Читать книгу A Baby by Easter - Lois Richer - Страница 9

“So you thought you were married to this man?” Connie said.

“Nick. Yes.” Susannah nodded.

“But—”

“I know it sounds stupid and gullible,” Susannah muttered and hung her head. “He said he didn’t want a fuss, that he wanted our wedding to be just us, private and intimate.”

“But to lie about marriage—I am so sorry.” Connie touched her hand in wordless sympathy.

“So am I—sorry that I was so dumb. Nick arranged everything that I asked for—the minister, the church, everything. But it wasn’t real. None of it was.” Susannah pushed away the rest of the soup David had brought. She shook her head. “I thought Nick loved me. I guess I should have known better.”

“Why? When you’re in love, you do trust the one you love.” Connie’s fingers smoothed hers. “That’s natural, exactly how God meant love to be.”

“Only God didn’t mean love for me.” Guilt settled on Susannah for ruining her friend’s party. “Shouldn’t you go back to your guests?”

“I told them an emergency had arisen.”

“I’m an emergency? Yuk.” Susannah made a face.

“Just like the old days, huh?” Connie teased. She shook her head. “Don’t worry. They’re friends and well used to my ‘emergencies.’ Wade will take care of them.”

“Is he nice?” Susannah asked softly, studying her friend’s glowing face with a twinge of envy.

“Wade is—wonderful.” Connie’s face radiated happiness.

“How did you meet?”

“Silver is Wade’s daughter. Wade had to leave her here while he worked in South America. David was her guardian. He hired me to be Silver’s nanny.”

“How romantic. Like Cinderella.” Susannah thought Darla would have loved that.

“Not at first. When Wade came home he was nothing like I expected. But God knew what he was doing when he put us together. We were married a year ago.” Connie held out her hand. “My engagement ring was Wade’s mother’s.”

“It’s beautiful.” Susannah thought of the cheap gold circlet she’d tucked into her bag. Nick had promised he’d get something nicer later on. Another lie. “Nick died and I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“Oh, Suze, I’m so glad you came here. You were only seventeen when you ran away from our foster home. What have you been doing?” Connie asked, her voice grave. “I called home several times, but Mom said she didn’t know where you’d gone.”

“I got in with the wrong group and went to Los Angeles. It took me a while to get my head on straight, but eventually I got a job in a nursing home. That’s where I met Nick.” She inhaled to ease the constriction in her throat. No more tears.

Connie squeezed her fingers. “How did you find me?”

“I finally phoned Mom day before yesterday.”

“She misses you.” Connie’s eyes blazed with sympathy.

“I miss her, too.” Susannah sniffed. “I was stupid to run away. So stupid.”

“Everybody makes mistakes.”

“Even you?” Susannah asked, glancing around.

“Especially me.” Connie laughed. “I’ll tell you later about my mistakes.” Her voice grew serious. “But what about the baby, Suze? When are you due?”

“April. Around Easter.”

“An Easter baby.”

Susannah gulped. “I’m on my own and I have about two nickels to rub together. I guess, first of all, I need to find a job. Do you know of any?”

“First of all you need to get better,” Connie said in her familiar “mother” tone. “Do you want to keep your baby?”

“I don’t think any child would want a mother like me.” She deliberately didn’t look at Connie.

“But you’d make a wonderful mother!” her friend protested.

“Hardly,” Susannah scoffed. “Look how I messed up my own family. I’m so not the poster woman for motherhood.”

“You were nine the day they brought you to our foster home. I told you then and I’ll tell you again, you did not break up your family, Suze. Nothing you did caused your father to leave you, or your mother to start drinking. And you did not start that fire.” Connie tucked a finger under her chin and forced her to look up.

Susannah couldn’t stop the tears. “Why did God let this happen to me, Connie?”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Connie wrapped comforting arms around her shoulders and hugged her close, rocking back and forth as she had when Susannah was younger.

“I feel like He hates me,” Susannah sobbed.

“God? No way.” Connie let go and leaned back. “Listen to me, kiddo, and hear me well. God does not hate you. He loves you more than you could ever imagine.”

“But I’ve messed up—”

“There are no ‘buts’ where God is concerned. He loves you. Period.” Connie pressed the tendrils away from Susannah’s face, then cupped her cheeks and peered straight into her eyes. “God has a plan. He’s going to work all of this out for your benefit.”

“You sound so sure.”

