Читать книгу 200 Harley Street - Lynne Marshall - Страница 38

‘AS IF THIS day could get any worse.’ Lexi let out a sigh as the buzzer sounded loudly again. It was almost as if someone upstairs was laughing at her, waiting until her toe was perfectly poised above the millions of lavender-scented bubbles and her satin dressing gown had just hit the floor.

The buzzing was becoming more incessant, more desperate. So she picked the dressing-gown back off the floor and knotted it tightly around her waist. ‘This had better be good,’ she muttered as she made her way to the door.

She swung the door open, fatigue stopping her from putting her sensible head in place. The one that would make her put all her locks in place and check through the peephole before opening the door, half-dressed.

‘Iain!’

The very last person she had expected to see tonight.

The cool night air swept around her thin dressing-gown, making it billow against her legs. She tried to grab it, tried to hide the swathes of skin it was threatening to expose.

Iain was leaning against her doorjamb, his shaggy hair looking as if he’d spent the last two hours running his fingers through it.

Twenty minutes. That was how long the interview had lasted. And while what she’d captured initially was just what she’d hoped for and would be perfect for the publicity campaign, the ending had been more than a little abrupt.

She’d been left standing with her jaw bouncing off the floor as John had shrugged, packed up his camera and left for the night. Iain had vanished. No one in the hospital had known where he was and Lexi had been left to make her way home wondering what on earth she’d done wrong.

A long hot bubble bath, a glass of wine and a mountain of pizza had been on the cards.

‘Can I come in?’ His manner was still abrupt but he was looking at her with those big brown eyes that sucked you in and made you forget how to give appropriate answers. It didn’t help that every hair on her skin was standing on end and she couldn’t bear to look down and see the effects on her nipples.

She stood aside. ‘If you want,’ she muttered, unsure whether this was a good idea or not.

Iain walked into her flat, instantly filling it with his large frame. It wasn’t as if she lived somewhere small. By most people’s proportions Lexi’s London flat was positively comfortable. But just having Iain in it seemed to make the air close in around her. She was feeling completely and utterly underdressed.

He was pacing. Pacing around her flat. He had the obligatory grey suit on, with a dark blue shirt, his top button open and tie askew. ‘Look, Lexi, about earlier—’

‘What about earlier?’ she interrupted, folding her arms across her chest as it seemed the safest position for them.

He stopped pacing and took a step towards her, closing the space between them in an instant. His voice was low. ‘I’m not very good at this.’

‘Not very good at what?’ Was that her voice that sounded all squeaky? How embarrassing. He was too close. She could reach right out and put her hand on the plane of his chest. So not a good idea. It was better to keep her eyes fixed on her dark wooden floor and bare feet with their painted toenails.

She heard him sigh. ‘Saying sorry.’

Her head snapped back up in time to see him run his fingers through his hair and fix his brown eyes on hers. So not what she was expecting.

Being this close to Iain McKenzie was more than a little disconcerting. Particularly when she was partially dressed.

‘Lexi?’ he said softly.

‘What?’

‘Would you mind putting some clothes on? It’s kind of distracting, seeing you like this.’

She felt the colour rush into her cheeks. On one hand she should be glad that he found her distracting—on the other? She wasn’t entirely sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

‘I was just about to step into the bath,’ she said by way of explanation.

‘Have you eaten?’ He glanced at the clock.

She shook her head. ‘Ordering pizza was next on my list.’

He reached over and touched her arm, his warm hand circling her cold wrist. ‘Then let me take you out to dinner.’

She pulled back a little, trying not to focus on the electricity shooting up her arm. ‘It’s nearly nine o’clock. Where are you going to find somewhere that still has a table?’

He gave her a knowing smile and tapped the edge of his nose. ‘Leave that to me. Will you come, Lexi? We need to talk.’

For a second she hesitated. Was this a good idea? Maybe she could persuade Iain McKenzie that the job she was doing was actually a worthwhile one. Maybe she could persuade him to be a little more involved. Anything that would help the charity work of the clinic would surely be worth a dinner. No matter how blunt her dinner partner was.

