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CHAPTER FOUR

SHE HADN’T EXPECTED THIS.

She’d been in perfect agreement with Leo and Ethan during that meeting this afternoon. Okay, she was partly to blame because she’d consciously chosen to let Rafael see the MacDonalds as part of his outpatient list but he’d had no right to push her out of being involved with Angus MacDonald’s first surgery. He’d actually told them she was unavailable?

Abbie scrubbed harder. It had been a long time since she’d been through this routine and her skin wasn’t liking the stiff bristles of the soap-impregnated brush. It stung as she spread her fingers and scrubbed between them and then moved on to the backs of her hands and the insides of her wrists but she didn’t lighten the pressure. The physical pain was an echo of the simmering anger she was prodding.

Rafael had been unprofessional. What had stopped him from popping his head into her office and just asking whether she wanted to be involved? He hadn’t needed to, though, had he? She’d already told him that it was another case she’d love to do.

Being pushed out like that was also confusing. And hurtful.

Wasn’t he the one who was so good at maintaining a professional distance that he could put his own emotions aside to make life and death decisions for his own daughter?

Why didn’t that automatically apply to his wife?

Because he hated her that much now? So much that his desire to avoid working closely with her was enough to make cracks appear in that ability to distance himself?

So much for thinking that they might be able to repair their marriage.

It was proving difficult enough to repair a professional relationship.

Not that others seemed to see that. The nurse who was waiting with a sterile towel held in a pair of tongs was smiling.

‘It’s so good that you and Mr de Luca are going to be working together again. Everybody’s really excited about it.’

Not everybody, Abbie thought grimly. But she smiled back as she took the towel to dry her hands.

‘It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?’

‘It’s never quite the same without you. Nobody else can work with Mr de Luca like you can. He gets quite cross sometimes.’

Abbie’s eyebrows rose as she pulled on her gown and then turned so that the nurse could tie it.

It made her feel a little better to know that no one else could partner Rafael in Theatre as well as she could but it wasn’t really a surprise, was it?

Their professional relationship had been astonishingly good from the moment they’d first shared an operating theatre together nearly two years ago.

Had any two surgeons ever clicked like that from the get-go? Complemented each other so perfectly it was as if one surgeon had suddenly doubled their skill set. And not only that. They worked in such a similar way that they could anticipate what the other was thinking or about to do. A silent form of communication and co-operation that had quickly become a talking point in their professional circle.

They’d been dubbed the ‘dream team.’

And they’d loved that.

But that had been then. The nurse’s comment had been a boost but she’d disappeared with an armful of dirty linen back into the changing rooms, and without her enthusiastic support the thought of working side by side with Rafael in Theatre was enough to make Abbie’s heart race and her mouth feel dry.

‘Get a grip,’ she ordered herself sternly, as she pulled on a pair of gloves.

She’d faced far harder things than this in the last few months. She’d had to make decisions and take actions with nothing more than her instinct to guide her at some points. And she’d had to do it firmly and swiftly. Because she’d had to do it alone.

So she could handle this.

Even if she hadn’t expected a challenge like this to appear so fast after Ethan’s edict that they work together—or face the consequences.

It was only 11:00 p.m. on the same day, for heaven’s sake.

A child had been brought in by helicopter for emergency surgery. Unrestrained, the six-year-old had been ejected from a car in a smash. She had multiple injuries, including two broken arms and major facial trauma.

She needed the best surgeons the Lighthouse had to offer.

Abbie was one of them, so that she could deal with the initial repair of the facial tissues and skin in the hope of a result that wouldn’t be too disfiguring in the future.

Rafael was the other surgeon and he would be able to handle anything that Abbie couldn’t. Thanks to his experience as a general paediatric surgeon before he’d specialised first in oncology and then in reconstructive surgery, there was nothing that could happen in an operating theatre that he couldn’t manage, at least in an emergency situation.

Knowing that had always made her feel safe.

Confident.

All she needed to do now was to tap back into that background confidence. And remind herself of just what she’d achieved with Ella’s treatment without that umbrella Rafael could provide.

She could do this. Even if Rafael didn’t really want her in there.

