Читать книгу Come Alive - Madelynne Ellis, Madelynne Ellis - Страница 8

The island to which they headed was only a few acres across, and sat far enough out on the lake that the quayside they’d left behind resembled something from a scale model. Spook brought the speedboat in to dock at a short stone jetty. At the end of that narrow walkway, a pea-green lawn stretched upward to a traditional wooden house, backed by woodland.

Dani fell into step alongside Spook as they carried the luggage up to the house. ‘So this is home,’ she remarked. ‘It’s so peaceful.’

‘I think “peaceful” might be a relative term. This lot aren’t exactly known for being quiet.’ He tilted his head back towards the rest of the party ambling along behind them. ‘And I dread to think what sort of nonsense they have planned for Xane’s birthday.’

Rock Giant, who was directly behind them, clapped a hand on each of their shoulders and leaned forward between them. ‘Sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll, obviously.’

‘Not actual drugs?’ Dani gave her lip a nervous nip, while her stomach cramped in fear. She hated the very idea of anything illegal happening. And drugs … drugs were just bad.

Rock Giant squeezed her shoulder. ‘You’re Xane’s drug of choice, anyway, so no need to look so concerned. I didn’t mean it in a literal sense.’

Thank God, her subconscious sighed in relief.

‘Although no doubt he’s going to binge on you all the same. Well, you and the rock-climbing dude.’

Dani glanced back at Xane and Luthor who were walking side by side at the back of the group, their bodies angled towards one another, and stupid smiles eating up their features. They looked sickeningly in love. She tore her gaze away before she let jealousy get the better of her and transform her into a horrid green-eyed monster.

‘Hey, Xane.’ Rock Giant turned so that he was walking back up the hill. ‘Do we get to play pass the parcel at your party?’

When Xane looked up, Rock Giant pulled Dani into an over-affectionate embrace.

‘Keep your filthy hands off her,’ Xane growled.

‘Let go,’ Spook urged Rock Giant, and then hurried her on until they were a few feet ahead.

‘What was that about?’ she asked, confused both by Paul’s overly affectionate manner and Xane’s cussing.

‘Nothing. Paul trying to get a rise out of Xane. It’s what he does when he’s bored. Let it go.’ He scratched his brow. ‘Time to get everyone settled and find Paul something productive to focus on, like making music instead of enemies. It’d be nice to spend at least the first twenty-four hours together without Xane and Paul trying to slaughter one another.’

The two men did snipe at each other a lot, but Dani had always figured that was down to Elspeth’s influence. Maybe the truth was that she only escalated what was already a fairly antagonistic relationship.

‘You’re not going to start working on the new album today though, are you?’

‘We’ll probably just jam for a bit if Ash is up to it once he arrives, and leave the real work for a couple of days.’

By now, they’d reached the gravelled area to the side of the house, and Spook delved in his pocket for his keys. ‘It’s still a bit of a novelty doing this,’ he admitted. ‘I’ve had the place about fourteen months, but I’ve spent less than seven nights here.’

‘How come?’

‘If we’re not touring, we’re in the studio, or doing interviews, or recording videos. Inevitably if I get a few days off it’s easier to chill at my place in England than fly out here. Or if I do get to Sweden, by the time I’ve made the obligatory family visits it’s time to knuckle down to work again.’

‘You make it sound like a standard evil day job.’

‘Except it involves working nights, weekends and living in the public eye.’ He laughed. ‘I wouldn’t change it. Rock Star is an awesome job title.’

Dani found herself laughing along with him.

‘Being a rock-star WAG on the other hand sounds pretty terrible. Urgh!’ She stuck her tongue out. ‘Is that really what I am?’

Having unlocked the door Spook faced her, a smile still inching up the corners of his mouth. ‘Not unless you start dressing in couture and insisting on attending prize ceremonies, charity galas and other red-carpet events so that your picture is never out of the gossip rags.’

‘I don’t much fancy any of that. It was grim enough being hounded by photographers after that stupid video went viral.’

‘Yes, well, you know the solution to that – don’t hump on trains.’

She pitched another glance at Xane over her shoulder. ‘He’s not so easy to say no to.’

‘Is that how you came to agree to share Xane with Luthor?’ Spook welcomed her inside. He flicked on a few lights that gave a warm glow to some dingy corners.

Dani considered her response as she toed off her shoes and left them in the entry-hall-cum-boot-room. Beyond lay a corridor that opened out halfway along into a huge open-plan living space, with a mezzanine level nestled up near the bared rafters.

‘I don’t want to lose him,’ she admitted, when Spook followed her into the room and indicated she was welcome to sit. She flopped onto a ludicrously comfortable sofa. ‘We talked it through. I agreed I was prepared to give things a go with some rules in place.’