She looked down at her pink toes. ‘What do I need to wear?’

‘You could wear a plastic bin bag, Lexi, you’d still look good.’ The words tripped off his tongue as easily as could be. He didn’t even seem embarrassed by them.

She walked off towards the bedroom. ‘That didn’t help!’ she shouted over her shoulder.

Fifteen minutes later he walked her down a street in London she’d never visited before. A warm and enveloping smell started to surround them as Iain walked towards a red-painted door and pushed it open. There was no traditional restaurant window looking out onto the street and advertising its presence. Instead there was a winding staircase up to what felt like the top of a private townhouse.

The smell was intriguing her. ‘What is this place?’ She looked around for a restaurant name or menu but there was nothing obvious.

A man appeared at Iain’s side and pulled a curtain aside for them, revealing a small intimate restaurant. ‘Nice to see you again, mate. Find yourself a table.’

She smiled at the rich Australian accent and informality of it all. The restaurant was busy, with only a few free tables.

Then reality started to hit and she took a little step backwards. ‘Isn’t that Georgie Perkins, the Oscar-winning actress?’ The woman was dressed in a green suit and drinking wine with her husband and another couple.

Iain gave a nod and pulled out a chair for her. Lexi smoothed the front of her red jersey dress as she sat down, yet again feeling instantly underdressed.

‘Hey, Iain.’

‘Hey, Kevin, nice to see you.’ He gave the man on their right a curt nod.

Lexi leaned forward and gritted her teeth. ‘Sir Kevin Bain? Chairman of the richest football club in the country?’

Iain reached over and grabbed some bread out of the basket sitting on the table. ‘Yup, him and wife number three.’ He leaned forward and winked. ‘She’s one of ours, you know.’

‘What is this place?’ Lexi asked, looking around and realising she still hadn’t seen a name anywhere.

‘It’s Frank’s,’ he said simply.

‘And who is Frank?’ she asked. ‘And how come I’ve never heard of this place?’ She pointed over at the other diners. ‘Other people obviously have.’

‘Take it from me, this place is for good eating and good wine. You won’t find any paparazzi hanging around outside the door, and it never needs to advertise.’

Lexi settled back into her chair. He was right. The place had a certain ambience about it, as if the celebrities who were there knew their privacy would be guarded. She had dined around lots of people like this, but she’d never seen them quite so relaxed—quite so unguarded. Would the same rules apply to Iain? Was this why he’d brought her here?

The guy from the door appeared and handed them menus. He looked at Lexi and held out his hand. ‘I haven’t met you before, have I?’

She shook her head and met his firm handshake. ‘Lexi Robbins. I work with Iain.’

‘Lucky man. I’m Frank. If it’s not on the menu—just ask and I’ll make it for you. I can handle all the allergy quirks, all the special diets, but if you’re a crazy who just doesn’t want any calories then I’ll pour you a glass of water and charge you a hundred bucks.’

She laughed, instantly liking the big Australian, then grabbed her stomach as it let out a little grumble.

He looked skyward. ‘My favourite noise in the world. What will it be, lady?’

Lexi handed him back the menu. She’d barely even glanced at it but felt as if she could trust his judgement. ‘I’m a chicken girl. Do anything you like with it—except give me bones.’

Frank blew some of his hair off his forehead. ‘Amateur!’ He turned to Iain, ‘Go on, master of the universe. Surprise me.’

Iain rolled his eyes. ‘If you keep talking to me like that, I won’t come back.’

‘Fat chance.’

He nodded and handed over his menu. ‘You’re right. I’ll have the usual.’

Frank disappeared muttering, only to reappear and plonk a bottle of red wine on the table along with a couple of glasses.

Iain lifted the bottle and gave a smile. ‘Are you okay with red, or would you prefer something else?’

She lifted her glass towards him. ‘Red’s fine. Just not too much.’

Iain filled her glass part way then did the same with his own.

‘To Frank’s?’

She smiled and clinked glasses with him. ‘To Frank’s. Here’s hoping the food is as good as you promised.’

