Читать книгу Daddy on Demand / Déjà You: Daddy on Demand / Déjà You - Helen Myers R., Lynda Sandoval - Страница 11

Shortly after the calendar flipped to November, Cassidy delivered Gena and Addison up to Dallas. Sabrina couldn’t imagine what they were feeling and did her best to put on a bright smile, as did Collin, who had taken the afternoon off to be there, too.

Cass described how excited the girls had acted all the way up from San Antonio. Getting a new room would be like going on vacation. It hadn’t really registered in their three-year-old minds that the cost of that meant not getting to see their mommy for months. As soon as everyone hugged, Genie and Addie ran down the hall to see their room. Squeals of delight quickly emanated from there.

“Sounds like a hit to me,” Cassie drawled. Then she groaned as she lowered their suitcases to the floor and let her shoulder bag slide down her arm. “That stuff weighs more than the backpacks we hauled during training.”

Shoving her purse out of her way, she came to Collin for a hug. “You look almost ashen. Everything okay? Too late to run scared now.”

“It was too late as soon as you told me that you were being deployed,” he said looking none too happy with that memory. He held out his hand. “You and Sabrina talk. Give me your keys and I’ll go get the rest of their things from the car.”

“I’ll go, too. That’s too much to carry in one trip.”

Collin plucked the keys out of her grasp. “There must be a hundred last-minute instructions or girly things you’ll want to pass on to Sabrina, and I’d only embarrass her and annoy you by asking what all that means.”

He was out the door before his sister could say anything else. Cassidy looked from the closed door to Sabrina.

“What’s wrong?”

“He’s anxious for you, you must know that?”

Running her hands through her short, wind-swept curls, Cassie’s lips curved with sardonic amusement. “That I get. It’s the tension that wafted out of here the instant the door opened. And you were hanging back watching him, then refused to make eye contact when he looked over his shoulder at you. My brother doesn’t doubt himself or get worried about women because he simply doesn’t let himself care beyond mutual gratification. I’m getting the feeling that you’re messing with his damaged mindset.”

“He’s been working a great deal of overtime so he can take some days to spend with the girls.”

“And when he’s not at the office?”

“He’s sleeping.”

“Alone?”

“Cass! There’s nothing to tell. At least not what you’re thinking.” And that wasn’t a lie in that what she was waiting for from Collin hadn’t happened. Sabrina gestured down the hallway where the happy sounds continued. “Don’t you want to come and see their room? I want to take your picture in there and then have it blown up into poster size so that the girls will feel you’re not so far away.”

Cass wrinkled her nose. “Darn it all—I wanted him to have at least kissed you by now. You must really have him conflicted.”

Conditions were no easier for her. But what was saving Sabrina some wear on her nerves was the certainty that if she behaved like every other woman he’d known—like the proverbial moth to the flame—she was the one who would be reduced to ashes.

She picked up a pink suitcase with purple piping. “Come see what the fuss is all about. We added a few things since we got to visit with you.”

An hour later Collin watched Cass say a difficult goodbye to the girls, rise from her knees to hug Sabrina as one would a sister and stride toward him where he waited by the elevator. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and urged her to lean on him, even though that made his eyes burn worse and made the lump lodging in his throat all but strangle him.

Only when the elevator doors closed them in the car was he able to mutter, “Well, this sucks even more than I expected it to. You should have flown up. It’s too many miles back to the base with no chatterboxes in the backseat to keep you alert.”

“I’ve got an audiobook to play. It will be novel to indulge in adult fiction for a change instead of reading manuals and course studies, or kiddie books.” But her expression looked anything but enthused about that. “I wish you’d have just given me a hug up there and let me be gone.”

“I want to see you to your SUV.”

“You’re not going to make me cry.”

Not only did Collin do that, but he also pressed his lips to her temple. “If you do something stupid and brave and get hurt, I will never forgive you.”

“I’m shaking in my boots.”

“You damn well should be.”

