Читать книгу Jessie's Child - Lois Faye Dyer - Страница 8

Wolf Creek, Montana

Early Spring

Jessie McCloud shivered in the raw wind that blew down from the buttes, carrying a spatter of raindrops that felt like ice against her tear-dampened cheeks. She struggled to stifle her sobs but succeeded only in hiccupping as she tried to swallow the sound.

Flanked by her two tall teenage brothers, she clutched their hands, squeezing harder.

Seventeen-year-old Chase bent toward her. “Are you okay, Jessie?”

She nodded, glancing fearfully over her shoulder at the Montana State Department of Corrections Officer who stood several feet behind them. The uniformed man’s expression was stern, his gaze fixed on the mahogany casket and gravesite beyond.

Jessie turned back, focusing on the velvety petals of the red roses with their lush green leaves resting on top of the casket. She’d adored her Grandpa Angus and could hardly believe he was gone. No longer would he tell her stories and share the butterscotch candy he always had tucked away in his jacket pocket. No longer would he tease her and laugh at her riddles.

She looked up at her brother Luke, who held her right hand. His face was grim as he stared toward the mourners on the far side of the grave. Curious, her gaze followed his and located their grandfather’s widow, Laura Kerrigan-McCloud, surrounded by her family.

Jessie’s eyes narrowed over the small group of Kerrigans.

Her grandfather had married Laura Kerrigan when they were both elderly and their hair snowy-white. He’d loved her dearly and wed her despite the objections of her family and his. The feud between the McClouds and the Kerrigans had begun in 1922, when a crooked poker game cost a McCloud 2500 acres of prime land. But her Grandpa Angus was the first to die as a result of the enmity between the two families, indirect though it was.

Jessie had overheard Luke telling their father he was convinced Grandpa Angus had died of a broken heart. He loved his grandchildren and when Chase went to jail, Luke believed, Angus had grieved himself to death.

Jessie hated all the Kerrigans but the one she hated most wasn’t there. Lonnie was nearly seventeen, the same age as Chase, but he was a bully, the opposite of her big brother in every way. Lonnie had caused the death of Chase’s best friend, Mike Harper, in a car accident that had left Chase hospitalized with two broken ribs and a concussion. Backed by his father, Harlan, Lonnie had lied and convinced the police and courts that Chase had been the driver of the wrecked pickup truck. Chase, convicted of negligent homicide, had been sentenced to jail.

It was so unfair. She vowed to become a lawyer and send all the Kerrigans responsible for the injustice, especially Lonnie and his father, to prison. She wouldn’t give up until she’d set things right.

The wind picked up, sweeping down from the buttes behind the cemetery to ruffle the short spikes of spring grass that were bright green threads among winter’s dried yellow stalks. The raw breeze carried rain, and umbrellas snapped open.

“Our Father, Who art in Heaven…” The minister’s voice was joined by Jessie’s mother’s, her tear-filled recitation of the familiar words trembling in the air. Unable to speak, Jessie gripped Luke’s and Chase’s hands tighter. Their much-larger hands were roughened by calluses, enfolding her cold, smaller ten-year-old fingers in warmth and security. Bracketed by her tall teenage brothers, she struggled to keep the sobs inside but the effort made her chest hurt and her eyes sting as grief clamored for release.

The prayer ended and the crowd of mourners on the far side of the casket stirred, murmuring while they lined up to follow the minister as he approached her parents.

All but the Kerrigans. Laura, Harlan and his widowed sister-in-law, Judith, and her two children, Rachel and Zach, climbed into a luxury sedan and drove off, leaving the cemetery.

I hate you all. Jessie vowed fiercely, You’ll pay for hurting my family. I swear on Grandpa’s grave.

“Jessie,” her mother said softly.

A tear rolled unheeded down Jessie’s cheek and she obeyed the silent invitation of her mother’s outstretched arm. Releasing her brothers’ hands, she moved to her mother’s side and nestled against the slightly damp wool coat. Margaret McCloud slipped her arm around her daughter’s shoulders and tucked her close.

The stream of mourners offering hushed words of condolence seemed to go on forever but finally the last person turned away.

