Читать книгу The Little Gift Shop on the Loch - Maggie Conway - Страница 10

Lily was woken by a strangely heavy sensation on her chest. Her eyelids fluttered open to find a pair of jade-green eyes staring at her. She bolted upright with a shriek as a flash of black fur shot away in disgust, clearly not too pleased at the disruption. Feeling dazed, Lily perched on the edge of the sofa letting her heart rate settle as the room came into focus and her brain processed where she was and why a cat had been sitting on her.

Last night she’d ended up putting on her PJs and settling herself on the sofa. She had briefly considered sleeping in her mother’s room but the truth was she’d been afraid, as if shadows and echoes from the past would come to haunt her. She doubted she’d get much sleep anyway so it didn’t really matter. Instead, Lily had unearthed a patchwork quilt that she remembered her mother, in a rare moment of domesticity, had made years ago and wrapped it around her body. As she had feared, sleep hadn’t come to her until the early hours when her body had finally given way to exhaustion.

She hadn’t drawn the curtains last night and now early morning light trickled in through the window, the blue sky beyond promising a beautiful summer’s day to come. Under other circumstances she might have been full of energy, tempted to explore her surroundings. But today she felt shrouded in a sense of the past, of having to deal with things she didn’t want to.

She supposed she’d better feed the cat, which was now sitting in front of the fire licking itself in unmentionable places. Lily grimaced, looking away. Rising gingerly from the sofa, she shuffled her way through to the kitchen where she successfully managed to locate two bowls, filling one with fresh water and the other with biscuits.

With her cat duties out of the way, Lily’s thoughts turned to a hot shower although she wasn’t holding out much hope. In the bathroom she switched on the shower, waiting with trepidation. There was a good amount of clunking and clanking from the pipes as the system came to life but to her relief, hot water finally spluttered out. It worked far better than she’d dared hope and after standing under the spray of hot water for several minutes, she stepped out feeling sufficiently galvanised for the day ahead.

Dressed in jeans and a soft grey jumper, she went about filling the kettle and finding a mug in the kitchen. She looked out of the window and down onto the back garden. It was more of a courtyard really, with wooden tubs full of colourful flowers sitting on paving stones and dark green ivy snaking its way along a trellised wall at the bottom.

Recalling the taxi driver’s remarks from last night about the warm spell of weather, it was obvious from the vibrancy of the plants that someone had been watering them. Unless the cat man from last night had been watering the garden as well as feeding Misty, it must have been Iris. Big-hearted, kind Iris; Lily dreaded to think what she’d have done without her.

She and her mother had been kindred spirits, their shared passion for the Edinburgh festival one of many things the two women had bonded over and every year they would go together to experience the exuberant chaos of the live acts and street performers.

It had been last year on their annual pilgrimage to the festival when Patty had become unwell. Lily had been due to meet them for dinner later until Iris had rung to say Patty had been taken to hospital after collapsing. By the time Lily had reached the hospital, a cerebral aneurysm had already tipped her mother’s body into a coma.

Lily had sat by her bed, somehow knowing her mother wouldn’t linger. Being prodded and poked by doctors and nurses in a hospital bed wasn’t her style at all. It wasn’t just the indignity of it, it was simply far too boring. She would have hated people to see her like that, to be surrounded by sadness and tears. Lily could almost hear her voice; ‘Must be going now, darling.’

This way her body would never be ravaged by months of sickness and even with life ebbing away Patty still managed to radiate beauty. Her dark chestnut hair held a rich hue despite a sprinkling of grey. Lily had brushed it gently, willing her mother to open her eyes but they remained resolutely shut. Lily had watched her intently, breathing every breath with her.

Theirs hadn’t been the easiest of relationships but Lily had loved her mother. Seeing her like this, when she was usually so full of life and energy, was the worst and most difficult thing she’d ever had to do and despite Iris being there, she’d never felt so alone.

Lily had never met her father and knew little about him – only that he was French and part of a theatrical touring company in Edinburgh for the festival. According to her mother, Lily was the result of a passionate short-lived love affair. She didn’t talk about him much, but Lily suspected her free-spirited mother found it all quite romantic. But whatever romanticised notions she may have had, the reality was that Lily had been brought up alone by her mother so now she had no other family member to share the same grief.

