Читать книгу Redeeming The Roguish Rake - Liz Tyner - Страница 13

Chapter Four

Rebecca sat at the bedside, knitting in her hands, but she’d hardly managed more than a few stitches the past few days.

His eyes were shut, but he didn’t sleep. He’d move an arm, or stretch his leg or move a shoulder every few moments as if the very act of being still pained him.

He looked so much better. His eyes could open now and the bluish marks didn’t quite reach his ears. The swelling in his nose had diminished some.

She took in his appearance again. Perhaps he didn’t really look better. Perhaps she’d just grown used to the mottled appearance. But it didn’t matter. He was mending.

Her father stood at the side of the bed, his shoulders stooped and his face a reflection of studied thinking.

‘I’ve never seen someone gain so much comfort from just the Prayer Book.’ He spoke to the still form. ‘But I must borrow it for Sunday Services.’

Instantly, and without opening his eyes, the man thrust out the book. Her father took it. Now he turned his studied look on Rebecca.

‘Walk with me a few steps, Becca.’

Rebecca put her knitting on the floor and stood. She took one look at the bed, reassuring herself he’d be fine for the moments until she returned. She and her father had both fallen into their usual routine of caring for someone very ill. One of them stayed with him at all times, even though they both expected him to live. Without his ability to open his eyes more than a sliver, it seemed cruel to leave him to his own devices.

She slipped out the doorway with her father, pulling the latch closed behind her. ‘Are you going to check if anyone has found the culprits?’

‘No need. They’d rush here first if they had. I told the new vicar this morning that a horse without a saddle was found and it was taken to the earl’s stables. Figure the men took the saddle and sold it.’

He snugged the book under his arm and turned to her, taking both her hands. Concern wreathed his eyes. ‘Rebecca. I’ve been worried about you. And I’ve thought about it a lot. This man may have been sent to us. To you.’

She ducked her head so he wouldn’t see her eyes. She’d thought the same thing.

‘It’s true, Rebecca. I’m not going to live for ever and I know the earl would see that you’re taken care of. But he’s not going to live for ever either and his son will inherit... We don’t know...what to...expect from him.’

‘The heir can’t be all bad, Father. After all, he’s the earl’s son.’

‘I know. But the earl confided that he is worried about his son. It seems the boy has become more and more reckless.’ Her father’s eyes increased their concern. ‘He’s nothing like his father.’

‘You don’t have to tell me. Mr and Mrs Able brought a newspaper back from their visit to see her sister in London. She showed me the part about the proposals.’ Rebecca sighed. ‘Or at least she tried. I made her put it away. Mrs Able and her sister must write to each other with every post. The earl does not share the newspaper when mention of his son is made.’

Mrs Able was the villagers’ prime source of London news, a status that made her preen and gave Rebecca’s father trials on how to present sermons about talebearers without being judgemental.

Most people only told the vicar of all the goodness in the world, sheltering their words from any tales of idleness or revelry except when asking for help with a trial too big to handle, but Mrs Able never concerned herself in such a way. She wanted to let Rebecca and her father know they still had much work to do.

He pulled his hands from hers and took the book from under his arm. He smiled, but his eyes remained saddened. ‘Before the earl came to his senses and saw what a decadent life he lived, he gave the boy too much. He knows that. The earl blames himself for the error of his son’s ways.’

‘Well, he shouldn’t. His son is a grown man and he avoids the village as if we are plague ridden. When he’s visited his father in the past, it’s said he spends more time at the tavern than at the estate. And he’s never once attended Sunday Services with the earl.’

‘A parent has responsibility and only a short time to guide the child before the child becomes its own person. The earl feels badly that he left the boy with his mother after their daughter died, but she grieved so and the boy was the only reason she lived.’

‘A good wife would have moved with her husband.’

The vicar shook his head. ‘We shouldn’t judge her, Rebecca. Perhaps he should have stayed with her. They were both swathed in grief and each blamed the other for the loss.’

‘No one can blame someone because of a loss such as that.’

‘The daughter was always sickly and the countess blamed the earl for encouraging the marriage. The earl thought his wife shouldn’t have let their daughter go about so close to her time and the cough she caught weakened her in childbed. And he still feels the burden of his daughter’s death.’

Her father sighed. ‘The earl has promised me that you will be cared for should anything happen to me. When he said he was to look about for someone to take on the responsibilities of the church, I did ask...’ His voice trailed to nothing and then he began speaking again. ‘I did ask that he might look for an unwed vicar. One near your age.’ His eyes met hers and then he turned, walking the path to the church.

Rebecca gulped in air. She didn’t really like having her life planned for her.

‘He reassured me you’d be taken care of, Becca.’

Emotions stilled her body, but her thoughts exploded inside her. She must put aside her irritation at the matchmaking. To be able to remain in the village and continue her duties would be her greatest wish.

The new vicar had been chosen with her in mind. She was certain of it. If she and the new vicar were to wed, though, she would be able to remain in the home she’d lived her whole life and with the ladies who’d been like mothers to her as well.

She wouldn’t have to worry about what might happen if her father passed on. She’d have a home somewhere and good works to do.

