of how unpredictable you were, how you didn’t fit into the way I’d envisioned my life turning out, but mostly how I still wanted you—desperately—despite all of that. After years of keeping a tight control over my life, that completely rattled me. So I stuck with Jimmy, the safe bet, the man I could control. Because I was a coward.’

He wasn’t looking at her now, but staring off into the distance. Folding her arms, she steeled herself to hold it together.

‘I realised later on, of course, once I’d grown up a little, that a certain amount of conflict can be good for a relationship. I guess it gives it the edge it needs to keep things exciting and fresh. As long as there’s enough love between a couple...I think I mistook passion for dysfunction in my parents’ marriage but they’re still together today, so it shows what I know.’

She was aware that she was dripping water onto the floor now and that she’d begun to shiver with cold, but she pushed aside her discomfort, feeling it was probably a fitting state for her confession.

‘I think I’ve really been single for so long because I stopped trusting my judgement when it comes to relationships. I was ashamed of the way I’d acted in the past and avoided getting close to anyone again in case I made the same mistakes. But after spending this incredible time with you here I realised that if I want to be happy it’s time to stop being afraid of what might go wrong.’

She took a step closer to him. ‘And embrace what could go right. Because I’m so happy when I’m with you.’ Her voice broke as she took another step forwards and saw him tense, then tighten and raise his arms like a barrier.

‘You really think I’m going to be able to trust you again?’ he muttered.

‘I do. Because I think you want to; it’s just your pride getting in the way.’

‘My pride? You broke your word to me and you lied; why should I believe you won’t do that again?’

‘Because I’m not the girl you remember, Caleb. I’m older and wiser now.’ She took a deep, shaky breath. ‘I was so ridiculously naïve back then, I had no idea what I really needed.’ She gave him a beseeching smile, holding her breath as she waited to see whether she’d finally got through to him.

‘You have to understand that you scared me at the time. You were so full of anger and bitterness I didn’t know whether I could handle you. I wasn’t a very strong person then.’

‘I didn’t need your strength, Elena. I needed your loyalty and respect.’

It felt as though his words had slapped her in the face. She knew he was right; she’d disrespected him in the worst possible way. He trusted her with the whole of his already damaged heart and she’d toyed with it for a while, then thrown it back at him, broken and beyond repair. It had been the worst thing she could have done to him; no wonder he’d turned into the hardened character she’d first met here last week.

‘I don’t blame you for being reluctant to trust my word after I made such a mess of things last time, but please, Caleb, please give me another chance.’

Her heart started to race and her body flushed hot with trepidation as she looked up into his hooded eyes and said, ‘I love you.’

He stared at her, a deep frown marring his face.

‘You love me?’ His tone was so troubled her heart went right out to him.

‘Yes, and I want us to make this relationship work.’

He shook his head, the expression in his eyes a little wild as if he was fighting with himself about how to respond.

Her chest gave a little jolt of hope at the thought that perhaps she might finally be getting through to him.

Turning away from her, he began to pace up and down the hall, raking his hands through his hair and making it stand on end. He looked troubled, anxious—but encouraged maybe?

‘I don’t know, Elena. It’s a lot to process. I thought I knew you—’

‘You do know me. Everything I’ve told you about myself is true. Everything we’ve done together has been genuine and came from a place of love and respect for you.’

Still he shook his head, as if not daring to believe it.

‘I understand why you’re feeling this way. It has to be so confusing losing your memory like that,’ she said in desperation. ‘Then finding out you were missing a big chunk of important information.’ She walked to him now and put her hands on his arms, gripping them hard and using the whole of her strength to stop him from pacing.

‘Listen to me, Caleb Araya. I am not letting you push me away again. I know I was in the wrong fifteen years ago, but everything that’s happened between us in the last week has been real. And I think you feel the same, though you’re too stubborn to admit it.’

* * *

Caleb stared at this brave, fierce woman in front of him and felt the heavy weight of unhappiness lift a little from his chest.

He knew what she was saying made sense; she’d been nothing but kind and caring towards him since leaving the hospital and he was acutely aware that he was letting his fear and panic get in the way of common sense. His chest gave a sharp throb as he accepted that if it hadn’t been for her courage to stand up to him and assert her steadying influence at the meeting he would have lost Carter’s business. She’d done that to help him. Because she cared about him. He knew that really, deep in his heart.

