Читать книгу His Answered Prayer - Lois Richer - Страница 9

“Gabe, this is my son, Daniel. Daniel, I’d like you to meet Gabriel Sloan.”

Gabe almost laughed at the words. She didn’t want the boy to meet him at all. And he knew why. This child was his son!

Gabe stared at the mirror image of himself at five. The little boy in front of him solemnly shook his hand as the truth smacked Gabe squarely between the eyes. He had a child. He was a father!

“So I was wondering, Mr. Gabriel, are you the one?”

Gabe jerked back to reality with stunned surprise as a small hand carefully patted his arm.

“The one?” he repeated blankly. His eyes sought Blair and he swallowed hard at the pain and worry he found swirling in the depths of her molten chocolate eyes. He focused on the boy. “Uh, I’m not exactly sure just yet.”

“Oh.” Daniel’s mobile face fell with disappointment, but brightened a moment later. “That doesn’t mean no,” he insisted. “My mom says she’s not sure lots of times. It means maybe.”

“Right.” Gabe swallowed, the thought of parenthood engulfing him in a wash of anxiety. Not yet, his brain screamed. I’m not ready for that yet, God! I’ve only just taken the first steps to changing my life.

“It’s okay. You can think about it if you want.” Daniel smiled, then leaned near Gabe’s ear. “But could you hurry up? My teacher says we’re having parent-teacher day pretty soon, and Joey Lancaster is bringing his dad. I don’t like Joey Lancaster.”

Gabe got the implied message loud and clear. My dad is better than yours. Poor little tyke! Belatedly he wondered how long Daniel had been praying for a father.

A wave of anger washed over him as he considered how much he’d missed. A baby, a toddler, hugs, good-night kisses, Christmases and birthdays. He’d known none of that. But Blair had. And she’d kept him in the dark. On purpose. That hurt more than he’d ever imagined, though Gabe didn’t understand why. He knew he wasn’t daddy material. He was a loner. He didn’t need anyone. He couldn’t afford to.

But she could have told him.

Gabe turned to stare at Blair and immediately rethought his position. He had no rights when it came to Daniel. None. He’d lost them all when Blair, sweet, innocent Blair, walked out of his life with her childish dreams ruined. By him.

“You need me, Gabe,” she’d sobbed that morning.

He cringed, remembering his furious response. “I don’t need anybody.”

“I thought you loved me enough to believe I’m not like the others. I’ve tried so hard to be what you want, but you still can’t see the real me. You can’t see beyond the security of your business and your money. You can’t see love.”

That memory could still make him ache for her shattered innocence. Blair, backing away from him, hair tumbling around her shoulders in that glossy riot of curls that he’d touched only moments before.

Once, just that once he’d let himself desire something more than security. Daniel was the result. The knowledge ate at him like acid on an open wound.

He’d sent her away with his child.

“You’d better do your chores, Daniel. Maybe Albert will help you.” Blair’s soft voice broke through his reverie.

Gabe looked up. Who was Albert? Someone Blair was interested in? Was that why Daniel needed a father, to ward off the unwanted attentions of this Albert person?

“Okay.” Daniel grabbed two cookies from the nut-cracker cookie jar that perched on a low shelf. He whirled to grin at Gabe. “See you later,” he offered.

“Yes, you will,” Gabe returned evenly, refusing to look at Blair. “I’m glad I met you, Daniel.”

“Me, too.” Daniel raced out the door, jacket forgotten as he sang a new song.

“You’re the child’s father, aren’t you?” The woman Blair had called Willie stood surveying him with watery blue eyes. “Anyone with vision can see that you’re Danny’s daddy. It’s about time you showed up and took some responsibility. Now the first thing will be to get the child a decent home.”

“Don’t, Willie. Daniel isn’t going anywhere. He’s going to stay right here with me.” Blair’s chocolate eyes dared Gabe to say any different. “I’ve got things to do. Mac, you and Mr. Sloan no doubt have your deal to discuss. I’m going out.”

She was gone in a rush, those russet-tipped curls flying behind. Gabe stood and watched her through the window. He heard two voices speaking, saw an older man hug her close and kiss her cheek before the derelict old truck rattled down the road.

