Читать книгу Come Together - Madelynne Ellis, Madelynne Ellis - Страница 6

‘Xane, they’re waiting on us. Soundcheck, now.’

Xane Geist cracked open his dressing-room door, still uncertain this was the right decision. A little over six weeks ago he’d been ready to pull the plug on Black Halo; now they were about to embark on a European tour. That was assuming they could get through a gig together, and not just because there was a slew of unresolved issues still to work out between them. Steve Matlock’s death might have officially reunited them, but it was also the reason they were all reeling in shock. If he hadn’t had Dani to hold on to, he wasn’t sure he’d have even been upright. It was hard to function when part of your heart had been ripped out. Not that Xane was any stranger to loss. He had a mantra that kept him going in difficult times. Smile. Feel. Orgasm. Bliss. It worked quite well for blotting out reality, particularly when it was recited while engaged in mindless sex.

Not that he engaged in mindless sex. Not any more. He wouldn’t do that to Dani and he didn’t fuck anyone else. He strived to keep his thoughts focused when he was fucking her. It wasn’t so difficult, since she seemed to have swallowed what was left of his heart now that Steve was gone.

Steve was gone. He still struggled with that concept. The guy was only twenty-six.

As soon as Dani got back, he was going to crush her in his arms and lock them together in a way that made them both feel good. He needed to feel good. He had to sing to a crowd tonight.

It was damn hard to sing with your throat locked tight with emotion.

He recited his mantra again, even attempted to turn the corners of his mouth up a little. It didn’t work.

Fucking was definitely on the agenda, as soon as Dani got here … literally as soon as. It wasn’t using her. He needed her. Dani knew how to take his pain away.

‘No girl with you?’ Paul ‘Rock Giant’ Reed, the band’s bass guitarist, slouched against the corridor wall opposite Xane’s door. ‘I thought you took your nubile little wench everywhere with you these days.’

Xane held his breath and counted to ten before stepping out of the room. He was not going to deck Rock Giant as his opening move, though if the idiot made any more crass remarks Xane refused to be held accountable for his actions. Dani was no groupie. She was his girlfriend, and he’d have her treated with bloody respect. ‘Shut the fuck up,’ he muttered. Rock Giant was six foot six of muscle, not counting the signature gravity-defying spikes of his hair, but Xane refused to feel intimidated. He had the same soft points as every man, and Xane would happily prove that point. Swinging his fists was sometimes almost as good as sex.

‘I just thought you might officially introduce her, since Graham informs me she’s joining us on the tour.’

Fan-bleedin’-tastic! Trust their blabbermouth of a manager, Graham Callahan, to leak that fact. In the interests of not causing undue friction – because, goddammit, there was enough already – Xane had planned to make that announcement to the band as a whole, preferably while Dani was with him, in the hope that they’d all be sweet about it. He didn’t consider that he needed their permission to invite her along, but the fewer ructions before they hit the road the better. So far, the day didn’t seem to be stacking up so well in that regard.

‘What happened to the policy of no extras on the bus, eh? If you’re bringing someone, then what’s to stop the rest of us doing the same? I don’t want to share a bus with Ash’s bloody harem.’

‘I’m not bringing someone. I’m bringing my girlfriend, which is hardly comparable to Ash inviting along a score of groupies.’ It was pretty safe to say none of them besides Ash wanted that.

‘So we’re back to one rule for you and some other crap for the rest of us?’ Rock Giant grumbled, his voice so low and grouchy it sounded like boulders colliding. ‘Might have known. Why is it you get to be such a special snowflake, Xane? We should all have to live by the same rules. I say let’s stick to the band and crew, and no hangers-on. We need to make this work, and it’ll be easier with less people around to get in the way.’

Fuck that! Dani’s coming wasn’t open to negotiation. Dani was the primary reason he was even prepared to consider this tour. She understood him in a way that pretty much everyone else didn’t, with maybe the exception of his cousin Ric Liddell.

Steve had understood him too.

Xane shut down that line of thought immediately. Thinking about Steve wasn’t going to help him keep it together.

‘It’s not as if you’ve known her very long. Have you had her background checked?’

‘Piss off!’

Rock Giant halted, pretty much forcing Xane to do the same unless he wanted to squeeze round him. ‘I won’t, and you’ll listen. Have you even considered how you bringing this girl will make Elspeth feel? You’re flaunting your new lay in front of her while she’s mourning the loss of her husband. Real sympathy you’re showing.’