And so Lily had sat in the hospital holding her mother’s hand, talking quietly about anything and everything until finally there was nothing left to do except thank the hospital staff and be grateful that she’d been with her at the end.

The world had suddenly felt a very different place; cold and dark. It didn’t seem right that everything should be going on as normal. Somehow, she’d stumbled her way through the next few days, Iris constantly by her side. Lily didn’t know how she’d have got through that time without her. She suddenly couldn’t wait to see her.

It had taken Lily a while to calm down the night before after her unexpected visitor in the large, unsettling shape of Jack Armstrong. Not sure why it had irked her so much, she’d replayed their conversation over in her head, hoping but failing to see it in a more positive light. Eventually she’d given up and turned her attention to phoning Iris.

Lily hadn’t told her in advance she was coming for the simple reason she feared she would change her mind at the last minute. After receiving a mild scolding for not telling her, Lily had to stop Iris coming round there and then. Instead, Iris told her she’d be there this morning.

Aware she’d be arriving soon, Lily finished making her coffee and carefully negotiated her way down the staircase, passing the door to her mother’s bedroom. Sorting through her mother’s personal things was for another day. She’d need a mountain of courage for that which she simply didn’t have, at least not yet.

She stopped for a few seconds before entering the shop, filled with a sudden apprehension. Taking a deep breath and mentally squaring her shoulders, she opened the door and stepped into the shop.

Bright daylight poured in through the windows as if to welcome her in so that instead of the cold emptiness she’d braced herself for, she experienced an unexpected warmth. The air was a little musty and a fine film of dust coated the surfaces but it could have been much worse considering the shop had been empty for all these months. Despite the slightly neglected air, there was something immediately appealing about the shop. Leaving her mug on the wooden counter Lily crossed the floor to the large front windows where outside people were wandering along the main street, the sparkling loch providing the perfect backdrop. She savoured the view for as long as she dared and then, worried she might be seen, turned away from the window to survey the shop.

The black and white tiled flooring was in need of a good clean, but complemented the pale green walls perfectly. Rows of wooden shelves lined one of the walls while an old distressed dresser formed the focal point of another. There were a couple of freestanding display cabinets, and stacked rather precariously in one corner was a pile of cardboard boxes and a mound of various parcels and packages which, by the looks of things, remained unopened.

A friendly looking old-fashioned till sat on the counter and Lily ran her hand over the cool metal wondering where her mother had unearthed it from or if it had always been there. She couldn’t help smiling when she saw a messy pile of papers and a couple of notebooks scattered about behind the counter – her mother was never one for orderly piles. But there were also sheets of coloured tissue paper, boxes and bags in different shapes and sizes and pretty swathes of ribbon, ready for gift wrapping.

As she moved around, Lily was unexpectedly comforted by how much she could feel her mother’s presence. How easily she was able to picture her here, floating about in one of her quirky ensembles with clashing colours and patterns that she somehow always managed to make look stylish.

Lily gave herself a small shake. A plan, that’s what she needed. Organisation was her first, last and middle name. Thinking about where to start first, she swallowed the last mouthful of her coffee just as she heard the sound of a key in the side door and then Iris’s voice drifting through from the hall.

‘Lily?’

‘Through here,’ she called, rushing to meet her. And then suddenly, Iris’s kind face was there in front of her.

‘Iris.’ It came as a half-sob.

‘Come here,’ Iris soothed, dropping a massive yellow canvas bag onto the floor and wrapping Lily in a warm hug.

Until that moment Lily hadn’t realised how much she’d been holding herself back, how uptight she was. Iris eventually released her, holding her at arm’s length with an appraising look. ‘Goodness, there’s a lot of tension in you.’

It was true, she had a knot of tension the size of a small boulder between her shoulder blades that seemed to have lodged itself there recently. ‘I’m fine,’ Lily assured with a watery smile.

‘Hmm, perhaps you’ve arrived just in time,’ Iris said, sounding rather enigmatic as she picked up her bag and followed Lily through to the shop.

Lily looked at Iris affectionately, marvelling at how she never seemed to age. It occurred to her she didn’t know exactly old how Iris was, but it seemed somehow irrelevant because she never changed. Her blue eyes were as vibrant as ever and she still wore armfuls of bangles, her hennaed hair styled in a loose bun, her smile never far away.