Cassidy stepped back and studied his face. “I know you’ll take care of my babies, but I hope you’ll take care of this, too.” She pressed her hand flat against his heart.

“I’m trying.”

“Now see—it’s comments like that which worry me. I love you, English.”

“Me, you, Captain.”

When he returned to the condo and locked the door, he experienced such a wave of weakness and loss that he had to lean back against it to stay standing. His heart had just dropped into one of the dark places in his soul.

“Collin?”

He didn’t realize Sabrina had been in the kitchen and had heard him return. Seeing him frozen there against the door, she came to him, her eyes radiating her concern. And then she did exactly what Cass had done, placed her hand flat against his heart and he stiffened and sucked in a sharp breath. It literally hurt, as though she’d reached into his body and physically touched that organ.

He couldn’t bear the raw, naked emotion of need. Despite weeks of iron will and brutal lectures to keep his hands to himself, he crushed her against him and hid his face in the fragrance and silkiness of her hair.

Sabrina gently eased her trapped arms free from between them and wrapped them around his waist. Slowly, she stroked his lean, too tense back. “She’ll be all right,” she whispered to him.

“You can’t know that.”

“But I feel it.”

“How, when this is so wrong on every level?”

The more gravelly and bitter his voice grew, the softer and more tender hers became.

“There’s just an inner peace.”

“Peace.” He exhaled shakily and stroked his cheek against her hair. “I don’t know the meaning of the word anymore. I don’t know that I ever did.” He swallowed painfully. “Thank you for being here…for doing this. I couldn’t—”

“Shh.” She stroked his cheek and then brushed a kiss there. “You don’t have to.”

He gravitated to the source of that sweet caress until his lips were aligned with hers. “Oh, yes, I do,” he rasped and feathered a kiss to her lower lip. “Yes, I do,” he murmured again as he repeated the caress to the right corner of her mouth, then the left. Shifting his hold to frame her face between his hands, he looked deeply into her eyes, then focused on her lips again. “Yes.”

He kissed her as he had in a dream, with tenderness and care, and sighed with relief when she opened to him. She was his link to sanity and his soul and he cherished the gift of her. When his tongue touched hers, she murmured softly and let herself lean against him.

“Bwina…I gotta go potty.”

It was Sabrina who eased back and called down the hall, “I’ll be right there.” Then she looked at Collin and asked softly, “Are you okay?”

He could only offer a barely perceptible nod, and then she was off to help Gena. What had just happened? he wondered. He felt as though he’d been in one of those out-of-body experiences.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again,” he finally replied to the empty room.

By the time he felt in control of himself again, the giggle and chatter level was going strong in the girls’ bedroom. Collin noted that Sabrina’s voice came across as excited as his nieces’ did. She was attempting—and succeeding—in getting their focus off of their mother’s departure, at least temporarily.

At the doorway of their room, he saw that the grand unpacking had commenced. Dolls and stuffed animals were already strewn about. Clothing was being put away; however, some modeling appeared to be necessary.

“These are my favorite shoes,” declared Gena hugging ultrashiny patent leathers to her pink-and-glitter sweatshirt.

Collin compressed his lips to hide the smile as “are” came out “aw” and “favorite” sounded suspiciously as “faborite.”

“They’re beautiful,” Sabrina cooed. “They’re so shiny. Who keeps them that clean for you?”

“Mommy. But she teaching me.”

“Then you can teach me so we can make Mommy proud when she gets back and sees that they’re still in good shape, okay?”

“I will. I teach Addie all the time.”

“Which are your favorites, Addie?”

“My sneakers.” But Addison was more interested in the giant polar bear that she had dragged from the far corner of the room and was attempting to sit in its lap. “Is this yours?”

“No, it’s yours. Everything here is for you girls from your Uncle Collin. He’s very happy to have you visiting with him for awhile.”

“Addie,” Gena explained, all solemnity, “’member? Mommy told us. He don’t have little girls and borrowed us so he won’ be lonesome while Mommy is gone.”

