Читать книгу Perfect Proposals Collection - Lynne Marshall - Страница 42

CHAPTER FIVE

RHYS was polite and pleasant over the following couple of weeks, treating Katrina just the same as his other colleagues. But Katrina found herself looking at his mouth when he talked, and not just to read his lips—half the time her attention strayed and she found herself wondering what it would be like to feel his mouth travelling along her skin. Every time her hand brushed against his, she felt that weird prickle of awareness down her spine, and the feeling grew stronger every single time.

Oh, lord. She should know better. Somehow she had to stop that weird, flipping-over sensation in the area of her heart every time she looked at him.

The worst thing was, she was pretty sure it was the same for him. Because she’d seen him looking at her mouth, too. She’d noticed his colour heighten when his hand brushed against hers—and she’d seen the way his eyes widened for just a fraction of a second and his mouth parted very, very slightly.

Signs of attraction. Of arousal.

And whenever she thought about it her temperature went up another notch.

Katrina was beginning to think that not acting on that mutual attraction was going to make life just as difficult as if they gave in to it and had an affair. And even though it was going to be awkward and embarrassing, she was going to have to talk to him about it. Be honest. And see if he had any better and more sensible ideas than the ones that were running through her own head.

She managed to keep her mind on her work—just—when she was talking to young Kevin Lacey and his mum. Though it really didn’t help that Mrs Lacey had a very soft voice, and kept her head bowed so her hair fell in her face and obscured Katrina’s view of her mouth.

Oh, lord.

She couldn’t hear a single one of Mrs Lacey’s questions, and she really wasn’t sure that either Kevin or Mrs Lacey had taken in what she’d been saying about Kevin’s condition and the operation he was going to have the following day.

Katrina definitely looked strained, Rhys thought. Which was unusual: normally she was brilliant with parents, relaxed and comforting. And although young Kevin Lacey had a serious condition, it was one that could be controlled rather than something terminal, so it wasn’t one of those conversations where you knew the parents’ hearts were breaking and you felt completely helpless and wondered what use all those years of training were.

A second look made him guess what the problem was: Katrina couldn’t see Mrs Lacey’s face to lip-read. The lunch trolley was coming round, so the ward was at its noisiest, with cutlery scraping against plates and everyone raising their voices correspondingly. Katrina must be really struggling to hear, he thought, especially if Mrs Lacey’s voice was particularly quiet—and, judging by her body language, he rather thought it was.

He walked over to them. ‘Hello. I’m Dr Morgan. How are you doing, Kevin?’

‘All right,’ Kevin replied bravely, through from his pallor and the way the child was wincing Rhys realised that he was far from all right. Clearly his enlarged spleen was causing him pain.

‘Mrs Lacey?’

‘Dr Gregory’s being very helpful,’ Mrs Lacey said.

He could barely catch what Mrs Lacey was saying, and his hearing was perfect. So, even with the hearing aid, Katrina didn’t stand a chance. Not that he’d bring up her deafness, particularly in front of a patient or parent: he knew she was sensitive about it. But there was something he could do to make things easier for her. ‘It’s pretty noisy out here because it’s lunchtime,’ he said, ‘and I know you must have a lot of questions about Kevin’s condition and his operation tomorrow. Dr Gregory, I’m on a break now. Would you like to use my office so you’ve got somewhere a little quieter and less distracting to run through all the procedures with Mrs Lacey?’

The relief in her eyes made him sure he’d done the right thing. ‘Thank you, Dr Morgan. That’d be good.’

He smiled back at her. ‘My pleasure. I’ll be back on the ward in half an hour or so, but take all the time you need. And if anyone needs me, they can bleep me.’

‘I’ll pass the message on to Lynne,’ she promised.

‘See you later,’ he said, and left the ward.

‘Would you like a sandwich or anything, Kevin?’ Katrina asked. ‘Dr Morgan won’t mind if you have a snack or a drink in his office.’

He shook his head. ‘Hurts too much.’

‘I think you need more pain relief. When did you last give him paracetamol, Mrs Lacey?’

The woman whispered something Katrina didn’t catch.

‘I’m sorry, Mrs Lacey, it’s really noisy out here and I can’t hear you properly. Let’s go to Dr Morgan’s office.’ Once she’d established that it had been four hours since Kevin had had any pain relief, she was able to give him more and wrote it up in the notes. She also made sure that both Mrs Lacey and Kevin had a drink, although both refused food.

‘It’s quite a lot to take in,’ she said, ‘so I’ll go over it all again, if that’s all right with you. Kevin’s got a form of anaemia called spherocytosis—what that means is that his red blood cells don’t have their normal covering to hold them in shape and they become sphere-shaped.’ She drew a quick sketch on the whiteboard by Rhys’s desk to show them the difference between a normal blood cell and Kevin’s. ‘Because of their shape, the spleen decides they’re abnormal and destroys them too early—that’s why Kevin’s pale and gets really tired after exercise. It also makes the spleen grow more than normal, which is why you’re getting the pains in your tummy, Kevin.’

