Читать книгу The First Time Mums’ Club - Lucie Wheeler - Страница 11

The little bell above the door of the café tinkled as Pippa walked through, armed with numerous boxes – and many more in the van outside. She was greeted by Zoe as she quickly ran over to swipe the boxes from her clutches. ‘Should you be carrying all this yourself, Pip?’ Zoe manoeuvred the shop floor with ease, winding in and out of the tables with her tiny frame and long legs, boxes balanced high.

‘Zoe, I’m pregnant, not ill. I think I can manage a few cake boxes.’ She laughed at her friend’s concern and retrieved more boxes from the back of her little van.

‘Here, take a seat. I want to talk to you about something.’

Pippa handed over the final few boxes and sat down at the counter. ‘Everything okay?’

She watched Zoe as she looked over her shoulder, back into the kitchen, and then leant in to say in a quiet voice. ‘My sister turned up yesterday.’

‘Oh, that’s nice. Did you know she was coming?’ She took in the whispering and constant checking over her shoulder that Zoe was doing and added, ‘Are you afraid the FBI are following you?’

‘What? No! I don’t want Ellie to hear me.’

Pippa laughed. ‘Okay. So why is your sister visiting a big secret?’

‘It’s not a secret, but she will go mad if she thinks I’m talking about her.’

Pippa watched as Zoe set about slicing the cakes she had just delivered and put them out on display. ‘You want me to help slice? Then you can tell me whatever it is that’s got you acting so weird.’ She stood and joined Zoe on the other side, pulling a lemon meringue from its box and slicing through the vibrant-yellow creation. It was actually quite therapeutic watching the blade slowly drag through the mixture, forming straight lines of perfection. ‘So how long is your sister here for? Is she okay?’

‘Not really. She’s got herself into a bit of a situation and she wants me to help. But I just don’t know what to do for the best.’

‘Well, what’s the situation? Maybe I can help.’ She was willing to do anything that would take her mind off what was going on at home. Jason had still been acting weird when he got up for work this morning and left without even saying goodbye. Announcing her pregnancy – that the two of them had waited so long for – should be such an exciting time. Yet she couldn’t help but feel Jason was more upset than elated. She had spent hours last night after Jason went to bed scouring the internet, looking for ways to increase her business potential and bring in more money, but the thought that the baby would be here in less than a year was constantly biting away at the back of her mind.

‘She’s just found out she’s pregnant.’

‘Oh wow! That’s great news. There must be something in the water, eh!’ Pippa laughed but immediately sensed that Zoe wasn’t in the mood for jokes. ‘You’re not happy she’s pregnant?’

‘It’s not that! I’m over the bloody moon. I’m going to be an aunty, it’s amazing.’

‘So, what’s wrong?’

Zoe put down the knife she was using to cut the brownies and exhaled agitatedly. ‘I don’t know if she is going to keep it.’

Pippa felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. The wind was temporarily knocked out of her and she tried her best to not show how devastating those words were to her. As someone who had tried for a baby for so many years and struggled so much to conceive, the thought of someone terminating a pregnancy just like that was haunting. But this was Zoe’s sister and she needed to be supportive and non-judgemental. ‘Wow, that is a huge decision. What makes you think that – did she actually say she wants to get rid of it?’

‘Yeah, she’s terrified. She’s clearly panicking and not realising what she’s saying. I know my sister and I know how she deals with things when times get hard, and I’m just so worried she is going to go off the rails again and do something stupid. You see, the guy whose baby it is, Chris, he’s such a nice guy! He and Ellie have been best friends ever since I can remember. Growing up they were always together – like two peas in a pod.’

‘So, are they together?’

Zoe shook her head. ‘No, but they should be. He loves her to pieces and I know she feels the same, but they keep up this whole ‘we’re just friends’ thing and it’s stupid. Everyone around them can see how in love they are, everyone apart from them.’

‘And now she’s pregnant with his baby?’

‘Yup! Crazy one-night stand, as far as I understand.’

‘Have you tried just explaining to her what you’re worried about?’