She still lived in the same cottage near the caravan park where they’d first met her all those years ago. She’d been a music teacher before retiring, travelling throughout the Highlands and Islands to different schools. She’d been married two – or was it three – times but had never had children of her own.

She had been more of a permanent fixture in Lily’s life than her own grandparents whose strained relationship with their only child meant she’d seen more of Iris over the years than she had of them. Lily felt a rush of emotion for her. ‘I’m so sorry I haven’t been before. Leaving you to deal with all this.’

Iris waved away her apology. ‘You have nothing to be sorry for. Patty was my friend, of course I wanted to help any way I could. Besides, I didn’t do much. Just a bit of dusting and tidying.’ She paused, taking Lily’s hand. ‘I have the ashes at home with me, I didn’t want to leave them here. So, whenever you think the time is right we can take them to the loch.’

Lily nodded mutely, blinking away the sudden tears clouding her eyes. She knew it was something that had to be done but it wasn’t something she could easily contemplate at that very moment.

Iris continued. ‘I left her bedroom for you, all her personal bits and pieces are there. I know it’s going to be difficult for you but its part of the healing process. A stage of mourning and letting go that you have to go through but once it’s done I think you’ll find it will help you.’

Lily remained silent as Iris carried on, her voice brighter. ‘I knew you’d come when the time was right. Did you finally take some holidays?’

‘A bit more than a holiday. I was made redundant.’

‘Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.’

‘I certainly didn’t see it coming,’ Lily said sagely, trying to keep the bitterness from her voice. The last thing she wanted was to unload her woes onto Iris. She’d already done enough without having to provide a shoulder for Lily to cry on.

‘And last we spoke it was going so well,’ Iris remarked.

‘These things happen, I suppose.’ Lily shrugged.

‘Quite. But you know, perhaps some time away won’t do you any harm. And you’re certainly in the right place if you want to unwind for a while.’

‘I’m not going to be here long,’ Lily responded quickly, perhaps too quickly. ‘I’ll be selling.’

Iris gave a kind but knowing look. ‘You must do what you think is right. But there’s no hurry is there?’

Lily looked around, as if looking for a reason but failed to find one.

‘I don’t suppose so, no.’

‘Is there someone waiting for you? A young man, perhaps?’ Iris’s voice tinkled as she shrugged off her jacket revealing a long floaty skirt and white tunic top.

It was so far from the truth Lily could have laughed. Nothing and no one was waiting for her, she thought dismally. An image of James’s handsome face drifted in and out of her mind, pretty much the way he’d done in her life. She shook the image away, helping Iris to lift her bag onto the counter. ‘No one waiting,’ she replied lightly.

Her personal dreams might be lying in tatters but she always had her career to fall back on despite this current setback. She was good at her job and she missed it. Even here, far from her usual environment, she still had to fight a nagging feeling that she should be at her desk, starting a day’s work. The redundancy had indeed been generous so financially at least there was no urgency but even so, she decided there and then that finding another job would be her priority as soon as she sold the shop.

She glanced at her iPhone on the counter, her only link to the outside world and her only chance of looking for another job. Frustratingly, she’d only been able to get a sporadic connection.

‘Do you know if there’s somewhere I can go for Wi-Fi?’

Iris flapped her hand dismissively. ‘I don’t really know about these things but I’ve heard people mention the café in the activity centre has a place you can go. Although you know a digital detox might do you good.’

Lily couldn’t help but laugh, recognising it as something her mother would have said.

‘I’ve brought you a few things,’ Iris said, rummaging in her bag. ‘Some incense sticks – chamomile and jasmine, very good for calming the mind. And this,’ she declared holding up a small brown bottle, ‘is my herbal remedy. Ingredients are secret but I can guarantee it’ll make you feel better if you’re having an off-day.’ She laid the items on the counter before digging into her bag yet again, this time producing a ceramic dish wrapped in foil.

‘Shepherd’s pie which you can reheat later, and don’t take this the wrong way but it looks like you could do with a bit of sustenance.’

Lily could only smile her appreciation, well aware she wasn’t exactly looking her sparkly best.