‘And it will all go away when the doctor takes my spleen out?’

Clearly the little boy had been listening. She smiled at him. ‘You’ll stop being tired and you won’t have the tummy pains, though unfortunately it won’t make your red blood cells go back to normal.’

‘And then he’ll be all right?’ Mrs Lacey asked.

This time, Katrina was able to hear her. ‘Removing the spleen does cause some problems,’ she said. ‘Without a spleen you’re more likely to pick up infections. Kevin will need to take antibiotics for the rest of his life to help avoid infections, and you need to make sure he gets vaccinated. I can give you a leaflet which will help you spot any signs of infection—if you see them, you need to take him to your GP straight away. He’ll also need to carry a card with him at all times to say he has no spleen; then if he has to go into hospital or needs treatment the medical staff will know what to do.’

‘So will it hurt, having the operation?’ Kevin asked.

‘You’ll be asleep,’ Katrina said, ‘though you might feel a bit sick and dizzy or have a sore throat when you come round from the anaesthetic. It won’t last long, though. It’s going to be a bit more scary for your mum—we’ll need to put a tube in from your nose to your tummy in case you don’t feel like eating or drinking at first, and you’ll also have a drip to give you pain relief.’

‘Does the operation take long?’ Mrs Lacey asked.

‘Somewhere between ninety minutes and three hours,’ Katrina said. ‘You’ll be able to stay with him until he’s had the anaesthetic, and there are plenty of places where you can have a cup of coffee while you’re waiting. He’ll be able to go home in about a week, and because the stitches will dissolve on their own he won’t need to come back to have them removed.’ She smiled at Kevin. ‘You’ll be back to school in a month—but I’m afraid no sport for the next three months.’

‘No football? But…’ He looked dismayed. ‘But I have to play. I’m in the school team.’

‘Sorry, sweetheart. You need time to heal,’ Katrina said. ‘But I bet you you’ll be able to play even better after the operation than you do now, because you won’t get so tired.’ She smiled at Mrs Lacey. ‘Now, I’ll get the surgeon and anaesthetist to come and have a word with you later this afternoon, and they’ll be able to answer any detailed questions you might have about the procedure. But if there’s anything else you want to know, no matter how small it might seem, I’m here to help.’

‘No football for three months.’ Kevin’s lower lip wobbled.

‘It’ll go by really quickly,’ Katrina said. ‘What with Bonfire Night and Christmas coming up, you’ll be ready to play again before you know it.’

She answered Mrs Lacey’s final questions, then shepherded them back out to the ward and sweet-talked Hannah, the auxiliary nurse, into finding Kevin a sandwich—with the pain under control again the little boy had recovered his appetite.

Katrina didn’t see Rhys again until the end of her afternoon clinic. ‘Thanks for rescuing me earlier,’ she said. ‘I really appreciate it.’

‘No problem. I could barely hear her myself—the ward isn’t exactly a quiet place, and if someone keeps their face covered you can’t lip-read.’

Katrina grimaced. ‘I should’ve said something.’

‘Not necessarily.’ Rhys frowned. ‘I’m pulling rank. Come on. Coffee.’

‘But I have paperwork to do,’ she protested.

‘Paperwork can wait. You’ve finished your clinic and I’ve done the ward rounds—it’s time to take a break.’

‘Rhys—’ she began.

‘I want to talk to you about something,’ he said.

He wanted to talk to her? Her heart missed a beat—and then she berated herself silently. Of course he didn’t want to talk to her about their relationship. They didn’t have a relationship, other than that of colleagues.

But she let him shepherd her to a quiet corner of the hospital canteen and buy her a latte.

‘It’s noisy enough in here for people not to be able to overhear us, but is it too noisy for you? Can you hear me OK?’ he asked.

He’d automatically sat so his face was in the light; despite the hubbub around them she knew she’d be able to lip-read anything that she missed hearing. ‘Yes.’

‘Right. Now, I’m going to tell you something important, so I want you to pay attention. Katrina Gregory, you’re a damn good doctor. And your hearing doesn’t change that at all.’

She dragged in a breath. ‘It’s just that sometimes… No, forget it.’

‘Talk to me, Katrina,’ he said.

She smiled wryly. ‘Isn’t that a bit like pots and kettles?’

He acknowledged her point with a smile of his own. ‘People who keep themselves to themselves probably notice it more in other people. You need to talk about this.’

‘As I said, pots and kettles.’

He flipped a hand dismissively. ‘My personal life isn’t spilling over into work.’