“I am sure. Positive.” Connie smiled. “But until He shows us the next step, I have the perfect guest room upstairs. You’ll stay as long as you need to. Now finish that soup and try to swallow a few of the crackers,” she insisted. “You’re thinner now than you were when you first came to North Dakota, and you were a stick then. Eat.”

“Still as bossy,” Susannah teased, her heart swelling at the relief of being able to count on a friend.

“Still needing bossing,” Connie shot back, laughing. “You need taking care of, and I’m just the person to do it.” She watched while Susannah ate. “What was Darla saying about Sleeping Beauty?”

Susannah shrugged but couldn’t stop her blush. “I passed out on the doorstep. Her brother carried me in here. When I came to, she was demanding he kiss me, like Sleeping Beauty.” Susannah crunched another cracker, enjoying the feeling of having enough to satisfy her hunger. It had been ages since she’d been able to eat her fill.

“She loves that story.” Connie smiled fondly.

“Darla is a bit old for fairy tales,” Susannah mused. “Something’s wrong with her, right?”

“She had a skiing accident.” Connie’s voice filled with sadness. “It happened a few months after her mother died. Their father was already gone so David had to handle everything. He’s been looking after her the best he can, but it’s been a challenge for him.”

“What do you mean?” Susannah struggled to decipher the cautious tone in Connie’s voice.

“Well, David was engaged. Twice.”

“Oh.” Not much wonder, Susannah thought. He was very good-looking.

“Each time his fiancées backed out because of Darla.”

“They wanted him to dump her into some home?” Indignation filled Susannah. “Typical.”

“Why do you say that, Suze?”

“It was like that where I worked,” Susannah fumed. “So often the seniors were seen as burdens because they took a little extra time and attention, or couldn’t remember as well.”

“Well, in Darla’s case, David’s fiancées might have had a point,” Connie said, her voice quiet.

“Oh?” Susannah frowned. “Why?”

“Darla has had—” Connie paused “—difficulty adjusting to her world since the accident.”

“But surely she goes to a program of some sort?” Susannah asked.

“She does. The problem is Darla. She has trouble working with anyone. Her temper gets very bad. I’m sure that’s what happened with my lamp.” Connie inclined her head toward the shattered glass.

“When I came to, she was yelling.” Susannah frowned. “But she didn’t act up when I was speaking with her. She was sweet and quite charming.”

“That’s the way she is, until someone doesn’t do as she wants. Then she balks and makes a scene. It’s part of her brain injury. She’s had a number of workers try to teach her stronger self-control.” Connie made a face. “With little success, so far. They keep quitting.”

“Well, maybe David hasn’t found the right people to work with her,” Susannah said. “He seemed kind of frustrated by her.”

“Maybe he is,” Connie agreed, “but he devotes himself to his sister.”

“To the exclusion of everything else?” Was that why he looked so tired?

“Yes, sometimes. David is convinced it’s his duty to his parents to ensure Darla’s happiness, even if he has to sacrifice his own.” Connie pulled a vacuum hose from a cupboard and cleaned up the shards of glass before tucking the lampshade into a closet.

“Aren’t you mad about the lamp?” Susannah asked curiously.

“It was just a thing.” Connie loaded the used dishes onto the tray. “People are more important than things. Come.”

Connie opened a door that led to a staircase. Susannah followed her, curious to see the rest of this lovely house.

“We’ll sneak up to your room this way.” Connie shot her a conspiratorial grin.

Their footsteps were muffled by thickly carpeted stairs. Connie grasped her hand and led her to a beautiful room tucked under the eaves.

“This used to be my room,” she said. Her face reflected a flurry of emotions as she sank onto the window seat. “I spent a lot of time right here, praying.”

“Are you happy, Connie?” Susannah asked, sitting beside her. “Truly?”

“Happier than I ever imagined I’d be.” Connie hugged her. “You will be, too, Suze. But you have to give God time to work things out for you. You have to have faith that He has great things in store for your future.”

“That’s hard, given my past,” Susannah muttered.

“That’s when it’s most important to read your Bible and pray,” Connie murmured. “You have a lot of decisions to make. But you don’t have to rush. You can stay right here, get well and figure things out in your own time.”

“Is it hard—being a mother?” The question slipped out in spite of her determination not to ask.

But the prospect of motherhood scared her silly.

“You’re worried about the baby, aren’t you, Suze. Why?” Connie moved to sit on the bed, patting the space beside her. When Susannah sat down, she hugged her close. “What’s really bothering you?”

“My role model for motherhood wasn’t exactly nurturing. Nothing mattered to my mother more than her next drink.” She heard the resentment in her own voice but couldn’t control it. “Nothing.”