Taking a deep breath and pressing her lips together in a grimly determined line, Abbie crossed her arms in front of her body and turned so that she could use her back to bump open the swinging doors that led into the brightly lit operating room.

* * *

Rafael saw Abbie enter the theatre from the scrub room, holding her gloved hands crossed in front of her body, with only her eyes visible between the bottom of her hat and the top of her mask. He watched only until her gaze met his. He held the eye contact for a heartbeat and then nodded once, turning back to the task ahead. It was a simple gesture but one that had become significant to them both in the past. It conveyed satisfaction. Gratitude. Confidence. There was a difficult job to be done. He needed her to be here. She had arrived.

Things were as good as they could be for the moment.

Had he really thought it would be better if they tried to keep their professional lives as separate as their personal lives had become? At least until things had settled down? Thank goodness Ethan and Leo had taken them both to task and made it a professional duty to start working closely together again or it could have been a very long time before he’d had the bonus of having Abbie by his side like this again.

And he did need her. Rafael had been shocked when he’d met the helicopter crew in the emergency department as they’d transferred the care of little Lucy to his team. She’d been stabilised as far as possible in the rural area where the accident had occurred but there were bigger challenges ahead. The first had been dealt with in the emergency department with the help of a specialist paediatric anaesthetist. Securing a definitive airway had been extremely difficult due to the level of facial trauma but at least it had given him time to get used to the horrific injuries. He just wished he’d had more time to warn Abbie before she arrived in Theatre.

‘Oh, my God...’ He could hear the way Abbie’s breath caught in her throat as she whispered her first reaction.

‘It’s actually not as bad as it looks,’ he told her quietly. ‘The jaw’s broken in three places and she’s lost several teeth. Cheekbones are both fractured and displaced. As is the nose. One ear has been partially amputated but there’s no skull fracture or brain haemorrhage. And I think her eyes are okay. It will be easier to see what other damage there is when we get these parts of her face back where they should be. It’s the soft-tissue damage that’s making things look so bad. The scans are up over there if you want to have a look.’

‘Is there a photograph available?’ Abbie’s initial shock had worn off commendably fast. ‘Of what she used to look like?’

‘Yes. The grandmother emailed one through. It’s been printed out and is beside the viewing screens.’

‘Thanks.’ Still holding her crossed arms carefully in front of her to avoid any potential contamination and need to rescrub, Abbie moved to examine the images of both the damage and what the little girl’s face should look like. It was several minutes before she came back to the table but that was fine. Rafael had a lot of work to do before there would be an area ready for Abbie’s delicate touch in repairing delicate vessels and skin tears.

And he needed to concentrate. It wasn’t easy, trying to manoeuvre tiny titanium rings into position to try and fix fractured bones back together.

‘What’s been said about her arms?’

‘Colles’ fracture on the left. Spiral fracture of the radius and ulna on the right. Looks like she put her arms out to break the fall and then hit the ground face first. Not pretty but it may have saved her from a bad head injury or internal damage.’

‘What’s been done for them?’

‘The arms?’ Rafael didn’t need this distraction. ‘Just support with back slabs until orthopaedics can come in. It’s well down the list of priorities.’

‘Do we have the X-rays?’

‘They’re on digital file. Why?’ Rafael needed Abbie to focus on what was more of a concern right now—putting this little’s girl’s face back together.

‘Look at this.’

‘I can’t.’ Rafael was waiting for his senior theatre nurse to suck blood away so that he could see where to place the ring he was holding in his forceps. ‘I could use some help here, Abbie.’

But Abbie ignored him. ‘Scalpel, thanks,’ she ordered a registrar. ‘And someone throw some antiseptic on this arm.’

Rafael gave up on the ring and looked up, incredulous. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Opening this arm.’ Sure enough, Abbie waited only until a nurse had hurriedly swabbed the skin of a small forearm and then she was slicing into it with her scalpel. Rafael’s jaw dropped. He’d never seen her act like this.

Ever.

Seconds later, Abbie dropped the scalpel, having left a long, deep incision in the small arm. She reached for the hand still lying on the table and pressed one of the small fingernails.

‘Capillary refill’s slow but at least it’s there now.’

