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15

Riley

Say. What? I raised myself higher on my elbow, knocking the top of my head against Sam’s chin.

Okay, I was expecting Sam to fess up to hot-wiring a car or maybe even cheating on a final exam but lusting after my brother’s girlfriend, Fred Oday? No. Way. Was he crazy? Fred and Ryan were inseparable. He’d have a better chance dating Lady Gaga.

“You’re in love with Fred Oday.” I didn’t say it like a question.

“Yep.”

“For how long?”

“For forever.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Since we were in grade school.”

“No way.”

“Way.”

“What do you love about her? I mean, aside from the obvious.” Fred was brilliant. She was also beautiful in an unconventional way. She was kind of like the exotic foreign exchange student who intrigued everyone without really trying. Throw in the fact that she could beat the butts off most of the guys on the varsity golf team and she became A-list material. I couldn’t blame my brother for loving her, too.

“Everything,” Sam said with a sigh.

He wasn’t making it easy. “You need to be more specific.”

“She’s pretty.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“And she’s smart,” he added.

“Well, duh.”

Sam laughed. “That’s not good enough for you?”

“No,” I said. “There must be something else, something you’re not telling me....”

I felt him inhale deeply beside me. Then he said, “We want the same things.”

“You play golf, too?”

“No,” Sam said. “It has nothing to do with golf.”

“Then, what?”

Sam paused. “It’s where we’re from....”

“Because you’re both Gila?”

“No. Yes. I mean, no. We both have had to work so hard. We understand each other. It’s just that we both want...more. More for ourselves. More for our people.”

“More, what?”

“It’s kind of hard to explain, Riley.” Another heavy sigh. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me. We’ve got time.”

His hand dropped against my back. “There’s not enough time to explain to you what I mean. You don’t live it. You wouldn’t get it. Trust me.”

“I’m smarter than you think, you know.”

“I never said you were dumb.”

“No, you said I was thorough. Remember? This is me, living up to my nickname. I need more detail. Now tell me.”

Sam chuckled, but it was the kind of nervous chuckle where I knew he wasn’t going to share anything more. His legs began to twitch as if they were covered in ants. Very un-Sam-Tracy-like. And, honestly? I was shocked he’d even told me what he had. In a weird way, I felt kind of privileged. Sam didn’t strike me as the kind of boy who went around sharing his secrets.

“Tell me more about her, Sam. Tell me more about what you love about her?”

“I haven’t said enough?”

“Not even close.”

He snickered. “Okay, then. Well, she laughs at my bad jokes. She’s kind to people. She’s patient—more patient than I’ll ever be. And she’s determined.” He paused. “I think I love that most of all.”

After a silent moment, I said, “You know that getting her is impossible, don’t you?” I leaned back down from my elbow.

Sam didn’t answer.

“Ryan and Fred are so in love that it’s...it’s almost sickening.”

Sam chuckled. “I know.”

“I think they’re considering getting surgically sewn together.”

Sam’s chest shook against mine.

“And then I hear that they’re going to share the same brain.”

“Stop it, Riley,” Sam said, laughing harder.

“I’m just telling you. You’re asking for the tragically impossible.”

“I didn’t say that I wanted to go out with her. I just told you that I loved her. That’s my really, really personal thing that you said you wanted to hear. That’s all.”

“Yes, well. That’s...sad,” I said, forgetting for the moment that, except for the parts covered by my underwear, my naked skin was touching Sam Tracy, a boy who was in love with my brother’s girlfriend. How twisted was that?

“That’s the way it is,” Sam said. “You can’t have everything.”

“At least you understand.”

“More than you know.” He sighed, and for a few seconds that turned into minutes, we said nothing and just listened to the rain drip-dropping through the branches that sheltered us.

My eyelids grew heavy as my body stayed warm against Sam’s, even as I kept playing Sam’s secret in my mind. I couldn’t picture it—Fred and Sam? My brother without Fred? To say that it was impossible would be an understatement. There are some people who go together, like dark chocolate and sea salt. Would Sam really have a chance with Fred?

Despite his love for Fred, right now I was glad that we were together. If I had to get stranded in a forest and Jake Gyllenhaal wasn’t available, I was glad I was with Sam Tracy. In fact, forget Jake. I’d definitely choose Sam. He’d scaled down a mountain for me. He hadn’t left me alone. He was keeping me warm. He was keeping me alive. And he’d told me his deepest, darkest secret.

“Let’s try to get some sleep,” Sam said. “We’ll need our strength for tomorrow if we plan to hike out of here.”

I yawned. “You don’t want to talk anymore?” I needed to do something to get my mind off what could be crawling around and over the pine needles and dirt that were doing a decent job of keeping the cold away. Just as Sam had said they would. “No more secrets?”

“That wasn’t juicy enough for you?”

“Good point.”

“I’m tired.” Sam yawned.

I sighed. “Okay, you win. I’ll shut up.”

So I rested my head on Sam’s smooth chest, listening as his breathing slowed. Somewhere in the distance, an owl hooted. That’s when I realized it had stopped raining. There was still a tiny rumble of thunder, but it sounded miles away.

“Sam?” I whispered. I wanted to tell him that the rain had finally stopped, the storm had passed, but he didn’t answer.

And then I began to dream crazy dreams.