“It’s time, son.” The corrections officer stepped forward, resting his hand on Chase’s shoulder.

No! He couldn’t take Chase, not now.

Jessie sucked in a breath and held it, her muscles rigid with the effort to not cry. Her vision wavered as she watched the big brother she adored hug her mother and father and say goodbye. Then it was her turn. The tears slipped past her defenses. Sobbing, she flung herself at Chase and wrapped her arms around him, desperate to keep him with her.

Chase’s tight hug and the feel of his hand as he smoothed her hair was heartbreakingly dear and familiar. She couldn’t make her fingers release him but at last, he pried her fists free of his coat and stepped back.

Jessie felt ripped in two. The next few moments were a blur as her brother said goodbye. Far too quickly, the marked police car was driving away, leaving Jessie, Luke and their parents standing alone by the gravesite.

I hate the Kerrigans, she thought fiercely, fists clenched, as she stared after the police car taking her brother away.

Wolf Creek, Montana

Late summer, 15 years later

“Zach Kerrigan is back in town.”

Jessie McCloud froze, all her attention focused on the voices of the women in the next grocery aisle.

“I know. Stacey saw him buying gas at Keeler’s Truck Stop two days ago. She said he hasn’t changed, in fact, he looks better than he did in high school. She was almost hyperventilating while she was telling me.”

Feminine laughter floated over the shelves. Jessie stood motionless in the cereal aisle, clutching a forgotten box of granola mix.

“And he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring, but she didn’t have a chance to ask him whether he was involved with anyone.”

“I hope not,” the first speaker said. “But one of us should find out. Why don’t you…” The voice faded, the two women obviously moving away down the aisle.

Zach’s home. Jessie felt shell-shocked. When did he come back? How long has he been here? She’d been out of town herself for the last two and a half weeks, visiting a college friend in Wyoming, but she’d spoken to her parents several times while she was gone. Her mother hadn’t said a word about Zach’s return to Wolf Creek.

“Mommy? Can we buy this cereal?”

The little-boy treble, followed by a tug on her khaki shorts, broke the spell that held Jessie and she looked down. Her three-year-old son, Rowdy, clutched a box of cereal against his middle with one arm while his right hand gripped the hem of her shorts. She forced a smile. “Sorry, Rowdy. What did you ask me?”

“Can we get this one?” He released her to grasp the box with two hands and hold it up for her inspection. The bright colors of a superhero’s costumed body splashed across the front panel.

“Sorry, kiddo.” Jessie shook her head. “That’s about ninety-five percent sugar and five percent wheat. Let’s try this one.”

Rowdy scowled, clearly disappointed. “But Mom, this is what all the superheroes eat.”

“And just how do you know, young man? Have you been watching cartoons with Uncle Chase and Uncle Luke again?”

“Yup.” The little boy grinned, his face lighting with mischief.

He looked so much like his father in that moment that Jessie’s heart clenched. The twinkle in his dark gold eyes, so unlike the color of her own blue ones, was infectious. Her smile wobbled as she ruffled Rowdy’s mop of hair, her fingers lingering on the silky strands of ebony hazed with subtle highlights that echoed her own auburn mane. “I’m going to have a talk with your uncles,” she warned. “They know you’re not supposed to watch television.”

“We only watch the good stuff,” Rowdy assured her.

“Hmm,” Jessie murmured. Her brothers were convinced she was too strict with her son and had taken it upon themselves to expose him to the “good stuff” they thought all little boys should know, including cartoons, with a special emphasis on Spider-Man, the Road Runner and Sponge-Bob SquarePants.

“Can we go to Uncle Luke and Aunt Rachel’s house tonight?”

“Not tonight,” Jessie murmured. Her brother Luke had recently married Zach Kerrigan’s sister, Rachel, and Rowdy had immediately extended his adoration of Luke to include his new aunt. After the initial shock of learning her brother had fallen in love with Lonnie Kerrigan’s cousin, Jessie had reluctantly been won over when Chase gave the couple his blessing. She still had reservations about whether Luke had betrayed Chase by marrying a Kerrigan, but was growing to like Rachel more each day. “Maybe tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Rowdy bounced down the aisle ahead of the grocery cart, jumping from one tile square to the next like a miniature human pogo stick.