Collin saw Sabrina touch her fingertips to her mouth and turn away. He was certain something had stabbed his heart, as well, especially as Gena said “bowwowed.” He cleared his throat. “Is that okay with you, Addie?”

Both tots turned to him.

“I guess,” Addie said, but didn’t sound quite convincing. “If you promise to give us back.”

“Oh, I most definitely do.”

“When?”

“In time for Valentine’s Day.”

Gena and Addie exchanged looks.

“Is that before Santa?” Addie asked her sister.

“Only if the groundhog comes outside and sees his shadow. If the sun doesn’t come up, then it’s after.”

Addison frowned and rested her cheek against Bear. “I hope the sun comes out.”

Blinking back tears, Sabrina said brightly, “Know what? We forgot New Year’s! That’s when we wear happy, bright hats with feathers and sparkles, and throw streamers and play with balloons to welcome a new year and get ready for you girls turning four!”

“Can I sleep with Bear until Mommy comes gets us?” Addie asked.

“He takes up a bunch of the bed, but if that’s what you want,” Sabrina said sending Collin an anxious look.

“Which bed?” he asked the child.

“Orange. It’s like the sun.” She hoisted up Bear and crawled onto the bed to gaze up at the shimmering orange chiffon.

“What about you, Gena?” Collin asked.

“I’m older. I don’ need to sleep with toys. And I get purple.” But she didn’t get onto her bed. Instead she stood beside the stuffed giraffe that was twice her height and slowly stroked its neck and back.

Collin pushed away from the doorjamb and crouched beside Sabrina where he gave the back of her neck a secret squeeze. “It’s okay to have an animal friend to nap with even if you are a few minutes older, Gena. Just don’t forget to brush your giraffe and put a blanket on him so he doesn’t get cold at night.”

“Okay. What do I feed him?”

Crap, Collin thought. “You want to handle this one?” he said under his breath to Sabrina.

“I do, because your mom told me that she’d arranged for the sandman to come by after you go to bed. He’ll take care of that for you.”

“Who feeds Bear?” Addie demanded. “He don’ like sand or grass, he likes fishes. I seen that on TV.”

Sabrina nodded several times, which indicated to Collin that she was thinking as desperately as he was. Unfortunately, for him, being close to her like this and picking up the luscious scent of her made him think about her taste and the temptation of her body against his.

“Now I remember what your mom told me!” she burst out. “Do you know how the postman carries different kinds of stamps with him for people who need to mail something but forgot to go to the post office? That’s what sandman does. He brings the things that are needed.”

“Does he know the Easter bunny?” Addie asked.

“I hear they are excellent friends,” Sabrina assured her.

“Girls, play for a minute while I check on something with Brina, okay?” With that he crooked his finger and motioned her to follow him, whereupon he led her farther down the hall. Hands on his hips, he asked in a hushed voice, “And how are you going to explain a lack of food crumbs or grass when they wake in the mornings? Do not think that you’re going out to the park across the street at night with scissors to clip grass, and I’d better not hear about some sacrificed goldfish found dead on that carpet.”

“Of course not. Giraffe and Bear will be here looking well fed and cared for because that’s the magic of stories. What’s happened to your imagination, Ad Man?”

Although the question was posed with a tender smile, Collin took a step toward her, which had her smile waning and she took a step back, which immediately put her against the wall. “You know perfectly well what’s happened to it,” he said close enough to drown in the alluring depths of her eyes.

He’d touched her. Now all he thought about was doing it until he knew every inch of her better than he knew himself, knew what gave her the most pleasure and heard her cry out for him.

“Collin, I need to get back to the girls,” she whispered.

Muttering that he had to call the office, he bid a hasty retreat before he made a bigger fool of himself than he already had. As much as he wanted to keep his word to his sister that he would use this opportunity to bond more with the little ones, he couldn’t do it and not fall for Sabrina.

Who are you kidding? You’re halfway there already.

That left him with only one solution.