‘Of course, you know I’d never wish you to do anything that might bring you unhappiness,’ her father said. ‘I just want you to have the happiness of a marriage such as your mother and I had.’

* * *

She went back inside. The man slept. She knew he did. He made the little whistle now—the one that reminded her of a kitten’s purr.

She returned to take up her knitting. When she sat, she accidentally kicked her toe on the chair leg. ‘Dash it.’

His eyes opened completely and stared into hers. Her heart pounded and she couldn’t move.

‘My apologies. I didn’t mean to speak so roughly,’ she said.

He didn’t look at her eyes. He looked into them. She dropped her needles and took a cloth from the table at her side, relishing movement. She dotted the cloth over his forehead. He flinched. Then she slowed, taking her time, just as she would have with a newborn.

One eyelid drooped and one corner of his lip turned up. He winked. He shouldn’t have. He really shouldn’t have.

She winked back.

Nothing happened. No thunder ripped through the air. No violent wind shook the house. It was just an ordinary, calm moment. Not a butterflies-in-the-stomach moment, but butterflies around the heart.

This was what it would feel like to be married. She’d not realised. She’d not realised how much she truly wanted to be married. To have someone to cherish her and to hold her and share quiet moments with. She’d thought she didn’t really care. That marriage wasn’t important except as a duty and to provide a roof over her head.

But now he watched her. She looked past the marred countenance and into the blue eyes. She could see his kind spirit. The compassion for others that they both shared.

He touched her hand, and she dropped the cloth. Their fingers interlaced and it was as if their hearts connected.

* * *

He’d fallen asleep, and so had her arm. She slipped out of his grasp and noted the cracks on his lips. She moved for a plate of butter and with her forefinger dotted it on his chapped lips. His eyes opened and he watched her. She peered closer, observing him. She held one finger in front of his face and moved right, then left.

His eyes didn’t follow the movement.

She tried again. Left to right this time.

He looked at her and then lifted a forefinger and moved it right, then left. And then he touched her nose. Then without moving his upper torso, he took the butter dish from her hand, their fingers brushed and she froze.

He touched the butter to the tip of his finger, reached up and traced her lips.

She couldn’t move for a moment, locked in place by some experience that didn’t quite fit in her life.

She jumped back, knocking the chair aside, reeling with the touch.

‘Vicar.’ Her cheeks burned. ‘We don’t do that.’ But she’d done it for him. She righted the chair and stood behind it, hands grasping the top rung. Who knew how much of his mind remained?

The poor man had probably lost all his senses and was just following her movements. And she’d been so daft as to imagine a person behind the eyes, even though she had no reason to. Her own secret desires were leading her thoughts. She frowned.

‘I. Am. Rebecca.’

He looked at her.

‘Would. You. Like. Me. To. Recite. Verses. To. You?’

He lifted his hand and made a cupping shape, and tipped the invisible glass close to his face.

‘Thirsty? Ale... Water?’

He grunted, disagreeing.

‘So your mind works?’

The slightest shake of his head.

‘You’ve lost your senses?’

He held up the hand again. This time the drinking motion was more forceful. He then moved to push himself up, but winced instead.

She ran to the shelf and pulled off the ale. She grabbed one of the three glasses and poured a fingerwidth in it, then grabbed the dipper from the bucket and poured in another two fingerwidths. Just like her father liked it.

Next, she stopped at the bedside.

He used both hands to nudge himself to a sitting position. But he didn’t right himself fully. And then he looked at her and she could see thoughts. She didn’t know if they were fully formed or if they only half made sense.

He looked towards her breasts and then her eyes, then he wilted a bit and pushed, but didn’t move.

She realised she was going to have to help him sit. Well, if she had to, she would do it.

‘Give me a moment.’ She set the glass onto the table. ‘Vicar.’

When she turned to help him, little sharp lines etched at the sides of his eyes. His expression had changed to darkness. She didn’t move.

He made a flat, stopping motion with his hand and he stared at her as if she’d pinched his bruises.

Then he moved himself upwards even more, doing a fine job of righting himself, but the pillow was at an odd angle. She must correct it. It was impossible not to brush against him. She put a hand on his arm to steady herself. She’d never been so close to anyone except Mrs Greaves when she had her babies and needed an extra day or so of help.

She moved to pull the pillow up. ‘I’m so sorry, Vicar,’ she said. ‘I don’t want you to be sitting on a lump.’

When she pulled away, the stark lines at his eyes had increased even more.

Perhaps he had a mind problem that came and went. Old Mr Jeffers had been like that. She reached out and patted the back of his hand just as her mother had patted Rebecca’s hand.

He didn’t move his head, but his eyes moved to stare into her face.

She jerked her hand back and her thoughts scattered. Apparently, the injury had affected his mind. How sad.

The thought jostled her that perhaps she’d been sent a man who would never be clear in his mind and she would have to spend the rest of her days caring for him. A man with a disfigured face and thoughts just as jumbled.

Oh, it had been a mistake to wish for a husband.

She squeezed her hands into fists. Well, so be it. If that was her lot in life, then it was to be accepted. She didn’t quite want to do thousands of little good works in a day and then try to fit in the needs of the villagers. Blast it.

