Читать книгу Little Green - Loretta Stinson - Страница 14

Slipping into Darkness

SHE COULDN’T GET CLOSE ENOUGH. WHEN THEY WERE together, she had to be next to him, touching him, his hand on the back of her neck, her hand on his thigh, his eyes like fingers against her skin. When they weren’t together she was waiting.

Her routine stayed the same. She knew Stella didn’t exactly approve of Paul. They never talked about him. She was always home before Stella got home from work. Things hadn’t seemed to change. She sewed and cooked and read her books, but most days after Stella left for work, the roar of Paul’s Panhead on the gravel, or the softer sound of his little red Opel, announced his arrival. He called her his running partner. He called her his naked angel.

Going with Paul while he dealt had been fine, at first. They were alone – traveling, talking, telling each other versions of their lives, or often not talking. He didn’t ask the usual questions about why she’d left home, and he didn’t ask or care what she’d done to survive before he came along. He understood that whatever you did to get by didn’t have to do with who you were.

They traveled between the same low-rent houses and apartments while he dealt. She sat on dozens of couches, stained with spilled beer and bong water, watching muted TV with Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin on the stereo. The refrigerators in these places held empty condiment containers and moldy food. Encrusted dishes sat stacked in rusted sinks. Water ran tan and metallic from the taps. After hours of sitting around talking, money and dope would change hands, and they would leave for the next place. But later, alone in the car, when he reached across the seat and rubbed her thigh and she slipped her fingers through his belt loop, there was no place else she wanted to be.

GRAY CLOUDS HUNG low in the sky. Fall had come on overnight. Janie sat at the kitchen table waiting. Stella was at work when Paul finally rolled in the back door about noon.

“Hey, baby. Get your stuff and come with me.”

“Where are we going?”

“I want you to meet Betty.” China ran around Paul sniffing at him and wagging her tail. He slipped her a dog biscuit from his pocket. Paul now kept a box of dog biscuits for China in the car so she wouldn’t bark at him so much. “Betty’s kind of like a mom to me.” Paul sat down at the kitchen table and scratched China behind her ears. “I met her kids at a bar in Seattle. I stayed with them for a couple of months when I was coming down. She’s good people.”

“Promise to bring me home before it gets too late.”

“When are you going to stay out all night with me?”

“When I know.”

“Know what?”

“Something.”

“What if I said move in with me – ”

“But you didn’t and you only have a trailer that smells like socks and you said you didn’t want an old lady – ”

“Mea culpa.”

“Drop the Catholic talk, choirboy, I’ll go with you.” Janie grabbed a jacket and locked up.

DRIVING THROUGH A subdivision outside of Seattle, they wound their way through looping streets with names like Elm and Pine lined with nearly identical ranch-style homes. Janie looked out the window, wondering how Paul could navigate through the maze of lookalike streets. She’d depended on freeway signs for directions and hadn’t stayed in a place long enough to know it well. Eventually he turned onto a cul-de-sac and pulled into the driveway of a house with a seagull windsock floating from the porch. Janie followed him up the steps. He knocked once, and the door opened as if someone had been watching them from the window. A wrinkled little woman in cateye glasses pulled him in and hugged him. She wore a flowered scarf over her curly white hair and orange pedal-pusher pants. She grabbed Paul’s face between her hands and pulled it down, kissing both his cheeks. Her kisses were the wet noisy kind.

“Here’s my boy! Get in here. Who’s this you’ve brought with you?”

“This is Janie.” He stepped aside, and the little woman grabbed Janie by the face and pulled her down to eye level. She must have been four foot eleven, tops.

“Well, so this is the Janie I’ve been hearing about. Honey, I’m Betty. You just come on in and make yourself to home.” She planted a kiss on Janie’s cheek. She smelled like Jergens’ lotion and talcum powder. “Come on back to the kitchen. I’m right in the middle of feeding my babies.”

This house wasn’t like the places they usually went to. It was more like the kind of house Janie daydreamed about. They stepped through a swinging door into the yellow kitchen. Cages holding at least a hundred birds lined the counter. The birds began making a racket.

“Are you hungry, babies?” Betty said. She picked up an open can of dog food and a pair of tweezers. “Make yourself useful, Paul. Start at the other end. Show Janie how.”