‘It wasn’t there before?’ Rafael was frowning now. This was the child’s right hand, which many might consider even more important to her future quality of life than how her face looked. Had there been a major problem with circulation that had been missed due to his focus on her face? Yes. He could see the unhealthy dark colour the fingers still had. How puffy they were.

‘You can still see the swelling in her arm. The fingers were cold and blue. There was no radial pulse.’

‘Compartment syndrome...’ Rafael took a deep breath. That was why Abbie had incised the muscle casing so decisively. If she hadn’t, the result could have been catastrophic. Lucy might have lost her whole hand, let alone the efficient use of it. ‘Thank goodness you noticed.’

‘If it had started when she was conscious, the pain level would have alerted someone.’ Abbie’s gaze was in no way accusing. ‘It’s just lucky I came in late and wanted an overall picture before getting focussed.’

Rafael could only nod. This was not the time or place to tell Abbie that he was proud of her picking up on the complication. And taking control without waiting for his opinion.

Getting that overall impression was a characteristic that Abbie had much more noticeably than he did these days. She was always fastidious in gathering every piece of information she could about a case. Looking at a bigger picture that included things like family circumstances and relationships. A way of looking at a case that invariably led to the kind of emotional involvement in a patient that he preferred to avoid when possible. That was why they’d always made such a good team. Two halves of an amazing whole. The ‘dream team,’ as Ethan had reminded them only today.

But hadn’t he always been the unspoken leader of that team?

No longer, by the look of things. Abbie had changed since the last time they’d worked like this together. She’d become more decisive. More authoritative. More...independent? In here, that was a good thing. It would give him a partner he would enjoy working with even more. Out of here? That was another matter entirely. Persuading Abbie to forgive him and give their marriage another chance might be an uphill battle.

‘Call Orthopaedics,’ she was instructing a nurse. ‘We’ll need them here sooner rather than later. And someone find a dressing to cover this wound in the meantime, please.’ She stepped around the table to stand beside Rafael.

So close that their shoulders were touching.

‘Now...’ Abbie was peering into the area Rafael was working on to align the small jaw again. ‘Can I start debriding the cheek tissue? I’d like to get an idea of how much skin we’ve got left to work with. I suspect we’re going to need some grafts.’

Rafael absorbed the feeling of having her this close. He could hear the calm confidence with which she was now assessing the work she had come here to do. Suddenly it was easy to push anything personal and negative into a space that had no relevance in here. He knew without any doubt that within minutes he and Abbie would be working together seamlessly. The way they always had. His own confidence soared. They could do this. Between them they would get the foundation work done that would end up with little Lucy looking as close to the way she’d looked before the accident as was humanly possible.

He hadn’t felt this inspired—this happy in his work—since...well, since Abbie had left.

How had he not realised how much he’d missed this?

Because he had isolated himself emotionally from his work so effectively?

The way he’d isolated himself from his wife and daughter?

That was in the past. He’d learned his lesson. With the resolution that things were going to change from now on, Rafael didn’t dismiss the pleasure of having Abbie working beside him. Instead, he channelled it into making sure he did the best work he was capable of.

* * *

Talk about diving into the deep end.

Six hours later, Abbie all but staggered into the changing room where she’d stored her clothes in her old locker. The one beside Rafe’s.

She headed for the closest shower, which offered a private area that included a slatted wooden bench seat beneath a hook on which to hang her dry clothes. Having hung what she would change back into on the hook, however, Abbie didn’t immediately close the door or turn on the shower to let the water get hot. Instead, she sank down on the wooden seat and closed her eyes for a moment.

Everything ached. Her back and feet seemed to have totally forgotten their ability to stand in one spot for so long without major discomfort. She had cramp in her fingers from the fierce control she had exerted to make every one of the countless sutures she’d made as perfect as possible. Her eyes felt gritty, with a fatigue that was numbing her mind and making it impossible to think of anything but finding the energy to get up and turn on that shower.

And yet Abbie was smiling as she rolled her head in a slow circle, trying to get the painful kinks out of her neck.

How good had that been?

