Читать книгу A Baby on Her Christmas List - Louisa George, Louisa George - Страница 7

Nine months ago …

‘I’VE FOUND A baby daddy!’ Georgie’s wide grin shone brighter than the Southern Cross, her dark brown eyes sparkling even in the bar’s dim light.

Liam watched, dumbfounded, as excitement rolled off her, so intense it was almost tangible.

‘Well, not a daddy as such. I should really stop saying that. But I have found someone who would be perfect to donate his sperm … which I know makes you shudder, so I’m sorry for saying The Word.’ She gave Liam a wicked wink that was absolutely at odds with this whole one-sided conversation.

Whoa.

Too gobsmacked to speak, Liam indicated to her to sit. She tossed her silk wrap and bag on the back of a chair, put her drink down on the table and plonked in the seat opposite him at the only free table in Indigo’s crowded lounge.

A baby?

He felt the frown forming and couldn’t control it—even if he’d wanted to—and finally found his voice. ‘Hey, back right up, missy. Am I dreaming here? I thought you just said something about a baby …’

It had been too long since he’d seen her looking so happy so he was wary about bursting her bubble—but, hell, he was going to burst it anyway. Because that’s what real friends did—they talked sense. Just like she’d done the first time they’d met, in the sluice room of the ER; he a lowly med student, losing his cool at the sight of a lifeless newborn, she a student nurse with more calm and control and outright guts than anyone he’d ever met. She’d let him shake, allowed him five minutes to stress out, then had forced him back into the ER to help save the kid’s life. And they’d been pretty much glued at the hip ever since.

So he needed to be honest. He raised his voice over the thump-thump-thump of the bar’s background bass that usually fuelled their regular Friday night drinking session, but tonight the noise was irritating and obnoxious. ‘I go away for three months and come back to sheer madness. What happened to the Nothing’s going to get in the way of those renovations this time? I’m on the real estate ladder now and going up. What the hell, Geo? A baby? Since when was that on your to-do list?’

Stabbing the ice in her long glass with a straw, she looked up at him, eyes darker now, and he caught a yearning he’d seen glimpses of over the last ten years. She thought she hid it well, but sometimes, when she was distracted or excited, she let her tough guard slip. ‘You, of all people, know I’ve always wanted a family, Liam. It may not have been at the top of my list because I always believed it would just happen at some point. But I can’t keep putting it off and leaving it to chance, because chance isn’t going my way. And I refuse to prioritise decorating over having a baby. That would be stupid.’

In his opinion, having a baby was right up at the top of stupid but he kept that to himself. And, for the record, it wasn’t just decorating—her house needed knock-down-and-start-again renovations. ‘But what’s the hurry? You’re only twenty-eight. It will happen, you’ve got plenty of time. You just need to find the right guy.’ And why that made him shudder more than the sperm word, he didn’t know.

She let the straw go, then pulled a hair tie from her wrist and curled her long wavy hair into a low ponytail. Her hair was the same colour as caramel, with little streaks of honey and gold. He didn’t need to get any closer to know that it smelt like apples or fruit or something vaguely edible. And clearly he’d been away too long if he was starting to notice stuff like that.

Luckily she was oblivious to him staring at her hair and thinking about its colour and smell. ‘Oh, yes, and the candidates for husband are queuing up at the door, aren’t they? You may have noticed that the pickings for Mr Perfect are slim and slimming further by the day in Auckland. There’s a man drought. It’s official apparently, New Zealand has a lot fewer men than women my age. Why do you think I’ve needed you to … expedite a few dates for me?’ Her shoulders slumped. ‘I know we’ve had fun setting each other up with potentials over the years, but I’m starting to think that—’

‘That maybe you’re too … picky?’ He raised his glass to her. ‘Hey, I don’t know, but perhaps you could consider only having a one-page check-box list that potentials need to tick, instead of fifteen?’

Her eyes widened as she smiled. ‘Get out of here. It is nowhere near fifteen.’

‘Not on paper, no. But in your head it is. I’ve seen you in action, remember. He’s not funny enough. Too intense. Just a joker. Doesn’t take me seriously. Just wanted a one-nighter.’ Truth was, Liam had been secretly pretty damned proud she’d spurned most of his mates’ advances and that she’d ended most flings before they’d got serious. There was something special about Georgie and she deserved a special kind of bloke. He hadn’t met one yet that would be worthy of her.

‘So I have standards. I’d settle for Mr Almost Perfect if he existed—which he doesn’t. I’m getting too short on time.’ Her red, loose-fitting summer dress moved softly as she shrugged delicate shoulders. ‘I don’t know about you, but I get the feeling that asking a man to father your children on a first date might just scare him off.’

