Читать книгу ‘Stop in the name of pants!’ - Louise Rennison - Страница 21

I blame Dave entirely for this. He and I are just mates and I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend and that is that, end of story. Not. Because then he comes to the countryside looking for me and waving his Horn about.

We were frolicking around in the lads’ tent, and Dave and me went off for an innocent walk in the woods. You know, like old matey-type mates do. But then I put my foot down a bloody badger hole or something and fell backwards into the river. Anyway, Dave was laughing like a loon for a bit before he reached down and put his arms around me to lift me up the riverbank and I said, “I think I may have broken my bottom.”

And he was really smiling and then he said, “Oh bugger it, it has to be done.”

And he snogged me.

When he stopped I pushed him backwards and looked at him. I was giving him my worst look.

He said, “What?”

I said, “You know what. Don’t just say ‘what’ like that.”

“Like what?”

I said, with enormous dignitosity, “Look, you enticed me with your shenanigans and, erm, puckering stuff.”

He said, “Erm, I think you will find that you agreed to come to my tent in the middle of the night to steal me from my girlfriend.”

I said, “It was you that snogged me.”

He looked at me and then he sighed. “Yeah, I know. I don’t feel very good about this. I’m not so… well, you’re used to it.”

My head nearly exploded. “I’m USED to what??”

He looked quite angry, which felt horrible. I’d seen him angry with me before and I didn’t usually like what he had to say. He went on: “You started all this sounding the Horn business ages ago, using me like a decoy duck and then going out with Robbie, then messing about with me and then going out with Masimo. And then telling me that you felt mixed up.”

I just looked at him. I felt a bit weepy actually. I might as well be wet at both ends.

My eyes filled with tears and I blinked them away and he just kept on looking at me. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Maybe he had had enough of me and he really hated me.

Then he just walked away and I was left alone. Alone to face the dark woods of my shamenosity and the tutting of Baby Jesus.