Challenging. Intense. But so satisfying. She hadn’t hidden her skills beneath a deep layer of rust like she’d feared. Even better, she and Rafael had worked together just as they always had. There’d even been at least one of those magic moments when that complete harmony had kicked in and it had felt like it was one surgeon who happened to have four hands.

Finally, Abbie found the strength to stand up and turn on the hot water. She knew it would take at least a minute to heat up, unless they’d made some big improvements in the plumbing while she’d been away, so she stood there waiting and tried rolling her head again because there was one particularly painful spot between her shoulder blades.

‘Sore neck?’

The query was accompanied by the metallic scrape of a locker door opening. Rafael must be feeling every bit as exhausted as she was. They’d both gone to Recovery with their small patient to watch over her as her level of consciousness lifted but Rafe had stayed longer, wanting to adjust the level of sedation they would keep her under.

Something stopped Abbie turning around. They had just spent a considerable period of time working so well together. Was it that she didn’t want to spoil that by finding that he was avoiding eye contact, perhaps? Or that she might see resentment that would confirm he’d only sent for her because Leo and Ethan had hauled them over the coals about not working together?

She put her hand under the stream of water to check the temperature and to excuse her not turning around. ‘How’s Lucy doing?’

‘Very well. When I’ve had a quick shower, I’ll find her grandmother and take her to visit Lucy in Recovery.’

His voice was getting louder with every word. Good grief, had he stepped into this shower cubicle with her? Abbie tensed, ready to turn, but then froze. Apart from the sound of the running water, there was an odd stillness. Maybe Rafe had just gone past the open door to get a towel or something. She might turn and he would be nowhere to be seen and even in the split second when she imagined that possibility, she could also feel the thud of disappointment it would create. But, even as that flitted through her brain, she felt the touch of his hands on her shoulders. His thumbs digging into her spine as they made small circles over her knotted muscles. He knew exactly where that sharp ache tended to settle, didn’t he?

‘Oh...’ Abbie let her head droop. ‘That feels amazing...’

It was by no means the first time she’d been treated to a neck massage after a tough stint in Theatre so it was no surprise he could do it so well. It was, however, the last thing Abbie had expected right now.

What was happening here? The magic she’d wanted when she’d first seen Rafael again and had imagined an embrace that could wipe all out all the grief they’d given each other?

Certainly the sensations Rafael’s fingers were conjuring up were enough to wipe out rational thought. Like worrying about any hot water that was being wasted. Tendrils of a pleasure-pain mix were shooting down her spine and arcing right through her body.

But it was just a neck massage. If they hadn’t happened to be standing in a shower cubicle it was something that could be perfectly acceptable between any colleagues who were friends and understood the aftermath of the physical challenge they’d just shared. If she started thinking it was intended to be intimate she could well be lining herself up for disappointment.

‘Thanks.’ Abbie’s movement was subtle but the touch of Rafael’s hand vanished instantly. She could feel him taking a step back even as she turned her head to smile at him.

‘We did it,’ she said.

‘Indeed.’ Rafael had one hand on the door. He raised his other hand to rub his own neck. ‘I’m sure Ethan and Leo will be delighted to hear how well we managed to work together.’

Oh, yes...that disappointment had only been waiting to hit Abbie hard enough to make her lose her emotional footing.

‘That wasn’t what I meant,’ she muttered.

Rafael leaned closer to hear her. Was it intentional that the movement pushed the door closed behind him? ‘What did you mean?’

‘That we put Lucy back together. I...I think she’s going to get a good result.’ Sudden, unwelcome tears stung the back of her eyes. Abbie turned them towards the shower so that Rafael wouldn’t see. There was steam billowing out over the top of the curtain now. At least she’d be able to have a good cry when she was under that stream of water. She needed Rafe to go away. Now.

But he didn’t. ‘We certainly did,’ he said. ‘And what’s more, you probably saved her hand, Abbie. Well done, you.’

The praise was sweet. So sweet that Abbie couldn’t hold back the tears now. She had to swipe at them with her hand.

‘Oh...Abbie...cara...’

Rafe was turning her to face him. Tilting her face up with gentle pressure under her chin. The warmth of the steam around them had nothing on what was sparking between them and had it dampened the oxygen level as well? Abbie’s lips parted as she tried to find a new breath.