Behind him, Jessie dropped the granola into the nearly full grocery cart, her mind whirling as she followed her son. Maybe Zach was only in town to visit his mother and would soon be gone. If so, their paths might not cross. Wolf Creek was a small town but perhaps if she was careful, she could avoid running into him.

But what if he were home to stay?

The possibility seemed unlikely. The Zach she’d known for one brief night four years ago had thrived on dangerous military assignments in foreign countries. It was difficult to imagine he could change so dramatically that he’d willingly settle for a quieter life in Wolf Creek. She’d been convinced he wouldn’t return but now that he had, she was faced with a huge dilemma. When she’d learned she was pregnant with Rowdy four years earlier, she’d had good reasons for not telling Zach. Those reasons still existed. She could have left Wolf Creek and reduced the likelihood of seeing Zach again but she’d taken a calculated risk and returned home to build a life after law school.

It appeared her luck may have just run out.

Maybe it wasn’t too late to reconsider John Sanchez’s offer to join his law firm in Kalispell.

The mountain town was separated from Wolf Creek by nearly the full width of Montana. Surely she and Rowdy would be safe there?

But she hated the idea of leaving her family and her home. Besides, wouldn’t her running away be one more victory for the Kerrigans?

No, she resolved in the checkout line. She wouldn’t panic. Before she made any decisions, she had to find out how long Zach planned to stay. It couldn’t be too hard for her and Rowdy to simply maintain a low profile and avoid him.

Once Rowdy was tucked into bed that evening, Jessie thumbed the mute button on the television control, leaving the screen lit with a travelogue, and dialed Luke’s phone number.

Her brother’s wife answered on the second ring.

The two chatted for several minutes about Luke, Rowdy and a legal case Jessie was working on before she found an opening.

“I heard a rumor in town today that your brother, Zach, has come home,” Jessie said casually.

“Yes.” Rachel’s voice brightened, affection pouring over the line. “He was at the house when I returned from Denver. Didn’t I tell you? I guess that by the time Luke and I got home from our honeymoon, having Zach back was old news.” Her voice sobered. “I’m so glad he’s here, Jessie. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving Mom alone to deal with Harlan and Lonnie while we were in Hawaii if he hadn’t been.”

“It sounds as if the timing of his return couldn’t have been better. He’s been back in Wolf Creek how long—a few weeks?”

“Yes, almost three and a half, actually. There’s so much work to do at the ranch that he’s been staying close to home. Do you know Zach, Jessie?” Rachel asked. “He probably finished high school and left town before you were a freshman.”

“I think he graduated several years before I did,” she said, avoiding answering Rachel’s question. Jessie doubted there was a female in her age bracket who didn’t know who Zach Kerrigan was.

“You’ll have to come over for dinner one night this week and meet him,” Rachel said with enthusiasm. “I’ll see if I can drag Zach away from work for a few hours. What day would be best for you and Rowdy?”

“I’m not sure.” Never, she thought. “I left my day planner at the office but I’ll check the calendar tomorrow and let you know. I think I have a couple of evening meetings but I don’t remember which nights.”

“Let me know and I’ll give Zach a call.”

“I’ll do that.” She paused. “Do I need to find time this week or would next week work as well? Will he be leaving soon?” Jessie asked, holding her breath.

“I’m not sure,” Rachel replied. “He told me he’s staying but his boss insisted he just take a three-month leave of absence. If I have my way, Zach’s home for good. I can’t imagine how Mom will run the ranch without him. So, about dinner,” Rachel continued, “you’ll call and let me know when you can join us?”

“Yes, as soon as I check my calendar. I have a court hearing in the morning but I should be back in the office after lunch.”

“Great. Talk to you then.”

Jessie said goodbye and dropped the phone into its cradle, staring unseeingly at the flickering television screen. Dinner with Zach and Rowdy at the same table?

Not a chance.

And he’s here for at least three months, maybe longer, she thought. A dull headache throbbed insistently and she rubbed her temples while her mind whirled with memories.

