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Lucy Atkins. First-Time Parent: The honest guide to coping brilliantly and staying sane in your baby’s first year
Lucy Atkins. First-time Parent
Copyright
Table of Contents
Introduction
CHAPTER ONE. prepare
Essential clothes
Essential equipment
Other useful, but not totally essential, baby equipment
Postnatal shopping list. FOR YOUR VAGINA/PERINEUM
FOR YOUR BREASTFEEDING BOOBS
GENERALLY
Feeding equipment. IF BREASTFEEDING (WHOEVER SAID IT WAS ‘FREE’?)
IF BOTTLE-FEEDINC
What buggy?
WHEN CHOOSING YOUR BUGGY, YOU SHOULD ALSO CONSIDER:
What car seat?
THERE ARE CERTAIN CAR-SAFETY RULES YOU SHOULD ALWAYS FOLLOW:
CHAPTER TWO. hello! The mind-blowing first few days
What happens immediately after the birth?
THE APGAR SCORE DECODED
Vitamin K
‘Recovery’
YOU MIGHT WANT TO:
Dads: what else should you be doing?
‘And, most importantly, tell her–repeatedly and grovellingly- how proud you are of what she’s just done.’
Special care
BORN EARLY
LOW BIRTH WEIGHT
INFECTION
OTHER HEALTH RISKS
Ways to cope with SCBU
Your new baby. What newborns do
What newborns look like
Other surprises
BEFORE YOU TAKE YOUR BABY HOME, A DOCTOR WILL CHECK YOUR BABY’S:
Looking after your brand-new baby
Cuddling
Breastfeeding
SOME TIPS FOR THE FIRST FEED:
Changing nappies. TIPS
THE GREAT NAPPY DEBATE
HOW TO CHANGE A NAPPY
How to hold a newborn
You. Your wonderful postnatal body
TIP
How you may feel physically
THERE ARE A NUMBER OF WAYS TO SOOTHE YOUR VAGINA AND PERINEUM:
AT HOME:
HOW TO DO PELVIC FLOOR EXERCISES
How you may feel emotionally
The two of you: getting to know your baby
CHAPTER THREE. start
THESE ARE THE TOP TEN NEW-PARENT WORRIES:
Getting your baby home. THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS YOUR BABY WILL NEED FOR HIS DEPARTURE FROM HOSPITAL
AND YOU WILL NEED:
What to do when you get home
FIVE TOP TIPS FOR THE FIRST FEW WEEKS:
A word about visitors
THE PAPARAZZI
A babymoon
TO HAVE THE IDEAL BABYMOON:
Help!
Your help options (starting with the poshest) MATERNITY NURSE
NIGHT NANNY
POSTNATAL DOULA
MOTHERS’ HELPS
FAMILY AND FRIENDS
The professionals
The midwife. TO GET THE BEST FROM YOUR MIDWIFE’S VISITS:
Health visitors
YOUR HEALTH VISITOR WILL DO THE FOLLOWING:
Baby clinics
Your six-week check
Newborn peculiarities
Skin. RASHES
Mouth. SUCKING BLISTERS
THRUSH
Eyes. STICKY EYES
BLOCKED TEAR DUCT
CROSSED OR SQUINTY EYES
Scalp
The umbilical cord stump
Some things your baby will do. Cry
Eat
WIND
IF YOU ARE BOTTLE-FEEDING:
IF YOU ARE BREASTFEEDING:
FARTING
SO HOW DO YOU BURP YOUR BABY?
THROWING UP
HERE ARE THREE SICK-MINIMISING THINGS TO TRY!
TALK TO YOUR GP IF:
‘Don’t call social services on yourself if you open your baby’s nappy to find a Belisha beacon glaring back at you. But do take measures to soothe it.’ REFLUX
HICCUPING
Poo
Sleep
Basic Skills. Baby handling
Keeping your baby clean
A FEW TIPS:
HOW TO BATH YOUR BABY
YOU’LL NEED:
TWO GOLDEN SAFETY RULES
‘Some babies hate bath time and are hysterical throughout; others think it’s heaven.’ DON’T PANIC, CAPTAIN MAINWARING!