‘Talking of which,’ Iris said, ‘when was the last time you took a holiday?’

Lily pursed her lip.

‘Just as I thought.’ Iris shook her head. ‘Why don’t you just take some time for yourself? Time to just be, time to think – that’s what you need and Carroch is the perfect place.’

Lily nodded blandly. That’s what she’d been avoiding; the thought of empty time terrified her.

‘You could always come for a swim.’ Iris turned to her with bright eyes. ‘Do you remember how you used to love it?’

Lily vividly remembered. Swimming in the loch was one of the few things she’d actually looked forward to in Carroch, her mother having passed on her love of wild swimming. Patty had never taken Lily to girl guides or dance lessons or any of the other activities girls in her school had gone to, but one thing she’d insisted on was teaching Lily to swim from an early age. Although she deplored the chlorinated, characterless heated swimming pools, she had endured them each week to teach Lily to swim.

‘There’s a group meet every morning around eight, down by the jetty. I go most days but you can just turn up.’

‘Perhaps.’ Lily replied noncommittally but she didn’t dismiss the idea totally. She was touched that Iris had included her and felt suddenly lifted by her presence. ‘Thanks for coming today, Iris,’ she said gratefully. ‘Although you didn’t have to rush around today.’

‘I was coming to the shop today anyway.’

‘Oh?’

‘I didn’t tell you on the phone but I would have been here today for the knitting club.’

‘Knitting club?’ Lily echoed in surprise. Her mother wasn’t exactly the tea and knitting type.

‘Your mum didn’t knit but it was all her idea. One of the ladies in the village your mum was friendly with had recently moved into sheltered housing a few miles away. Patty used to go and visit her and she became friendly with several of the other women living there too. She came up with the idea to use the back room here as a knitting club, somewhere they could come for a change of scenery and bit of company each week. She arranged the transport and everything.’

Lily followed her through a door to what she had assumed was some sort of storage space but was in fact a bright room with a window looking out onto the small back garden. A large trestle table sat in the middle of the floor surrounded by an assortment of chairs and there was a small sideboard piled with tea-making things next to a small sink.

‘It had only been running a few weeks and after your mum … well, we carried on. It seemed a shame to stop it when the ladies enjoyed it so much. I hope you didn’t mind?’

‘Of course not.’ Lily hadn’t known about the knitting club but was hardly going to turn up now and start objecting. She looked down suddenly, feeling a brush of something against her leg to see the cat had sauntered in, looking for all the world as if she owned the place. Which now she came to think about it, she kind of did.

‘Hello Misty,’ Iris chirped.

‘I didn’t know Mum had a cat?’ Lily watched Iris bend down to briefly welcome their feline visitor.

Iris wrinkled her forehead. ‘Ah, did I not mention that? She and your mother, well they sort of adopted one another. I would have taken her but I’m terribly allergic and so we decided to let her stay here. Jack lives nearby and very kindly agreed to help out. She’s quite clean though, don’t worry. We took her to the vet’s and had her all checked out.’

‘I met him last night – Jack. Gave me a bit of shock, I can tell you.’

‘Yes, I imagine he would have,’ Iris chuckled. ‘I don’t suppose he’d have been expecting you either.’

Lily hadn’t thought of it like that and it occurred to her now she may have appeared rude last night. But for some reason she couldn’t work out, their brief encounter unnerved her. Maybe it was guilt, knowing she should have been the one helping out, not him. Or maybe it was because there’d been something about his physical presence – almost a vague familiarity – she’d been too aware off.

‘I’m very grateful to Jack, I can tell you. With everything he’s got on he still took time to help with Misty. He’s an absolute gem – you’ll see that once you get to know him.’

Lily bit her lip realising she’d probably overreacted last night. But given that she had no intention of getting to know Jack Armstrong better anyway, she kept her thoughts to herself and changed the subject.

‘What can I do to help?’ she asked, glancing around.

‘Putting the kettle on would be a good place to start.’

Lily let the water run for a few seconds, trying to recollect the shop from her previous visits. ‘Who owned the shop before mum bought it?’

‘For years it was the post office, you’ll probably remember Mrs Mackie running it. She was a bit of a character,’ Iris reminisced fondly. ‘There was more gossip passed over that counter than anything else. But when they closed the post office down she decided to sell up and sold it to a couple from London.’