Iain nodded with confidence. ‘You’ve nothing to worry about here.’ He looked around at their surroundings. ‘This place is all about chilling and relaxing. That’s why I brought you here. We could have gone to Drake’s but the food, and the company, are infinitely better here.’

She smiled. Drake’s would be packed to the rafters right now—probably with most of the staff from the Hunter Clinic and St Catherine’s. It was unlikely they would have managed to have any kind of conversation in there.

‘Who is Frank?’

‘Just a sad Australian who needed an op one day. He told me he owned a restaurant and invited me for dinner after that.’

‘You’re not going to reveal?’

He shook his head. ‘Only if you get me drunk.’

There it was. That little hint of humour that appeared on the rarest of occasions. She liked it. It proved that the gruff exterior of Iain McKenzie wasn’t as rock solid as it first seemed and the man could actually laugh at himself.

He set his glass on the table. ‘So, Lexi Robbins. I’m curious about you.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I don’t know much about you.’

She sighed. ‘Haven’t you ever read a newspaper or a gossip magazine? My life’s been pretty much an open book since the second I was born.’

‘Yeah, but that’s not the kind of thing I want to know.’

She leaned forward a little. ‘So what do you want to know, Iain McKenzie?’

She hadn’t meant it to come out that way. Slightly flirtatious. Slightly coy. But they were sitting in a darkened candlelit restaurant in the middle of London after a stressful day. She really didn’t want to have to think too hard. She was only doing what came naturally.

His eyes skimmed over her. She could feel them. Taking in her loose curls and comfortably fitted dress. She hadn’t bothered with much make-up, only reapplying her lipstick and adding some mascara.

His finger ran round the rim of his glass. ‘I’m curious why Leo Hunter hired you to be the head of PR. You must be good—you must be very good, because everyone working at the clinic was handpicked by Leo.’

‘And the implication is that I don’t seem that good?’ Her reaction was instant. She could get angry. She could get upset and tearful. But to be frank she’d heard it all before and was far too tired to fight. She leaned back in her seat and took a sip of her wine.

‘I didn’t say that.’ His voice was quiet. Controlled. As if he was trying to get the measure of her.

She let out a sigh. ‘You didn’t have to, Iain. A million others have implied it before you.’

His eyebrow rose ever so slightly. ‘Why would they do that?’

She took another sip of wine. It was official. A few sips were definitely hitting the right spot and relaxing her. That’s what happened when you hardly managed to eat all day.

‘Let’s start at the very beginning. You might have guessed I was a bit of an accessory to my parents.’

‘That seems a bit harsh.’

She let out a snort. ‘Try living it. It gets a bit much when they constantly tell you you’re not pretty enough or good enough.’

Iain leaned forward, his eyes practically smoking. ‘Your parents did that?’

She shook her head a little. ‘Not in so many words. It was implied—in a lot of ways. I was constantly in the press, being compared to my mother, the supermodel. What girl really wants to spend her life being told she’s not as pretty as her mother?’ Lexi lowered her eyes. ‘I focused on other things. I was academic. I liked school, I guess in that respect I took after my father. Then I had a bit of an accident and I was out of school for a while.’

‘What happened?’ She could see the concern on his face and felt a lump forming in her throat. So much time had passed. It had been so long ago. She’d got over this and put it behind her, she didn’t feel the need to go into details.

‘I had a horse-riding accident and needed some major surgery.’ It was best to leave the specifics out. ‘My mum and dad were there for a few days, but they were busy. They both had contractual obligations. So once they knew I would live but need some serious recuperation, they handed me over to my Aunt Jo.’

Iain wrinkled his nose. ‘I thought you said your family was permanently in the papers. I’ve not heard of your Aunt Jo.’

Lexi smiled. ‘I bet you have. Josephine Kirk. She’s my father’s sister.’

His eyes widened. ‘Wasn’t she an ambassador for children for the UN?’

Lexi nodded. ‘After I recovered from surgery I still wasn’t really fit for school. I spent the summer with Aunt Jo—and almost every summer after that. We’re close.’

‘Closer than you are to your mum and dad?’