‘Well, hell, if I asked a man to father my children on any date it’d either be in a nightmare or because I was hallucinating.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘You know very well what I mean. And, yes, you are the straightest guy I’ve ever met.’ Her eyes ran over his chest, lingering a little over his pecs, throat, mouth. Why he noticed he didn’t know. And, even stranger, he felt a little hot. When her gaze met his she gave him her usual friendly smile. ‘You’re looking mighty fit these days, Dr MacAllister. How was Pakistan?’

‘Hot, wet and desperate.’ As with all his aid missions, he didn’t want to relive what he had seen. Enough that he had those images in his own head, without sharing details with others.

‘But at least you know you were doing good out there. What were the conditions like? Are you okay? How are you feeling? When do you leave again? Please be happy for me.’

This was always how it was with Georgie: random conversation detours and finishing each other’s sentences. But things generally flowed and they knew each other so well that often they didn’t have to speak to communicate. So with the sudden baby daddy bombshell he’d never felt so excluded from her life. ‘I’m fine. Knackered, but fine, looking forward to a few weeks’ locuming at the General’s ER. At least there’s running water and reliable electricity. And I have a decent bed to sleep in. The next planned rollout for me is in South Sudan in a couple of months.’

‘But if they need you earlier …’

He nodded. ‘Sure. It’s the way it is.’

‘I still don’t know how you manage all that to-ing and fro-ing. Here a couple of months, then gone again. I like staying in one place.’

And he didn’t. The longest he ever stayed anywhere was when he came back here because he needed a semi-permanent job to help fund his aid work. ‘But I’m never going away again if it means I come back to crazyville baby talk.’

‘It’s not crazyville.’ Again with the eye roll. He didn’t even have to look. This time it was accompanied by an irritated shake of her head. ‘I’ve made a decision to do this now. On my own. I know it’ll be tough and it’s not the perfect image I’ve always had in my head about a mum and dad and two point four kids, but that’s too far out of reach right now. I’ve had to curtail my dreaming and get real. Being a solo mum is just fine.’

She stopped talking to take a long drink of what looked a lot like lemonade. On a Friday night? Could be that she was actually serious about this. ‘I want to conceive and carry to term, and have a baby … my baby … and, if things work out, have another one too. But that’s probably greedy and selfish.’

‘You deserve to be, Geo, after what you’ve been through.’ But now? Why now?

‘So, I’m looking forward, and taking an opportunity. Endo is a lot less active during pregnancy so if I could manage two pregnancies in quick succession … if the IUI works, that is … IVF would be a whole different ball game.’

Trying to keep up he lifted his palms towards her. ‘IUI? IVF? Slow down a bit. So you’re not thinking turkey baster? Or just plain old-fashioned sex? That is a relief.’

‘Believe me, I’ll do whatever’s necessary.’

He didn’t doubt it. And finally the reality was sinking in. She was going to do the one thing he’d sworn never to do—and because he was her friend she’d expect him to be supportive. ‘So what tipped you over to the dark side?’

And, yes, his reaction would not be what she wanted, but: a) he couldn’t help it and; b) he wasn’t prepared to lie just to make her feel better. It was precisely because of their friendship that he knew he could be straight up with her.

‘You are such a grump. For me there is no dark side. Being abandoned at two days old and having literally no one from then on in has made me want to feel part of something … a family. You know that. I just want what everyone else has, Liam—to feel loved, to be loved. To love. And I have no doubt that there will be some hard times, but I will never leave my baby on a doorstep for someone else to find, and condemn them to a life of foster-homes and social services, like my mum did to me. I will cherish any child I have. I’ve had my share of dark sides and being pregnant and a mother isn’t one of them.’

Her nose wrinkled as she reached across and lightly punched him on the arm. ‘So, I was worried things were getting worse endo-wise, so I asked Malcolm to run some more tests at work a few weeks ago.’ Her hands palmed across her abdomen—subconsciously? Possibly. Protective? Definitely.

‘You’ve been having more pain? Oh, God, I’m sorry, Georgie. That sucks. Really, I thought you were managing okay.’ Liam hated that. Hated that even though he fixed people up every day he didn’t have the answers to Georgie’s problems and that they were running out of solutions as time ticked on. His heart thumped in sync with the music, hard and loud in his chest. ‘What did he say?’

