Читать книгу The Seven Sisters of Sleep - M. C. Cooke - Страница 7

Table of Contents

“Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased;

Pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow;

Raze out the written troubles of the brain;

And, with some sweet oblivious antidote,

Cleanse the stuff’d bosom of that perilous stuff,

Which weighs upon the heart?”——Macbeth.

Amongst Mahometans, the following legend is said to be accepted as an account of the miraculous introduction of the “wond’rous weed” to the world.

“Mahomet, passing the desert in winter, found a poor viper frozen on the ground; touched with compassion, he placed it in his sleeve, where the warmth and glow of the blessed body restored it to life. No sooner did the ungrateful reptile find its health restored, than it poked forth its head, and said—

“‘Oh, Prophet, I am going to bite you.’

“‘Give me a sound reason, O snake, and I will be content.’

“‘Your people kill my people constantly, there is war between your race and mine.’

“‘Your people bite my people, the balance between our kindred is even, between you and me; nay, it is in my favour, for I have done you good.’

“‘And that you may not do me harm, I will bite you.’

“‘Do not be so ungrateful.’

“‘I will! I have sworn by the Most High that I will.’

“At the Name the Prophet no longer opposed the viper, but bade him bite on, in the name of God. The snake pierced his fangs in the blessed wrist, which the Prophet not liking, shook him off, but did him no further harm, nor would he suffer those near him to destroy it, but putting his lips to the wound, and sucking out the poison, spat it upon the earth. From these drops sprang that wond’rous weed, which has the bitterness of the serpent’s tooth, quelled by the sweet saliva of the Prophet.”5

Happy Moslem! you have solved the mystery, and your heart feels no doubt; but Christian dogs despairingly sigh for some revelation from the past, whether through history or tradition, of the first use of this plant. In vain we enquire who it was that first conceived and put in practice the idea of burning the large leaves of a weed, and drawing in the smoke to spit it out again? Who it was that discovered pleasure or amusement in tickling the nose with that “titillating dust” to enjoy the luxury of a sneeze, or find employment in blowing it out again? Ye shades of heroes departed, that hover around the pine-woods of the Saskatchewan, sail over the rolling prairies of Illinois, or roam along the strands of Virginia, tell us to what illustrious progenitor of Cree or Mohawk we are to accord the honour of a discovery more popular than any since the days when “Adam delved and Eve span?”

In default of the shades giving us the required information, we must resort to the faint footsteps which “the habit” has left imprinted on the sands of Time. Even the name by which it is called, has been disputed and even denied, as of right, belonging to tobacco. This word, Humboldt informs us, like the words savannah, maize, maguey, and manati, belong to the ancient language of Hayti or St. Domingo, and did not properly denote the herb, but the pipe through which it was smoked. Tobacco, according to Oveido, was indigenous in Hispaniola, and much used by the native Indians, who smoked it from a tube in the shape of the letter =Y=, the two branches being inserted in the nostrils, and the stem placed in the burning leaves. The plant was called the cohiba, and the rude instrument by which it was inhaled tabaco.

Other fabulous accounts of the origin of this mystic name, which opens the heart and hand of the savage more readily than that of gold, trace it to Tabacco, a province of Yucatan in New Spain, whence it is stated to have been first brought to Europe. Or affinity is claimed for it with the Island of Tobago, one of the Caribbees, where it grew wild in abundance. Or its derivation is traced to Tobasco, in the island of Florida. In Mexico it was called yetl, and in Peru sagri, meaning in those languages “the herb,” or the herb par excellence, worthy of superiority over all other herbs which the earth ever produced from her bosom.

It seems surprising that a vegetable production so universally spread should have different names among neighbouring people. In North America the Algonkin name is sema, and the Huron oyngoua, and the same dissimilarity exists in the languages of South-American tribes; the Omagua, petema; the Maypure, jema; the Chiquito, pâis; the Vilela, tusup; and the Tamanac, cavai. One would have expected to have found names with less variation among such neighbours. It might be urged, perhaps, that these are all independent ancient names given by each tribe to the plant before they became acquainted with the existence of their neighbours, and an evidence that its use was not derived from each other, nor from travellers passing among them. To these speculations the theorist is welcome.

