Читать книгу Hollywood Hills Collection - Lynne Marshall, Amalie Berlin - Страница 17
ОглавлениеTHINGS HAD, IN FACT, changed for Zack.
He’d declined her invitation for dinner, when he actually wanted a quiet night in with Freya, but it moved them into uncharted territory and Zack did not have the head space to explore that now.
Instead, he hit ‘send’ and then walked into his office to speak with Maria, which was a very difficult conversation to have.
‘You’ve told me all this,’ Maria said. ‘Many times. I understand that he might not make it...’
‘Maria,’ Zack said, ‘listen to me. You have to hear this.’ They went through it again, not just the risks of the procedure but how they would deal with Paulo tomorrow as he went under anaesthetic.
He left her crying with Sonia, a skilled PICU nurse, who would help Maria compose herself before she went back in to be with her son.
Then he got Freya’s invitation to come over and sex really was the last thing on his mind and, annoyed at her persistence, he hit ‘send’ on a thanks, but, no, thanks text and then felt like a bastard.
She was too much, too intense, yet he liked it. Freya was complex and changeable, fragile yet strong, and he simply could not think about her now.
He lay in his hotel room, turning up the news to drown out the sound of a couple at it in the next room.
Zack couldn’t face the noise and chatter of the restaurant. Instead, he ordered room service, looked at the steak he’d ordered and washed it down with a side of pasta and a couple of bottles of sparkling water. Then it was time to start thinking about tomorrow.
He knew that there was a lot riding on this operation being a success. The Bright Hope Clinic desperately needed the donations that would start to roll in if it went well.
But it wasn’t that that truly daunted him. What did, was a five-year-old with a seriously messed-up heart. That was all there was space for in his head.
Zack checked in on his ego to make sure he wasn’t being cavalier, and then he phoned Cale, a mentor and friend in Australia that he’d trained under, and went through his proposed procedure with him when Zack still couldn’t wind down.
Then he slept a dreamless sleep, which he had trained himself to do on the night prior to a big operation, and instead of the car he’d hired he had a taxi drive him in.
He went through things with the anaesthetist and the OR team and checked in on PICU. Paulo had been admitted there last night so he would be used to it when he came around and also to have some medications administered overnight.
‘Hello, you.’ He smiled at his little friend.
‘Zack!’
He was groggy from light sedation but Paulo smiled at his big friend. Zack looked over at Maria and could see she was about to crumble. ‘Not now,’ Zack warned, and Maria nodded, remembering the long talk they’d had yesterday.
‘I’ll see you in pre-op,’ he said to Paulo, ruffled his hair and walked off.
He made his last checks and then he was told that Paulo and his mother were there and Zack went through.
‘Did you just get more handsome?’ Zack asked, and Paulo grinned his gappy blue-lipped grin.
‘He’s my handsome man,’ Maria said. ‘I love you, baby,’ she said to her son. ‘Te amo...’
‘Te amo, Mamma,’ Paulo said.
Maria gave him a kiss and Zack watched as she cuddled him tight while the anaesthetist started to give the medicines and then, as Maria had tried so hard not to do, once he was safely under she broke down.
‘Well done,’ Zack said, and he gave her a hug. ‘I will do all I can, Maria. You were wonderful with him.’
That was the hard part over with, thought Zack as he headed off to scrub.
Now came the harder part, eight hours of surgery.
He just hoped that today he didn’t get to the hardest part—telling Maria that her beautiful son was dead.
* * *
The whole clinic was on tenterhooks throughout a very long day.
The estimated operating time of eight hours became nine.
Nine became ten and as it did so Freya’s phone went again. She knew, even without looking, that it would be Mila.
She was right.
‘I know you said you’d call with any updates but I’m going crazy here.’
‘I’ve heard nothing,’ Freya said. ‘I’ll be the very last to know if Zack has his way. He doesn’t consider PR a high priority.’
‘I know,’ Mila said.
‘It’s been more than ten hours now. Is that good?’ Freya asked.
‘I hope so,’ Mila sighed, and they chatted for ten as they hung out, waiting for news on Paulo. ‘How are you and James doing now?’
