Читать книгу The Book of the Die - Luke Rhinehart - Страница 12

Royal Cube and King,

Forgive me for not having communed with you more often. That fatal feeling that I am someone, and that certain actions are more important than seeking your Way has sometimes blocked my path. This week when once or twice I turned to you for guidance, I flowed free. When I tried to ignore you and guide my own life in pursuit of my quest, I often moped around like a sea-sick clown – until I heard your Laughing Men in the Sky roaring at my silliness. It is clear to me now that you are God. I know it. Your Way is my Salvation. I know it. The great freedom sought by Kierkegaard, Dostoyevski, Nietzsche and George Harrison exists, and is contained within your six walls.

I am a pebble, Lord, kick me. I am a corpse quickened only by your breath. I lie upon the sunken bed; you touch, I walk. My hate flares; you fall across the floor, extinguish it. The birds of appetites gnaw me; you speak, doves all. You but whisper and I roar; you but nudge and I fly.

But my self must first come to you, and the very selves which you create with your decisions then try to avoid you with all the cunning of dogs avoiding a bath. They fight you, my Ivory Lord, by ignoring you. In the fog that is my self, sound the horn that will lead me always to thy Cube.

Thirty years, O Die, I sold myself to self. It swallowed me. Your touch alone has vomited me free. When I hold you in my hand I share in your Divinity; when I let you fall, you raise me up.

Even now, Six-sided Seer, as I try to tell you of my progress in your way, the self steals the mind to thoughts of fame and fortune, thoughts unworthy of a twelve-year-old boy, yet mine, still mine. Liberate me, Lord, from my vanity: cleanse me of self.

I am a weakling. I have been a 238-pound weakling all my life; I see that now. You alone have given me strength.

No more sand kicked in my face, unless your foot swings.

No girl shall laugh at me, unless you provide the tickle.

I will try this coming month to place myself in your hands at every hour, to wear you near my heart that I may feel your power and use it at each turning. Those who shake my hand and pat me on the back do not know what Power lurks beneath my shirt. A tiny, spotted cube: if I let it fall it may choose to create or to kill. Not my will, Die, but Thy will be done, on earth, as it is everywhere else.

For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory, Forever and Ever.

– from Luke’s Journal

Love yourselves: be a multiman

OPTIONS

Before casting a die, read through the six options below. Throw out one or two (or, best of all, all six) and create some of your own to replace those you toss out. Then cast a die.

1 Do everything differently for an hour. Preferably do everything the opposite of the way you normally do things. Walk backwards instead of forwards. Drink your coffee black instead of with milk and sugar, or vice versa. Shout at your husband or father. Stand on your head for the sheer fun of it. Walk out in the rain. Don’t go to work. Spend money as if you were rich (or don’t spend it as if you were poor). Do it different.

2 Make a fool of yourself. Slobber coffee down your shirtfront. Fart. Talk nonsense. Tell a long story that you make up as you go along and that makes absolutely no sense. Put on the most ridiculous clothes that you can come up with. Use makeup on your face as if you were a three-year-old using it for the first time. Notice that life still goes on.

3 Tell someone why you are a great person. List for them all the ways you are proud of yourself, from the way you dress to your wonderful sense of humour. Try to list all your achievements, including those from the past that you are particularly proud of. Keep doing this for as long as you can until you burst out laughing.

4 As you are, you are dead. Anything you do differently will be a distinct improvement. Anything you do now should be aimed at breaking out of the narrow cell you have locked yourself in. This demands that you challenge yourself to do the things you’ve always wanted to do but never gotten around to doing. List from three to six important and challenging things that you might do with your life that you’re not doing. Cast a die. Do it. No matter what the obstacles, and the obstacles will loom larger as soon as the die has chosen it, do it. One dicer reported to me that the second time she did this exercise the die chose that she take a trip around the world and write articles about her adventures. She couldn’t actually afford to do this but borrowed money, hustled editors and took off. Two-thirds of the way around the world, in southern India, she met the man that she eventually married and lived … miserably ever after – who knows what happens next – but whatever it is the odds are it beats staying where she was in Hampstead.

5 When someone asks you about yourself, lie. Make up things about yourself, both bad and good. Be especially sure not to tell the truth about those things you are most proud of about yourself. Instead try creating some new things you might be proud of. Make up stories about your friends, your family. Create imaginary friends. So?

6 Tell someone all the worst things about yourself, your weakest traits, your most horrible sins, the silliest and stupidest things you’ve ever done. Notice that they probably like you better after you’ve told them this stuff.