There is little reason to doubt that tobacco is a plant indigenous to the New World. With the era, therefore, of Columbus, our knowledge of it will necessarily commence. When the Spaniards landed with that navigator in Cuba in 1492, they found the Cubans doing the same kind of thing as the voyager would now find them occupied in, making and smoking cigars. In the latter act, these Spaniards soon followed the Cuban example, as did those also who landed in 1518, with Fernando Cortez, in the island of Tobago, to a still greater extent. The honour of introducing this, the fairest of “the Seven Sisters of Sleep,” to European society and soil, is due, perhaps, to Hernandez, the naturalist, who brought the first seeds from Mexico (Humboldt states, from the Mexican province of Yucatan), in 1559, and conveyed them to Spain. About the same time some unknown Flamingo introduced the illustrious visitor to Portugal.

Of the introduction of tobacco into France, the more commonly-received opinion is, that the first seeds were sent to Catherine de Medici from Portugal in 1560, by Jean Nicot, the French ambassador to that country, and ever since it has borne as its generic name a memento of its patron. Other accounts attribute to Father André Thevet, or some friend of his, the honour of introducing the raw material to the most accomplished snuff-takers in Europe, and, perhaps, the first who ever indulged in it to any extent.

In Tuscany, tobacco was first cultivated under Cosmo de Medici, who died in 1574. It was originally raised by Bishop Alfonso Tournabuoni, from seeds received from his nephew, Nicolo Tournabuoni, then ambassador at Paris. After him it bore the name of Erba Tournabuoni, as in France it was called Herbe de la Reine. Very early, before 1589, the Cardinal Santa Croce, returning from his nunciature in Spain and Portugal to Italy, carried with him thither tobacco; but he can scarce claim the honour of its introduction, although the exploit was commemorated by Castor Duranti in Latin verse. Thus it would appear that this plant was brought from Mexico to Spain, whence it passed into France, and thence into Italy, during the early part of the latter half of the sixteenth century.

The first introduction of tobacco into England has been claimed for a trinity of valiant knights—Sir Francis Drake, Sir John Hawkins, and Sir Walter Raleigh. In Bancroft’s “History of the United States,” it is said—“The exiles of a year had grown familiar with the favourite amusement of the lethargic Indians, and they introduced into England the general use of tobacco.” These exiles were brought home by Drake before Raleigh visited the New World, and the period for the introduction of tobacco into this country by Sir Francis, claims the date of 1560. For Sir John Hawkins’ introduction, the time has been fixed at 1565; whilst the earliest date assigned for its introduction by Sir Walter Raleigh is 1584, the same year in which a proclamation was issued in England against it. Humboldt states that the celebrated Raleigh contributed most to introduce the custom of smoking among the nations of the North. When Raleigh brought tobacco from Virginia to England, whole fields of it were already cultivated in Portugal. It was also previously known in France, where it was brought into fashion by Catherine de Medici. As early as the end of the sixteenth century, bitter complaints were made in England of this imitation of the manners of a savage people. It was feared, that by the practice of smoking tobacco, Englishmen would degenerate into a barbarous state.6 The cultivation of this narcotic plant preceded that of the potato in Europe 120 or 140 years.

Camden, who informs us of these fears for the civilization of England, also states that Richard Fletcher, Bishop of London, a courtly prelate (who died in 1596), by the use of tobacco “smothered the cares he took by means of his unlucky marriage.” According to Aubrey, the pipe was handed from man to man round the table; and this bears, certainly, a great resemblance to the custom of the North-American Indians—the chief smoking two or three whiffs, then passing it to his neighbour, until from one to another it passes round the circle, and comes back to the first smoker again.

M. Jorevin, a Frenchman, who visited England in Charles the Second’s time, says that the women smoked tobacco as well as the men.

From England the practice of smoking was carried to the Continent. Dutch students were first taught the art of smoking at the University of Leyden by students from England; hence the greatest smokers in Europe derived their knowledge of the use of the pipe from the English.

Lilly, in his autobiography, informs us that when committed to the guard-room in Whitehall, he thought himself in regions far below, where Orpheus sang, and Pluto reigned, for “some were sleeping, others swearing, others smoking tobacco; and in the chimney of the room were two bushels of broken tobacco-pipes.” Good friend Lilly, what wouldst thou have thought of a visit to a Studenten Kneipe, where a crowd of students, amid fumes dense as a London fog in November, scream and growl the well-known song—

“And smokes the Fox tobacco?

And smokes the Fox tobacco?

And smokes the leathery Fox tobacco?

Sa! Sa!

Fox tobacco.

And smokes the Fox tobacco.

“Then let him fill a pipe!

Then let him fill a pipe!

Then let him fill a leathery pipe;

Sa! Sa!

Leathery pipe.

Then let him fill a pipe!”