“She’s not too happy with me, son. And I can’t say I blame her. It was a nasty trick to play on my granddaughter.” Mac’s sad voice was resigned.

“Then why did you?” Gabe could see no remorse on the lined, worn features.

“Because I love her. And I love that boy. I don’t want to see either one of them hurt. I’m not as young as I was, you know. I’m afraid of what will happen to her when Willie and I aren’t around for her to devote herself to. Blair is killing herself trying to look after us all.”

“Look after you?” Gabe returned to his seat and thoughtfully sipped his coffee, aware that the ethereal Willie had drifted into another room. “Why should she look after you? Are you sick?”

“Willie is, though she won’t admit it. Her medicine costs something terrible. I’ve got a heart condition, but it’s nothing serious. Not yet. As long as we’ve got my pension, we can manage, but what happens when I’m gone? Albert can only do so much.”

There it was again.

“Albert?” Gabe fixed the older man with a severe look and waited.

“Albert Hunter. He’s been our friend for years. Keeping busy around here is about the only thing that makes him forget the bottle. He’s an inventor. Blair brought him home one day, asked me to help him sober up, and she’s been taking care of him ever since. That’s what Blair does—takes care of people. She needs to be needed.”

“Oh.” Gabe digested it all with a nod, his mind busy as he tried to merge this information with the woman he’d known. “Are you sure Daniel is my son?” he blurted. It was a stupid question.

Mac apparently agreed. He favored him with a severe look. “You know that right well enough, without me telling you. We were supposed to fly out Saturday morning for the wedding that night. But just as we were heading out the door, Blair phoned and said it was off. Next thing we knew, she’d dropped out of her last year of college. She came home at the end of October. Boy turns six at the end of May. You work it out.”

Gabe didn’t have to. He knew without doing the math. Hidden away in a trunk he hadn’t opened in years was a picture his mother had put in an album just days before her death. His first day of school. He and Daniel could have been twins.

Gabe couldn’t stop the questions. “Why didn’t she tell me? Let me know?”

“Don’t be daft, son! You pushed her away.” Mac sniffed, his face scrunched up in anger, eyes blazing. “This is going to hurt her a lot, and I don’t like to see my granddaughter hurt. Goes against everything I believe. The Rhodeses take care of each other. Always.”

“So why drag me into your wonderful life?” Gabe couldn’t stop the sneer from coloring his voice. This man would know soon enough that he wasn’t the person to direct Daniel’s young life. Gabe was totally wrong for that job. Suspicion dawned. Was this just another taker, the latest in a long list of people after his money? “What do you want from me?”

Mackenzie Rhodes fixed him with a fierce glare. “I want you to be a father to that little boy. It isn’t right for him to grow up without a dad. Children need a man in their lives.”

“What about you? And Albert?” Gabe almost laughed at the glower on Mac’s face.

“I’m half dead! I can’t be around for the boy forever, much as I’d like to. My rheumatism acts up in the winter so’s I can barely get out of bed.” He swiveled his arm as if to prove that it was damaged. “Albert’s a good man, but he’s not the boy’s father. You are. Daniel needs someone to love and protect him and his mother. You owe him that.”

No doubt he was right, Gabe conceded. He did owe the boy. But he couldn’t be a father. He didn’t know how. Even the prospect of it made him jumpy. Suddenly it was as if he was ten again and his dad was laughing at him.

“Swim, boy. Be a man.”

Gabe could feel the doubts swirling overhead, waiting to cover him, to suffocate him just as the water had filled his lungs. He couldn’t do this! He wasn’t father material.

“I, uh, that is, I’m not…”

“Anybody can learn to be a father.”

“But I don’t…” Mac’s steady gaze kept Gabe pinned to his chair, stopped the words that would express his doubts.

“You just have to look beyond yourself to someone else’s needs.” The wise eyes narrowed. “You told me in that letter your lawyer wrote that you wanted that land to build a house on. Said you were going to settle down, give up the city. That all true?”

Gabe nodded slowly, remembering his dream. A home of his own, a place to find out exactly who he was behind all the pretense.

“Why?” Mac’s back straightened.

“Why what?”

“Why does a big, important computer fella like yourself want to run away from his life?” Mac tipped back in his chair and considered Gabe from that perspective.