‘We’re still not talking,’ Freya admitted. ‘He’s been in, observing the operation.’ Then she heard familiar footsteps and knew it was James heading for his office and Freya put the phone down on her desk and ran out.
‘James?’
‘I was just coming in to tell you. Paulo’s in Recovery and Zack is, basically, amazing,’ James said, and the animosity between him and Freya was temporarily cast aside for a moment just to breathe in the relief. ‘It’s still very early days, of course. I can see why no one wanted to touch that heart.’ James shook his head. ‘It was a mess, yet it was like watching a miracle to see him operate. Zack must have nerves of steel.’
And then he seemed to remember that they weren’t talking and James gave her a nod and Freya went back to the phone.
‘James said—’
‘I heard,’ Mila interrupted, and Freya sat silent as Mila started to cry. She truly didn’t know if Mila was crying with relief over Paulo or hearing James’s voice, or both.
God, James! Freya thought.
Why did you have to do what you did?
He had caused so much pain and though she loved her brother very much, it didn’t take away her anger for all the hurt that he had caused to her friend. And the worst part of all was that Freya simply didn’t know why James had decided to end things with Mila on their wedding day.
Freya sat there listening as her friend tried to pull things together.
‘I have to go,’ Mila said. ‘Sorry to cry.’
‘It’s an emotional time.’
‘Well, you’ve had plenty of them and yet you never cry,’ Mila snapped. She knew how closed off Freya was and she could sense something was wrong. ‘Freya, is everything okay? Apart from James and things.’
‘Everything’s...’ Freya didn’t even know where to start. Zack had made it very clear that the two of them were not to be discussed and she guessed there would be plenty of time for introspection once he had gone. ‘I’ll bring you up to speed soon enough.’
‘I’m going to keep you to that,’ Mila said. ‘Can you keep me up to date with any news about Paulo?’
‘Of course I shall.’
‘What time are you going home?’
‘I don’t know,’ Freya admitted.
It was the oddest night.
As the clock hit ten, Abi Thompson, a reconstructive surgeon who had viewed some of the operation from the gallery, stopped by for a chat.
‘Zack was awesome,’ Abi said. ‘There was no music, no chatter. Zack just stopped for water and half a banana a couple of times. It was so intense in there, there were a couple of near misses—not that you’d have known from watching Zack.’
Oh, Zack knew all about the misses.
He stood at the end of Paulo’s bed and checked all the charts with Sonia, the PICU nurse. He knew exactly how close Paulo had come to death and the surgery would certainly have turned that way if he hadn’t had such state-of-the-art equipment.
Maybe he should put himself out there a bit more, if it meant more funds.
‘He’s going to be a doctor when he grows up,’ Maria said, holding her son’s hand. ‘You wait, he’s going to make you proud.’
Zack nodded. Maria didn’t need to know that those were the words he dreaded, and why he didn’t have pictures of smiling children lining a regular office.
He didn’t want the strain on a teenager’s face as their father shook Zack’s hand and said a similar thing.
Paulo owed him nothing.
Not even a good life.
It was up to Paulo.
His life was his to live.
‘Shouldn’t you get something to eat?’ Sonia broke into his thoughts. ‘I could be calling on you a lot throughout the night.’
Zack nodded. ‘I just rang down and asked for a meal to be left in my office.’ Sonia was right, he had done all he could, and for now Paulo was critical but stable and there was a whole team starting to take over his care. ‘I’m going to try and grab an hour of sleep,’ he said. ‘Page me for anything. Don’t wait.’
‘Sure.’
He headed down and just nodded to James, who was speaking with Stephanie at Reception. Zack was thankful that James understood he wasn’t in the mood to speak and just gave him an appreciative nod back.
He walked past Freya’s open door and she saw that but then Zack turned around.
‘I’m not ignoring you,’ he said. ‘I just can’t talk to anyone right now.’
‘Fair enough.’ Freya smiled. She was prickly about last night but wasn’t selfish enough to address that now.
‘I’ve spoken with Maria and she says you can release the news that he’s out of Theatre.’