‘Absolutely.’ There was no hesitation in the word.

Iain sucked in his breath. He had a great relationship with his mum and dad. They’d been his absolute backbone when he’d lost his wife. He couldn’t imagine not knowing that they would always be there for him. Lexi had described herself as an ‘accessory’—what kind of parents did she have?

He watched her in the flickering candlelight. She seemed totally at ease, totally oblivious to the casual, admiring glances she was receiving. He’d never given Lexi much thought. Even when she’d started working at the clinic he hadn’t really taken much notice of her credentials or her work ethic. But she was rapidly turning into the most interesting woman he’d met in a long time.

Lexi was tempted to fill the silence. Should she tell Iain more?

He was a doctor. He would understand.

But she wasn’t really ready to share any personal details. Her aunt was the wisest woman she’d known. Lexi’s surgery had been extensive—a horseshoe in her lower abdomen had caused tremendous damage to her young body, meaning that she would never be able to have children of her own. But her aunt had taken her to a place to show her the little children in this world who would need someone like her—someone to love and care for them in future years.

And it had helped Lexi move on. To stop thinking about the fact she’d never be pregnant and give birth, but to realise that not everyone became a mother in the same way. To realise that if her dream was to have a family then the possibility was there.

Very few people knew that detail about her. And even though Iain was watching her with those big chocolate-brown eyes, lulling her into a false sense of security that might make her reveal her innermost secrets, she just couldn’t say anything else.

This was about protecting herself and protecting the decisions that she made. She’d learned from her mistakes. So no matter what spark she currently felt towards the sexy Scot, it wouldn’t make her reveal her most intimate secrets.

‘Here we go, folks. Chicken with no bones, and my own special concoction, and the usual for you.’ Frank placed the plates down on the table with a flourish and then melted into the back ground once again.

Lexi leaned forward and breathed deeply. ‘Oh, this smells great. I’m starved. What have you got?’

Iain smiled. ‘Pulled pork with spicy sauce and hand-cut chips. Can’t beat it. It’s perfect every time I come here.’ He picked up his knife and fork. ‘What did Frank make for you?’

Lexi smiled. ‘I think he secretly switched on his telepathic powers and invaded my brain. He’s given me something that I’ll love, chicken with mushrooms and some spicy potato bravas. I can’t wait.’

Iain nodded. ‘Frank always seems to get it just right.’ He waved his fork at her. ‘Dig in.’

She did. And Iain watched with enjoyment as she cleared her plate and then sat back and gave a sigh. ‘That was much better than pizza.’

A woman who wasn’t scared to eat. What a relief. At least fifty per cent of the women he saw at the Hunter Clinic had some weird ideas about diets and eating. Some of them were even refused surgery because their BMIs were so low it made them anaesthetic risks. It was nice to be in the company of a woman who seemed comfortable in her own skin.

The strange thing was, it obviously hadn’t always been the case. She’d already told him about her experiences of being compared to her mother, and there was the fact she’d obviously had implants. Why would someone like Lexi think she needed to have surgery?

But the more time he spent in her company the more he was drawn to her. She was warm and charming with a good sense of humour. And even though she’d spent part of her life in the spotlight she certainly wasn’t the vacant blonde she was sometimes portrayed as in the press.

Lexi was highly intelligent, well read with an opinion on everything. And pushing aside the breasts and fabulous legs, there was just more and more to like about her.

‘What did your parents think about you doing your degree?’

She stared at him and the edges of her lips curled upwards. ‘Why do I get the impression that you already know?’

‘I’m just guessing your mother might have had other plans for you.’

‘Oh, she did. And they all involved being her personal assistant and PR girl. She was most annoyed when I passed my exams with flying colours and got a place to study international business.’

Iain nodded slowly. ‘Interesting choice.’

‘It was fabulous. And in the final year you had a placement in a real business for six months. I loved it. They offered me a job straight after uni.’

‘And did you take it?’

‘I did for a few years.’ She took another sip of her wine. ‘Funny thing was, I actually found myself drawn towards PR work. Maybe my mother knew me better than I knew myself all along.’