‘We had the longest chat last night; she said she doesn’t know what she’s going to do and that she just needed time to think. That’s why she’s come up here, to get away from it all. Chris doesn’t know yet – although I did say to her that she has to tell him – and she is very hormonal. This, for Ellie, isn’t a good thing because she can’t handle emotions. She doesn’t just cry and let it all out like the rest of us do; she’s like another species. She bottles it all up and it ends up having a detrimental effect on either her mind or her body. When Mum died, she completely lost it and I struggled to keep her head above the water, so to speak.’ Zoe had stopped slicing now and was full-on facing Pippa, concern etched over every part of her face. ‘Pip, I’m just worried she’ll do something stupid and regret it for the rest of her life.’

Pippa knew exactly what Zoe was talking about and leaned over to give her just a single squeeze of her hand, just to let her know.

‘I never told her about what happened to me, and I can’t tell her now, it’s too far down the line. But the thought of her not having this baby, it’s heart-breaking. I don’t know what to do to convince her to just stop and think.’

‘Unfortunately, it’s her decision, I’m afraid. All you can do is be there for her. I’m sure she won’t do anything without thinking it through.’

Zoe gave a little laugh before saying, ‘You don’t know my sister.’ Her head snapped round to the kitchen door as it opened.

Pippa followed her glance to the door and saw Ellie walk in. She hadn’t met Ellie in person before and the first thing she noticed was her beautiful, long blonde hair cascading over her shoulder and the full face of make-up. Whilst Pippa had more of a natural look, Ellie’s make- up was stunning, flawless. She oozed perfection and even with the jogging bottoms and t-shirt she was sporting, she looked glamorous. It must run in the family, as Zoe always looked chic and effortless. She wore less make-up than her sister but hers was a natural beauty and she carried it off very well.

‘Morning! How are you feeling today?’ Zoe chirped in her normal cheery voice that she used on everyone. Pippa was one of the only people to ever see Zoe stressed or miserable. They had been friends for some time now, but recently their friendship had become quite a close one. Zoe was opening up a lot more to Pippa and she was glad to have a friend to talk to. Not that Pippa opened up completely to anyone. If anyone knew how her home life had been more recently, they would think badly not only of Jason, but of her for staying with him. And that was more hassle than it was worth. Nobody needed to know about things at home. She knew her friends would talk her out of the marriage and now that they had a baby on the way, there was no way she was going to walk away. No matter what he did – or had done in the past. As far as anyone was concerned, she and Jason had a wonderful marriage and a baby on the way. End of story.

‘I’m okay.’ Ellie glanced over to Pippa so she smiled, hoping it looked normal and not full of sympathy. ‘Hi,’ she added to Pippa.

‘Oh, Ellie, this is my friend Pippa. She’s the lady who does all my cakes.’

‘Oh, so you’re who I have to thank for the most amazing Bakewell I’ve ever had.’

Pippa blushed, ‘Aw, thank you. I’m glad you liked it.’

‘Pippa makes the most amazing cakes. I remember when she first came in the shop and offered her services. She brought in a tray of samples the next day and, oh my God, I was in love.’

Pippa beamed at the memory. She had only just started out her baking business from home and was so nervous about drumming up enough business to stay afloat and make it work. But she had actually done all right over the years, considering she’d built it from nothing. Well, that’s what she thought. After six months of trading, Jason had persuaded her to give up her job at the bakery she worked in and go it alone completely, so she could throw herself fully into it. It worked and she expanded a little in that time, but it was never enough for him and he was always making comments about how he was holding things together all the time. But she kept plodding along with a smile on her face because of people like Zoe, who told her she was doing amazing things. When things were falling apart behind the scenes, Pippa was able to still project this image of perfection, with her business going from strength to strength. Albeit in baby steps.

But now that there was a baby on the way, she was worried that she wouldn’t be able to keep this image up. She couldn’t handle people talking about her behind her back. And she was prepared to do anything to make sure that didn’t happen.