‘That the endometriosis is indeed getting worse. That everything in there’s getting blocked up and scarred and it won’t be long before I’ll need pretty major surgery. That it’s only a matter of time before pregnancy is going to be nigh on impossible. At least, without a whole lot of effort and money and no promises at the end.’

Her eyes filled with tears. Which, for Georgie, was such a rarity Liam sat there like a useless lump and watched in horror, unable to move. She was the strongest woman he knew. She’d faced tough battles her whole life and she never tired of fighting. No matter how ridiculous her plan sounded, his heart twisted to see her hurting. ‘You know how much I need this, Liam. I thought you’d understand. I thought you’d support me. You know, like good friends do? I’ve been there for you regardless and I kind of hoped you’d feel the same.’ Her hand reached for her gut again. ‘This idea? This is a good thing.’

It was the worst thing he’d ever heard. ‘And so who is going to provide the …?’ He couldn’t bring himself to say the word. For an accomplished medic he had trouble imagining what went on behind closed doors at the IVF clinic.

‘Sperm? I’ve decided I’m going to ask Malcolm.’

‘What?’ Liam almost choked on his beer. ‘Your boss?’

‘And that’s wrong, why? He’s smart. Not unattractive. Owns a successful IVF clinic and has helped thousands of women achieve their dreams, so he’s compassionate too. Those are all the right kind of genes I’d look for in a father for my child.’

‘He’s still also your boss.’

She hip-planted both hands. ‘And I’m pretty sure he’d want to help. He sees this kind of thing every day, so to him it’s not an unusual request. I’ll ask him to sign a contract to keep things simple. I have enough money put by to keep me going for a while and the clinic has agreed to reduce my hours after maternity leave.’

Maternity leave. Contracts. That sounded far from simple. And the money she had put by was supposed to be for renovations to help her become more financially independent. ‘Seems like you have it all figured out.’

‘He knows how much I want this. How much I need to know DNA and family history. It’s been my life’s dream. Just a little … expedited.’ She gave him a smile at their shared joke.

Liam didn’t feel much like laughing. Sure, she’d talked about this on and off over the years but now the reality hit him in the gut like a two-ton truck. She wanted a baby. A family. Kids. ‘Surely asking your boss is downright unprofessional. Unethical.’

‘A friend helping a friend? Since when did that cross any kind of line?’

‘Where would you like me to start?’ It crossed more lines than Liam cared to think of. It would be like … like if he offered to father her child. Ridiculous. Ludicrous.

Wouldn’t it?

The thought flitted across a corner of his mind. He pushed it away. Ludicrous indeed.

‘Malcolm saw how upset I was at the results.’ As she spoke she seemed to loosen up a little. Determined, but calm. ‘I’ve asked to have a meeting with him next week. If he says no then I’ll have a rethink.’

‘It sounds messy to me. How about using one of the anonymous donors at the clinic? You get to know about their family history, too. You can choose anyone that ticks your fifteen pages of boxes.’ He didn’t know why someone anonymous fathering her child seemed like a better option. It just felt better. A long way from right, but better. ‘And why didn’t you ask me?’

What the hell?

He didn’t even know where that question had come from. As she stared at him his chest tightened.

‘Is that what this is all about? You’re upset because I didn’t ask you? Honestly? The man who comes out in hives when he even sees a baby?’ As soon as the words left her mouth she closed her eyes and pressed her lips together. Too late. After a beat or two she slowly opened her eyes again and winced. ‘Oh, my God, I’m sorry. Really. I’m sorry, Liam. I am. I didn’t mean … I’m so sorry. But I just know how you feel about families.’

‘Do you?’

She looked surprised at his question. Probably because he’d kept his past to himself and never spoke about what he wanted for the future. But families and babies were something he definitely had an aversion to. No, not an aversion, just a deep desire not to go there. Ever.

Her voice softened. ‘Since you always refuse to talk about anything deeper than what you had for lunch, I have to surmise. You have a track record of emotional avoidance. So I’ve always assumed that big loving, meddling, messy, happy families aren’t something on your wish list. In all honesty, you’d be the last person I’d ask. And, judging by your current reaction, I think I’m right.’

***

Liam’s face was all shadows and hollows. His blue eyes had darkened to navy. Only once before had Georgie seen him look so utterly haunted, and that had been the day they’d met and she’d forced him to work on that newborn.

Later that night, when they’d gone for the first of many subsequent beers, the alcohol had made his tongue loose and he’d mentioned a family tragedy involving his sister, Lauren. But then had clammed up so tight Georgie had never been able to open him up to that particular hotspot conversation again. And since then he’d absorbed whatever it was that had thrown him off balance that day. Until now.