Paul picked up another can from a case by the back door. He opened it and got tweezers from a chipped mug. At the opposite end of the counter he reached inside a cage containing a solitary robin. White gauze held the bird’s wing at its side. Paul gently lifted the bird out and examined the wing. “This one been here awhile?”

“Not too long. I had some trouble setting the wing.” Betty placed chunks of dog food in a starling’s open beak.

Paul unwrapped the bandage and straightened the robin’s wing. He blew softly, ruffling feathers for a closer inspection. “Looks pretty good.” He rewrapped the gauze and placed the bird back in the cage.

Betty held a small brown bird in her hands. “You have a gift with the birds, Paul. You should be using it.”

“Now, Betty – ”

“Don’t ‘ Now, Betty’ me.”

Janie watched as Paul picked up the tweezers. “Can I feed one?”

“Let me show you.” With the tweezers he positioned a chunk of dog food above the robin’s beak. The beak opened wide, and Paul dropped the food in. He handed Janie the tweezers. “You should see this place in spring.”

Betty opened the next cage. “Every little child finds some nestling on the ground. They touch it and poke at it until the parents won’t come around, and then they don’t know what to do with it. So, they bring them here to me. Right now, I’ve got mostly sick or injured birds. Some’ll winter over. I started this place after I retired for something to do – something helpful to do. I’m busier now than when I was working.”

Janie fed bird after bird, cleaning the tweezers between each cage. “They’re so hungry.”

Paul sat at the kitchen table and lit a cigarette. “Don’t give them too much. They don’t know when to stop. This was all I did for a couple of months besides sleep. Feed the birds, clean out their cages, and repeat. When’re the twins coming?” A crow, the only bird not in a cage, hopped to Paul’s shoulder. When he raised his cigarette to his lips the crow pecked at his fingers. He shooed it away but it flapped back to him. “Stop that, Mac.”

“They’ll be here for supper. Put that damn bird outside if you want to smoke in peace. Mac will not abide cigarettes. I ought to rent him out to one of those quit-smoking places.” Betty put a lid on the dog food and returned it to the refrigerator. “You kids like a drink with me?”

The kitchen might have been filled with birds in cages, but it wasn’t any dirtier or smellier than a veterinarian’s office. White eyelet curtains hung in the window above the sink. Janie smelled something good cooking. The cabinets were too high for Betty to reach, but she had a stepping stool she kicked into place. She took an old-fashioned glass cocktail shaker and a bottle of vermouth out of a cabinet. From the gold refrigerator she brought out vodka, 7 U P, cocktail onions, green olives, and maraschino cherries. She handed Paul a beer, made herself a martini, and then made Janie a Shirley Temple without asking, as if she knew Janie was underaged.

“My dad used to make me these when I’d go to his work,” Janie said.

“Your daddy a bartender?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I was, too. Hardest working people in the world. Except for bird ladies and mothers. I must be a glutton for punishment because I’ve done all three.” Betty sipped her drink and lit a cigarette. Mac squawked and fluttered to the window. Betty slid the window open and the bird flew to a fir tree in the back yard. “Where’re your people from, Janie?”

“We lived in Yakima. But I don’t really have anybody anymore.”

Betty took a long look at her.

“Well, darling, now you have Paul, and you have me. And if this son of a gun gets out of hand,” she nodded toward Paul, “you just let me know and I’ll have a little come-to-Jesus with him.”

“Man, Betty – ” Paul protested, smiling at her.

“I think I hear the twins. Come on, honey, I want you to meet my boys.”

The twins turned out to be over six feet tall and two hundred pounds. They slapped Paul on the back, kissed their mother and let her fuss over them, and politely nodded to Janie. Paul and the twins settled into the living room sofa with their drinks. Janie followed Betty down the steps to the basement. She opened the door to a small room and turned on a dim light. “I want to show you something, honey.”

In a floor-to-ceiling cage was a snowy owl, the most beautiful bird Janie had ever seen. Perched on a tree stump, it stood at least two feet tall and was almost pure white with a few bars of dark brown feathers across his wings. The owl’s yellow eyes, never blinking, focused on Janie. Long black talons poked out from the feathers of its feet.

“Betty, he’s beautiful.”

The owl swiveled its head, watching them.