And then perhaps—but let the reader enquire for himself of some descendant from the ancestors of the renowned Wouter Van Twiller, the worthy head of the long-pipe faction. In 1601, tobacco was carried to Java, whence it spread over the East. It was also conveyed to Turkey and Arabia in the beginning of this century. El-Is-hákee states that the custom of smoking tobacco began to be common in Egypt between the years of the flight, 1010 and 1012 (A.D. 1601-1603). And from Persian writers on Materia medica, it appears to have been introduced into India in A.H. 1014 (A.D. 1605), towards the end of the reign of Jelaladeen Akbar Padshaw. From India, tobacco probably found its way to the Malayan Peninsula and China; although Pallas, Loureiro, and Rumphius think that tobacco was known in China before the discovery of the New World, and that the Chinese tobacco plant is indigenous to that country.

From “Notes and Queries” we learn that “tobacco was first cultivated in this country at Winchcombe in Gloucestershire, and that the natives did suck thereout no small advantage; and before the time of James II. the best Virginia was but two shillings the pound, and two gross of the best glazed pipes, and a box with them, three shillings and fourpence.” Tobacco became almost a necessary among the upper classes; nor could the parliamentary representatives of the city of Worcester be despatched up to town until the “collective wisdom” had smoked and drunk sack at the “Globe,” or some other hostelry. As early as 1621, it was moved in the House of Commons by Sir William Stroud, that “he would have tobacco banished wholly out of the kingdom, and that it may not be brought from any part, nor used amongst us.” And by Sir Grey Palmes, “that if tobacco be not banished, it will overthrow 100,000 men in England, for it is now so common, that he hath seen ploughmen take it as they are at the plough.” At a later period of the same century, so inveterate had the practice become, that an order appears on the journals of the House, “That no member in the House do presume to smoke tobacco in the gallery, or at the table of the House sitting at Committees.”

But tobacco did not come into general use in Europe without great and strenuous opposition. All kinds of weapons were called in requisition to stay its progress. Persuasion and force were alike essayed without effect. A German writer has collected the titles of a hundred different works condemning its use, which were published within half a century of its introduction into Europe. The pen was wielded by royal as well as plebeian fingers, and the famous diatribe of the British Solomon, King James I., of blessed memory, defender of the faith, and antagonist of tobacco, keeps his memory still green in the hearts of Englishmen. In Russia, the snuff-taker was ingeniously cured of the habit, by having his nose cut off, while smokers had a pipe bored through the same useful projection. Michael Feodorovitch Tourieff kindly offered a bastinado to the Muscovites for the first offence, cutting off the nose for the second, and the head for the third. In 1590, Pope Innocent XII. took the trouble to excommunicate all who used tobacco in any form in the church of St. Peter’s in Rome. And in 1624, Pope Urban VII., the old woman, fulminated a bull against all persons found taking snuff during divine service; and old women, in the spirit of opposition, have been fond of snuff ever since. The sultans and priests of Persia and Turkey declared smoking a sin against their religion. Amurath IV. of Persia published an edict, making the smoking of tobacco a capital offence. Shah Abbas II. punished such delinquents equally severely. When leading an army against the Cham of Tartary, he proclaimed that every soldier in whose possession tobacco was found, would have his nose and lips cut off, and afterwards be burnt alive. El-Gabartee relates, that about a century ago, in the time of Mohammed Básha El-Yedekshee, who governed Egypt in the years of the flight, 1156-8, it frequently happened that, when a man was found with a pipe in his hand in Cairo, he was made to eat the bowl with its burning contents. This may seem incredible, but a pipe bowl may be broken by strong teeth, particularly if it be of meerschaum. In Tuscany, the growth of tobacco was prohibited, except in a few localities, where it was allowed, under certain restrictions, from 1645 to 1789, when the Grand Duke Peter Leopold declared its cultivation free all over the country. Ferdinand III. afterwards restricted it to its former localities. The number of these were reduced in 1826, and in 1830 its growth was entirely prohibited. In Transylvania the penalty for growing tobacco was a total confiscation of property; and for the use of the weed, a fine of from three to two hundred florins. In 1661, the Canton of Berne introduced an eleventh commandment to the decalogue, and this was inserted after the seventh, “Thou shalt not smoke!” In 1719, the wise senate of Strasburg prohibited the cultivation of tobacco, fearing lest it should interfere with the growth of corn. Prussia and Denmark contented themselves with prohibiting its use. This brings us back again to England, and the days of “good Queen Bess.” That lady, who is said to have prohibited the use of tobacco in churches, according to certain chroniclers, was wont to banter Sir Walter Raleigh on his affection for his protégé. It is said, that on one occasion, when Raleigh was conversing with his royal mistress upon the singular properties of this new and extraordinary herb, he assured her Majesty that he had so well experienced the nature of it, that he could tell her of what weight even the smoke would be in any quantity proposed to be consumed. Her Majesty, deeming it impossible to hold the smoke in a balance, must needs lay a wager to solve the doubt. Raleigh procured the quantity agreed upon, he thoroughly smoked it, and weighed the ashes, pleading at the same time that the weight now wanting was the weight of the smoke dissipated in the process. The Queen did not deny the doctrine of her favourite, saying “that she had often heard of those who had turned their gold into smoke, but Raleigh was the first who had turned his smoke into gold.”