“I’m not running away.” Gabe wished he’d had some warning, some preparation for this inquisition.

“Aren’t you?” Mac munched on one of the cookies he’d appropriated from the jar. He handed the other one over. “She can sure bake cookies,” he muttered happily.

“Blair?” Gabe waited for the other man’s nod. “When I knew her she didn’t bake anything. She wore exotic outfits and crazy makeup. She reminded me of a butterfly whenever we went out.”

“You didn’t know the real Blair. Never played dress-up in her life. She likes things casual, comfortable. So what about now?” Mac’s question was abrupt, to the point.

“She’s still beautiful, but in a different way. She looks more fragile, and yet somehow stronger.” Gabe tried to puzzle it out. “I can’t say it properly.”

“I wasn’t talking about her looks. I was asking how you feel about my granddaughter.”

Gabe flinched under the scrutiny, his mind whirling a hundred miles an hour. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything! How can I? All of a sudden I see a woman who walked out on our wedding years ago. And I find out I have a kid, a son I’ve never even heard about before. It’s a little overwhelming.” He frowned, his mouth as sour as if he’d just eaten a dill pickle.

Mac barked out a laugh. “That’s life for you. Want some advice? Get used to it. Fast. And make a decision.”

“A decision?” Gabe frowned, wondering if the old fellow was hinting at something. “What kind of a decision?”

Mac straightened, his chair banging to the floor with a snap that had Gabe flinching.

“Be a man! Figure out if you’re going to break that boy’s heart by walking away from him. Decide if you’re gonna take on the role of father and be the best darn father any kid ever had, or if you’re going to run away from your responsibility. Make a choice.”

For a moment, Gabe heard his father’s tones, his father’s mocking reminder that he’d never quite measured up to the standard. He surged to his feet, tension coiling inside him faster than lightning. And he’d thought running his company was pressure! “I have to think.” He spat the words out.

Mac shook his head as he set his cup on the counter. Then he turned and faced Gabe, his eyes tired, his expression sad.

“Don’t know why I bothered,” he muttered. “Guess I figured you’d have some spunk and gumption and wouldn’t let a woman do all the work. But, on second thought, you’re not the kind of man my kin needs, Mr. Sloan. You like to run away from your problems instead of facing them.”

“Not true.” Gabe shook his head. “I like to figure out what the situation is before I make a move.” He met that stern gaze unflinchingly, his voice cold. “And I’m not letting you renege on this contract. That land is mine.” He patted his chest pocket and the paper beneath.

“Only if you build on it within the six months,” Mac reminded him. “Anything else and the whole thing reverts back to me.”

“I know that.” Gabe pulled his boots on, then straightened and looked the other man in the eye. “I’ll need to think it over,” he repeated. “That’s the way I do things.”

Mac nodded, but his face showed worry. “Just don’t run away,” he ordered. “That doesn’t do anyone any good.”

“I’m not the one who ran. Blair did that, the day we were to be married.” The bitterness still rankled. She’d dumped him, made him look a fool in front of his colleagues and associates, shown him up as a failure. He couldn’t quite forgive her for that. Not even all these years later.

Mac’s hand closed around his shoulder, his eyes piercing. “What other option did you give her?” he demanded quietly. “Blair loved you completely. I know that for a fact. She wanted to be your wife, she wanted the two of you to build a life together. She believed God sent you into her life, and she was ready to do whatever you asked of her. What did you do to spoil that?”

Gabe returned the stare, his temper sizzling. “I didn’t do a thing any other businessman in my position wouldn’t have done. If you knew anything about business, you’d know you have to protect yourself and your work. It didn’t mean I didn’t care about her. It was only a preventive measure.”

Mac smiled sadly. “Protect yourself, eh. Who protected her, this young fiancée of yours? Did you?” The condemning words echoed around the room as Mac turned and walked away, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

There wasn’t any more to be said. Gabe had failed then, and he knew it. He stepped outside, pulling the door closed quietly. He climbed into his truck and started it. As he left the house, then the yard and finally the valley, he couldn’t help but admire the beauty laid out before him. It would be so nice to live here, to get away from the constant, petty demands on his time, to go back to just fiddling with things, daydreaming of new ways and means. He had only just begun to learn who was beneath the facade of successful computer designer. How could he take on a kid, do all the things a loving father should? Where did you go to find out how to love?