“He came to me about a week ago. He’s just a young ’un.” She looked at Janie. “He had a run-in with a power line, but I think he can be released this spring.”

“Can I touch him?”

“No, darlin’, he’d take your hand right off. Beautiful from a distance but not meant to hold on to.”

Janie followed Betty out. At the bottom of the stairs, Betty put her hand on Janie’s shoulder. “Let me tell you a little something I wish somebody would’ve told me. You don’t get to choose who you love, honey. You only get to choose how you love them. Some people you can love up close, and some people you got to love from a distance, or just like that bird down there, they’ll tear the heart right out of you.” Betty adjusted her scarf. “Now, let’s go on upstairs and have some dinner before those boys tear the place apart.”

JANIE AND PAUL stopped by The Habit on the way to drop her at Stella’s. Paul slipped his shades on and went in ahead of Janie. She paused at the door to tell Stella about the owl. That’s when she saw the guy from the white van.

He stood at the bar buying a beer. For a split second, Janie didn’t believe it could be the same guy, but as he turned to go back to his table she saw his face. Acne scars and stringy brown hair. Janie grabbed Stella’s arm.

“Stella, that’s the guy from the van. Right there at the bar.” She took a step back against the door. Her heart beat like she’d been running hard. For a minute she thought she’d fall down.

Stella rose off his stool. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Stella led her out the front door to the lot. “Do you see what he was driving?”

She scanned the parking lot. “There it is – the white van by the Dodge Dart.”

They went inside through the back door, where she could see the guy close enough without him seeing her. “That’s him, Stella.”

Stella unlocked the office door. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

STELLA TOOK A good look at the guy. Greasy brownish hair covered by an even greasier baseball cap worn backwards. The face acne scarred. Probably in his early twenties, wiry build. He wore a gray delivery jacket with a red and white name patch. Stella had seen him a few times but not often. Stella leaned across the bar next to Paul and signalled Ernie over.

Paul looked over the top of his shades at him.

Ernie asked, “What’s up?”

Stella spoke quietly. “Janie saw the dude who beat her up.”

“Where?” Paul began to stand.

Stella put his hand firmly on his arm. “Sit down. Don’t go spooking him.”

Ernie’s eyes scanned the crowd. “Who is it? It wasn’t a regular?”

Stella kept his hand on Paul’s arm. “I’ve seen him here before, but he’s no regular. Get Dee to watch the bar for a minute. Janie’s in the office. Let’s go.”

Ernie yelled over to Delores. “Dee – watch the bar.”

Stella steered Paul in front of him to the office. He tapped on the door. “Janie, it’s Stella. Let us in.” The lock clicked open and Janie stood there shaking.

“Are you sure it’s the same guy?” Ernie asked.

“Positive.”

Paul put his hand on the doorknob. “I’m going to waste him.”

“Hold on, man.” Stella stepped in front of the door, blocking him in. “You waste him and you might as well say goodbye now ’cause you’ll be doing time until your kid grows a beard.”

“I’m not going to get busted.”

Stella shook his head. “You got ‘busted’ written all over your goddamn face.”

Janie looked at Paul. “Don’t go.”

Ernie lit a cigarette and sat down on the desk. “So what are we going to do? I don’t want some freak coming around fucking up the women.”

“I have an idea.” Stella looked at Paul. “You got any of that acid?”

“What the fuck for? I’m not wasting perfectly good acid – ”

“Hear me out.” Stella looked at Janie. “Let’s say we dose him. Dose him good and take him for a ride. Let his karma catch up with him out there in the dark.”

“It’s not on tabs. It’s liquid 25.” Paul shook his head. “He’s going to get off like a rocket.”

“It’s kind of perfect.” Ernie smiled. “You remember Willy? Far as I know he’s still in the nuthouse from a bad trip back in ’72. His old lady was giving him a blowjob and he started freaking out thinking she was a cannibal. He put her in a fucking coma and tried to burn down their house.”

Stella looked at Janie. “What do you say Janie?”

Janie nodded. “Let’s do it.”

PAUL CARRIED A glass of beer laced with a dropper full of LSD 25 to the guy’s table. “Hey man, the woman at the bar said to give you this.” Paul motioned to Delores and put the beer in front of him.

The guy looked at Delores and nodded. “Far out.”

Paul sipped at his beer and sat down. “I’m Paul.”