Spook nodded. ‘Good luck with that.’

‘I know I can’t be everything he needs, and I don’t want to force him to deny part of himself. Do you not think it’s the right choice?’

‘It’s not my decision.’

She realised that the others hadn’t come in. ‘Did they get lost?’ she asked, standing up and retracing a few of her steps. Rock Giant opened the door to the boot-room at exactly that moment, providing her with a glimpse of the room beyond, and Xane and Luthor entwined within one another’s arms, enjoying a sultry smooch.

Ice water seemed to fill her veins. Spook gently squeezed the top of her arm. ‘Take a breath, Dani. They’re saying hello. I expect they haven’t realised you’re not right beside them.’

‘Yeah.’ She let out a shuddering breath. ‘It’s OK. I’m OK.’

At least Xane released his grip on Luthor’s arse at that moment and turned to her. He smiled, in a way that illuminated all the joy in his heart. It was OK. He was moving towards her, scooping her into his arms and kissing her with every bit as much affection as he’d shown Luthor. ‘Which room is ours?’ he said to Spook.

Dani dug her teeth into her lip, torn between the swell of love invoked by the press of Xane’s body and his desire for her and the fear that he intended to drag both her and Luthor to bed right this minute.

‘Along there on the left, beside the bathroom. I thought you and Dani could have the double and Ash and Ginny can have the twin room as he’s still recuperating.’

Bless Spook for not bundling Luthor in with them.

‘And where am I?’ Rock Giant asked.

‘I thought you and Luthor could pair up and share the Little House.’

‘The Little House – what is that, a separate building?’

‘Yes.’

‘Fan-fucking-tastic,’ Paul replied, punching a fist into the air. ‘It means for possibly the first time ever I won’t have to listen to groans and humping as I attempt to drop off. Grab your bag, roomie.’ He mock-punched Luthor in the shoulder, failing to notice Luthor’s distinct lack of enthusiasm for the arrangement. ‘You’d better not snore.’

‘You do snore,’ Luthor complained, rubbing his arm. ‘I’ve heard you.’ He cast Xane a wan look. Clearly he’d hoped to be, if not sharing a room with his lover, then at least just across the hall. Staying in a building that was some distance away from the main house wasn’t going to make sexy night-time shenanigans quite so easy to arrange.

Dani pinched herself to counter the sudden elation she felt. She didn’t want to make things awkward, but some distance seemed like a good thing.

‘It’s this way.’ Spook led Rock Giant and Luthor out of a door on the opposite side of the house from where they’d entered. ‘Get yourselves settled in. If you need anything, give me a shout when I get back. My room is upstairs off the mezzanine.’

Only when they’d gone did Dani wonder where Elspeth would sleep once she arrived. Perhaps there was more than one outbuilding, but then why make Luthor and Rock Giant share?

Xane grabbed her suitcase along with his own bag and they set off to locate their room. It was bright and airy, with windows on both exterior walls. The smell of pine wood drifted in through one that was latched slightly ajar.

Dani set about unpacking her clothes into the chest of drawers immediately, while Xane dropped his bag under the nearest window and then sagged into the driftwood throne occupying the far corner.

‘I ought to be cross with you,’ Dani said as she worked, placing T-shirts and smalls into the top drawer, which was large enough that she could probably have fitted the whole suitcase in. ‘You were kissing him. You’re only supposed to do that when I’m there.’

‘You were there.’

She could hear the confusion in his voice. Spook had been right. Xane had been so lost in Luthor that he hadn’t noticed she was no longer around.

‘Actually, I went ahead with Spook. I only saw you because Rock Giant happened to open the door. Otherwise …’ She shook her head.

She heard him rise from the chair and the patter of his feet on the floor. His arms came around her from behind. ‘In which case, I’m sorry. We were just saying hello.’

‘I know that.’ Of course she understood. Lovers greeted one another with kisses. She and Xane did it often every day. If one of them left the room and then came back, it sometimes called for a hello kiss. It was reassuring. It made her feel wanted in exactly the same way as feeling him rub his early-morning wood against her arse did when they were snuggled together like spoons. It was just slightly unsettling facing the reality of Xane having someone else he wanted to share that sort of relationship with.

He must have sensed her agitation. ‘You’re regretting ever agreeing to this, aren’t you?’

‘I’ve some concerns, and I’m nervous about him. I don’t want this to mean the end of us.’ She turned around within his embrace to face him.

‘It won’t be, Dani. Please, don’t get wound up by it.’

‘It’s not something I can switch on and off. It’s awkward. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to behave. I feel as if everyone’s watching me, expecting me to react.’

‘They’re not watching you.’

‘Of course they are, Xane. They’re worried that if it all goes to pieces it’ll mean the end of the band. What happened between you, Elspeth and Steve is still very much on their minds. It’s not been that long.’