‘So did you work for her?’

Lexi smiled. And it was the best smile of the evening, reaching all the way into her eyes and giving her a cheeky sparkle. ‘Not a chance.’

He laughed. There were so many qualities here that he hadn’t seen before. Hadn’t taken the chance to see. All because from the second he’d set eyes on Lexi she’d woken up his libido like a shrieking alarm clock. Something he definitely hadn’t been prepared for. And something he definitely hadn’t been ready to acknowledge.

‘So how did you end up being head-hunted by Leo Hunter at the clinic?’

She nodded. ‘Leo is very persuasive. I was working for a variety of charities when he approached me. At first I wasn’t interested in trying to raise the profile of a private clinic. It seemed almost the exact opposite of what I was currently doing. But Leo told me about the work they wanted to fund and the people he wanted to help by increasing the client base of the clinic …’ Her voice tailed off and Iain smiled.

‘I get it. Leo is very persuasive.’

She smiled again, her blue eyes fixed on his face. He pushed his wine glass aside. Lexi Robbins was beginning to wreak havoc on his senses.

‘I like the clinic. I’m proud of the job I do. I want to be known for me, Lexi Robbins. I hate it when a newspaper article starts, “Lexi Robbins, daughter of…”’ She shook her head. ‘I’m my own person. But I’m also wise enough to know that some of the clients I’ve brought to the clinic saw me in the first instance because I’m my father’s—or my mother’s—daughter.’

Iain lifted his glass and held it up to her. ‘Well, in that case I want to make a toast. To Lexi Robbins, PR genius of Hunter Clinic, who will bring in thousands of pounds to help fund the charity projects.’

She lifted her glass and gave him a wink. ‘Tens of thousands of pounds.’

They clinked glasses.

‘Dessert?’ Frank appeared at their side again, clearing their dinner plates. ‘Could I tempt you with a beautiful pear tart with chocolate sauce?’

Lexi shook her head. ‘It sounds heavenly, Frank, but I’m all chickened out.’

‘Too much?’ he asked.

‘No, just perfect. But I honestly couldn’t eat another bite.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘It’s been a long day and I’m feeling kind of tired.’ She looked apologetically at Iain and he stood immediately to come to her side and pull her chair out.

‘No problem at all.’ He pulled some money from his wallet to pay Frank and gave him a wave as he helped Lexi on with her coat. It was late. He should have paid more attention to the time. Not everyone was an insomniac like him. Not everyone did anything possible rather than go to bed and stare at the ceiling, hoping to have a dreamless night.

‘I hope you don’t mind, Iain.’ She spun round to face him and her big blue eyes and blonde curls were directly under his nose. Just inches away from him.

‘Of course not, Lexi. I’ll walk you home. I should have kept my eye on the time.’ He held out his arm as they walked down the stairs and out onto the street and was secretly glad when she slid her arm through his.

He was telling himself he was only being polite. It didn’t mean anything else. It didn’t mean anything at all.

But walking through the darkened London streets with a beautiful woman on his arm gave him a little buzz. And not in the traditional sense. As a surgeon Iain knew better than most that true beauty came from the inside. And tonight he’d been well and truly exposed to the true beauty of Lexi Robbins.

He’d watched a programme once where people sat behind a screen and described how they looked to an artist who drew a picture of them from their description. Then one of their friends described them to the same artist. The programme ended with the pictures hanging side by side. It truly reflected that people often didn’t see themselves the way others saw them. The pictures where the people had described themselves were nowhere near as beautiful as the ones where their friends had described them. And the friends’ pictures were a much more accurate reflection of the individual.

Why had this sprung to mind? Because he could tell—just from tonight and their conversation—that Lexi couldn’t see the beauty he could, both inside and out.

It still intrigued him why she’d felt the need to get implants. But it seemed too personal a question to ask. It could be that Lexi had had other reasons for surgery and the implants were a consequence of that.

They rounded the corner into her street.

‘You’re awfully quiet, Iain. Something wrong?’ Even her voice sounded merry. Lexi was a pleasure to be around.