“Name’s Larry.” Larry stared at Amber as she spread and re-spread her long tanned legs at the edge of the stage. “Man, I’d like to get me some of that.” He picked up his beer and took a drink.

“So, what’s your gig, Larry?” Behind his shades Paul’s eyes narrowed. Liquid acid was a fast rush. Any minute this dude was going into orbit.

“I deliver parts for Rock’s Auto. It’s not bad.” Larry took a longer pull off the beer, downing half.

Paul waved Ernie over to the table. “I’m into delivery myself.”

“Oh yeah?” Larry rubbed his eyes. A red flush crept up his neck and over his face. “What do you deliver?”

Amber held her breasts in her hands and licked her lips, squatting down in front of Paul.

Ernie made his way to the table through the crowd.

“Altered states of consciousness.” Paul sipped his beer. “You okay, Larry? Not feeling too good? Maybe you need some air.”

“What was in that beer?”

Ernie clamped a hand on Larry’s shoulder and lifted him from the chair.“ You’ve had enough for one night, pal. Come on. Out you go. Give me a hand, Paul.”

Paul and Ernie muscled Larry through the crowd and out into the night.

STELLA WATCHED AS Paul and Ernie walked the guy through the bar as if he was a regular drunk they were 86ing. After the door closed behind them, Stella went back to the office. He knocked twice. Janie had her jacket on and clutched it tight, holding on to the edge of the world.

“You sure you want to come, Janie? It won’t change anything.”

“I don’t care. Let’s go.”

Stella and Janie were in his car. Paul drove the guy’s white van. Stella couldn’t see anyone in the passenger seat. He hoped Paul hadn’t done anything stupid. Paul had a short fuse and he usually carried a piece in his pocket. Stella pulled out first and Paul followed in the van.

Janie stared straight ahead.

Stella drove out to the tree farm where he’d found Janie’s stuff after the night that brought her into his life. He wished it had never happened for her sake, but she wouldn’t be living with him if it hadn’t. The drive seemed to go on forever before he reached a rutted logging road and the spot where he assumed she’d been raped, though she’d never said and he’d never asked. He stopped the car. Showtime.

Stella reached across the seat and squeezed Janie’s hand. “You ready?”

She nodded and opened her door, swinging her legs out.

Paul got out of the van and left the headlights on. Stella helped Paul pull the guy from the back of the van, letting him fall to the ground. Janie stayed near Stella’s car.

The guy pulled himself to his feet and wobbled around rubbing his eyes. “Oh man, oh man. Something’s wrong here.”

“Yep. You’re damn straight on that one, Larry.” Paul took hold of his shoulder.

“Don’t be in such a rush. All will be revealed. Stella, this here is Larry.”

“Can’t say it’s good to meet you, Larry,” Stella said. “But you’re right about something being wrong. Something here is wrong and I’d say it’s you.”

“Why are you fucking with me?” Larry’s voice shook. “Take me back. I need to go back. Take the van. I don’t have any money – ”

“Oh, this isn’t about money, Larry.” Stella kept his words slow and simple. “This is about karma. Let me explain.”

“Man, I want to go…”Larry was near tears. He looked around, waving his hands in front of him.

“Karma is like that saying – what goes around, comes around.”

Paul tossed the van’s keys back and forth in his hands. “Larry, I wanted to just plain off your sorry ass, but my friend here said we should let karma have a go at you.”

Larry shook his head. “What did I ever do to you?”

Janie stepped up to him. Stella could hear her breath sharp and panicky, but her voice was steady. “It’s what you did to me.” His face was blank. He didn’t remember a thing. “You picked me up hitching a few months ago. Remember?”

“Aww fuck.” His eyes swam around in his face. “Look, man, I don’t know what she said, but she wanted it.”

Stella’s fist met Larry’s face so fast there was only the sound of bone on bone. Blood spurted from his nose. “I shit you not. Shut the fuck up or you will lose all your fucking teeth. I put this girl back together. I saw what you did to her. Nobody asks for that. I bet she’s not the only one.”

“I’m telling you – ” Larry backed away, wiping the blood from his face. He staggered, digging through the air with his fingers. He covered his head with his arms and dove to the ground. “What’s happening?” Larry flailed his arms at the sky and covered his head again.