Читать книгу A &E Affairs - Lynne Marshall - Страница 22

‘YOU look terrible.’ Ellie breezed into her bedroom on her way to a late shift. ‘Or are you just not wearing mascara?’

‘Both.’ Alison tried to smile.

‘Alison…’ Ellie was tentative for once. ‘I can see that you and Nick.well, you both look pretty miserable.’ As quiet as they’d kept it, of course Ellie knew. ‘I’m assuming it’s over?’

‘It was always going to be.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Ellie said. ‘I feel like I pushed you into it…’

‘I pushed myself into it,’ Alison admitted.

‘You can talk to me.’

‘I know,’ Alison said. ‘Just not yet.’

‘It’s his leaving do on Friday. I just thought I should warn you…’

‘I’m on days off Thursday and Friday,’ Alison said, ‘and I’m off sick today. I won’t be seeing him again.’

And that was hard to say, let alone admit, and she couldn’t really talk about it with Ellie—they were just different personalities, Ellie so light and breezy, she herself so serious. She’d been a fool to think she could do a relationship any other way. Surprisingly it was Rose who bought comfort, bringing her in some lunch and sitting on the bed for a while.

‘I went and saw Anna,’ Rose said, ‘that grief counsellor…’ The bite of scrambled egg stilled in her mouth as Rose spoke on. ‘I was shocked by what happened, that I could hit you…’ She started to cry a bit and Alison held her hand. ‘I already had Tim by the time I was your age—and despite what I told your father, what I’ve told myself enough over the years, he wasn’t actually my first.’

Alison was shocked, especially when Rose continued.

‘Or my second.’

‘Enough information!’ Alison smiled.

‘I’ve been holding you back for my own selfish reasons and you’ve been a wonderful daughter, Alison. but you need your life too.’ And she told her what Nick had. ‘You’re holding back too.’

‘No.’ Alison shook her head and Rose, as she often did, rammed home her point. ‘What’s happening with Nick?’

‘He leaves on Sunday,’ Alison said. ‘We had a bit of a row.’ She took a deep breath. ‘He offered to fly me out to Asia—do some travelling with him, just for a few weeks. It’s not that simple, though.’

‘Can you afford it?’ Rose asked, and Alison was so proud of how she was trying—so relieved to have such a long-awaited real conversation with her mum.

‘He offered to pay,’ Alison said. ‘It should be cheap—he’s going right off the beaten track…’

‘You’d need some immunisations…’

Alison shook her head. ‘It’s not the money, Mum. I don’t want to feel like this again in a few weeks. I just want it over with, I just want him gone.’ And she couldn’t even cry because she wanted to be sick, which she was, dashing across the hall and just making it to the loo as Rose stood outside, fretting.

‘Maybe just stick with toast.’

And Alison didn’t answer, just leant over the loo and closed her eyes, because it wasn’t scrambled egg making her sick, and it wasn’t her mother or money stopping her from following her heart now, it wasn’t even her.

She was in no position to be getting immunisations and going off the beaten track.

No position at all.

Of that, she was almost certain.