‘Not at all. I’m just enjoying the company.’

‘That’ll be a first. You’re usually playing hide and seek with me.’

Yes. She was nobody’s fool, even if she was usually too polite to say so. It seemed the wine had loosened her tongue.

He stopped and spun her round, catching her around the waist. ‘Lexi Robbins, I have no idea what you mean,’ he said in mock horror.

She pointed her finger at his wide chest. ‘I’ll have you know, Iain McKenzie, that I was the champion hide-and-seeker as a kid.’ She lifted her hands in the air. ‘You can run but you can’t hide.’

‘Who says I want to hide?’ he said, closing the space between them in an instant and pulling her hard against his chest.

This time the sensation of her firm breasts wasn’t a surprise. But the way her body melded into his was. It was almost as if she … fitted.

This time her hands rested on his shoulders. The initial flash of surprise disappeared from her eyes and her gaze remained steady on his.

Her voice was a little breathless. ‘Admit it, Iain, you have been hiding from me.’ There wasn’t another person on the street. It was just the two of them. Nothing and no one to interrupt them.

‘And all of a sudden I can’t imagine why,’ he said quietly.

Silence. The tension between them was almost palpable. The air was practically crackling.

Then she almost tipped him over the edge. Her tongue ran along her red lips, moistening them and making them glisten in the dim light. Her voice was hoarse. ‘Neither can I,’ she whispered, as her fingers pressed into his shoulder bones.

He didn’t think. He didn’t stop to think for a second.

This was all about instinct. And his instinct was to make her his.

He bent his head, taking her lips as his own. Claiming them in every way possible. His hands pulled her hips close against his then he lifted them and wound them through her blonde hair. So soft, so silky between his fingers.

She let out a little gasp and raised herself up on tiptoe, trying to get herself even closer to him. Her hands left his shoulders and slid around to the back of his neck, curving themselves across the expanse of his back.

There was nothing tender and gentle about this kiss. This was pure and utter unbridled lust. That scent was under his nose again, drifting through his senses. It had followed him for days, driving him slowly and utterly crazy with the thoughts it evoked in his brain.

Lexi was matching him every step of the way. He pushed her back from the pavement towards the entrance of her flat. His hands were drifting under her coat, up the sensual curves of her waist and hips, relishing the feel of the clingy jersey dress beneath his fingertips. Then his hands met her breasts, the rational part of his brain wondering if she would react to his touch but the sensual part of his brain already on a mission he had to complete. Beneath the thin material her nipples reacted in his palms, making him stifle a groan in the back of his throat.

He pressed her further against the wall, one of her legs rising up and hitching on his hip, his hardness pushing against her core. His head had fallen to her neck now, to the source of that delicious sensual scent. He could taste it under his lips as his tongue moved around the soft skin at the bottom of her neck and along her fine clavicle. Her hands were moving in one direction—with a distinct purpose—and his back arched towards her.

His fingers were following suit, pushing up her dress and edging along the inside of her thigh.

‘Iain,’ she panted.

‘What?’ He didn’t even look up, didn’t want to stop what was happening.

Her body was reacting to his every touch, completely and utterly responding to every single move he made.

A cool breeze danced across his skin where she’d opened a few buttons on his shirt and the sweep of air caused him to stiffen.

He looked up. Lexi’s gaze was fixed on his. Part of it passion, part of it confusion. He could see the wealth of emotions behind her blue eyes and it brought him crashing to earth with an almighty thump.

Lexi. It was Lexi Robbins standing in front of him now.

It was Lexi Robbins who had stoked his emotions so high he’d almost choked on them.

Blonde hair, blue eyes. Staring at him with a look of expectation, a look of reciprocation of the feelings that were bubbling inside him.

It was like a bucketful of ice chips tumbling over his body. The horrible, stomach-churning realisation that not once this evening—not once—had he given Bonnie a second thought.

He stepped backwards, trying to put some distance between him and Lexi. Distance that had already formed in his mind a mile wide.

For the last few years he’d thought about Bonnie every single day. Every single day.