Iris shook her head. ‘It was all very sad. Alice and Robert were high-flying lawyers in London and this was their retirement dream. They had great plans for the place and they’d had the shop all fitted out with shelving and storage. But then Robert’s health began to deteriorate. He had a long illness and Alice nursed him but of course the shop was closed all that time. After he passed away, she couldn’t bring herself to open the shop.’

‘That’s so sad,’ Lily sympathised. ‘So what happened?’

‘Alice wanted to sell the shop but wasn’t interested in the money. I think for her it was more important who bought the shop. She and your mum had become friendly and so that was when Patty decided to buy the shop from her – it never went on the open market. Your grandparents had passed away so she was in a position to be able to make an offer. I do know she insisted on giving Alice a good price though – said she wouldn’t buy it otherwise.’

Lily knew that to be the case from Mr Bell. More or less everything Patty had received from the sale of her parents’ house had gone into buying the shop. ‘So do you know exactly what Mum was planning to do?’

Iris puffed out her cheeks, thinking. ‘We spoke a bit about it, she had ideas. She saw it as an adventure more than anything. She didn’t have a business plan or anything like that.’

Lily hesitated, then gently asked, ‘Do you think she was really serious about it all?’

Iris sighed with a sad smile. ‘You know your mum. I think she was more interested in the people who would come in and the spirit of the shop. She wanted it to be a happy place.’

Lily nodded. She could certainly imagine her mother doing that. Patty had never cared about any outward signs of success or prosperity or been driven by money. She’d also never been particularly focused on anything; not had a job for any length of time before becoming bored and moving on.

Lily had never heard her mother sound as excited as when she told her she’d bought the shop with a small flat above and hoped with all her heart she had finally found what she was looking for. She’d been surprised when her mum had called to ask her a few questions about stock and pricing but had happily answered all her questions, managing to bury the little nag of doubt that it was just another adventure that wouldn’t last.

Lily had fully intended to come up and visit her mother but it had been a crucial time at work. Dunn Equity had just taken over Bremners and Lily had started working closely with James – but her mum hadn’t minded.

‘Wait until I have it all organised then you can come up for the grand opening,’ she’d said excitedly. Now regret raged through Lily that she’d never made it. Forcing her thoughts back to the present she asked Iris about the boxes she’d found this morning.

‘It was all the stock she’d bought,’ Iris stated matter-of-factly.

Lily’s eyebrows lifted in surprise, not realising she’d got as far as actually buying stock.

‘Where did she get it all from?’

‘I know she’d registered with a couple of wholesale suppliers and then there was the trade fair we went to—’

‘You went to a trade fair?’

‘Oh yes, it was all quite good fun. She placed a few orders and everything arrived but she hadn’t got round to unpacking anything yet. I stacked it all the corner and put a sheet over them. I hope that was all right?’

‘Of course,’ Lily rushed to reassure her. ‘You’ve already done too much.’

The redundancy might be the reason she was here now but Lily knew it wasn’t an excuse for her not coming sooner. And she knew if anyone understood why she hadn’t come before now it would be Iris but that wasn’t providing her with much consolation. ‘I’m really am sorry I didn’t come before.’

Iris shook her head. ‘Don’t give yourself such a hard time. You’re here now and that’s all that matters. Take your time and do what you have to and don’t worry about folk talking.’

Lily’s eyes widened. ‘Are they?’

‘Och, you know what people are like in a small place.’ Iris shook her head. ‘I think there’s been a bit of sniffing about what with the place lying empty, especially now that the village is busier.’

Lily chewed her lip, having difficulty associating the term busy with Carroch. But even so, she hated the idea of being the focus of speculation and it notched up another reason to sell up and leave again.

‘It’s your inheritance and only you can decide the right thing to do.’

Bizarrely, Lily had never viewed the shop and flat as her inheritance before, not even when Mr Bell formally read out the details of her mother’s will. To Lily, it was something that belonged to her mum, almost nothing to do with her. But of course, it was hers now and she had to deal with it. She also knew the only right thing to do was to sell. What use was it to her?