Gabe drove five miles into the minuscule town of Teal’s Crossing and returned to his hotel room. Five minutes later he was lying on the bed, reaming out his lawyer.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this goofy deal, Rich? I walked right into it. If I don’t build a house here, I lose the land and the money. Whose interests are you protecting, anyhow?”

Richard Wellington was well used to his boss’s anger. He snickered loudly over the line. “I did tell you, Gabe. At least six times. But you were so hung up on getting the plans drawn for this dream home that you completely ignored my warnings.”

“And are they? Finished, I mean?” Gabe licked his lips at the mention of the plans he’d secretly reveled in for weeks. A place that would prove he was far more than anything his father could have dreamed of. A place that would show the world he didn’t need any of them. A place he could hide.

“Ready and on the way to you by courier. Contractor says he’ll start digging right away. Got some materials coming in the first of next week.” Rich sounded very smug. “Pool should be ready right on time.”

Those words sent a shiver up his spine, but Gabe ignored it. He’d deal with the past one step at a time. He couldn’t ignore it any longer.

Gabe didn’t know how else to broach the subject so he asked it straight out. “Rich, what happens if I get married?”

Silence.

“Well, uh, I guess you get a wife. Why?” The tentative response verged on suspicion.

Gabe swallowed, then dove in. “Remember Blair?”

Guarded silence, then a whoosh of air. “Yeah, I remember. Had you tied up in knots for months after she left town. Why?”

“She’s here. It’s her grandfather who’s selling the land.”

“Uh-oh.” Papers rattled. “Why didn’t I know that?”

“I don’t know.” He waited a moment. “She’s raising my son, Rich.” Gabe was stunned at the measure of satisfaction and pride he felt in saying those words. Son. Child of mine.

“What!” Rich burst into a volley of questions, which he proceeded to answer himself. Then he trotted out a list of things Blair could do to lay claim to the company, which he could prevent by suing for custody. “I’ll have the papers to you in two days.”

“I don’t want to sue her for custody,” Gabe murmured as an idea grew, taking shape and form in his mind. “I think I want to get to know my son. His name is Daniel.”

“Daniel? Your father’s name.” Rich’s voice was sharp. “How did she find out?”

Gabe smiled. Rich had learned distrust the hard way. Gabe had taught him all about it every time the young lawyer handled another deal. Now the man was as paranoid as he. The thought was not comforting.

“I don’t know that she has found out anything. But that doesn’t matter right now. I just know that this kid thinks he needs a father, and I can’t turn my back on that. I remember what it was like too well.”

“I suppose you do.” Rich was silent for a long time. But when he finally spoke, his voice was filled with ominous warning. “Gabe, are you sure this child is yours?”

“Oh, yes. He’s mine. That is not in question. Besides, Blair wouldn’t lie.” Though, if he remembered correctly, Blair hadn’t told him anything about Daniel. His lips tightened. “So, buddy, how do I go about forcing her to let me get to know the boy?”

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Rich’s voice urged him to reconsider.

“I’m sure. His name will be Daniel Sloan, but he’s not going to have a childhood like mine. Not if I can help it.”

Rich appeared to accept this, for he offered no further objections. Instead his voice softened, bounding over the phone line with enthusiasm.

“I think you’ll make a great father, Gabe. And Blair always did worship the ground you walked on. If I remember correctly, she was ready to marry you. Why would she object to your presence now? I never did understand why she took off like that. You never said.” A pregnant pause offered the opportunity.

Gabe swallowed, but he wouldn’t lie to himself or his friend. He’d lived his life by dealing in cold, hard truth. He wouldn’t stop now.

“It was my fault, I demanded she sign that prenup when I knew deep down that she wouldn’t. I used her, Rich. I took her love and put my own conditions on it. And then I let her go as if it didn’t matter. Yeah, she loved me once. I don’t think that’s going to be an issue now. She might agree to marry me, if I pushed it, but it would only be for Daniel’s sake.”

He remembered her sad, mournful words when she’d phoned him the morning of their wedding day.