Whether it was first thing in the morning when he woke up, at some quiet time snatched in the middle of the day, or late at night when he was home alone, Bonnie had appeared in his thoughts every day. Sometimes the memories were good ones, happy thoughts of places they’d been, things they’d experienced together.

Other times he was in Theatre when he relived those horrendous moments. Losing his precious wife and losing his twins in one fell swoop.

Other times he was racked with guilt, replaying conversations when he’d persuaded her to give IVF one last go. To give that particular chance of having a family that way one last try.

So many steps in his life that he wanted to rewind. Wanted to turn back the clock and do differently.

But no matter what the thoughts, no matter whether the memories were good or bad, they had been there. Every single day. Until now.

The guilt was horrendous. From the second he’d got up that morning he’d thought about Lexi, knowing that she was meeting him at Kate’s.

He’d even thought about her at some points today during surgery. Unthinkable.

The only time today he’d given Bonnie any thought had been the tiniest fleeting moment at the end of the interview when he’d walked out.

But it had vanished in a flash when he’d realised his reaction had been over the top and his priority had been to apologise to Lexi. Not to sit down for a few seconds and wonder why he was so mixed up. Wonder why he was reacting in such an irrational way.

Somewhere along the way an invisible line had been crossed without him even realising it. A line that he’d drawn in the sand years ago to protect himself from taking actions that could affect the life of another. The consequences were too big a cross to bear.

Casual relationships were fine. But Lexi was no one’s casual relationship. And he’d known that from the second he’d seen her and realised the affect she had on him.

Avoiding her had been a self-preservation technique—one he should have stuck to.

‘Iain? Iain, what’s wrong?’ Her voice was still breathy, panting, as if she was full of pent-up frustration. The last thing he needed right now. What he needed right now was space. Distance. As much as possible.

‘This was a mistake. A big mistake.’ With every word he stepped back a little further, as if it helped him say the words.

A splash of rain landed on his nose and he looked upwards at the dark sky above him. Clouds were circling above his head in more ways than one.

‘I have to go. I’m sorry, Lexi. Let’s just leave it. Just leave it alone.’

She started to shake her head. Utter confusion was painted across her face and his gut clenched at the fact he’d hurt her. It had never been his intention. Things had just got out of control.

‘But, Iain—’

He whipped away as the rain started to deluge the pavement around him, his stride lengthening with every step.

He didn’t care about the weather, he didn’t care about the rain.

He just needed to get away from her. Get away from her intoxicating scent. Even as he walked down the street he could still smell her—smell her perfume on his clothes.

He lifted his hand and something reflected under the orange streetlight. A strand of shiny blonde hair, glittering like a moonlit stream. She was everywhere.

Not just in his head.

Guilt ground away at him. He should be thinking of Bonnie and his lost children. He should be remembering the terrible impact he’d had on three lives, all because he’d persuaded his beautiful wife to give IVF one last try. She hadn’t been sure. The previous two attempts had been tougher than either of them had anticipated, and they’d almost resigned themselves to the fact that they wouldn’t have a family by a natural means.

And he’d felt fine about that.

So, why, why had he pushed for one last try? Even he couldn’t fathom out the details now. The decision seemed so ridiculous, so misguided. And that had been before the eventual outcome.

Carrying two tiny white coffins next to his wife’s had been the end of Iain McKenzie.

It had been the end of the light-hearted, laughter-filled man that he’d become thanks to Bonnie. She had always been the person to lift his sometimes dark moods. She’d always been the glass-half-full kind of girl.

She’d been his shining light. And look what he’d done to her.

‘Beloved Wife. Beloved Son. Beloved Daughter.’

The words etched in gold on the black granite, along with the three red poppies, were forever in the back of his mind.

Maybe he’d been wrong to come to London. Maybe he should have stayed in Edinburgh, where he could have visited the grave every day?

But the smoky strands of depression had been circling around his brain. Creeping up on him with their strangulating hands. His parents, his friends and his family had all urged him to go with Leo. They had told him it was for the best. They had told him he needed a fresh start.

They hadn’t counted on Lexi Robbins.

And, three years later, neither had he.