“Suze, honey, you can’t hold on to the bitterness.”

“Can’t I?” Susannah opened her bag and pulled out her wallet. She flipped it to two pictures nestled inside. “They’re dead, Connie. Because of me.”

“No.”

“Yes.” Susannah nodded. “I should have been there.”

“Then you would have died, too.” Connie gripped her hand.

“But if only I hadn’t chosen—”

“The fire wasn’t your fault, Susannah.” Connie’s soft voice hardened. “No matter what your mother said when you were a kid.”

Susannah had gone round and round this argument in her head for years. But nothing erased the little voice of blame in the back of her brain. Her hand rested for an instant on her stomach.

“A new life,” Connie murmured. “Hard to wrap your mind around it?”

“Very,” Susannah agreed with a grimace. “Even harder to imagine coping.”

“You’ll do fine,” Connie assured her.

“It’s easy for you to say that. You spent all those years in our foster home caring for everybody else. I don’t know anything about caring for a baby, except that you need to feed it and change it.” Just saying that made Susannah feel helpless. “What if it gets sick?”

“Then you’ll get help.” Connie patted her shoulder. “One thing I’ve learned with Silver is that there are no easy answers, no recipe you can follow. You do your best, pray really hard and have faith that God will answer. And He does. David told me that when he first hired me.”

“Really?” So David Foster was a man of faith, too.

“David is one of the good guys. My husband is another. So is their friend Jared.” Connie smiled with pride. “They’re the kind of men who do the right thing, no matter what. Integrity. They have it in spades.”

Susannah couldn’t dislodge the image of the tall dark-haired man with the slow spreading grin that started with a slight lift at the corners of his mouth, followed by a gradual widening until it reached his toffee eyes. David Foster had the kind of smile that took forever to get where it was going, but once it got there, it took your breath.

“A lawyer with integrity,” she mused. “How novel.”

Connie drew back the quilt and patted a pillow. “Come on, into bed. Your eyelids are drooping. Rest. We’ll talk again whenever you’re ready.”

“Did I say thank you?” Tears swelled Susannah’s throat.

“What are sisters for?” Connie hugged her. “Don’t worry about anything, Suze. You’re here now. Relax. In due time you can start planning for the future. Just remember—you’re not alone.”

A moment later she was gone, the door whispering closed behind her. Susannah stood up, tiredness washing over her. Then she spied the bathroom door.

Five minutes later she was up to her neck in bubbles in a huge tub, enjoying the relaxing lavender fragrance as jets pulsed water over her weary flesh.

Are You really watching out for me, God?

She thought over the past months and the tumble from joy to despair that she’d experienced. Unbidden, thoughts of David’s troubles rose. How difficult to lose both your parents, and then the sister you’d known and loved. They had that in common—loss.

Susannah hadn’t said anything to Darla or Connie, but when David had carried her into the house, she had come to, for a second. And in that moment, she had felt like Sleeping Beauty. Awakening to a whole new perspective on life.

Which was really stupid. She didn’t want anything to do with love. Certainly not the romantic fairy-tale kind—that only led to disappointment and pain.

Susannah Wells had never had a fairy-tale life and she doubted it was about to start now, just because a nice man and his sister had cared for her. She didn’t deserve a picture-perfect life.

And you won’t have one. You’re pregnant, Susannah. David Foster won’t give you a second look.

Not that she wanted him to. Depend on yourself. She’d learned that lesson very well a long time ago.

Wearied by all the questions that had no answers, Susannah rose, drained the tub and prepared for bed. But when she finally climbed in between the sheets, she felt wide awake. She pulled open the drawer of the nightstand to search for something to read. A Bible lay there.

She picked it up with no idea of where to start reading. She let it fall open on the bed. Isaiah 43.

I, I am the One who forgives all your sins, for My sake, I will not remember your sins.

God forgave her? That’s what Connie had said. But maybe it was only an accident that she was reading these words. Susannah closed the Bible, let it fall open again.

2 Corinthians.

God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us.

So many times she’d asked herself, where is God? According to this, He was right here, comforting her with Connie’s house. He was the father who didn’t walk out when life got rough.

A flicker of hope burst into flame inside Susannah’s heart.

Maybe God could forgive the stupid choices she’d made. Maybe…but she doubted it. She wasn’t like Connie—good and smart and worth saving.

God had let her get duped by Nick. Why?

Because she wasn’t worth loving. Her whole life was proof of that.

Susannah let her tears flow far into the night.