The caring tone of the endearment Rafael had used still hung between them and it made the flicker of desire in his eyes totally irresistible. Abbie couldn’t look away. Her fatigue was forgotten as her body strained towards his, her mind willing him to touch her. To kiss her.

She had no idea who moved first, and what did it matter?

This was no gentle reunion kind of kiss. It was how Abbie had dreamed it might be. An incandescent moment that would burn everything else into oblivion. A leap straight back into the fierce passion they had discovered the first time they’d touched each other. A passion that had only grown more powerful the more they’d learned about each other’s bodies.

He knew exactly what took her over the edge. The slide of his tongue against the inside of her lip and the way it tangled with the very tip of hers. The slide of his hands inside her clothing and the way those strong hands cupped her buttocks and pulled her against that hardness she knew so well. Wanted so badly...

But somehow it didn’t feel right. Maybe it was becoming aware of the splash of water beside them and remembering where they were and how inappropriate this was.

Or...maybe it was something much bigger than that.

In the same way that she had seen the massage as being nothing more than a physical action, a part of Abbie’s brain could see that this was only sex.

Passionate, exciting, mind-blowing sex certainly. The kind that had sealed their initial relationship and had led to Ella’s conception and had had them rushing headlong into marriage and a lifetime commitment, in fact. A kind that had been enough to keep them sane during the terrible times they’d been through in the course of Ella’s illness but, at the end of the day, it was just that. Sex.

And perhaps that wasn’t enough any more and that was what didn’t feel right.

It was Abbie whose hands stopped moving and touching. Whose lips stilled. Who wriggled free of the intimate contact of their lower bodies.

‘We can’t do this,’ she gasped.

Rafael’s gaze slid towards the shower and he sighed. ‘Come home with me, then.’

‘No.’ Abbie shook her head. ‘I don’t just mean we can’t do it here.’

There was bewilderment in his gaze now. He had no idea why Abbie had pulled away.

‘Can’t you see? It’s not going to solve anything, Rafe.’

He still didn’t understand. And he didn’t believe her. He thought he was being rejected and at the flicker of pain—anger, even—Abbie’s heart sank. She was doing it again, wasn’t she? Attacking his pride. The surest route to strengthening the barrier between them instead of starting to dismantle it.

But she could also see the internal struggle going on. The effort he was making.

His voice was raw. ‘Then what is going to solve it, Abbie? Tell me.’

There was nothing Abbie wanted more than to tell him.

If only she knew.

Rafael waited for a heartbeat. And then another. And then, muttering something in Italian that was probably a curse, he turned and left.

A second later, Abbie heard the bang of a locker door. And then the thump of the changing-room doors being pushed open. Rafael was going somewhere else to shower and who could blame him?

What had she done?

Blown the best chance she could have had to reconnect with the man she loved?

The fatigue came back in a wave that made it unbelievably hard to get on with what she had to do. The feel of her own hands on her skin as she pulled off the scrubs only reminded Abbie of the touch of Rafael’s hands and made her feel worse.

What had she been thinking?

* * *

There was very little traffic around at this time of day, which was just as well because Rafael wasn’t paying much attention as he gunned his car in the direction of the only safe place he could think of. His home.

Abbie didn’t want him.

Her body did, that much had been obvious, but her heart didn’t and that was what mattered.

How the hell could he let her know how much he still loved her if he wasn’t allowed to touch her? To let his body say the things that were too hard to put into words?

She was being unfair. Shutting them both out of the one area of their relationship they’d never had any problems with. Making sure the spotlight was shining onto the battleground that the rest of their relationship had become.

Why?

The slap of his open hand on the steering-wheel was hard enough to be painful but it didn’t shut up the annoying voice in the back of his head. Beneath the burning frustration and the simmering anger it was still there—the faint but insistent message that suggested Abbie was right. That reconnecting sexually would only push the destructive differences under a carpet. That it wouldn’t solve anything.

But she couldn’t even tell him what would.

The way he slammed the car door shut probably woke up several neighbours but Rafael didn’t care.

Maybe neither of them knew.

Because the solution didn’t exist.