Immediately, she thrust those thoughts away.

She put the happy look on her face that worked well for getting babies to do as she wished. She reached for the glass, lifted it, held it up, pointed to it and smiled.

His head tilted to one side and his eyes blackened even more. A flush warmed her from head to toe.

‘I’m the one who can talk.’ She smiled it away. ‘For a moment I forgot. Are you ready for the drink?’

He took it from her hand, put it to his lips, leaned forward and barely tipped the glass into the sliver of open mouth. He couldn’t seem to move his lower jaw. She took the cloth again, reaching to his face. He grasped her wrist with his free hand, stopping her.

His eyes tensed as he sipped, downing only a small amount. Then he sat it on the table at his bedside.

‘Would you like me to get you some milk toast?’

One blinking glare hit her and she took a half step back. Her arm loose at her side, she knotted the fabric of her dress in her hand.

Remaining unwed might be her best choice. The village had a considerable number of spinsters and widows.

But then she shut her eyes, realising the truth. If someone else wed the vicar, then Rebecca would just be another spinster. It was prideful, she knew, but her role gave her a certain standing. Sometimes—most times—even the ladies twice her age and long married looked to her when they needed advice or a listening ear. After all, she lived in the vicarage.

The only way she could retain the role her mother had left to her was to become the new vicar’s wife.

And if that meant propping him up and taking on many of his responsibilities, then she could do it.

One didn’t receive training to only reach to the edge of what the teacher taught.

She would do what was needed even if it meant yoking herself to a man who must be cajoled to take his milk toast.

She examined his face. With the swelling around his eyes and the turn of his nose, he looked more like a prisoner of himself than a true man.

Perhaps he was in pain. ‘Would you like a sip of laudanum?’

* * *

He didn’t want to take laudanum. He wanted to drink the fine wine and dance the best of dances. Not lie in a bed and have someone hovering about him. He tightened his jaw and a spear of pain spiked into him.

Anger warred with the pain, causing both to flare. He shut his eyes, forcing the pain back. He’d never been still in his waking moments. Never. He could not remain in a bed. He would speak and he would go and get his own damn brandy. He opened his mouth and a thousand spears shot into his jaw. He contracted in pain, arms locked on to the space in front of him. Someone spoke. Noise. Buzzing darkness.

‘Vicar. Vicar.’ A soft voice. A whisper of sound.

Pressure on his chest. Not pain. Just hands, pressing at him.

He opened his eyes enough to be aware her face was inches from his. Her eyes were wide. ‘Let me go,’ she whispered.

He realised he clutched her to his chest. Instantly, he released his grip, dropping his arms. She pushed herself away, taking the solace of warmth with her. But not every last bit of it. One little gem of softness remained in him. One little spot free of pain and filled with comfort.

He looked at her eyes. Wide. Staring at him.

He expelled a short breath. That made two of them who couldn’t talk.

She was a rather bland woman. All saintly and hair pulled back tight. But she had the gentlest eyes he’d ever seen. Soft heart-shaped face. He reached out. He couldn’t help himself. He took her hand again. But this time, he wasn’t overwhelmed by pain as he had been when he held her hand before.

Her hand. It—His mouth stopped hurting and went dry.

Her hands contrasted with the softness of her face. He looked, reassuring himself that the hands were as they felt. She tried to pull away. But he had to see the truth. And he did. An abrasion. Redness. One fingernail torn past the quick.

She jerked back from his touch.

He couldn’t apologise, but he tried to with his eyes. Not for holding her hand. But for the hardness of her life.

If she’d been a lady, sitting in her house, perfecting her pianoforte or her embroidery stitches, he would have died.

When he looked into her face, he remembered hearing her and her father talk about her finding him.

The weather had been so cold when he’d started on the trip to his father’s estate. The night would have been even colder. He would have died if he’d stayed on the ground.

He remembered the jests he’d made in the past about his funeral being filled with weeping women. That would have turned out to be a lie. His death would have been mentioned at length in a scandal rag for people to recount the foolish jests he’d done and certainly his mother would have shed a tear and erected a shrine of some sort.

His cousins would have been sad for a day and gone on with their lives. Steven, Andrew and Edgeworth had all married and settled into boredom. When their children were of an age the children would have been told stories about him and an admonishment about how reckless rakish living led to an early end.

‘...ank you,’ he said.

‘I did nothing.’

He looked at her hands and held out his. She paused, hesitated and put her hand on his palm. He moved to touch the rough, reddened knuckles.

How much would this woman be missed if she died? Her friends would talk in lowered voices and shake their heads. His friends would raise a glass to his memory and laugh at the silliness he’d provided them.

He pulled her hand close. He could not kiss away the roughened skin. He couldn’t laugh it away.

He took her palm and placed it over his heart.

Her face cleared of all emotion. Her eyes widened.

‘Re...ecca.’ His throat didn’t want to work around the words, but he had to say her name.

‘Vicar,’ she whispered.

He took in a breath and removed her hand from his chest, holding it out and gently letting go.

She was pure. Too pure. Too saintly. How odd.