NAILS
The outside world. A FEW BABY TEMPERATURE TIPS:
WHAT NOT TO WEAR
You. Your crazy body
TO RECOVER WELL, YOUR BODY NEEDS:
DAY ONE TO AT LEAST SIX WEEKS AFTER GIVING BIRTH
IN THE MEANTIME, DO THESE EXERCISES A FEW TIMES A DAY:
AFTER SIX WEEKS
Postnatal depression and the baby blues
‘I went from being ecstatically happy and bursting with pride…to pulling my hair out.’
CHAPTER FOUR. sleep. How to get some (all of you)
FOUR THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR BABY’S SLEEP:
‘You may already think your baby is sleeping like an angel. But worms can turn (and do), so don’t let a peaceful eight-week-old lull you into a false sense of security.’
HOW MUCH SLEEP DOES YOUR BABY NEED?
Sleep equipment. Essentials
Handy extras
What cot?
SOME GOOD COT FEATURES:
Cot death. THE FOUNDATION FOR THE STUDY OF INFANT DEATHS (FSID) SAYS:
HOW TO REDUCE THE RISK OF COT DEATH:
IN ADDITION TO THESE ESSENTIALS, THERE ARE SOME OTHER IMPORTANT SLEEPING RULES:
TO CHECK THAT YOUR BABY IS AT THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE:
Getting your baby to sleep through the night
Swaddling
How to tell if your baby is tired
When ‘should’ your baby start ‘sleeping through the night’?
HERE’S HOW TO SWADDLE YOUR BABY
AND APART FROM FOOD, THERE ARE OTHER REASONS WHY BABIES MIGHT WAKE UP AND CRY AT NIGHT:
How to establish good sleep habits
‘Precious’ sleeping conditions
The difference between night and day
THEN, DURING ALL NIGHT FEEDS:
YOU ARE AIMING TO:
MOST OF US WORRY, WHEN OUR BABY CRIES AT BEDTIME, THAT:
Daytime naps
TO ENCOURAGE YOUR BABY TO NAP WELL, YOU NEED TO!
Early wake-ups
HERE ARE SOME THINGS TO TRY:
You. A FEW OTHER SURVIVAL TIPS:
A word about selective male deafness
The one thing to bear in mind is that one day your baby will be a teenager and you will be cursing her to wake up.’
Lone parents: how to cope
And finally, for desperate housewives…
CHAPTER FIVE. cry
All babies cry
‘The sound of your crying baby can be heart-rending, worrying, soul-destroying or infuriating. Most of the time you’ll just want it to stop.’
Calm daddies
Lone parents
WHY oh WHY? The crying baby checklist
Wind
SOME THINGS TO TRY!
The evening heebie-jeebies
Colic
HOW TO MASSAGE YOUR BABY
THE MAIN THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT COLIC ARE!
HERE ARE SOME OTHER THINGS TO DO:
The ‘crying type’
Sixteen things to try with your crying baby
At the end of your tether. Shaking
Five things to do now before you snap
Dummies. What’s the debate?
Good dummy use. MANY PARENTS DECIDE:
Why you should respond to your baby’s crying but not panic
Boys don’t cry
‘Odd’ crying
Bigger babies
CHAPTER SIX. eat. Feeding your baby from day one to family mealtimes
Breastfeeding
How does it work?
Is it easy?
YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT IF:
HOW TO LATCH YOUR BABY ON PROPERLY
How often, how long?
THESE ARE THE BASIC RULES FOR THE FIRST FEW WEEKS:
Other drinks
Dads and breastfeeding
HERE’S HOW:
The main reasons we stop before we want to. LACK OF CONFIDENCE
UNPREDICTABILITY OF FEEDS
‘BREAST PROBLEMS’
UNHAPPY BABY
Troubleshooting: some common problems. CONFUSED ABOUT TECHNIQUE?
BABY NOT GAINING ENOUGH WEIGHT
FOUR WAYS TO INCREASE YOUR MILK SUPPLY
ENGORGED BREASTS
SORE/CRACKED/BLEEDING NIPPLES
IF YOU HAVE PAINFUL NIPPLES, YOU SHOULD:
THRUSH
MASTITIS AND ‘BLOCKED DUCTS’
‘Nipples can be torture but, though incredibly common, this is not ‘normal’: it is usually a sign that your latch-on technique is not working well.’