His voice was low when he eventually spoke. ‘I just think you could have talked to me about it all first. Put more thought into it.’

‘I don’t think that’s possible, it’s all I’ve been thinking about for weeks, turning scenarios over and over in my head.’ She watched as anger and hurt twitched through him until he wrestled it under control. Why couldn’t he just smile and pat her hand and say what a brilliant idea it was? Her words had obviously been a low blow. She’d always respected that he had his reasons for not wanting a family, even if he’d never really fronted up and explained why.

Some support would have been nice, but hadn’t she heard this kind of story so many times at work? Babies, IVF and the sometimes desperate journey towards parenthood made strong couples stronger and weak ones fall apart.

Then thank God she and Liam weren’t a couple because, judging by this conversation, they’d fall at the first hurdle.

He was her friend, her closest friend in lots of ways; she always took his advice, always went to him with problems. And now she was all kinds of confused, needing time to think and reaffirm.

She stood to leave. ‘Look, this was clearly a mistake. I’m going to go home so we can both take some time out. I’m sorry if I’ve ruined our Friday night. But, you know, I don’t know where we’d go from here. Trying to play your wingman and find a date for you with some poor unsuspecting woman just isn’t my idea of fun right now.’

He tipped his glass towards her again, but he didn’t get up. Didn’t try to make her feel better. And he always tried to make her feel better.

Which was why his opposition was spooking her more than she’d anticipated. Still, she’d made this decision and she was sticking with it.

She had no choice. This was her life. Her chance.

And to hell with him if he wasn’t going to be there right when she needed it most. She threw her wrap round her shoulders. ‘I’ll … I don’t know … see you later?’

He watched her stand. He still didn’t move but his voice was more controlled as he gave her a small smile. ‘Heaven help us all when you start taking the hormone injections.’

‘Oh? Why?’

‘Aren’t they supposed to make you all antsy and volatile?’

‘What?’ She couldn’t bring herself to tell him she’d been taking them already. And, yes, she was being antsy. But it was his reaction that had made her like that, not the medications. ‘Maybe, just maybe you have royally pissed me off. And to add insult to injury, you’re now being condescending. Patronising.’

‘Just honest. As always.’ Yes, she supposed he was. One of things she relied on him for was his frank honesty. ‘So when is it all happening? The impregnating thing?’

‘So very clinical, Liam.’

‘Yes. Isn’t it?’

‘I was hoping it would be in the next couple of weeks if possible.’

The glass in his hand hit the table with a crash. ‘What? So soon? You don’t mess around, do you? You don’t want to talk a bit more? At least listen to someone else’s opinion?’

‘And have you try to convince me against it? I don’t think so. I don’t need your negativity. It’s a chance, Liam. I need to take it.’

For a few seconds he looked at her. Just stared at her. She couldn’t read him. The man she’d thought she knew pretty much inside and out, and she couldn’t even guess what he was thinking.

After a torturous silence that seemed to increase the tension tenfold, he spoke, ‘Yes. Yes, you do. Take the chance, Geo.’ Now he stood up and walked her to the door. Once outside he didn’t wrap her in his usual goofy bear hug. Didn’t graze her cheek with a kiss and a smile. Didn’t give her a wink and make her laugh. ‘Let me know how you get on.’

‘Why? So you can make me doubt myself all over again?’

He took her by the shoulders and his gaze bored into her. ‘Because I’m your friend, Georgie.’

And then she ached for him to give her one of his hugs more than anything else in the world. But he turned away. Back towards the bar and the white noise that seemed to be mingling with his words and filling her head with doubts.

What if he was right? What if this was the far side of crazy? What the hell did she know about family anyway? About parenting? It wasn’t as if she’d had any experience on either side of that particular fence. What if Malcolm didn’t follow through? What if he did?

Worse, what if this rift meant that the friendship she had with Liam would be broken for ever? He was the closest thing she had to any notion of family, and the thought of not having him in her life made her suddenly feel empty and cold.

Torn and confused, she climbed into a waiting cab and watched him retreat to the bar, his dark T-shirt straining across well-defined broad shoulders, and a gait that screamed defiance.

And what the hell was going on with those pecs? The man had suddenly developed muscles of steel. Strange, too, that in the midst of all this turmoil she should even notice. That, and the shape of his lips, the way his mouth curved and softened as he smiled, which had been rare but welcome tonight. Those hormones were clearly playing havoc with her head.

But judging by the sudden strange slick of heat that hit her breasts and abdomen—which surely must be a reaction to the muggy Auckland evening—they were messing with her body too.