Katrina lifted her chin. ‘Neither is mine.’

‘I didn’t mean that.’ He sighed. ‘I’m making a mess of this. What I’m trying to say is that I get the feeling you’re worried about your hearing affecting your work—but from my point of view it doesn’t. At all. You’re good with the children and you’re good with the parents. This afternoon, anyone would’ve found it difficult to hear Mrs Lacey. I couldn’t hear her either. So it wasn’t you.’ He frowned. ‘Has someone said something to you about it?’

‘Not here.’ The words were out before she could stop them.

His frown deepened. ‘Do you mean you don’t want to talk about it here, or that someone’s said something to you elsewhere?’

She squirmed. ‘Do we have to discuss this?’

‘Yes. It’s important. Katrina, nobody can overhear us,’ he reassured her. ‘And if someone’s said something to upset you, I want to know.’

‘It’s in the past. I’m over it.’

‘Are you?’

She lifted her chin. ‘I don’t mope about things.’

‘I realise that, but if someone knocks your confidence, whatever they said comes back into your mind when you have a not-so-good day—like the one I think you’ve had today. You wouldn’t be human if it was otherwise.’

‘No.’

‘So talk to me. It’ll help.’ He reached over and squeezed her hand. Just for a moment. And the need that surged through her took her breath away.

‘Katrina?’ he prompted.

‘All right. Since you must know, it was my ex,’ she said. ‘Pete. Maddie calls him “Pete the Toad”—actually, that’s her politest name for him.’ She swallowed hard. She may as well tell Rhys the truth. And then he’d back off and she’d be able to get control of her emotions again. ‘He left me because I was damaged goods. Because he was afraid that if he stayed with me and we got married and had a child, I wouldn’t hear the baby crying—that I wouldn’t be a good enough wife and I sure as hell wouldn’t be a good enough mother.’

Rhys looked shocked. ‘What? That’s ridiculous. Katrina, look at the way you are with the kids on the ward. You’re the one we rely on to calm kids down and tell stories and distract them, and you’re an excellent doctor, too. Pete didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.’

‘No? We worked together. I was the SHO and he was the registrar on the children’s ward.’

‘Here?’ he questioned. ‘So it was the guy who was consultant before me?’

‘No. Different hospitals. I moved here a couple of years back.’ She dragged in a breath. ‘Everyone knew what had happened when we split up. And it was awful, Rhys. The atmosphere on the ward was terrible. Nearly everyone took my side, apart from this one woman who… Well, it turned out she fancied Pete and thought that if she took his part he might, um, show some interest in her.’

‘It sounds as if they deserved each other,’ Rhys said.

‘Probably. I have no idea if they got together or not and I really don’t care. But I hated going into the ward every day and facing everyone. People were sympathetic, even kind, but I could see the pity in their eyes, and I loathed the fact they saw me as “poor Katrina” instead of who I am. By the end, I wasn’t sure if they pitied me for the way Pete behaved or because I can’t hear. And working with Pete was just sheer torture. I never want to be in that situation again.’ She grimaced. ‘It was so hard to face him, when I’d loved him so much and he’d rejected me. It made me start thinking that I was as useless as he said I was—useless at my job as well as my personal life. Everyone said that he was in the wrong, not me, but it made me question my judgement in men. If he was that awful, why had I been stupid enough to fall for him in the first place? Next time round, would I pick someone who’d treat me just as badly?’

‘Useless? You? I know violence doesn’t solve anything, but right now I’d love to break the guy’s jaw,’ Rhys said through gritted teeth. ‘It’s not true, Katrina. You’re not damaged goods and you’re very, very far from useless. You’re kind and you’re clever and you’re a damned good doctor and you make the world a brighter place. Don’t ever, ever think otherwise.’

The expression on his face told her he meant it. That he was livid with Pete on her behalf.

If he could feel that protective towards her, that had to mean something. And the way he’d looked at her over the last couple of weeks…she was pretty sure he felt the same way that she did. Longing. Attraction.

But she couldn’t act on it.

She had to explain—but, then again, how could she? It wasn’t an easy subject to broach—and Rhys was such a private man, it made things even more difficult. She swallowed hard. ‘Rhys. I don’t… Look, this is awkward.’

‘I’m not going to betray any confidences, if that’s what you’re worrying about. What you just told me stays with me and only me.’

She could feel the colour flooding into her face. ‘Thank you. But Pete…that’s why I never want to date a colleague again. I don’t want to go through that horrible mess when it’s over, of people taking sides and talking about me, even if they mean well.’

‘Perfectly understandable. I’d feel the same.’

‘Is that what happened to you, too?’

She’d told him a confidence. Something she clearly didn’t talk about very much. And right now Rhys could tell that Katrina felt really vulnerable. The only way he could think of to ease that was to tell her a confidence in return. ‘Not exactly. I never dated anyone on the same ward. But…’ He paused. ‘This is the same deal. What I tell you stays with you and only you.’