She’d last seen Zach in Missoula, miles away from Wolf Creek on the opposite side of the state. She’d been enrolled in the University of Montana’s law school; he was working in the campus Marine Recruitment Office while recovering from injuries received during an overseas assignment. Though she’d passed him on campus, they hadn’t exchanged even polite hellos until late one afternoon when they both happened to be at an off-campus coffee shop. They were waiting in line for lattes when what turned out to be a disgruntled ex-employee entered, drew a gun and began to shoot. The situation was chaotic and frightening, and afterward, Jessie was shaken, terrorized by the violence. Zach had bought her dinner, then walked her across campus to her apartment, where they’d come together in a primal, life-affirming reaction to the stress and danger. Jessie had lost track of the number of times they made love but sometime during the night, she realized that the foundation of her world had shifted.

The next morning she’d been appalled at herself for sleeping with Chase’s enemy. She’d said hurtful things that she knew she’d never forget, and in anger, both agreed the night had been a mistake. Zach left for the airport, bound for Afghanistan to rejoin his military unit.

That cataclysmic night had consequences neither of them had anticipated when a home pregnancy test turned out to be positive a short month later. At first, Jessie couldn’t decide whether she should locate Zach and tell him their night together had had unexpected results.

The question had haunted her.

She’d spent the years since Chase went to jail vowing vengeance on the Kerrigans. Chase hadn’t come home immediately after he was released. Instead, he’d taken a job as a bounty hunter with an agency owned by the brother of a prison guard he’d befriended. Up until a year ago, Chase had lived in Seattle and during his infrequent visits home, he wasn’t the brother she remembered from her childhood. He seemed a hard and dangerous man employed in a violent business, his emotions locked behind an impenetrable wall. And it broke her heart. She was tortured by the guilt of betraying Chase by sleeping with the enemy. She couldn’t bring herself to tell her beloved brother that his nephew’s father was a Kerrigan.

But buried deep within her was the conviction that the night she’d spent with Zach had been more than an impetuous fling. Zach clearly hadn’t felt the same earthshaking connection she had. Was it likely he’d have even wanted to know she was pregnant?

She couldn’t imagine how she could have told her parents they’d have to share their first long-awaited grandchild with the family they hated. And how would they have felt about her baby, knowing despised Kerrigan blood ran through his veins? Jessie was convinced her parents and brothers would never purposely treat her child differently because of Zach’s family, but how could she be sure the feud between the families wouldn’t subconsciously color their view of her baby?

It took two long, sleepless weeks to reach a decision. In the end, she’d decided not to try to contact Zach but instead, she told her parents she’d married a fellow student in a quick Las Vegas wedding, only to divorce just as easily six weeks later. She confided the truth about the fictitious marriage only to her mother and even then, she didn’t reveal the identity of her baby’s father.

It had been a complicated plan but Jessie had thought it was necessary. And she’d told herself she would make the decision to tell Zach he was a father if the opportunity arose and if she thought he’d care, although she knew that wasn’t likely to ever happen. Zach had left Wolf Creek at eighteen and, as far as she was aware, he’d never been back.

After she’d finished law school and Rowdy was two years old, she’d returned to Wolf Creek to set up her law practice and build a life for herself and her son.

I may have to tell Zach about Rowdy at some point, she thought, but if I do, it’s not going to happen at dinner with his sister and my brother present.

Rachel and Luke’s marriage had created a bridge between the two families, over which various members of the McClouds and Kerrigans had cautiously crossed. Jessie genuinely liked Rachel but she couldn’t imagine her sister-in-law being pleased to learn that Jessie had kept it a secret that Rowdy was her nephew. Let alone how Zach would feel about the news.

The McClouds’ acceptance of Rachel didn’t extend to the rest of the Kerrigan clan. Jessie didn’t want to contemplate how her brothers might react if they learned Zach Kerrigan was Rowdy’s father. She’d refused to reveal anything about her son’s biological father beyond the tale of the nonexistent six-week marriage. After that conversation, Chase and Luke had made occasional caustic remarks about “the SOB who bailed when he found out Jessie was pregnant.” They’d been very careful not to make such comments in front of Rowdy, but they’d also refused to listen when she’d tried to persuade them that their interpretation was wrong.