“I planned a white wedding in the church. My grandfather was going to walk me down the aisle. My great-aunt is bringing a big, showy cake. I was going to promise to love you forever. I was going to make sure we had lots of pictures so we could tell our children how happy we were.”

Gabe could still hear his caustic laugh. “Forever is in the movies, Blair. It doesn’t happen in real life. And I won’t be having any children. Not ever.” He let her hear the steel in his voice. “I’m not the father type. That part is nonnegotiable.”

She’d gone silent then. He could almost see her face pinch tightly. Her voice, when it came at last, was soft, broken, brimming with tears.

“Goodbye, Gabriel Sloan. I love you. I’m sorry you won’t believe that you’re capable of more than making money.”

“Gabe? Gabriel!” Rich’s worried tones kicked him to the present.

“I’m here.” He sighed. “I don’t think marriage is an option anymore, Rich.”

“Are you sure you don’t just want to sue for custody? Take the kid away. With your bankroll, you’d win hands down.”

Daniel’s bright, expectant face rolled into his mind’s eye. Gabriel shook his head.

“Daniel’s lived with her for over five years,” he whispered. “She loves him and he loves her. I won’t destroy that.” I just want to stay on the edges, feel the warmth, understand what makes a family.

“Up to you, buddy. Okay then, if you’re determined to get close to the kid, I guess the surest way is to threaten custody. If she’s as good a mother as you think, she’d marry you rather than lose her kid.”

Gabe laughed, but there was nothing amusing in the thought. “I don’t think she’d ever marry me, Rich. And I sure can’t marry her. You of all people know I’m not a family kind of man.” He swallowed hard. “Six, almost seven years, but, after all, what’s really changed?”

“Then you bluff. Threaten everything you can think of. I know you, Sloan. You’ll think of something to make her see you’re better suited to raising the kid than her.”

Gabe hung up with the advice still ringing in his ears.

But you’re not better suited, not at all. It’s just another lie you let people believe, his conscience reminded him. You couldn’t possibly take that boy from the one person who loves him more than life. You have nothing to offer him. At least, nothing that really matters.

“What do I know about being a father?” he whispered, worry overtaking his brain. “How can I be sure that I won’t do something wrong? That I won’t scar him or cause something that will make him unhappy years down the road, after I’m gone?”

It was a prospect he had to deal with. He knew how easily that could happen. His father hadn’t wanted to leave his son the memories he carried. At least, Gabe told himself that, hoping it was true. But Daniel, Sr., hadn’t been able to accept the son he’d fathered, either. Gabe simply didn’t fit the baseball and fishing mold his father had set.

In fact, Gabe hated sports. All he’d ever wanted was to create things, to build things. To use his brain. Being sent to his room in punishment had provided hours of solitude to do just that.

“I won’t force Daniel to be a replica of me,” he assured his tired brain. “He doesn’t have to like computers. If he wants to fish, I’ll fish. I can learn that stuff. The company’s okay, now. I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need. I owe it to myself to take some time off—to see if Blair and I can make a go of it.” He thought about Mac’s letter. Why had it arrived when it had? Was God giving him a second chance?

“I owe it to him to do better than my dad did for me.”

Which shouldn’t be hard, given the past.

You owe him love.

That word sent a shiver of worry through his brain. Love? Gabe didn’t think he had it in him. Not the kind of love the songs were about, the kind of love he’d read about in stories and poems. Certainly not the emotion that required you to give away everything you valued for the sake of someone else, the kind of love that made you vulnerable and weak, prey to others.

“He doesn’t need to see that part of me,” Gabe told himself. “He’ll never know about that. I’ll make sure of it.”

But as he lay in his hotel room thinking about a black-haired little boy and his too solemn mother, Gabe wondered how he’d keep that shriveled-up, scared part of himself locked away when he’d spent such a large part of his life wondering where the next con to get his money would come from.

“One day at a time,” he reminded himself. “With God’s help, I’ll face this one day at a time. That’s what Pastor Jake said on Sunday.”

Surely if you kept your eyes on the future, you couldn’t get caught up in the past?

“Daniel’s my only chance to make amends,” he whispered, eyes closed as he prayed for help. “At least if I mess up, and I probably will, I know that Blair will make sure my son gets all the love he needs. He won’t end up like me.”

Please, God, don’t let him end up all alone like me.