The Star Chamber levied a heavy duty, and Charles II. prohibited its cultivation in England. Tobacco was first put under the excise in 1789. It was not at first allowed to be smoked in ale-houses. “There is a curious collection of proclamations, &c.,” says Brand, “in the archives of the Society of Antiquaries of London. In vol. viii. is an ale-house licence, granted by six Kentish justices of the peace, at the bottom of which is the following item, among other directions to the inn-holder:——‘_Item._—You shall not utter, nor willingly suffer to be uttered, drunke, or taken, any tobacco within your house, cellar, or other place thereunto belonging.’”

Notwithstanding oppositions, imposts, anathemas, counterblasts, and persecutions, tobacco gradually and rapidly arose in popular esteem. The first house in which it was publicly smoked in Britain was the Pied Bull, at Islington; but this was “alone in its glory” for a very brief period of time. “Is it not a great vanity,” saith Royal James, “that a man cannot heartily welcome his friend now, but straight they must be in hand with tobacco? And he that will refuse to take a pipe of tobacco amongst his fellows is accounted peevish, and no good company; yea, the mistress cannot in a more mannerly kind entertain her servant than by giving him out of her fair hand a pipe of tobacco.” Raleigh smoked in his dungeon in the Tower, while the headsman was grinding his axe. Cromwell loved his pipe, and dictated his despatches to Milton over some burning Trinidado, or sweet-smelling nicotine. Ben Johnson affirmed that tobacco was the most precious weed that the earth ever tendered to the use of man. Dr. Radcliffe recommended snuff to his brethren. Dr. Johnson kept his snuff in his waistcoat pocket; and so did Frederick the Great. Robert Hall smoked in his vestry, and, it would seem, in other places as well, for Gilfillan informs us, that when on a visit to a brother clergyman, he went into the kitchen where a pious servant girl, whom he loved, was working. He lighted his pipe, sat down, and asked her—“Betty, do you love the Lord Jesus Christ?” “I hope I do, sir,” was the reply. He immediately added, “Betty, do you love me?” They were married. And Napoleon took rappee by the handful. And poets wrote, and minstrels sang, in the praise of the “Divine Virginia.”

“Thou glorious weed of a glorious land,

I would not be freed from thy magical wand—

Though a slave to thy fetters, and bound in thy chain,

Despairing of freedom, I cannot complain.

“Tobacco, I love thee—I bow at thy shrine!

The longer I prove thee, the less I repine.

The affection I cherish, no time can assuage—

Thy joys do not perish, like others, with age.”

The mailed Spaniard and red-plumed Indian have fought around it; and gold-seekers have drenched it with the gore of negroes. One whole continent has been enriched by it; and to cultivate it, another continent has been depopulated. Negroes have prayed to their Fetishes beside it—many a Cacique now dead smoked it at the war-council, and many a grave, grey-bearded Spaniard, who had fought at Lepanto, or bled in the Low Countries. Old soldiers of Cromwell have smoked it; and while Indians have bartered their gold for English beads, the swarthy Buccaneers looked on, handling their loaded muskets. Tobacco was for some time used as currency in Virginia, as, according to Mr. Galton, is the case now among the Damarás, Ovampo, and other tribes of South-Western Africa.

Forty varieties of tobacco have been described; but the differences are mainly the result of climate, and the mode of culture. It grows well in almost every part of the world. The northern limit in Scandinavia is 62°-63° N. L. The different parts of America in which it is grown include Canada, New Brunswick, United States, Mexico, the Western Coast, as far as 40° S. L. In Africa it is cultivated by the Red Sea and Mediterranean, in Egypt, Algeria, the Canaries, the Western Coast, the Cape, and numerous places in the interior. In Europe, it has been raised successfully in almost every country; in Hungary, Germany, Flanders, and France, it forms an important agricultural product. In Asia, it has spread over Turkey, Persia, India, Thibet, China, Japan, the Philippines, Java, and Ceylon. In parts of Australia and New Zealand. From the Equator to 50° N. L., it may be raised without difficulty. The finest qualities are raised between 15° and 35° N. L.