WHILE YOU’RE WAITING TO GET HELP WITH YOUR TECHNIQUE
FEELING SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT FEEDING
HOW TO COPE:
IF IT DOESN’T WORK OUT
A FEW HYGIENE TIPS:
How to express milk
Where to go for help
Bottle-feeding
How often, how much?
How to make up a bottle
How to warm a bottle
How to feed a bottle to your baby
Keeping things clean
YOU CAN STERILISE EQUIPMENT BY:
Other bottle-feeding rules
Night feeds. A FEW TIPS THAT CAN HELP MAKE NIGHT-TIME FEEDS EASIER FOR EVERYONE:
How to bottle-feed in the outside world
Combining breast and bottle
How to switch from breast to bottle
Starting solids
When?
YOUR BABY’S LIKELY TO BE READY IF SHE:
A FEW WEANING TIPS:
IF YOU DECIDE TO WEAN BEFORE SIX MONTHS, AVOID:
How?
THE STANDARD WEANING METHOD. SOME SIMPLE HYGIENE RULES:
What?
‘BABY-LED WEANING’
How much milk?
What not to feed your baby
Allergies
‘Beware of becoming allergy-obsessed. Even if you’ve decided bread makes you bloated, don’t impose this on your baby.’
What is a balanced diet? ULTIMATELY YOU’RE AIMING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS EVERY DAY:
Three healthy eating ideas
AND THREE MORE
Making it easy on yourself
SOME USEFUL FOODS
Good drinks
Bad drinks
Vitamin supplements?
Veggie babies. Good iron-rich foods are:
Five keys to weaning success
Being sensible
DO:
DON’T:
Yes, yes, but how are you eating?
‘Do you feel fat? Of course you do. You just had a baby. You’ve achieved a miraculous feat and the resulting size of your knickers is, or should be, irrelevant.’ SIX EASY WAYS TO EAT MORE HEALTHILY:
SOME SENSIBLE WEIGHT-LOSS TIPS:
CHAPTER SEVEN. grow. How your baby grows and develops in the first year
How it happens in the first twelve months
THIS IS ROUGHLY HOW A BABY PUTS ON WEIGHT:
Weight
LITTLE FATTIES
Height
Sight
Hearing
Touch, taste and smell
Sugar and spice? Puppy dog tails?
A quick guide to how babies grow. At birth. PHYSICAL
LANGUAGE AND UNDERSTANDING
Birth to three months. PHYSICAL
LANGUAGE AND UNDERSTANDING
Three to six months. PHYSICAL
LANGUAGE AND UNDERSTANDING
Six to nine months. PHYSICAL
LANGUAGE AND UNDERSTANDING
Nine to twelve months. PHYSICAL
LANGUAGE AND UNDERSTANDING
Walking
Looking after your baby’s feet
Walking safety
Developmental concerns. CHILD-DEVELOPMENT CENTRES
VOLUNTARY ORGANISATIONS
THE INTERNET
SPECIALIST HELP
Benefits
Your baby’s teeth
How to soothe your teething baby
How to look after your baby’s teeth
Thumb sucking
CHAPTER EIGHT. play. Ways to have fun with your baby
How to ‘stimulate’ your baby
Talk to your baby
Read to your baby
SOME GOOD BOOKS FOR STARTERS ARE:
Good games for different ages. One to three months
Four to six months
Seven to twelve months
‘Real toys are heaven to a bigger baby: most will ditch their toys the minute they think they can get their hands on your iPod or something equally expensive’
Six basic ways to ‘play’
Play it safe
Bigger babies and discipline
‘As you watch your tiny newborn flutter her long eyelashes, it’s hard to imagine she’ll ever need anything as vulgar as discipline.’ A FEW TIPS FOR TODDLERS-TO-BE:
Smacking
Biting. IF YOUR BABY SINKS HER FANGS INTO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE:
Getting Out
Classes and activities
FIVE COMMONLY ENJOYED BABY ACTIVITIES:
Parks and playgrounds
The supermarket. IT CAN BE BABY HELL. HERE ARE SOME SURVIVAL TACTICS:
Travel and holidays
What to consider when choosing holiday accommodation
Holiday packing
WHAT YOU PROBABLY DON’T NEED:
Flying with babies. IF YOU ARE FLYING ALONE WITH A BABY, THERE ARE A FEW MORE THINGS TO CONSIDER:
TO DRUG OR NOT TO DRUG?