‘Of course.’

‘My parents split up when I’d barely started school. I don’t want to go into details, but it was pretty messy, and I promised myself I’d never let that happen to me.’ He smiled wryly. ‘Of course, when I grew up, I realised that marriage doesn’t necessarily end in divorce—not everyone’s from a broken home.’

‘My parents have been married for thirty years,’ Katrina said. ‘And they can act embarrassingly like teenagers—Maddie’s parents are the same.’

‘They’re the lucky ones.’ He shrugged. ‘As I said, I realise that relationships can work—but mine don’t tend to. I’ve tried to make a go of things with other relationships. But it’s never worked out in the end.’

‘Is that a warning?’ she asked.

‘No, it’s a statement of fact. Even though I know the odds are probably on my side, I suppose emotionally I’m not prepared to take the risk. Which is probably why I keep people at a distance because it’s a hell of a lot easier that way. Less stressful. Work, I can deal with. Personal stuff…’ He propped his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his clasped hands. ‘Can I be honest with you?’

She nodded.

‘I’m attracted to you, Katrina. Very attracted. I haven’t felt like this about anyone since…’ He shook his head. ‘Since I don’t know when. Though I’m not going to do anything about it because I agree with you that relationships between colleagues are a bad idea. But, just so we’re clear on this, I want you to know that your hearing difficulty has absolutely nothing to do with why I’m not going to ask you out. It’s part of you, and I think because of it you’re more aware of other people’s feelings. You read body language better than anyone else I’ve ever met, so no doubt you’ve already guessed what I was going to say.’

‘I did wonder.’ She bit her lip. ‘And you’re perceptive. You saw when I was struggling today and you sorted it out without making me feel stupid, the way Pete did.’

‘Stupid?’ Rhys blinked. ‘What the hell was wrong with the man? You’re not stupid. You’re practically ready to be registrar now. You’ll ace your exams.’

‘I hope so.’

‘I know so,’ Rhys said, taking her hand again and squeezing it.

She licked her lower lip and it set his pulse racing.

‘Don’t do that,’ he begged, releasing her hand.

‘Do what?’

‘Lick your lip like that. Because it makes me want to…’ He dragged in a breath. ‘It makes me want to kiss you. And, quite apart from the fact I’m trying to stay away from you, we’re in the middle of the hospital canteen. If I do what I really want to do right now, the rumour mill will zip into action so fast it’ll practically explode.’ He forced himself to take a sip of his coffee, but the cup clattered against the saucer as he returned it. ‘You could have me on a harassment charge for admitting that.’

She shook her head. ‘Like I said, you’re perceptive. So you must have guessed it’s the same for me. Right from when I first met you.’ She raked a hand through her hair. ‘I can’t take that chance either, Rhys. I can’t risk it all going wrong—I love it here and it’d break my heart if I had to leave, the way I did in my last job.’

‘I’m not Pete, so it wouldn’t come to that,’ he said, ‘but you’re right. We can’t do this. Because you deserve the kind of happiness I don’t think I could give you. I mean, sure, we could have a wild affair.’ It was a mistake, putting it into words: he could already feel his body’s reaction to the idea of making love with her, and the way Katrina’s pupils dilated slightly told him that it was the same for her.

Oh, lord.

He needed to get some control here. And fast.

‘But I’m not looking for marriage and a future,’ he continued, ‘and it’s not fair of me to ask you to give up the chance of meeting someone who can offer you what you want.’

‘So where do we go from here?’ she asked.

‘We stay as we are. Colleagues. We’re both strong enough to put our careers and our patients first.’

‘And that’s the right thing to do. The sensible thing,’ Katrina agreed.

‘Good. So we’re clear on that.’

‘We’re clear,’ she agreed.

He should have been relieved. But he wished things could have been different. ‘When we’ve finished our coffee, we’ll go back to the ward. You go your way, I’ll go mine. We work together. And eventually we’ll both get over this blip and we’ll be able to look at each other without…’

‘Wanting to rip each other’s clothes off?’ she suggested.

He groaned. ‘I think I should’ve ordered a cold shower with that coffee. But, yes. That’s what I mean. And I know I’ve already said it, but I think it bears repeating: just so you know, this has absolutely nothing to do with your hearing.’

‘Thank you,’ she said solemnly. ‘I appreciate it.’

He was still angry on her behalf. Her ex had really done a number on her. Part of him wanted to kiss her better, to show her just how desirable she was. But then they’d end up with a complication they could both do without. Katrina deserved to find happiness with someone who could give her what she needed—which ruled him out.

Right now, they had a deal. And he had every intention of sticking to it. No matter what his body thought.