‘It’s not just her loss.’ And he sure as hell didn’t owe their petite keyboardist anything. He’d tried to feel sorry for her, but she’d scarred him too deeply, and she’d certainly never considered his feelings when she ran off with his best mate to get married. ‘She dumped me, remember.’ Plus, there was the fact that he couldn’t help blaming her, at least in part, for what had subsequently happened. If Elspeth hadn’t set things in motion, then maybe, just maybe, Steve Matlock would still have been with them now.

Not that he placed the blame entirely on her. Too many variables had impacted on events. God knows, he’d been ruminating on them ever since. What if he hadn’t gone to Monaco? What if Steve hadn’t followed? What if, instead of running after the fight in the casino, he’d talked things through with Steve? That way the guy would have had someone with him. Someone to call for help. And even if the worst had still come to pass, at least Steve wouldn’t have died alone.

He had excruciating nightmares over that last fact.

‘You’re such a fuckwit, Xane. Elspeth’s lost her husband, and you’re still bemoaning the fact she dumped you for a nicer guy. She ought to be home piecing herself back together, not heading out on tour. We should have held off a while longer.’

Holding off hadn’t been an option, although he agreed that time might have benefited them all. He’d pissed off too many fans when he’d walked off stage at their last gig, and they now needed to appease them. It was past time they made up for that show and moved forward. Their real fans had cut them some slack following Steve’s tragic death, but sympathy only extended so far. It was essential they proved to the masses that they could still kick ass, and deserved the accolades they’d won.

‘Elspeth didn’t have to come,’ he said. He hadn’t forced anyone to sign up, and, to be perfectly honest, he thought the band might be happier without her. He didn’t really want her around, acting as a constant reminder.

‘You’d seriously do this without her? We’re honouring her dead husband, and you’d leave her behind? She’s the most right out of all of us to be included. I wish to God you’d admit that, instead of constantly trying to co-opt her grief.’

‘Co-opt her grief,’ he muttered, flabbergasted by Rock Giant’s gall. Xane and Steve had been best friends since they were eleven. They’d been lovers for nearly eighteen months, and had been to hell and back together several times over. Just because Steve had ultimately chosen Elspeth didn’t mean Xane’s feelings for the guy were any less sincere than Elspeth’s, or any less intense – assuming Elspeth was capable of that level of depth. He doubted the authenticity of everything she’d ever said to him, other than her delight in screwing him up when she said goodbye.

Rock Giant did so love acting as her knight protector, though. ‘You know the bit that really doesn’t add up, Xane?’ he continued, determined, it seemed, to stir things up. ‘It’s the fact that you make like you’re so devastated because the pair of them dumped you, but then you dive into bed with Dani less than twelve hours later. That’s not the action of someone who’s lost the love of his life. I don’t think you were in love. I think your pride got hurt, because they chose one another over being with you.’

‘Shut the fuck up.’ Paul didn’t know a damn thing. Only what Elspeth had told him, which would be half-truths at best. Xane slapped his hand against a poster they passed, and tore it from the wall. He really was trying hard not to let this devolve into a fight, but connecting his shin with Rock Giant’s nuts was looking increasingly appealing.

‘I say we vote on your girl coming along.’

Xane sucked the ring that pierced the centre of his lower lip, and wished he’d already applied his full mask of stage make-up. The veneer of pan-stick white mixed with blood and kohl made schooling his expressions so much easier. Rather than engage in a pantomime back and forth, he simply shook his head. They weren’t voting. If it came to it, he and Dani could ride on the main bus and anyone who objected to her presence could bunk up with Ash on the sleazemobile – the rust-bucket of a bus that was ostensibly meant to house the road crew but inevitably became Ash’s shagging pad. Somehow, he suspected Dani’s presence wouldn’t be quite so objectionable to them when faced with that prospect.

Honestly, he didn’t know what the hell they could find to object about her anyway. She wasn’t exactly high drama. She was the sort of girl mothers dreamed you’d bring home. Most mothers at any rate; his had never given a shit.

‘She’s coming, and that’s the end of it,’ he muttered. ‘If you don’t like it, take your bass and stuff it up your arse.’ He was getting one thing straight from the outset. He wasn’t going to be walked all over or taken for granted any more. This band was his outfit. He wrote the material, he was the creative force behind it. Every bugger else was replaceable. He expected a little respect.

To his astonishment, Rock Giant clapped him on the back. ‘OK, bring your girl, but try and cut Elspeth some slack, please. She is genuinely a mess right now. Losing Steve’s hit her bloody hard. It’s hit us all hard, I know, but …’ He shook his head. ‘You’ll see.’