WHAT TO PACK FOR LONG FLIGHTS
CHAPTER NINE. thrive. How to keep your baby safe and well
How to tell if your baby is ill
When to call an ambulance. YOU SHOULD CALL AN AMBULANCE IF:
When to see the doctor
ARRANGE TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR SOON IF YOUR BABY:
Common worries. Temperatures
BABY FEVER MEDICINE
Having a ‘fit’
Colds
Coughs. COUGH TIPS–SEE YOUR DOCTOR IF:
Flu
Bronchiolitis
Croup
Diarrhoea. IF YOUR BABY HAS DIARRHOEA:
Ear infections
Eczema
Rashes
Meningitis and septicaemia
Preventing Problems. Immunisations. TWO MONTHS OLD
THREE AND FOUR MONTHS OLD
THIRTEEN MONTHS OLD
Reasons to give up smoking now
IF YOU SMOKE, YOUR CHILD IS MORE LIKELY TO HAVE:
Basic First Aid
What to do if your baby… YOU SHOULD HAVE A FIRST AID KIT IN THE HOUSE CONTAINING:
…is bleeding
…BASHES HIS HEAD
…CHOKES
BEFORE YOU CALL AN AMBULANCE:
…SEEMS TO HAVE BROKEN A BONE
…HAS SOMETHING STUCK UP HIS NOSE OR IN HIS EAR
…GETS A BURN
…GETS AN ELECTRIC SHOCK
…GETS SOMETHING IN HIS EYE
…SWALLOWS SOMETHING HE SHOULDN’T
If your baby is unconscious. FIRST THINGS TO KNOW ARE:
ARTIFICIAL VENTILATION (‘MOUTH TO MOUTH’):
CHEST COMPRESSIONS
Basic child safety
THERE ARE A FEW THINGS YOU CAN DO TO MAKE YOUR HOME SAFER:
Pet safety
DOG TIPS
CAT TIPS
CHAPTER TEN. live. Your relationship and identity post-baby
Sex (mostly, lack of…)
‘You go from Wonderbras to bras with milk stains and flaps; from long, loving lie-ins to 5 a.m. wake-ups and nights that are sleepless for wholly different reasons.’
Your relationship
HERE ARE FOUR WAYS TO BRIDGE THE DIVIDE:
Men and sex
EIGHT RULES FOR SEXUAL SURVIVAL:
Sex: some practicalities
The floodgates
A few other common sources of new-parent tension. Madonna and child syndrome
Birth shock
YOU COULD TRY THE FOLLOWING!
Role changes
‘It’s easy to feel you’ve suddenly been catapulted back into the 1950s.’ A FEW TIPS FOR WORKING FATHERS:
Domestic chores. HERE’S HOW TO KEEP EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL:
Agreeing on the fundamentals
Some tips for talking
You
Who am I?
Deeper love
CHAPTER ELEVEN. work. That elusive ‘work-life balance’ and how to get, well…at least something like it
Giving up work
‘Full-time mothers often long to flee to an office.’
Money
THE POTENTIALLY ASTRONOMICAL COST OF CHILDCARE
Working anxiety
WILL CHILDCARE HARM MY BABY?
WILL MY BABY BE SAFE WITH SOMEONE ELSE?
Pear-shaped plans
Your childcare options. Nanny
WHAT TO LOOK FOR:
Daycare/nursery
WHAT TO LOOK FOR:
Childminder
WHAT TO LOOK FOR:
Au pair
WHAT TO LOOK FOR:
Relatives
Parent partnership
Daddy daycare
Some ideas for flexible working–for both of you. Your rights
Flexi-hours
Working four days a week
Going part-time
Job sharing
Changing direction completely
Back at work: how you might feel. Knackered
Missing your baby. HERE ARE FOUR REASONS NOT TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT WORKING:
Guilty
Ambivalence
Relief
Other things that might have changed. Fitting in
Your ambition
‘There is a feeling that people will think you’re shirking if you don’t keep powering away as if nothing has happened’ Breastfeeding and work
Fathers and work
Your whacked-out working week
A quick guide to your rights. Maternity leave
Parental leave
Paternity leave
Child benefit
If you enjoyed First-Time Parent, check out this other great Lucy Atkins title
Contacts. CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
List of Search Terms
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Acknowledgements
