Читать книгу The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10 - Louise Rennison - Страница 36

Playing sad songs in my bedroom, still in my jimjams.

Mutti came into my room and said, “Can I come in?”

I said, “No.”

But that didn’t put her off.

She came and sat on the edge of my bed and put her hand on my foot. I said, “Owww!!!”

She said, “Look, love, I know this is all a bit complicated, especially at your age, but this is a really big opportunity for us. Your dad thinks he has a real chance to make something of himself over in Whangamata.”

I said, “what’s wrong with the way he is now? Quite a few people like fat blokes with ridiculous moustaches. You do.”

She came on all parenty then. “Georgia, don’t think that rudeness is funny because it isn’t.”

“It can be.”

“No it isn’t.”

“Well you laughed when Libby called Mr Next Door’nice tosser’.”

“Well Libby is only three and she thinks that tosser is like Bill or Dad or something. Can’t you see this trip as an exciting adventure?”

“What, like when you are on your way to school and then suddenly you get run over by a bus and have to go to hospital, or something?”

“Yes, like when…NO!! Come on, Georgie, try to be a pal, just for me.”

I didn’t say anything.

“You know that your dad can’t get a job here. What else is he supposed to do? He’s only trying to look after us all.”

After a bit she sighed and went out.

Life is treès merde and double bum. Why doesn’t Mutti understand I can’t leave now? She can be ludicrously dim. It’s not her that I get my intelligence from. It is certainly no thanks to her that I came top in…er…well anyway, it’s nothing to do with her what I do. I am just the unfortunate recipient of some of her genes. The orang-utan eyebrow gene, for instance. She has to do a lot of plucking to keep her eyebrows apart and she has selfishly passed it on to me. Since I shaved mine off by mistake last term they seem to have gone even more haywire and akimbo. The shaving has encouraged them to grow about a metre a week. If I left them alone I’d be blind by October. Jas has got ordinary eyebrows, why can’t I?

Also, while I am on the subject, the worst news of all is that I think I have inherited her breast genes. My basoomas are definitely growing. I am very worried that I may end up with huge breasts like hers. Everyone notices hers.

Once, when we were on the ferry to France, Dad said to Mum, “Don’t stand too near to the edge, Connie, otherwise your chest might be declared a danger to shipping.”