‘Thanks.’
Still he didn’t leave.
‘Sorry about last night,’ Zack said. ‘I wouldn’t have been much company.’
‘That’s fine.’ And they looked at each other for a long time, Freya trying to bite back from saying that it didn’t all have to be about sex, but well aware he didn’t need her stuff now.
‘For what it’s worth,’ Zack said, ‘I regretted it.’
And Freya said nothing. She guessed more than ten hours of surgery counted for a little lapse and that he might also later regret saying what he just had.
‘I’m going to get something to eat.’
‘Well, whatever you ordered was just delivered to your office and, I have to say, it smells amazing. Go and have a rest,’ Freya said. She had never seen someone look so wiped out.
‘I’m just going to try and grab an hour and then head back up there.’
‘Do you want me to come and wake you?’
‘Would you?’
‘Sure.’
Zack went to go and then again changed his mind. ‘Freya, could you take my pager and answer it? If it’s PICU come and get me straight away but if it’s anyone else...’
‘Sure.’
‘Were you going home?’ Zack checked.
‘Nope.’
The food was amazing, and he ate it and then rehydrated with more water. Then he lay back on the plush couch and tried not to go over the surgery in his head. He just wanted to clear his mind.
Only he couldn’t.
Twice during the surgery he’d thought he’d been wrong to take the procedure on. One hour in, he had considered closing but had pushed on. Five hours in he had been certain that the heart was too much of a mess, but it wasn’t as if he’d had any choice by then but to carry on.
Watching that heart start beating when it had come off bypass, he’d heard the elation in the theatre but had said nothing.
Going in to speak to Maria, he had warned her that the next forty-eight hours were critical and had been guarded with his optimism. No matter how Zack had warned her that Paulo might not make it through surgery, that the little boy had survived was more of a miracle than Maria would ever know.
Since the operation started he had not been able to relax for a moment yet now he had to.
And Freya knew that too.
His pager buzzed and when she saw that it wasn’t from PICU Freya rang the switchboard. ‘He’s not taking any calls unless it’s PICU. If you can take a message I’ll pass it on.’
‘Sure,’ the operator said, and Freya waited and then frowned when the operator came back on. ‘It’s his father calling from Australia, he says that it’s urgent.’
‘Okay,’ Freya said. What choice did she have? ‘I’ll let him know.’
Freya knocked on the door to his office and went in. ‘Zack,’ Freya said. ‘Zack!’
‘Is it PICU?’ He sat straight up on the second call.
‘No...’
‘Later, Freya.’
‘It’s your father,’ Freya said. ‘He says that it’s urgent.’ She handed his impatient hand the phone.
‘What’s going on?’ Zack asked. ‘Is it Mum?’
He saw Freya standing there and he glanced up, about to tell her, as she had once told him, that he’d like some privacy, given it was clearly a personal call. Then he saw the concern in her face and it wasn’t intrusive.
Freya saw his glance and realised she was hovering, and tried to remember the rules, but as she went to go he caught her wrist and frowned as his father spoke on. ‘Zack, I need some medical advice. Do you remember Tara?’
‘Of course I remember Tara, Dad.’ Zack’s jaw gritted—did they think he had no soul just because he hadn’t stayed? ‘Is she okay?’
‘Tara’s doing well, it’s the baby that’s causing me some concern.’
‘Tell me.’
‘He was four weeks premature and breech but healthy, they kept him in for five days and he was discharged at birth weight.
‘He’s fourteen days old now and for the last couple of days Tara’s been coming in. The baby seems to be doing well but...’
‘Dad?’ Zack frowned because his father sounded hesitant yet he was the best diagnostician Zack knew.
‘He’s eating, he’s drinking and he’s crying. I can’t put my finger on it, Zack, but there’s something not right. There’s a big emergency north of here, only high-priority transfers...’
‘What does Tara think?’
‘Well, Jed—’
‘Not her husband,’ Zack said. ‘What does Tara say?’
‘She’s distraught. She says that his cry has changed. I can’t pick up a murmur...’