The most noted tobacco is that of Cuba; and the most extensive growers are the Americans of the United States. Two-thirds of our supply is doubtless derived from the latter source.

In 1665, Virginia exported to England 60,000 pounds. Twenty-five years afterwards, our total imports were double that amount; while in 1858, they amounted to 62,217,705 pounds, including snuff and cigars; hence, we may fairly calculate that, in Great Britain, eight millions of pounds sterling are annually spent in tobacco.

It has been computed that eight hundred millions of the human race are consumers of tobacco, and that the average annual consumption is 70 ounces per head. The total consumption would, therefore, approximate to two millions of tons. The average annual consumption of every male over eighteen years of age, in each of the following countries of Europe, as collected from returns, is, in Austria, 108 ounces; Zollverein, 156 ounces; Steurverein, including Hanover and Oldenburg, 200 ounces; France, 88 ounces; Russia, 40 ounces; Portugal, 56 ounces; Spain, 76 ounces; Sardinia, 44 ounces; Tuscany, 40 ounces; the Papal States, 32 ounces; England, 66 ounces; Holland, 132 ounces; Belgium, 144 ounces; Denmark, 128 ounces; Sweden, 70 ounces; and Norway, 99 ounces. In the United States of America, the consumption is 122 ounces; and in New South Wales, where there are no restrictive duties, it is declared to exceed 400 ounces.

“Jamie, thou shouldst been living at this hour,

Europe hath need of thee.”

To what a height of royal indignation the “Misocapnos” would have risen, had its author postponed its publication 250 years, and reappeared, a “new avater,” to see it through the press in these latter days. He had then required no Spanish matches to set him on fire; and the “horrible Stygian smoake” would have required the addition of all Catesby’s gunpowder to have made the simile worthy of its royal master, unless, peradventure, the weight of five millions of golden sovereigns from the Inland Revenue Office had pressed heavily upon his conscience, and he had purchased himself a new pair of silk stockings, and rested in peace; then he could have returned the old pair he borrowed in his Scotch capital, in which to meet his English Court at London.

Since the days when the green leaf of tobacco was used as a sovereign application for wounds and bruises and the bites of poisonous serpents, there has been no more singular use discovered for any part of this plant than that of certain African tribes, who, Denham says, “colour their teeth and lips with the flowers of the goorjee tree and the tobacco plant. The former, he saw only once or twice; the latter, was carried every day to market at Bornou, beautifully arranged in large baskets. The flowers of both these plants rubbed on the lips and teeth give them a blood-red appearance, which is there thought a great beauty.” That the poison of tobacco should have been turned to account is not surprising; and we are more prepared to hear of the bushmen of South Africa poisoning the heads of their arrows, not with nicotine, but with a poison taken from the head of the yellow serpent. These serpents they kill with the oil of tobacco, one drop or two producing spasms and death. Count Bocarmé effectually settled the question of the poisonous property of nicotine, some years since at Mons. It remained for future experimentalists to discover that as well as a bane, tobacco was an antidote.

A young lady in New Hampshire fell into the mistake of eating a portion of arsenic, which had been prepared for the destruction of rats. Painful symptoms soon led to the discovery. An elderly lady, then present, advised that she should be made to vomit as speedily as possible, and as the unfortunate victim had always exhibited a loathing for tobacco in any shape, that was suggested as a ready means of obtaining the desired end. A pipe was used, but this produced no nausea. A large portion of strong tobacco was then chewed, and the juice swallowed, but even this produced no sensation of disgust. A strong decoction was then made with hot water, of this she drank half a pint without producing nausea or giddiness, or any emetic or cathartic action. The pains gradually subsided, and she began to feel well. On the arrival of physicians, an emetic was administered. The patient recovered, and no ill consequences were experienced. Another case occurred a few years subsequent at the same place, when tobacco was administered and no other remedy. In this instance there was complete and perfect recovery. From this it may be reasonably concluded, that tobacco is an antidote of very safe and ready application in cases of poisoning by arsenic.