In reality, it had been his fault this had all turned into such an awful mess in the blink of an eye because he’d lied about his memory coming back so they could take their relationship further; and it had definitely been him who had asked her to go with him to the meeting with Carter. He remembered the look of wary uncertainty on her face now when he’d suggested it. That, he knew without a doubt, had been absolutely genuine.

He could recognise all that now—now he’d started to see through the fog of fear and panic that had engulfed him earlier.

Looking inside himself, he knew he’d forgiven her a long time ago for what had happened between them. Really, he’d hated himself for being so weak and proud, but until now he’d been too afraid to admit it to himself because it was easier to hate someone than to admit how much you loved them. How much it tore you apart to not have that love returned.

A small defiant part of him still wanted to hang on to the animosity he’d hidden his feelings behind, to keep himself safe from any more pain and uncertainty, but he knew he couldn’t do that. Not after she’d been brave enough to turn up here, dripping wet and bedraggled, to lay her heart at his feet when she could have just got on a plane with her signed contract and never had to face him again.

He wouldn’t do that to her because what he wanted most in the world was a real and honest relationship with her, even if their journey together was likely to be littered with obstacles and challenges.

She made him happy.

He loved her and she loved him and when it came down to it that was all that really mattered.

Seeming to sense a softening in his attitude, she moved closer to him and tentatively raised a hand to his face. The warmth of her touch heated his skin, starting a fire in his chest which radiated out through his body until every centimetre of him ached to hold her against him again.

‘Please, Caleb, please forgive me. Let me back in,’ she whispered.

The crack of pain and desperation in her voice broke through the very last of his reserve and he felt the final tendrils of his anger leave him, washed away by the dizzying elation of her presence here—the place where she belonged.

Cupping her jaw in his hands, he smiled at her, drawing her closer. ‘There’s nothing to forgive. I’ve been wrong to hold what happened between us all those years ago against you, but it was easier to hate you than face what I’d become: a bitter, cold-hearted fool.’

She opened her mouth as if to disagree but he held up his hand, asking her to wait until he’d finished.

‘Being with you has brought me alive again. I love being around you; the world feels like a better place when you’re here.’

He frowned as he remembered the horrified look on her face in the restaurant just before he’d stormed away in angry confusion. ‘When my memory came back earlier this evening I think I panicked. I suddenly had all these conflicting thoughts and feelings racing through my head, and I didn’t know what was truth and what was fiction any more. My natural instinct was to push you away to protect myself. I was afraid you didn’t really care about me the way I’d hoped you did and it scared the hell out of me.’

He stroked his thumbs across her cheeks, brushing away the tears that had begun to streak down her face.

‘Because I love you, Elena,’ he murmured, holding her gaze with his for one precious moment, seeing relief and love light up in her eyes, before bringing his mouth down to hers with a kiss that took his breath away at the utter perfection of it.

He felt her finally relax against him and he pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her and pressing their bodies tightly together, feeling the strongest compulsion to never let her go again.

‘Caleb, your rib,’ she muttered against his shoulder where her face was squashed by his encircled arms.

‘It’s fine. Don’t worry.’

‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ she said, pulling away to look up into his face.

‘You won’t,’ he said with conviction.

‘You know, we’re probably going to be one of those couples that constantly strikes sparks off each other,’ she said with a hint of worry in her eyes.

‘I hope so,’ he said, dipping down to nuzzle her neck and feeling great satisfaction in the little shiver of enjoyment she gave. ‘It will keep life exciting.’

‘So we’ll have to make sure our kids know how much we love each other,’ she said with determination in her voice.

He drew back and raised both eyebrows. ‘Kids?’

She nodded firmly. ‘Yes. I want three.’

‘That’s brave,’ he said, adding a wry lilt of humour to his voice, though deep down he knew that having children with her would make him the happiest man in the world. She’d be an incredible mother: caring, brave and compassionate, and would fight tooth and nail for her children’s happiness and security, making sure they knew how loved they were, how wanted.

‘I am brave now,’ she said. ‘I refuse to be afraid of the future any more. We’ll take life as it comes, you and I, and deal with anything it throws at us together.’

‘I like your style, Elena Jones,’ he murmured, bending to kiss her hard and let her know just how much he meant that.

‘And I like yours, Caleb Araya,’ she said once she’d got her breath back.

And with that sentiment lifting his heart he took her hand in his and led her out of the cold empty hallway and into the shelter of his home.