‘Do you think that it’s cardiac related?’
‘I’m sure that it is,’ his father said. ‘That’s why I’m calling you.’
Zack went through everything. There was some sweating but the temperatures were sky-high back home, and there was also a slight reduction in peripheral perfusion, his father felt, though that was more on instinct.
‘I should get him seen but on all the guidelines he’s non-urgent at this stage.’
‘Dad, if he’s got a ductal dependent lesion...’ Zack didn’t need to spell it out that these babies were all too often diagnosed at post-mortem. ‘If you’re worried then he needs to be seen straight away.’
‘There’s been a train crash and the air ambulances have to prioritise.’
‘I don’t think you called me for a chat,’ Zack said.
‘No.’
‘He needs to be seen by Cale. I’ll call him now and he’ll put the baby’s transfer as a priority.’
‘There’s not much to go on.’
‘Yes, there is,’ Zack said. ‘You have forty years’ experience, I’d take that any time. What’s the baby’s name?’
‘Max,’ his father answered. ‘Zack, what if I’m wrong?’
‘Then I’ll be more than happy to wear it. I’ll call you back when I’ve spoken with Cale. You tell them to send the air ambulance as a priority.’
Zack no longer felt tired now.
Freya sat on the couch as he rang his mentor and then called his father back.
‘It’s all sorted in Brisbane—they’re expecting him. Cale’s coming in and will be there when the baby arrives.’
‘Thanks, Zack. We’ve got clearance for the air ambulance.’
Zack breathed out as he ended the call.
His head couldn’t take it. The very thought of Tara going through what Maria had today brought it all too close to a personal level, which Zack did his best to avoid.
‘That was my father...’
‘I heard,’ Freya said.
‘Tara’s my ex.’ He shook his head. ‘Too much?’
‘No, I think it’s nice that you care.’ Freya really did, as the impression given by Zack was that he always walked away without a second glance.
‘Well, my parents don’t think that I do. They’ve both asked if I remember her, as if I’ve cut off the first eighteen years of my life. In fairness they never knew we were on together, but as if I’d forget a friend!’ He was not going to spill it all out just because he was tired, and anyway PICU rang at that moment to alter some drug doses for Paulo.
‘He’s doing all the right things,’ Zack said, leaning back. ‘I’ll go and review him at midnight, unless there’s any change before then.’ He glanced at his phone and Freya saw that he was looking at the time in Australia.
‘What does your father think is wrong with the baby’s heart?’ Freya asked.
‘Some defects aren’t picked up at birth but when the ducts close at around a couple of weeks old... It might be nothing, it might be a small lesion that could have waited, but if my father’s ringing me that means he’s seriously worried because nothing would get that proud old bugger to call me otherwise.
‘Hell, I still can’t believe that he did.’
‘Well, you are a cardiac surgeon.’
‘Ah, but he’d prefer...’
Zack stopped and then handed her the phone. ‘If PICU calls...’
‘Sure.’
‘Or are you going home?’
‘I’m staying tonight.’
‘You don’t usually.’
‘No.’ Freya didn’t know what to say—she was here because she wanted to be and Zack didn’t know what to say because it was actually a help to him that she was.
He didn’t like leaving his pagers with others, though he had to at times, of course.
He looked at Freya and he told her more about Paulo’s operation. ‘I thought twice I’d lost him,’ he said, and for the first time he told another person what he usually put in his reports, though he gave Freya a far less comprehensive version.
‘And if you put any of this in your press releases...’
‘I never would,’ Freya said. ‘I’ll email them to you first if you prefer.’
Zack nodded. It felt odd to be unloading thoughts that he usually kept in his head and he was grateful that Freya, when he was too tired to do so, drew a very firm line to ensure that nothing he said he could live to regret.
‘I called a colleague last night to go through the surgery I planned and also to check that it wasn’t my ego taking him to Theatre. He agreed that Paulo had a chance and that he’d proceed. It’s actually the guy Tara’s baby has gone to. I spent a year working on his team.’
‘So the baby’s in good hands.’ Freya smiled.