*****

Imogen watched out of the window as the world passed by. They were on their way to Alice’s parents’ house and she was so incredibly nervous, the nausea she was already suffering from had increased tenfold. She didn’t understand why she was nervous. She knew deep down that Alice’s parents would be nothing but elated over this news. This was her mother’s doing. Every time she was about to do anything big like this, her mother’s words of disappointment hung over her like a wet blanket, pushing down onto her lungs, making her feel claustrophobic. Nothing she could do would please her mum, because the only thing she saw in Imogen was the fact that she was gay. Nothing else seemed to matter. And as much as Imogen embraced the fact that she was in love with a woman, there was still that small part of her that her mum was able to attack with just a few words, which made her confidence come crashing down. All she ever wanted was her mum’s approval. Clearly that was too much to ask for.

‘Are you okay? You look a bit peaky?’ Alice glanced over to her as she drove and then rested her hand on top of Imogen’s.

‘I’m fine. Just feeling a big sick, that’s all.’ She placed her other hand in the pocket of her hoodie, resting it on her stomach.

‘It’s going to be okay; you know that, don’t you?’

She didn’t know that. There were so many things that could go wrong both with this pregnancy and everything else that it entailed. And her mum. Just thinking about her mum brought on so much anxiety. ‘I really admire you, Alice.’

Alice laughed in response. ‘Really? Why?’

‘You’re just so positive about everything. You see the good that can come out of every situation; nothing ever fazes you.’ She wished she could be more like Alice.

‘Oh, come on, Ims, you know that’s not true.’ Alice kept glancing over to her as she drove.

‘It is! You never worry about things; you just get on with it and make things happen. You don’t worry about what other people think and you just breeze through life, enjoying it.’ Anxiety settled in the pit of her stomach and she recognised the feeling instantly. Having suffered with anxiety attacks in the past due to stress, she knew the warning signs. She concentrated on her breathing and looked out of the window so that Alice couldn’t see panic in her eyes. She kind of wished she hadn’t worn the hoodie now as she felt a bead of sweat trickle down her chest. She rolled her sleeves up, exhaling.

‘Listen. You are an incredibly strong woman. You have so much to be happy about; you don’t even need to entertain anyone else who wants to be negative in your life. You have me, and we have this baby – that is all you will ever need.’

She nodded but didn’t answer. She could feel her heart rate increasing, pounding, reverberating through every inch of her skin. The high-pitched noise ringing in her ears as she desperately tried to slow her breathing. Don’t do this, not now, she told herself. She concentrated on the spot of dirt that she could see on the window. She needed to channel all her energy into this spot, focus, bring everything down a level and breathe. In through her nose; out through her mouth. She needed to do this as discreetly as she could; she couldn’t let Alice see that this anxiety was making a comeback. And because of her mum, yet again. All she ever wanted was to have that close mother-daughter relationship that others had with their mums. And now she was pregnant, it just highlighted the fact that she didn’t have this with her mum. She would never have that mother-daughter best-friend relationship – and that hurt more than anything.

But she couldn’t go through what she did before when the anxiety got too much. It took over her life and caused so many problems both in her relationship and at work. She was determined not to let that happen again. She just needed to focus.

Thankfully Alice had taken her silence as thoughtfulness and was giving her a few minutes. Imogen leant over and turned the volume dial on the music up a little, letting the song wash over her. She didn’t recognise the song but the heavy guitar solo was too much for her brain, it made her feel erratic and stressed. She flicked the button and selected the next station. A gentle, but upbeat song was playing and she instantly felt a little lighter. She left it playing and leant her head on the headrest of her chair, closing her eyes and steadying her breathing. She could do this. She just needed to take things one step at a time. Get through the here and now and she could sort the mum issue out when she felt stronger.

She felt Alice’s hand again on hers and she wrapped her fingers around hers, taking comfort in knowing she’d always have her Alice.

*****

‘I can’t believe how busy this place gets.’ Ellie turned the dishwasher on for another cycle and began to stack away the plates she had just unloaded. ‘I mean, seriously, when do you get a chance to have a cuppa yourself?’

Zoe laughed. ‘Don’t be silly. I am here to make other people tea and coffee, not drink it myself.’ She was busy plating up a panini and slid the plate along to the serving hatch, already pulling out some bread for the next order.

‘Is it always this manic?’

‘On a Saturday at lunchtime, yeah.’