And as much as she was grateful and thankful to Iris she couldn’t afford any sort of emotional attachment. She was here to sort through her mother’s belongings and leave. A sense of goodbye, she needed that and then she could get back to Edinburgh and her life there.

Both women turned their heads at the sound of tapping on the shop door.

‘That’s them now,’ Iris announced. She opened the door to a small army of elderly ladies, the average age of which had to be eighty and all of them brandishing knitting needles.

‘Hello ladies, in you come.’ They trooped in regarding Lily with interest as Iris introduced them and explained Lily’s presence. Mary, a sweet-faced lady with powdered cheeks and wispy white hair clasped her hand, peering closely at her. ‘You’re very like your mother.’

Lily simply smiled at the comment she’d heard so many times before; her dark brown hair, full mouth and high cheekbones had always been strikingly similar to that of her mother's. Her vivid blue eyes she could only assume came from her father.

‘We all loved Patty, she was a lovely lady.’

‘Thank you,’ Lily croaked, a sudden lump forming in her throat.

‘She was so kind to us, letting us use this room. It’s such a pity the shop never opened, we were all very excited about it, you know, looking forward to seeing all the wonderful things she was going to sell.’

As the ladies began to settle themselves at the table, arranging cushions behind their backs Lily became aware that she was expected to sit with them. Fearing an interrogation was imminent, she quelled her instinct to run; besides, she really had nowhere to go. And so she took her place at the table, surrounded by faces sparkling with interest.

Tea was poured from a large brown teapot, beautifully moist lemon cake was unwrapped and cut into slices, and plates passed around. Lily’s stomach rumbled in hunger, a soggy train sandwich and a few crackers last night now a distant memory.

Lily didn’t normally do cake, choosing instead to power through the day on a super-green smoothie which supposedly enhanced mental performance. She shuddered thinking of it now as she popped the final bit of cake into her mouth, washing it down with a mouthful of tea.

And so with the clacking of needles and the voice of Ella Fitzgerald quietly serenading them in the background, Lily found herself sitting in a sea of kindness, watching withered and gnarled fingers weaving together shades of pinks, blues and greens.

Somehow Lily found herself spilling out the last few months of her life. She was tempted to gloss over it, say how she was taking a planned career break. But what was the point in lying? Redundancies happened and she was sure these ladies had all seen their share of heartache. The only part she didn’t reveal in full was how she’d fallen for James.

They listened, nodding and tutting sympathetically. They certainly saw her future in a more positive light than she had managed, the general consensus being that she was young and it would all work out. ‘Sounds like you’re burnt up, that happened to my niece,’ said one of them, patting her hand.

‘You mean burnt out,’ tutted Mary.

Some of the ladies remembered the famous Bremners department store from years ago and Lily was enthralled by their memories as they told her apparently it was the place to buy a handbag or to be seen shopping on a Saturday. Much to Lily’s delight one of the ladies had worked there, explaining how they only employed refined young ladies considered to be of good breeding. Lily listened, fascinated. Comforted by their presence and kindness, she was disappointed when Iris announced their lift had been arranged and it was time for them to go.

Cardigans were pulled back on, spectacles and bags collected and then Iris and Lily saw them to the door as they left with waves and cheery smiles. ‘See you next week,’ they chorused.

Lily turned to Iris looking alarmed. She didn’t want to think about next week and what would happen to the knitting club.

‘Don’t worry about it just now,’ Iris calmed her. ‘You’ll likely still be here next week anyway?’

Lily supposed that was reasonable to assume but even so felt her heart plummet. She really hadn’t expected any of this.

Iris stayed for a while, and only left after checking that Lily didn’t want to come home with her. Everything suddenly felt very quiet. Lily drew in a deep breath, determined not to give in to the sudden sadness that enveloped her. At that moment she’d give almost anything to sit and have a conversation with mother, the way she’d just done with those women. Her head felt as if it could explode with a thousand questions she had for her. Suddenly desperate to clear her mind, Lily decided she needed fresh air.

She ran back upstairs and studied her reflection in the mirror. The ladies from the knitting club had all looked so colourful and lively. Lily on the other hand was dismayed at how pale and tired she looked, only a scattering of freckles saving her from looking a total wash-out. Hastily she applied some tinted moisturiser, ran a brush through her hair and headed out.