‘The best of hands,’ Zack said, and then continued to talk about the surgery he’d performed. ‘When I first opened him up I was just going to close him and then five hours in I actually wished that I had. I was just going through the motions for the last hours, repairing what I could, remembering all I’d been taught. When they took him off bypass and I saw that heart fill...’ The adrenaline that had kept him going through surgery and again when his father had called was still surging through his veins.
‘I can’t switch off,’ Zack admitted.
‘When are your days off?’ Freya asked.
‘I’m not going to get out of this place for the next couple of days.’
‘Do you want to come riding at the weekend?’ It just popped into her head and then she realised that it might be open to misinterpretation. ‘I meant horses.’
He grinned. ‘I got that. Do you ride?’
‘Not very well,’ Freya said, ‘but I love it when I do, it helps me to unwind... It was a part of my rehab.’
‘Really?’
Zack was about to say no but then thought about it and, yep, a few hours on horseback to look forward to sounded like a good way of staying sane during these coming days.
Freya could see, though, that he was hesitant.
‘No strings, Zack. I’m not asking you out on a date.’
She’d got his back-off message yesterday loud and clear.
‘I know,’ Zack said. ‘Are we awkward?’
‘A bit.’ Freya shrugged slightly. ‘But that’s because I’ve never done this before.’
‘Done what?’
‘Not now,’ Freya said, and shook her head. Now really wasn’t the time to explain how she was struggling with her feelings for him and the inevitable ending of them. Maybe there would never be a suitable time to tell him all he was starting to mean to her, Freya realised. ‘I’d better go.’ Only that was the problem—she didn’t want to go. She wanted to be here with him and she’d never stop wanting him.
The energy between them was undeniable.
How much easier would this all be if she could simply stand up and walk away, instead of looking down at him where he lay?
Zack broke his own ‘nowhere near work’ rule and his hand went to the back of her head to pull her down to his mouth. The long, slow kiss that evolved she wanted just as much he did. And it blew beyond proportion in a moment as her hand moved down. He put his hand over hers, though not to halt it, and then Freya moved her mouth back from the kiss and licked her lips as she had the night they had met.
She wanted to sink to her knees just as much and just as naturally as she had that first time, and he wanted ten minutes of pleasure to get out of his head.
‘Do I stay or go?’ She ran a finger along his erection.
‘I thought you said you didn’t like it?’
‘A concession?’ Freya smiled.
‘Lock the door.’
She got up and did so and as she walked over he went to check in that she was okay with this, because he had pulled back from the two of them last night, Zack knew that. ‘Freya—’
‘I get it, Zack.’
They did not need a long discussion tonight so they got back to what they were supposed to be about—sex.
Yet this was different, because Zack never brought it to work and he never just lay there and did nothing except moan with want and relief.
And he could never have known that for Freya this was very different indeed; she had never done this before. She just knelt on the floor and lavished him, loving the pressure of his hand and how he held her hair tight. She took him first with her tongue and then deeper as her hand worked his base.
‘More,’ Zack moaned, just as she did on occasion, and she took him in as deep as she could and gave him the oblivion he craved.
He sank into bliss and she knelt up higher and her thighs were pressing together at the noises they made, and on the most hellish day and at a less than romantic coupling, they were possibly the closest they had ever been.
Feeling him start to come in her mouth, hearing his shout of relief, Freya came to the salty taste of him.
He made her dizzy.
Her cheek rested on his stomach and she gathered back her breath as Zack lay there. She took it as no insult that his hand slid from her head and he was already asleep.
There was one odd talent Freya had, from too many years hiding in the bathroom, and that was performing a quick tidy up. Freya dealt with all that, she popped it all back and retied his scrubs, then slunk out of his office and sat silent in her own.
And she admitted it properly then.
The life goals she’d had just a short while ago had all shifted.
She was thirty-one years old and, for the first time in her life, Freya was wondering if she was falling in love. Never could she imagine she’d have done what she just had. Zack had no idea that the thought had always made her feel ill.
Not now.
Was this love?
Very possibly, because the thought of him leaving, hurt enough for it to be.