‘Yes, but our relationship bears no resemblance to that one: different attractions, different people with very different personalities. There’s nothing toxic about what we have.’

She nodded, wanting to agree, but still all too aware of the butterflies beating in her stomach.

He fell silent a moment as he observed her with an unusual level of intensity. ‘I know we agreed that Luthor and I wouldn’t get intimate unless you were there, but do you really mean that I can’t kiss him if you’re not present? Would it not make more sense to say no sex?’

‘With you one inevitably leads to the other.’

He frowned in a way that painted shadows across his irises. You don’t trust me, the look screamed.

Dani turned back to the task of sorting her possessions.

‘Did you have anything to do with the bedroom arrangements?’

‘No.’

‘It might have been less awkward if we’d all been together.’

‘No.’ She stopped, and curled her fingers around the edge of the open drawer. ‘It would have been nightmarish. I’m giving this a chance, Xane. I’m doing it for you, but please don’t make it all so fast that I end up with my head spinning. My world is topsy-turvy enough, what with all the drama of the band, my mum, and the media interest in us. I love you, I want you to be happy, but …’

No amount of words was going to make him understand. She slipped out of his immediate reach, needing the space in which to straighten her thoughts. When she’d agreed to try this, back in Halmstad, things had seemed simpler somehow. Time apart had given rise to awkwardness. And she was acutely aware of what Xane wanted. If there were no barriers in place between him and Luthor, he’d have dragged him in here five minutes ago and they’d have been furiously screwing on the bed right now. What he really wanted from her now was permission to do that. Well, she wasn’t ready to see him bollocks deep inside Luthor just yet. She hated the way the simple thought of seeing them thus entwined filled her skin with a sort of irritating electrical charge. Looking down at her bare arms, she could see all the tiny hairs standing on end.

‘Are you saying you won’t allow him into our bed tonight?’

Dani folded her arms across her front and hugged herself. ‘Can’t we get settled in first?’

‘Answer the question, Dani.’

‘Why does he have to sleep with us?’

‘How else would you like me to arrange things? I was trying to make things less awkward. I don’t really want to go the route of having to book a time slot for sharing some intimacy with him.’

She had no answer to that.

‘Dani?’

She paced, while gnawing on her thumbnail. This was just wrong and awkward and she wanted to hide from it, bury her head and pretend her boyfriend wasn’t bisexual and involved with another man. The option of saying, ‘Do as you please, shag him when you want as long as I don’t know about it,’ burned bright in her thoughts for a moment. It wasn’t a solution that was ever going to work. All it would mean was that whenever Xane was away from her she’d be imagining what he and Luthor were doing. Her thoughts would be riddled with imaginary conversations where they swore undying love to one another and laughed at how stupid she was.

‘Can we just sleep here together tonight? Maybe another time. You said we could take this at my pace.’

His disappointment was unmistakable.

‘I’m sorry, Xane.’

‘It’s OK. I guess you need time. I just thought that after last time you were fine with this.’

She was the very opposite of fine with it. The whole issue scared and confused her. When Xane and Luthor had been entwined in front of her, it had all seemed incredibly simple. She’d even been aroused by them. Excited enough, in fact, that she’d joined in. She’d sucked Xane while Luthor was kissing him, and then allowed Xane to go down on her while Luthor was inside him. But with every minute that passed, her doubts about the episode increased.

She thought about Luthor and felt both hot and cold.

Irritably, she brushed Xane away, while mentally scouring her thoughts of Luthor’s tight white butt.

She didn’t want to feel turned on by him. She didn’t want anyone but Xane.

‘I need a shower,’ she announced. It was psychosomatic, she knew it, but her skin felt grubby. Soapsuds wouldn’t make her clean, but she might find some perspective while standing under the shower spray. If she’d learned one thing living on a tour bus with numerous grown men, it was that you could always find peace in the bathroom.

Xane pulled his T-shirt over his head, making her think he intended to join her. Dani stared at his ink and his nipple rings, wondering how to tactfully explain she needed to be alone. Luckily, it wasn’t necessary. He grabbed his bag and rooted through it until he found a clean shirt, which he tugged on. ‘The tag in the back of that one has been driving me mad for hours,’ he explained. ‘It’s scratchy.’

Dani nodded dumbly at him.

‘If you’re going in the shower, is it OK if I find Spook and check out the recording studio?’ He drew a dog-eared notebook out of the side pocket of his bag. Dani recognised it as his lyrics book.

‘Sure.’

If he was with Spook she wouldn’t have to worry about him being tempted by Luthor.

‘If I know Spook there’s probably about fifty different bath products next door for you to try out.’ He gave her a quick hug and kiss, and departed leaving behind the scent of fresh linen.