She shuddered. Having her brothers learn a Kerrigan was “the SOB who bailed” would only make their reaction worse.

She wondered how much more difficult it would be to tell Zach.

If I decide to tell him, I’ll make an appointment to see him and do it in person. She didn’t relish the thought. Though she was convinced she’d moved on and put her feelings about that night behind her, she knew delivering the news about Rowdy wouldn’t be easy.

Would he be angry? She hadn’t a clue.

Probably not, she thought. Statistics prove a high percentage of men in America don’t have any interest in children beyond the act of conception.

Would he want to be involved in Rowdy’s life or would he choose to remain anonymous?

Ah, now that was the most important question, she realized. And the one that worried her most.

She could bear Zach’s anger and her parents’ disappointment in her; also, her brothers’ certain outrage and Rachel’s dismay. She’d been forced to make choices four years ago that impacted all of them and would pay the price for her decisions without flinching. But Rowdy was innocent. He didn’t deserve to be involved in an emotional fire-storm.

A swift rush of motherly protectiveness swamped her.

He’s my little boy, only mine. Jessie realized her hands were curled into fists, her entire body tensed as if ready for battle. She forced her fingers to straighten and took several deep breaths in an effort to relax.

Despite her fierce emotions, she knew her instinctive response was impractical. She was a lawyer, a member of the Montana Bar Association, and she was fully aware Zach had a right to visitation with Rowdy, if that’s what he wanted. Excluding Zach from their son’s life wasn’t legally possible.

That didn’t mean she had to like it.

She thrust her fingers through her hair, tugging the thick, heavy mass away from her temples where the dull headache still throbbed.

Worrying at this point was fruitless, she told herself. More likely than not, Zach would be gone before long, flying back to whatever part of the world was currently at war and needed his services as a munitions consultant.

She switched off the television and turned off the lights as she left the living room to walk down the hallway to her bedroom. A lamp glowed softly on the bedside table, casting shadows into the corners of the comfortable room. Jessie loved her little house and had spent hours sanding woodwork, painting walls and making it uniquely hers. The rest of the house reflected the reality that a three-year-old boy lived here but this room was her sanctuary. Here, she’d indulged herself with pale green silk curtains that matched the spread and pillow shams on the walnut four-poster bed. The bed had been her great-grandmother’s and, like the matching nightstands, bureau and oval mirror, its polished surface gleamed with years of loving care.

The quiet surroundings had always had the power to soothe and relax her but tonight the room didn’t calm her worries about Rowdy and Zach. Even after she’d showered, dressed in a cotton tank top and loose pajama bottoms, climbed into bed and switched off the lamp, her mind continued to whirl with all the possible ramifications of Zach’s return to Wolf Creek.

When she finally fell asleep, she dreamed of Zach and the first time he’d come to her rescue. It was during the summer she was ten and he was already a tall, lanky teenager of fifteen….

The first summer after her grandfather died seemed longer and hotter than usual. Jessie and her best friend, Sarah, tried to keep cool by swimming in the stock pond and spending Saturday afternoons in the air-conditioned theater.

Following a movie one Saturday, Jessie and Sarah stopped at Muller’s Candy Shoppe before meeting Sarah’s mother at the library. They were contemplating a purchase when the string of bells hanging on the door jingled loudly and two teenage boys entered the nearly empty store.

“Well, well, if it isn’t a McCloud. Heard from your convict brother lately?”

Jessie stiffened at the jeering tone in Lonnie Kerrigan’s voice. Determined to ignore him, she resolutely stared at the glass case and the rainbow display of saltwater toffee inside. She wished Mr. Muller hadn’t stepped into the back room. The bell she could use to call him back was located at the far end of the counter by the cash register, too far away for her to reach.

“What’s the matter, kid? Cat got your tongue?”

He brushed past her, bumping her in the process.

“Don’t pay any attention to him, Jessie,” Sarah urged.

Jessie glanced sideways and saw that her friend’s eyes were fearful as she watched the blocky teenager on Jessie’s other side.

“Yeah, kid. Don’t pay any attention to me.” Lonnie leaned against the candy display, grinning with malicious enjoyment at Sarah’s concern.

