Читать книгу Last Request - Liz Mistry - Страница 25

It is strange to sit here whilst outside the consequences of my choices so long ago are causing chaos to many. Strange, but dare I say it, quite thrilling. Time on my own is always a welcome thing, but time shared with my memories is second to none. In this time of crisis, I find myself eking out more ‘me time’. Not sure that what I do in my ‘me time’ is exactly what they’ve got in mind but nonetheless, I derive great pleasure from it. There’s something particularly satisfying in knowing that whilst I am indulging myself in my homemade production, others, in more clinical surroundings, are trying to work out what happened. Perhaps one day they’ll be able to compare their findings with these recordings. I wonder how well they’ll match up.

I’ve already inserted the DVD and fast-forwarded to near the end. I love the way my voice sounds through the speakers. Many hate their own recorded voices, but for me it is like music. I love seeing myself too. I look powerful, strong, but more importantly dependable. I am dependable! Unlike my targets, I am fully committed to whatever decisions I make. I don’t give up, don’t opt out. No matter how difficult things become, I dig my heels in and crack on. Maybe it’s that Yorkshire grit in me. Off we go …

10^th November 2003. Time 00.45. Time in captivity: four days, one hour

As we watch, the shadowy figure looms over the captive man. Hands tied behind the death chair, feet tied to the legs, his head droops. It’s nearly time – time to lose all hope. Time to face his maker. Notice the number of cuts, the frequency of the slashes. Each bears testament to his failure to prove his worth. You won’t be able to count them, but I can assure you there are more than fifty. Fifty chances he had and fifty chances he blew. Note how he fails to flinch now. Resigned to his failure. Just one more indication of his readiness to submit – to admit defeat. We’re in the home stretch. Watch and learn. Bear witness!

As the camera zooms in, the figure circles the captive, prodding him occasionally with a cattle prod. Watch how our captive flinches, half lifts his head and groans. Watch as the figure pulls his head up and directs it towards the camera.

‘Focus! You have proven time and time again that your privilege is stronger than your brains. That you are lacking – undeserving of the opportunities that have been offered you at the expense of those more deserving. You have one last thing you can do. One last thing you can leave behind – a last chance, if you will, to redeem yourself in the eyes of those who matter to you. A chance to prove that there is more to you than privilege and entitlement. Answer the question. Why are you here?’

Note how the captive remains inert. Is he bluffing? I fear not. His exhaustion is clear, his weakness apparent. Take heed how the figure deals with this. Watch how he teases the captive back to consciousness. Smelling salts and an injection of adrenaline, that’s all that’s needed.

See how the captive’s head slumps backwards, his eyes, although open, keep rolling back in his head before refocusing. For now, he is alert. Witness the care taken to make these last few moments special – momentous. The captive can go to his death safe in the knowledge that his last request has been recorded. Closure at the end of a long struggle which has ultimately resulted in the same abject failure that has plagued his life’s choices.

Listen to me. ‘Have you had enough? Can you not answer? Why are you here? Are you ready to relinquish your privilege and admit your shortcomings?’

‘Aaah.’

Is that all he can muster? It is his final opportunity and his only utterance is a strangled pathetic cry. Can you blame the figure for sniggering?

‘Oh, come on now, surely you can do better than this? No?’

The captive’s lack of response necessitates a punishment. I am directing this show, not him. The figure uses the cattle prod and then speaks in a voice both melodious and compelling.