Financiers and Chancellors of Exchequers or Ministers of Finance, look with particularly favourable eyes upon the “Indian Weed.” Our own official in that department, can now calculate on nearly six millions of safe income in his estimates for a year, from this fertile source. Our near neighbours of France consider four millions too good an addition to the revenue, to denounce its use. Austria and Spain each manages to supply the state coffers with a million and a half of money from the tobacco monopoly. Russia, the Zollverein, Portugal, Sardinia, and the Papal States, individually realizes from three to four hundred thousands of pounds every year, from the use or abuse of this most popular plant in the world.

Although this habit, in its increase, may cause throbs of ecstatic joy in the breasts of certain officials, there are other sections of society holding antagonistic opinions. The Maine Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Church at a late session, passed the following preamble and resolutions:——

“Whereas—The use of tobacco prevails to a prodigious extent in our country, as indicated in the reports of our national treasury, and other authentic documents, from which it appears that over 100,000,000 pounds of this article are consumed in the United States annually, at a cost to the consumers of over 20,000,000 dollars, and whereas, we have reason to believe that its use is rapidly increasing, and that even ministers of the Gospel are becoming, to a great extent, guilty of this debasing indulgence; therefore—

“I.—Resolved. That we view these facts as a matter of profound alarm, and such an evil as to demand the serious attention of the Church.

“II.—Resolved. That we regard the use of tobacco as an expensive and needless indulgence, unfavourable to cleanliness and good manners, unbecoming in Christians, and especially in Christian Ministers, and, like the use of alcohol, a violation of the laws of physical, intellectual, and moral life.

III.—Resolved. “That we will discountenance the use of that injurious narcotic, except as a medicine prescribed by a physician, by precept and example, and by all proper means.”

De Lagny states that the “Old Believers”, a sect of dissenters from the Greek Church in Russia, look with horror on the use of tobacco. The Wahhabees, a Pharasaical sect of strict Moslems, are rigid in their condemnation of tobacco, and in their adherence to the precepts of the Koran, and the traditions of the Prophet.

There are to be met with nearer home, those who are inveterate against its use, and who willingly join with Cowper in denouncing the

“Pernicious weed which banishes for hours,

That sex whose presence civilizes ours.”

An occasional pamphlet or letter, makes its way into the hands of speculative publishers or into class papers, giving gratuitous advice, and much denunciatory language, against a habit which is by far too general, and has been tested by too many experiments not to be well known, and equally well understood. These “counterblasts” differ but little from the model one which each would seem to aim at imitating—the quaint expressions, the only redeeming quality in the original, alone being wanting.

“Surely,” saith the high and mightie Prince James, “smoke becomes a kitchen farre better than a dining chamber; and yet it makes a kitchen oftentimes in the inward parts of men, soyling and infecting them with an unctuous and oyly kind of soote, as hath been found in some great tobacco takers, that after their death were opened. Now, my good countrymen, let us (I pray you), consider what honour or policie can move us to imitate the barbarous and beastlie manners of the wild, godlesse, and slavish Indians, especially in so vile and filthy a custome. Shall we, that disdain to imitate the manner of our neighbour, France (having the style of the greate Christian kingdome), and that cannot endure the spirit of the Spaniards, (their king being now comparable in largenesse of dominions to the greatest Emperor of Turkey), shall we, I say, that have been so long civill and wealthy in peace, famous and invincible in war, fortunate in both—we that have been ever able to aid any of our neighbours (but never deafened any of their ears with any of our supplications for assistance), shall we, I say, without blushing, abase ourselves so far as to imitate these beastlie Indians, slaves to the Spaniards, the refuse of the worlde, and, as yet, aliens from the holy covenant of God? Why do we not as well imitate them in walking naked as they do, in preferring glasses, feathers, and toys, to gold and precious stones, as they do? Yea, why do we not deny God, and adore the devils, as they do? Have you not, then, reasons to forbear this filthie noveltie, so basely grounded, so foolishly received, and so grosslie mistaken in the right use thereof? In your abuse thereof, sinning against God, harming yourselves both in person and goods, and raking also, thereby, the marks and notes of vanitie upon you, by the custom thereof, making yourselves to be wondered at by all forreine civill nations, and by all strangers that come among you, to be scorned and contemned; a custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmfull to the braine, dangerous to the lungs, and, in the blacke stinking fume thereof, nearest resembling the horrible Stygian smoake of the pit that is bottomless.”

Wise and worthy king, adieu. Gold stick, lead the way. We hasten from your royal presence to join the Cabinet of Cloudland.Vive la Virginie!