‘That’s crazy.’ Ellie closed the cupboard and wiped the tops with antibacterial spray. ‘I mean, it’s great and all, but it’s crazy!’

‘What can I say? People love my sandwiches.’ Zoe was a total natural at working, constantly moving her hands and running here and there, but looking as cool and calm as a cucumber as she did so.

‘You were always good in the kitchen, to be fair. Me, I couldn’t boil an egg without ruining it. Remember that time I was making cheese on toast for us all because Mum said it was about time I started doing the lunch and I totally forgot about it and started watching that model programme?’

‘Oh God, you nearly burnt down the house!’

Ellie laughed fondly. ‘I know! But she never asked me to do lunch again – winning!’ she sang.

‘Well,’ Zoe said as she slid a plate of salad and some prawns towards her sister. ‘You’d better learn some basics fast, sis, because you’re not staying here rent-free without lifting a finger. Prawn and avocado salad on there, please.’

Ellie looked at the ingredients in front to her. ‘Prawn and avocado salad,’ she repeated, almost to herself, nodding. ‘Fair enough, no cooking required – I can do that.’

‘Of course you can. Stop always putting yourself down.’ Zoe threw a tea towel at her.

‘Well, when you’ve grown up with Little Miss Perfect over there it’s hard to stand out.’

‘Oh believe me, Els, you stand out all right.’ Zoe chopped some lettuce and said, almost under her breath, ‘And Miss Perfect, I ain’t!’

Two hours later and they finally got to take a five-minute break. Ellie slumped into a chair and sipped at her tea. ‘Oh, my goodness, this is pure heaven. How do you do that every day?’

‘Well, to be fair, it isn’t that crazy every second of every day. Saturdays are busy. That’s just the way things are in a café. Although, saying that, I am very lucky, we do get a steady stream of customers in every day. There are quieter periods during the week, but generally, it’s doing okay.’

‘You’ve really made this work. You’ve done so well.’ She felt a smile of pride sneak over her lips.

‘Thanks, sis. It hasn’t been easy, but I got there in the end. Dad was brilliant with helping me start up and, I have to give him his due, he’s always been around ever since.’

Zoe knew what she was doing. ‘Yeah, thanks for rubbing it in.’ She felt a surge of annoyance at the mention of her dad. Everyone knew that he worshipped Zoe and his princess could do no wrong. Ellie couldn’t do anything right when it came to her father. Not that she cared what he thought.

‘Oh, be quiet! I’m not rubbing it in. I’m just saying, he’s not as bad as you like to make out he is.’

‘Zoe, the man couldn’t give two shits about me. As far as he is concerned, he only has one daughter.’

‘That’s not true and you know it!’ Zoe’s voice was stern, but she wasn’t angry.

‘Of course it is. When Mum died, all he cared about was making sure you were okay. He wasn’t interested in what I had to say.’ She tried not to let the jealousy show, but she could feel the feelings from her childhood rear their ugly heads. She tried to push them back down into the box she kept them tightly locked in.

‘Ellie, that’s because you didn’t have anything you wanted to say. You were so hell-bent on self-destruction that you didn’t even talk to any of us. Dad had a hard time too.’

‘I spoke to you, didn’t I?’ She could feel the emotion already creeping up her throat, making it feel sticky and restricted.

‘Yeah, only because you had no choice.’

‘No, because you made time for me. He didn’t even care.’

‘Come on, you’re being silly. Stop making yourself the victim all the time. It was a hard time for us all. You can’t hold that against him for the rest of his life. You’re being selfish. Are you telling me that you would rather stay stubborn and have no parents than make amends and make the most of the parent you do still have?’ Zoe had leant forward now into Ellie’s face, making her argument more prominent.

Ellie stood up as a bolt of frustration shot through her body. ‘Are we really having this conversation? I came here because I wanted help from my sister, not because I wanted the third degree about why my dad doesn’t care about me.’ She stormed towards the kitchen door that led out to the back of the café shop.

‘Oh, for goodness sake, he does care about you.’ She threw her hands up. ‘Where are you going?’

‘Out.’ And she slammed the door behind her as she left. She had no idea where she was going to go, but she needed to go somewhere. There was no way she was going to cry over something as silly as her dad.