“I won’t,” Jessie said, filled with hate and loathing for the bully. “You’re not worth it.”

“Is that right?” She heard the sneer in his voice. “All you McClouds are the same. You’re a little young, but I’m sure it won’t be long before your brother Luke joins Chase in jail.” He waved expansively at the interior of the candy shop. “I’m surprised you’re allowed in here without supervision. Wonder if Mr. Muller knows he’s got a future criminal in his store?”

Goaded beyond endurance, Jessie turned to face him, furious. “You’re a pig, Lonnie Kerrigan. You should be in jail, not Chase. You’re the criminal—you and your whole family!”

She glared up at him, daring him to do anything about her harsh words. At ten, she was several feet shorter than the seventeen-year-old and he outweighed her by more than a hundred pounds. She didn’t care. Three months earlier, she’d watched as Chase was handcuffed and driven away from their grandfather’s funeral in a police car. She blamed Lonnie for her brother’s absence and she hated him with a depth and passion she’d never before felt in her short life.

A blond teenage girl standing near the door giggled at Jessie’s words and Lonnie flushed, his eyes narrowing. He stepped closer, bending toward Jessie.

“You little bitch.”

Her mother would have washed his mouth out with soap for using that word. Jessie stuck out her chin and refused to back down.

He grabbed her arm and twisted. The pain was excruciating but Jessie wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Instead, she glared harder, blinking back tears.

“Let her go.”

Lonnie’s gaze left hers and he looked over her head at someone behind her. His mouth tightened before he sneered again. “Stay out of it, Zach. This is none of your business.”

“I’m making it my business. She’s just a kid. Let her go.”

“You taking her place?”

“If I have to.”

Lonnie laughed and his grip loosened. He pushed Jessie and she stumbled sideways against the glass display case.

“Hey, none of that in here! You two take it outside if you have to fight,” Mr. Muller said firmly.

Jessie glanced over her shoulder. The gray-haired, heavyset owner of the store left the doorway to the back room and leaned over the counter, frowning at Lonnie and Zach.

“Yeah, yeah,” Lonnie snarled. “We’re goin’.”

Zach spun on his heel and stalked out of the shop, followed by Lonnie, his friend and the two teenage girls.

“Come on.” Jessie grabbed Sarah by the hand and pulled her across the room and out the door in time to see the teenagers disappear into the alley. She and Sarah ran to the corner of the building and stopped, peering around the edge.

Lonnie was taller, heavier and had a longer reach than his younger cousin, who at fifteen was still rangy with lighter muscle on his fast-growing body. Within minutes, blood was oozing from Zach’s nose and welling from a cut on his lip, his right eye was red and bruised. He didn’t stop, however, and no matter how many times Lonnie knocked him down, he got up and kept swinging. By the time a police officer, probably called by Mr. Muller, arrived to break up the fight, both boys were bleeding from their faces and knuckles. Their white T-shirts were ripped, smeared with dirt and stained with blood spatters.

“Wow, Jessie,” Sarah said in awe as the policeman marched the battered combatants down the street toward the police station. “He stood up for you and made Lonnie leave you alone. Why did he do that?”

“I don’t know. He’s a Kerrigan. He probably just likes to get into fights and beat up people.” Jessie was pleased that her voice sounded unconcerned and dismissive. But she was secretly amazed that Zach Kerrigan had kept Lonnie from hurting her. Why? Could he possibly dislike Lonnie and his bullying as much as she did?

Jessie woke, struggling through clinging shreds of sleep and dreams. She sat up, rubbing her hands over her face in an effort to clear away the images of her ten-year-old self watching Zach fight Lonnie in the dust of the alley behind Muller’s Candy Shoppe.

The residue of half-remembered conflicted emotions churned, accompanied by the memory of Zach’s battered face on that long-ago afternoon.

Had he saved her that day because he was being kind to a child being bullied? Or had he simply taken advantage of an excuse to fight Lonnie? It was no secret that the Kerrigans often exploded into physical violence.

She tipped the bedside clock so she could read the time.

“Two o’clock? Ugh.” She lay down, punching her pillow. She had to be at the office by seven and made a mental note to brew extra-strong coffee in the morning.