*****

‘Okay, this is it. Are you ready?’

Imogen smiled at Alice as she nodded. ‘As ready as I’ll ever be.’

She had spent the remainder of the car journey calming herself, using various techniques she had learnt previously to deal with her anxiety. Thankfully it hadn’t developed into anything she couldn’t handle. She put it down to the additional hormones that were whizzing around her body at the moment. Her poor body had been through so much recently, what with all the testing and medical interventions, it was no wonder she felt a bit alien to it.

They exited the car and made their way to the front door of Alice’s parents’ house. It was a beautiful detached bungalow with the most adorable little front garden. Whilst the front of the house was fairly close to the country lane it was built on, the back garden more than made up for it, stretching back as far as Imogen could see, reaching the woods that lay beyond. Alice’s parents took pride in their bungalow and this was clear to see from the well-kept gardens and immaculate furnishings within. Imogen remembered the first time she had been here years ago. Stunned by the modern refurbishment Alice’s parents had undertaken shortly after they’d moved in, the bungalow felt fresh, bright and free-flowing. Having downsized after Alice and her brother moved out, her parents had bought a smaller home, but had completely gutted it and transformed it into what they wanted. They had even built an annexe in the garden for when their children came to stay. Whilst Alice and Imogen only lived half an hour down the road, Alice’s brother had moved abroad and so, when he came to stay with his family, they were able to have some privacy but be close to their parents. It was the loving family that Imogen has always wished for, but had never really had. Even more reason to make sure her baby would have the upbringing she didn’t and Alice was more than up for the job.

Imogen felt nervous, but more of an excited nervousness. Alice parents were lovely and they totally embraced them and their relationship. The girls could be themselves whenever they were round there and it was like a breath of fresh air.

Alice rang the doorbell and bounced on her feet excitedly. ‘Here goes.’ She gave a little squeal to emphasise her excitement.

‘Alice, Imogen, come in!’ Alice’s mum was tall and slender and she had the most beautiful long, chestnut hair, which she always wore in a plait. Older than Imogen’s parents, Alice’s parents were both retired and having run their own business for many years, were in a very good financial position. She ushered the girls in and greeted them both with a hug and a kiss. ‘Your father is in the garden sparking up the barbecue.’

‘Oh nice! You should’ve said you were going to do a barbecue, we would’ve brought some food with us.’

‘Oh, it was a last-minute thing, you know your father. He has these good ideas and you have to strike while it’s hot. Plus we didn’t know the weather was going to be like this, so we’re doing it before the rain comes. We’ve got plenty of food anyway.’ She turned to Imogen. ‘Are you okay, sweetie, you look a little peaky today?’

Imogen was stumped for a response, concentrating so hard on not blurting out their good news just yet, she froze and couldn’t think of a reply that wasn’t ‘I’m pregnant!’

‘She’s fine, she’s just tired, that’s all,’ Alice chipped in and Imogen smiled in thanks as Alice’s mum walked off into the kitchen shouting, you’ll need a cardy on though, Alice – the wind is chilly.

‘I don’t know why that happened,’ she whispered as she followed Alice through to the conservatory.

‘It’s fine. We will tell them in a minute and get it out, so you don’t have to keep it in.’ Alice smiled lovingly at Imogen, her big brown eyes creasing around the edges as she did so. ‘You’re such a weirdo, I love it.’

They walked out into the brightly lit conservatory and through into the garden, where she could see Alice’s dad standing broadly over the barbecue, placing various slabs of meat onto the grill.

‘Hey, Dad,’ Alice called out as she approached him. ‘Any excuse for a barbecue, hey? What’s cooking?’

‘There’s my girl.’ He stepped away from the barbecue and pulled her into a huge embrace, kissing her forehead. ‘And there’s my other girl.’ He repeated the same for Imogen. From the word go, Alice’s parents had treated Imogen like a second daughter.

‘Hi, how are you?’ she asked as she pulled out a chair from the table and sat down.

‘Yes, I’m good. Been tinkering with that car I showed you both last week, you know, the Stag?’

Imogen loved how passionate Alice’s dad was about cars. Alice had grown up with going to car auctions with her dad and helping him fix up old cars to sell on. More recently, he had been branching out into classic cars and a Triumph Stag was one of his favourites. He was so excited when he found this one last week, he had called Alice up and the pair of them had talked cars for almost an hour. Imogen didn’t understand the fascination, but she respected his passion and always engaged in conversation with him about his latest challenge whenever they met up.

‘How’s it going? Is it up and running yet?’ Imogen asked, feeling happy at the inclusion.

‘Oh, it’s a blinder. I’ll show you both after we’ve eaten. Here, Alice, you’ll take it for a spin, see how she runs?’

‘Course, Dad.’ Alice was going back and forth into the kitchen to help her mum bring out some food for the table. ‘You don’t mind, do you, Ims?’

‘Course she doesn’t mind. We can have a girly chat whilst you two are off doing your father- daughter-car thingy.’

Imogen laughed at Alice’s mum’s struggle with defining their quality time.

‘Well, that’s sorted, then.’

Because Alice had been a real daddy’s girl growing up – and still was – her mum had taken Imogen under her wing from the word go and she could tell that Alice’s mum secretly loved doing more girly things with her and talking about celebrities and clothes shopping and all your stereotypical ‘girl’ things. As much as Imogen and Alice were not your stereotypical gay couple, when it came to things like shopping and celebrities, Alice couldn’t give a monkeys, whereas her mum loved a gossip with Imogen.

‘Did you see that programme last night about the plastic surgery? That woman’s nose!’ Alice’s mum’s face was hilarious; the shock made her eyebrows rise and practically touch her hairline. She continued to pour out some juice for Imogen. ‘I mean, I know when we all get a bit older some of us like to get some help in the looks department. Hell, I wouldn’t say no to a few fillers here and there,’ she laughed, ‘but that nose job was horrendous!’

‘I didn’t see it. Not sure I have the guts to have surgery for anything. Imagine if it went wrong – especially on your face!’

‘You don’t need surgery, my lovely. You are perfect as you are.’

‘I’ll second that!’ Alice said from behind Imogen and she jumped in surprise.

‘You scared the life out of me; I thought you were in the kitchen.’

Alice placed the salad bowl in the centre of the table and laughed. ‘Sorry.’

When Alice had finished bringing all the food out and she had sat down at the table to join everyone else, she looked at Imogen and gave the slightest nod. Imogen nodded in return. They had agreed this little secret-code exchange before they’d left. Their way of letting each other know that they were ready to do the big announcement. Imogen took a deep breath.

‘Mum, Dad, we have some news.’

Imogen watched as Alice’s mum’s face began to light up. She had guessed already. Although, when someone says they have news, and they are already married, it is automatically your next thought. Alice’s dad, however, was still oblivious.

‘We are having a baby!’

Alice’s mum was already squealing and had jumped up instantly, pulling her daughter in for a huge hug. ‘Oh, my God, girls, that’s amazing news!’

‘Well, bloody hell!’ Alice’s dad, stood up. ‘Come here!’ He pulled Alice from her mum’s grasp and squeezed her into another.

Imogen didn’t have much time to take it in because Alice’s mum was now pulling her up, wrapping her arms around her and saying, ‘Imogen, this is the best news!’

‘Thanks, we can’t quite believe it ourselves.’

And here was her dad, pulling Imogen in for a cuddle.

They all took their seats back at the table.

‘When did this all happen? I mean, how long have you known?’ Alice’s mum was now sobbing. She took the tissue her husband was holding out for her and dabbed her eyes.

‘Imogen took the test yesterday morning. She got sent home from work because she was throwing up and she called me and then took the test and it was positive!’

Pride swelled in her chest as she listened to Alice retell the story. Alice was so excited and happy, the words were just tumbling out of her mouth and Imogen felt so emotional knowing that she was a part of the reason for making Alice so happy.

‘This calls for a celebration. I’ll get the special champagne out from the garage.’ Alice’s dad pointed at Imogen as he left the table. ‘Not for you, mind, you can have some orange juice.’ He winked at her and she laughed as she saluted him.

This was exactly how telling your parents should go.